Carol Burnett Show - The Family

[Music] boy I tell you that traffic coming over from your mother's was bumper-to-bumper all the way from the West Oaks turnoff would you keep it down at Mama's finally taking a nap and this is the first breather I've had all day well it's more than I can say this morning I had a boat trips over there for her their nightgowns and all and tonight they have to go over there for all this folderol didn't have a hardware store to run you think I wasn't right in the middle of putting up a whole new display for that big ship in the Japanese rapper tracks came in today button up your lip now you have been great just great ever since mama had her accident but you got to remember that I am the one that's been wheeling her around in that wheelchair for the past two days and I am sorry but I just don't have time to go out and buy you a medal remember to bring Mama's hand cream she was worrying me sick that you'd forget it but how could I forget it that's when I went over there for my kid she gave me credit for two cents worth of cents here's your hand cream here's her electric blanket here's your shawl and here's a castile shampoo the next time I make her trip over to her place is gonna be to take her home and that better be soon and can't you get it through your head that we almost lost my mama yeah I know but she had to take a fall and half killed herself why couldn't you done it over at your sister's Elam's place and then he would have to take care of it did you get a hold of that sister of yours yeah no I called her again this morning and she wasn't home and that snot-nosed little brat of her said I can't mommy the message just as soon as she gets back from her skiing trip yeah hello Oh Ellen thank heavens now don't go into a panic cuz everything is alright mama is on the men she's asleep right now and me we took care of her real good we cleaned out the little storeroom right off the living room here and we got it fixed up there real cozy and the worst is over thank the Lord but that first night I thought I was gonna lose my mind I was here all alone when it happened Tim was at the store I don't know cleaning off or moving out some shells around or something to make way for this new shipment of something or other that's coming in see Japanese rabbit traps by myself in that ambulance with mama to the house and moving shells just clearing out that West display window I tell you we get those suckers in the window well you should ambulance before enough what Ellen I am telling you what happened as fast as I can well now don't you use that tone of voice with me sister dear well I I will get on with it Eunice oh good time or maybe I won't get on with it unison just hang up on you know Ellen she didn't have a heart attack she acts fixated herself did not test that oh well mama and me was sitting and watching the roller derby C and then she went upstairs to go to the bathroom and you know how she is whenever she walks into a room she just gets it into her head that she's got to clean it up you know so she gets this big bottle of ammonia and another big bottle of bleach and she bends down there in the bathtub and she's scrubbing away and she got her face right in the fumes and I guess it just made her pass out don't you know cold like that so then she staggered somehow she's to the head of the stairs next thing I know I hear this big clunk and she's at the foot of the stairs and eat my heart stop and go see what mama wants now listen I'd appreciate it if you would come over here and babysit with Mama tomorrow Ellen on account I want to go to that new I'm into the month sale at the shopping mall well now of course I know your bridge tournament is important and I wouldn't ask you to give it up for something insignificant but you got to remember that I have been cooped up with that impossible woman for two whole days well with your bridge tournament with the Country Club okay nice where I won't be in everybody's way mama how are you how you feeling huh little better thank you Oh lookie here mama and remembered and got everything you wanted and he even got your hand cream you want to put some on now little bit later maybe Eunice now you just sit down and quit fussing over it all right last thing I wanna be is a nuisance you could hand me my shawl though if you don't mind y'all keep it so cold in this place oh yeah turn up the heat we don't want mama catching cold I want to do is just sit here nice and quiet while you two go ahead and live your lives as though I wasn't around and don't turn on the TV while Mama's visit it well Sid go ahead and live our own lives and it's time for bowling for dollars fine it I think it's real cozy for us all to sit around and watch the TV although why you want to watch that collection of freaks showing off I'll never know mother if you don't want to watch bowling for dollars why don't you just say so the same to me you're watching TV though you can think of to do what no II didn't all I could think of to do we don't have to watch TV what we can all talk sure we can discuss things I mean the possibilities are endless does this mean that bowling for dollars is knocked out of box I think maybe I'll just read a bit here mama you don't wheel me over there closer to the light Eunice mama there's no room for your chair over there I'll bring the light over to you you got anything to read around here besides these Tracy movie magazine paper no good to me anyway you know I woke up with the dry throat the air in that little room is all funny how in the hell can air be funny let me get you coke or something you know I can't stand that stuff now just sit down and quit bothering yourself glass orange juice it sure hit the spot some while you was taking a nap well I hope it ain't some or that frozen stuff well yes mama I'm afraid it is I haven't had time to go to the store and buy anything let alone fresh oranges nothing in here worth reading I'm in the middle of a great murder mystery but I left it at home I knowed I was gonna end up over here I brought it with me the other night telling me I should have thought they asked you to pick it up in when you went over to my house of course I wouldn't dream of doing that now you're probably tired I'm tired my goodness this glass is sticky mark don't be any good either buddy I'm gonna have to spend every spare minute this way please get me a damp cloth so that I can wipe off my hands see those rat traps came in today yes and I know business has got to come first even if it is all probably whistling in the dark what's that supposed to mean you don't mean anything I can speak for myself Eunice I didn't mean anything yet I wish you all the luck in the world you know that but frankly I can't imagine the whole town going crazy to buy a rabbit traps when they're made in Japan they're compact they're sleek the trap door snapshot quick is lightning in the Euler well like I said and I wish you all the best just don't be disappointed when the whole thing goes down the drain like all your other plans don't hate me that jar NAU's you can take this orange juice you put too much water in this is not my jar of hand cream that's my bobby pins who says Henrietta's hand cream right on the jar this is an old jar that I keep on my dresser I told you that my hand cream was in the kitchen on the windowsill well I forgot that part the middle is in the bedroom getting everything else and there wasn't plain view it should be obvious to even you that hand cream don't rattle well I'm out of her to clean clean but if I did I never dreamt it was coming from inside the jar hand cream what can't you open it up and look inside I don't take time off to look inside every jar head why don't you some of my hand cream you just why don't you use the brains a good Lord gave you my hands are wrapped forever using all that ammonia and watery stuff you call hey lotion and go do it thing well I'm sorry about your hands mama but you gotta admit that none of this wouldn't happened if you hadn't been up there in my bathroom cleaning my bathtub which nobody asked you to do and you wouldn't even be in this fix I was only trying to help out look I know you were mama I'm sorry I know I know I guess I shouldn't always be sticking my big fat nose into the way you keep house no I'm trying to be part of your life I know I know mama that's alright I don't mind when you stick your big fat nose into my business you don't after all it does show me that you do care well then could you please clean up and puffy balls and grease and let out from under your stove puffy balls a grease and Limp out from under my stove I don't believe it I knew this was gonna happen soon she was in there taking your daily nap I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing that damn kitchen floor and pick it up them puffy balls of grease with my own hands because I knew you'd go berserk if you spotted any dirt on that floor and bought howdy you spotted some didn't you but didn't look to me like you've been down scrubbing the floors he looks more to me like you've been flopping around reading eat junk magazine anything in my house and I'll read what I like mama next your fourth beer today and I'm gonna tell you something I needed every one of them Oh Ellen yeah oh yeah she's wide awake now you want to talk to her it's your precious Ellen and oh sweet darling you didn't have to call me honey no you didn't have to go to all that bother sure was nice of you though no she didn't tell you called oh she did what kind of abuse have you been heaping on Ellen's head nothing darling no I slipped and fell down the stairs and I broke my ankle but everybody says I'm real lucky I didn't break my hip yeah well I guess I just went nuts when I went into that bathroom upstairs and saw that greasy grimy bathtub again you just must be willing to make a planter out of it or something yeah what anywhere I've scrubbed with ammonia and bleach before and I never have gotten dizzy but this time let me just fall down go boo you come on over and visit me when you can darling I sure could use some flesh and company right here well I know you're busy and I don't want to inconvenience you next week be just fine oh sure I'll still be here tournament darling bye bye sweet angel Ellen sends your love how come you didn't tell Ellen about the puffy balls of grease and Lynn under my stove what story to give out to Time magazine huh I think you better lay off the booze Eunice you're losing your marbles that closet full of cobwebs you call a bedroom did I hear you right are you choosing me and not cleaning out that room you say that there cobwebs in that room there is a cobweb as thick as a rope swinging over the bed I'm scared don't swoop down and strangle me in my sleep I just say a little extra prayer take my chances Oh - miren furlough concern you can take a long walk on a short pier I'm going back the store I can have a little peace and quiet we're on the way stop by my house and pick up hand cream and a murder mystery why don't you go sit on the tack you ever did something for me Here I am a nervous wreck I'm in the middle of one of the biggest business deals in my life and what I need is a little pat on the back a little encouragement instead of all that this sniper that's near you've been doing for two days you want a pat on the back for trying to sell rabbit traps that's nuttier no your other schemes put together there's gonna be a rabbit epidemic don't you know what's happening last year hundreds of farmers had all their crops eaten up by swarms or rabbits and a paper says same things don't happen this year you big dumb cluck that rabid epidemic last year was in Australia well this year it's gonna happen here and don't you call me a dumb cluck what else would you call somebody who caters please pay cream and Bobby dance you got one broken ankle would you like to try for two don't you try to find that you ever see a dumb cluck go crazy I'm not your slave go get your things yourself oh I knew it was gonna come to this sooner or later you're infertile and look at you the cradle she said barred this won't cost you nothing but don't you leave me alone here with that devil see you in the funny papers and good night ma'am [Applause] [Applause] [Music] just fell over gave me scare against my we almost got caught oh look horns just as much my fault as it is your I'm sorry for all the trouble after all you're the one that's been sick almost we're gonna be more understanding yes ma'am I'm sorry I got you all riled up dear is it are you all right right here woman put you some time no wherever I won't be a bother you take a shawl now yes mama if you turn that heat down a little bit now you can see I'm getting a couple ass yeah and you just that's my very best shawl I wish you hang it up before you boys get home they'll sit on it with their dirty jeans and they'll ruin it in a minute mama in a minute in a minute that's your middle night only got two hands [Applause]

Channel: undefined

Views: 1,156,294

Rating: 4.7463255 out of 5

Keywords: the family, carol burnett show, mamas family, carol burnett, harvey korman, vicky lawrence

Id: SdajPmHcP2I

Length: 18min 1sec (1081 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 30 2017