The Family: Hospital Visit from The Carol Burnett Show (full sketch)

I hate to be a pest with all these questions doctor but I never I never have ever been in a hospital before I never even been sick before no mr. Harper relax you're much too apprehensive over a little minor surgery will it be much pain I don't like pain I used to like pain but now I don't like it anymore I'm out fun with it I'm small they'll just be a little discomfort afterwards but a few pills will take care of that why we'll have you up on your feet in no time oh good that's I'll be glad because I hate to see my I have some customers if I if I don't show up I'll have some unhappy customers I don't right out there quick oh you sure and get a good night's sleep and I'll meet you in surgery at 7 o'clock in the morning sharp in a few weeks you're going to feel like dancing on a cloud Oh instantly you have some visitors outside waiting to see you who's your visitors ah your sister I believe and I just as soon I don't I don't a dr. Cooper please I don't want to seem I don't see it kill him kill him did I die nonsense well then tell him I'm contagious after I died well this is going to be the best thing in the world for you our patient is ready to entertain yeah Oh sweetheart no how are you darling let me look at you stick out your tongue let me see how you look oh you look just awful but I mean who wouldn't if they were about to go under the knife and a few hours old honey aren't you just scared look Eunice it's really great to see a bold ah yes sweetheart what is a big sister or if she can't come around and cheer you up in your hour of need Malay exactly one hour and need Eunice you see the doctor said just minor surgery no surgery is minor Jack no surgery is minor I mean what's it get in there and cook that's not much I mean that's major surgery chess oh it's just that I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn't come here today and seeing you and just in case you get I get in here it's out in the hall holding his head you know how sick hospitals make him get him right sick to his stomach and get in here yeah would you happen to have one of them sick bags around here for adjusting KC okay darling here yeah use this oh you can use the bathroom over there and oh honey I don't see he could make it don't you worry about it it's just the first few sickening smell for the hospital to get to him you'll be all right no time can be Panzi perfectly all right unison where are you doing Jackie boy I'll business well hey I've been doing so much selling since I've been in here and oh yeah horse a guest nut but tell you something I wouldn't let it slide too long you lose your customers and for you know what your whole business will be shot to hell well I'm not really too worried their head because dr. Cooper he says I'll be out I'll be up and around B dance on cloud just like that dancing on fluffy hey there's a two ways to take that huh fans hey oh just kidding around uni seriously though Jackie I wouldn't count on getting complete control of your body for at least two three months after this complete control of my body yeah sure you know Mickey Hart had an uncle that never regained the use of his muscles after his surgery there you go again always talking about Mickey Hart Mickey Hart Mickey Hart what does he know anyway don't you worry about him Jack Mickey Hart flunked the seventh grade twice do you think we could get through one day without you raking poor Mickey Hart over the coals why'd you brought him up Mickey Hart that said so-called business partner at the hardware store you know Jack the original nitwit what about the use of my body he's got good ideas Eunice now who do you think thought of moving those colored thumbtacks from the bottom of the tack pounder up to the top well they're selling like hotcakes not everybody can see him so Mickey Hart brought in 75 cents extra to your store this year but I suppose that makes up for the fact that he practically drives the customers out of your store yeah now how does he do that he picks his teeth out cigars and he practically grabs everybody by the collar and says may I help you I put it to you jack I mean does all that kind of action make up for the fact that he sold a few dumb thumbtacks huh oh it's really not my field Eunice you never would back me up in anything would you well even when we was kids you know you've been real testy ever since I came in here I should be glad to get out of here once mama gets up here mama oh shoot I wasn't supposed to tell you mama mama came with us it's a surprise she's down in the gift shop picking up a little something for you now you act surprised when she gets in here I'm gonna catch it yeah here let me help you here hey now you comfy I was what's this goopy stuff that's exact Idol eat for dinner and I didn't finish it for dinner well aren't you gonna finish no wait not bad no runny hey man you watch her oh man now that is a very good sign you'll be like new in a minute hi mama there didn't she yeah why suppose my little present spoiled them - I'm sure she told you about their father always called a blabbermouth and that's just what she is here it is for what it's worth what is it mama well it's a little puzzle save the laydown the gift shop said it was just great for shut-ins don't forget these cubbies the babies from this corner over here down into here something I don't know you work on well I just don't feel like concentrating on them right now mama let me just put it yourself no law says you got appreciate every little gift I bring you you never get play with that erector set I gave you for your 10th birthday talk about that rector said now look just awful tear skins all yellow got that sweet haircut well for Pete sakes mama how the hell is he supposed to look I think you'd look if you were going under the knife in a few hours your information I may be going under the knife a lot sooner than everybody thinks I've been having horrible pains right here I just know I'm going to have my appendix out mama your appendix is on your right side well then I got something worse all I know is you're not gonna have your mama kick around much longer yeah you're as healthy as a horse we're a bad thing Jackie your mom is gonna stay alive just until you get back don't do anything special for me mama that dr. Cooper yours does a good job on you I might let him work on me see know what he's doing well she sure says he knows what he's doing he's got dr. Cooper some people think he's a quack who says dad units who says he's a quack well I heard he's a butcher Eunice Ned you got poor Jack all upset you know you got a built-in talent for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time sometimes I don't even know how you got the herp I should have known when y'all gonna pick me up this morning you'd pull a stock like this well there are plenty of other ways for me to get home Jeff will you give me five dollars for attack sure mama what about that dr. Cooper being a quack I don't want you to listen to a word that Yunus says you know as well as I do all she does sit around all day long read those damn movie magazine to hers and talk to those trashy neighbors or hers or nothing she could possibly heard that dr. Cooper that could be true oh is that so mama well I heard it straight from IRA Hawkins cousin and IRA Hawkins cousin told me to idle Hawkins checked into this very same Hospital into this very same room jack and he had your dr. Cooper and your dr. Cooper was supposed to perform a simple little Oh tonsillectomy and you know what he did IRA Hawkins he cut his tongue right out I will hop in pain top oh my god I wouldn't worry about it none Jack our Hopkins never did say anything worth listening to anyway a fine way to visit your brother-in-law with your head in the toilet look I don't have to take that now this is the thanks I get for closing the store early in driving clear across town that's hot please just calm down we're standing here arguing he's poor Jackie practically standing at death's door you're an angel before we scoot along are there any formalities or any loose ends at all that you like for us to clear up and you got all the papers in order and everything papers because what kind of papers mama well what I meant was have you made out you will and all well I didn't think that is necessary I get just a minor operation of course it's minor of course it is but you know it's just for the reassurance of it all the peace of mind I mean that's why people make out well-rounded sure don't mean they're gonna die tomorrow this yeah but you never know jack he'll the anesthetic alone is killed lots of people don't think I got a thing to worry about besides I left everything to I left everything to Janey and the kids well not everything I hope Oh about everything well there are a few things of mine that I'd like to get back out of that after your mine in that house of his to mama you know grandma always meant for me to have that silver now listen here jack if and when you should talk to that wife or yours before you go under the knife please remind her that grandma always meant for me to have that silver sure I'll have Janie bring it to the funeral all you anyway grabbing up your brother's belongings before he's even gone that silverware is mine by rights mama and you know as well as I do that before jack is even cold in his grave that night was his Janie is liable to run off and marry that plumber she's been carrying on with all these years my silver will be gone forever Yushu schechter back Jackie boy I just remember murder that wonderful fishing trip we went on together remember we had that fun time and I was always admiring that casting rod of yours what about that plumber take care of that rod don't you dare give him that casting rod ain't home enough as it is I think we better just be running along can try or Jack's got operation first thing in the morning he's gonna be on the phone half the night as it is with all he's got to talk to Jamie about him we'll come by first thing in the morning darling what about that plumber boy he carried huh goodbye darling you're gonna be all right you hear you're gonna be just fine don't you worry about a thing don't forget about my silver max and asking him for that casting rod you go fishing like he doesn't I'll get me a fell on the side like Janey yeah you just drive you can come on get going just Brad Keaney does your dead husband know what about that plumber

Channel: The Carol Burnett Show Official

Views: 3,193,461

Rating: 4.7774773 out of 5

Keywords: Carol Burnett (Film Actor), Vicki Lawrence (TV Actor), Harvey Korman (TV Actor), Tom Smothers (TV Producer), The Carol Burnett Show (TV Program), Sketch Comedy (TV Genre), Comedy (Theater Genre), Family, Friends, Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), the family

Id: eNnus_hth4o

Length: 14min 30sec (870 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 10 2015