STEVE HARVEY: THE REST OF THESE ANSWERS ARE ALL POTENTIAL YOUTUBE MOMENTS. [LAUGHTER] Steve: NAME A JOB THAT'S DIRTY BUT SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT. >> A PLUMBER. [BUZZ BUZZ] Steve: TRY AGAIN. >> OF COURSE. UM, DIRTY... GYNECOLOGIST. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Steve: YOU MARRIED, ROCCO? >> NOT YET: A COUPLE MONTHS. [LAUGHTER] Steve: YOU BETTER CHECK WITH HER AFTER THIS ONE. >> YES. YOU STUNNED THE WORLD WITH THAT ONE RIGHT THERE. >> SORRY. Steve: I DON'T KNOW IF WE GONNA HAVE ENOUGH TAPE TO SHOW THE WHOLE THING, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY DO ON YOUTUBE. Steve: NAME SOMETHING THAT FOLLOWS THE WORD "PORK." >> UPINE. Steve: HUH? [LAUGHTER] HUH? >> UPINE. PORCUPINE. >> GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER! YES! HE SAID, "CUPINE." [LAUGHTER] W-W-W-WHAT? WHAT IS CUPINE?! THIS IS THE GREATEST ANSWER I'VE EVER HEARD! >> NUMBER ONE. Steve: IT'S NUMBER ONE? WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, IT'S GONNA BE NUMBER ONE ON YOUTUBE. RELL, NAME SOMETHING THAT'S HARD TO DO WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. >> READ. >> GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER! [LAUGHTER] Steve: NAME SOMETHING THAT'S HARD TO DO WITH YOUR EYES OPEN. THIS BOY IN COLLEGE. [LAUGHTER] HE LEANED INTO THE MIC AND SAID, "READ, STEVE!" OKAY. I SURE WANT TO SEE YOU SHUT YOUR EYES AND DO IT. READ! [BUZZER] RELL, YOU ABOUT TO BE ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHILE ON THE COUCH... [LAUGHTER] HEH! BOY, BOY-- SHAVOY: STEVE, I MEANT-- STEVE: UH-UH. [LAUGHTER] SHAVOY: WHAT I MEANT WAS-- STEVE: NO, UH-UH-UH. UH-UH. [CHUCKLING] NAME SOMETHING YOU DO WHILE ON THE COUCH THAT YOU ALSO DO IN BED. YOU SAID... [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] SURVEY SAID... SHONDELL: AAH! HA HA HA! AAH, HA HA HA! YOUR ASS IS GONNA BE ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: ONE ANSWER LEFT. YOU CAN CLEAR THE BOARD, Q. SOME POLITICIANS BELONG IN THE WHITE HOUSE. OTHERS BELONG IN THE BLANK HOUSE. DEQUINCY: WELL, STEVE, IF THEY'RE GOOD, THEY BELONG IN THE WHITE HOUSE. CAMILLE: GOOD ANSWER! SOME POLITICIANS BELONG IN THE WHITE HOUSE. OTHERS BELONG IN THE WHITE HOUSE. [LAUGHTER] [BUZZER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I WAS DRAGGIN' A MINUTE AGO. GOD SAW ME HAVIN' A ROUGH DAY. GOD DECIDED TO LIFT ME UP. HE SAY, YOU NEED AN ANSWER. FAMILY: YES. THAT AIN'T REALLY OUR ANSWER. FAMILY: YES! STEVE: YOU NEED AN ANSWER... FAMILY: YES! STEVE: THAT'S REALLY A QUESTION. FAMILY: YES! STEVE: I'M GONNA ANSWER THE QUESTION... FAMILY: YES! STEVE: WITH THE QUESTION. FAMILY: YES! STEVE: SOME POLITICIANS BELONG IN THE WHITE HOUSE. FAMILY: YES! STEVE: OTHERS BELONG... FAMILY: YES! STEVE: IN THE WHITE HOUSE! FAMILY: YES! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] STEVE: IS THIS YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW? JAMIE: THAT'S MY BROTHER-IN-LAW. STEVE: YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW 'BOUT TO BE ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] NAME SOMETHING MEN THINK THEY DO PERFECTLY UNTIL THEY MARRY AND THE WIFE SHOW THEM WHAT IDIOTS THEY ARE. RANDA: WELL, I KNOW THIS FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. THAT IS LAUNDRY, STEVE. LAUNDRY. STEVE: YEAH. RANDA: LAUNDRY. STEVE: YOU THINK THAT'S UP THERE? RANDA: I KNOW IT'S UP THERE. STEVE: GIRL, THAT'S-- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] STEVE: YOU PROBABLY--WHAT YOU THINK THE CHANCES OF IT BEING UP THERE IS? RANDA: 100%. STEVE: 100%. YOU KNOW WHAT TRAVIS SAID ABOUT YOU? RANDA: WHAT? STEVE: TRAVIS SAID YOU AIN'T EVER WRONG. RANDA: I'M NOT. WHAT WAS YOUR ANSWER? LAUNDRY? RANDA: LAUNDRY. STEVE: ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] RANDA: OH, MY GOSH! OH, MY GOSH! STEVE: RANDA, CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? RANDA: WHAT? STEVE: YOU THINK IT WAS BIG WHEN YOU WAS A FORMER MISS PINK TOMATO QUEEN? WAIT TILL YOU GET ON YOUTUBE. [APPLAUSE] NAME A SECRET ABOUT HIMSELF A MAN MIGHT ONLY TELL HIS WIFE ON HIS DEATH BED. GO ON. MYESHELA: I'M JUST GONNA SAY THAT HE LIED ABOUT BEING IN TROUBLE. WELL, HE LIED ABOUT DYING ON HIS DEATHBED. HE LIED ABOUT IT. I WATCHED WHEN THEY TOLD THIS GUY AND THEY SAID THEY ON THEY DEATHBED, THEY'RE NOT DEAD. IMMA GO HOST JEOPARDY. MYESHELA: I HAD TO THINK OF SOMETHING. ANGE: OH, JESUS, HELP US. MARK: OH, MY GOODNESS. ANGE: LORD HELP US. [LAUGHS] STEVE: HE LIED! HE KNOW GOOD AND HELL WELL...HE WAS NOT DEAD ON A DEATHBED. [BUZZER] THIS THE BEST DAMN ANSWER I EVER HEARD. YOUR WHOLE DAMN FAMILY ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: KATE, WE TALKED TO 100 SINGLE WOMEN: GOOD LUCK TRYING TO FIND A MAN WHO LIKES TO DO WHAT? KATE: COMMIT, STEVE. STEVE: COMMIT. [BUZZER] ["FAMILY FEUD" THEME PLAYS] STEVE: HEY. HEY, DIVON, WHAT-- WHAT WAS YOUR ANSWER GONNA BE? DIVON: SUCK ON MY TOES. I KNEW. I KNEW IT. "SUCK ON MY TOES." STEVE: YOUTUBE! HEY, HEY! BRANDON: HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? STEVE: GO ON, LOOKIE HERE. STEVE: LET'S GO ON, TRY THIS ONE, BRANDON. NAME SOMETHING A NUDIST MIGHT WANT TO WARM UP BEFORE USING IT. ROBYN: YOU GOT THIS. BRANDON: COFFEE MAKER. [STEVE LAUGHING] [LAUGHTER] STEVE: WHAT THE HELL DO THE COFFEE POT GOT TO DO WITH THE NUDIST? STEVE: SO, FROM NOW ON, NEXT TIME YOU GO IN YOUR KITCHEN AND YOU GETTING READY TO MAKE SOME COFFEE, TAKE YOUR DAMN CLOTHES OFF! THE COFFEE MAKER! [BUZZER] STEVE: HEH! HEY, BRANDON, YOU KNOW THE GOOD THING ABOUT THIS? YOUR ASS ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: WE ASKED 100 SINGLE MEN, TELL ME A GIFT YOU MIGHT GIVE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU'D NEVER GIVE TO YOUR MOM. DANO: WE'RE GONNA GO WITH A CHILD. [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] GEORGE: GOOD ANSWER! DANO: YOU WOULDN'T GIVE THAT TO YOUR MOM. IT'S A GIFT. A CHILD IS A GIFT. STEVE: YOU WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOUR MOM? GEORGE: YOU CAN'T MAKE A BABY WITH YOUR MAMA, STEVE. [LAUGHTER] GEORGE: I MEAN YOU COULD, BUT I I WOULDN'T DO IT. DANO: IT'S UP THERE. GEORGE: GOOD ANSWER, DANO. DANO: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. WILL: YOU COULD BE RIGHT. DANO: THAT'S RIGHT. STEVE: HE GONNA STRAIGHTEN ME OUT. YOU AIN'T GIVE NO BABY TO YOUR MOM, STEVE. NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOUR WHOLE DAMN FAMILY GONNA BE ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: HEY, APRIL. APRIL: HEY, UNCLE STEVE. HOW ARE YOU? STEVE: HOW YOU DOING? APRIL: I'M GREAT. STEVE: Y'ALL FROM ELLISVILLE? APRIL: YES. STEVE: MAN, THAT'S SMALL. APRIL: VERY SMALL. STEVE: WHOO. STEVEN: THE THING I HATE ABOUT ELLISVILLE-- STEVE: THIS IS WHO I NEED. HE'S WEARING THE SUIT. RIGHT HERE, SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE. SEE, I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE MY MAN WHEN I WALKED OUT HERE, 'CAUSE THE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH, "THE THING I HATE ABOUT ELLISVILLE." SEE, THAT'S WHAT-- SEE RIGHT THERE. SEE. WHAT IS THAT, STEVEN? STEVEN: THEY DON'T GOT A POPEYE'S OR A CHURCH'S CHICKEN. SEE, THAT'S ANOTHER PLACE WHERE I PAY MY TITHES AT IS CHURCH'S CHICKEN. AND WHEN I GET OUT OF CHURCH, I GO STRAIGHT TO CHURCH'S CHICKEN AND PAY MY TITHES THERE IN PEPPER. GOT TO HAVE A PEPPER WITH IT. [LAUGHTER] SEE, HIS WHOLE PROBLEM WITH ELLISVILLE IS THERE AIN'T NO DAMN FRIED CHICKEN. [LAUGHTER] YOU LIKE TO SEE THE GREASE STAINS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BOX. STEVEN: TELL THEM, LORD. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, FATHER. STEVE: YEAH. STEVEN: THANK YOU, FATHER. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE. YOU KNOW. STEVE: JUST LIKE THAT. STEVEN: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, STEVE. STEVE: YOU LIKE THEM PIECES OF CHICKEN WHERE-- STEVEN: YOU BETTER TALK ABOUT IT. STEVE: YOU CAN GET CRUNCHY OR YOU CAN GET SPICY. STEVEN: MAN, I'M ABOUT TO WALK OFF THIS STAGE. ONE MORE WORD AND I'M GONE. I'LL BE LIKE FORGET THIS EVENING, I'M GONNA GO TO CHURCH'S CHICKEN. STEVE: YOU BETTER STAY RIGHT HERE. STEVEN: YOU DON'T ASK NO FAT DUDE DO THEY LIKE ANYTHING. WE LIKE EVERYTHING. THERE AIN'T NOTHING THAT I DON'T LIKE, MAN. STEVE: STEVE, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. STEVEN: YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. STEVE: YOU TALK TO FAT PEOPLE ABOUT FOOD. STEVEN: RIGHT. STEVE: YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIS SKINNY ASS ABOUT NO FOOD. HE BEEN SKINNY AND PRETTY HIS WHOLE LIFE. YOUR LITTLE TIGHT-ASS SUIT ON. [LAUGHTER] STEVEN: I HAD TO GET MINE PINNED. MINE'S TOO BIG, MAN. STEVE: YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU GOT TO GO TO A BIG MAN'S STORE. STEVEN: RIGHT. 'CAUSE MY THIGHS RUB. SO I GOT TO GET SOME LOOSE PANTS, MAN. I GOT TO GET LOOSE PANTS. STEVE: HIS THIGHS AIN'T NEVER TOUCHED. STEVEN: HE AIN'T NEVER HAD--MAN, WHEN THAT--YOU KNOW WHAT, I WAS AT WORK ONE TIME, STEVE, THEY WANTED TO--DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO TO ME, MAN? STEVE: WHAT? STEVEN: THEY WANTED TO FIRE ME BECAUSE MY THIGHS GOT TO RUBBING. SEE, IT'S HOT IN MISSISSIPPI. IT STARTED SMELLING LIKE A SUNDAY DINNER, AND IT WAS AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING. BUT IT WAS--WE DON'T EAT LUNCH TILL 12:00. SO, YOU KNOW, THEY... STEVE: COME ON NOW. THANK YOU, FATHER. STEVE: LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MAN. YOU GOTS TO GET ON YOUTUBE. IS THIS GONNA BE ON YOUTUBE TOO? IS THIS GONNA BE ON YOUTUBE TOO?
