The Best Purchase Of My Life.

a few months ago i uploaded a video called i am disgusted where i talked about how 50 of the human population stands up to wipe their ass uh i was not privy to this information for 21 years of my life i i still find it very hard to believe that there are billions of people on this planet who willingly stand up who willingly choose to do it that way instead of the more sanitary more civilized version of just staying seated so in that video i got a bunch of standards in a call and i berated them one by one but in those calls i also caught wind of an even more alien way to do it okay i sit but i also use a bidet yes the bidet quite possibly the most terrifying concept i've ever heard of in my life a machine whose sole purpose is to squirt a jet of water into your anus with enough velocity that it pushes the [ __ ] off of it my first thought was this is a french thing this is a french thing and of course it is they [ __ ] invented it why wouldn't they uh but also why why would you opt for a jet of water to to do that seriously why look let me just get this out there all right for the record i am not gay i'm not gonna tell you i'm gay to sell more hoodies i'm not gonna flirt with men on dating shows where i'm supposed to be finding women i'm i'm not i'm not the gayest thing that ever happened to me is when i was wiping my ass with [ __ ] great value and my finger broke through the roll all right and i didn't [ __ ] for a month after that but because some of my friends swear by it and because i need to get this whole uh wiping thing settled once and for all i swallowed my pride and i bought this uh this is the cheapest bidet on amazon this is what 21st century living is all about so yeah i'm gonna set it up i'm gonna take a big [ __ ] uh and then i'm gonna say a prayer but before that i have a little product announcement come on jambo got some money to make that's right baby we got a new [ __ ] drop of plushies on youtubes.com j schlep plushies we're all we're all [ __ ] stocked up this is the second line of j schlatt plushies uh the first sold out in eight minutes and so i figured hey let me do that again we got the original plushie with a bunch of different facial expressions got a summer one who's sucking on a little ice pop this [ __ ] one it's an orange i don't know my personal favorite a little sleepy one and of course the og 9 inch blush this is a smaller version of the plushie that sold that in a couple minutes it is the perfect size and it is the first youtubes product ever that will be in perpetual stock so you can buy this [ __ ] you buy this [ __ ] thing whenever all right this is always gonna be in stock the rest of these guys will be in very very limited stock like i said they sold out in eight minutes last time and uh i don't know if you know this but they're selling for way more than you can buy them for on youtube so even if you don't like me consider this an investment in your future these guys go on sale friday may 21st at 3 p.m est uh you're going to want to have the page open let me introduce you to my bathroom [Music] this is where i [ __ ] and piss every day of my life you'll notice it's completely dark there are no lights the the lights don't work the thing that holds the toilet paper is also missing the previous owner of the house was popular twitch streamer miz kiff and uh the absolute [ __ ] state he left this house in is is honestly it's it's it's a story for another time and not only did i get a bidet but i also got one of the i got a squatty potty as well for for for optimal [ __ ] aerodynamics that's right the cavemen used to squat i'm gonna [ __ ] squat so uh i need to hook this up to the back of the toilet you gotta install a new piece here that splits off and provides water to the bidet that i think latches in right under the seat hey hey [Music] i just got to screw these in and then we should how the [ __ ] did you get in there okay now this oh jesus christ this comes off uh lord that is that is so disgusting oh let me get a closer look at this [ __ ] thing [Music] that's like the low pressure too what's the [ __ ] high pressure it goes right into the light oh and now the moment of truth okay oh my god what the [ __ ] have i gotten myself into jambo jambo i'm pretty scared i'm not gonna lie uh even though i was the champion of gay chicken at high school and in college i mean you know you know what gay chicken is that's the game where you gotta you and your guy friends lean in for a kiss and whoever pulls out they're the gay one because they're not comfortable with their sexuality i mean i was so comfortable with me being straight that i would i mean i would go all the way every single time because i knew i wouldn't enjoy it the time has come and i'm absolutely terrified i i saw the rate at which the water spurted out of that nozzle and i don't think my ass is ready to to endure that but i kind of have to so you know [ __ ] bombs away i guess oh my god no [ __ ] shot no uh no absolutely not i i i i'm confused why people think that spurting and not only is it a blast of water that is that is unnecessarily high but a a blast of cold water a a stream of cold water where the sun don't shine whoever the [ __ ] thought that was a good idea come on no no come on let me let me have a [ __ ] chat with you it's ridiculous man honestly i honestly i would rather i would rather be a stander than than than live through that again don't get a bidet save the 30 bucks save the 60 bucks you get buying of a day and get one of the plushies that's on sale youtubes.com may 21st 3 p.m est or get this guy because he's on sale forever why why why is it why why why didn't why did it why didn't it go why did when the screen go black what the [ __ ] you

Channel: jschlattLIVE

Views: 3,838,234

Keywords: jschlatt, jschlattlive, jschlatt livestream, schlatt, livestream, twitch, jschlatt twitch, jschlatt livestream highlights

Id: cHoy09MKGJ4

Length: 7min 12sec (432 seconds)

Published: Sun May 16 2021