STEVE: LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. IS THAT YOUR REAL VOICE? IS THIS HIS REAL VOICE? IS THAT YOUR REAL VOICE? SHANNON: HA HA HA! SHUT UP! STEVE: SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? SHANNON: I WORK AT ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY AS AN ENROLLMENT COACH. STEVE: HUH? SHANNON: I WORK AT ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY. STEVE: YEAH. IS THAT YOUR REAL VOICE? SHANNON: HA HA HA! SHUT UP! YES, IT IS. STEVE, AS SHANNON: I WAS JUST-- I WAS JUST WORKING AT ARIZONA STATE BECAUSE I LIKE TO TALK IN BABY TALK. SHANNON: THAT'S HOW I SOUND WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE. STEVE, AS SHANNON: BECAUSE I NEED A MAN THAT LIKES BABY TALK. SHANNON: AHH! CHRISTINA: OH, MY GOD. STEVE: AAH! [LAUGHTER] STEVE: LITTLE BIT DEEPER. "EVERYTHING BABY TALK. AAH!" STEVE: WHAT ABOUT YOU, JERICHO? JERICHO: I AM A SOFTWARE TRAINER BY DAY, AND THEN I'M AN ASPIRING ACTOR BY NIGHT. STEVE: IS THAT YOUR REAL VOICE? JERICHO: YES, IT IS MY REAL VOICE, STEVE. STEVE: OH, OK. IT DON'T SOUND LIKE HE ATE A SMALL PERSON? AND HE IN THERE GOING... [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "HELP! HELP ME!" [LAUGHTER] "HELP ME! YOU SEE ME IN HERE! STEVE! STEVE! YOU SEE ME! GET ME OUT! HE ATE ME! YOU SEE ME! HELP ME!" I MISSED ALL OF WHAT YOU SAID YOU DID. JERICHO: [DEEP VOICE] THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT'S OK. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: HEY, ANNDREA, WHAT DO YOU DO? ANNDREA: HI! I AM A REGISTERED NURSE... STEVE: MM-HMM. THAT YOUR REAL VOICE? ANNDREA: IT IS MY REAL VOICE! STEVE: JESUS. ANNDREA: IT IS! AND I--I THINK IT SOUNDS FINE, BUT IT'S MINE, SO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE, BUT I LOVE IT. YOU DON'T LIKE IT? STEVE: OH, I LOVE IT. I LIKE CARTOONS. [LAUGHTER] [BABBLING] STEVE: HEY, EDDIE, HOW YOU DOING? EDDIE: HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? STEVE: I'M GOOD. GOOD. JUST TAKE YOUR VOICE DOWN ONE OCTAVE. HOW YOU DOING? [HIGH-PITCHED] I'M FINE. [GIBBERISH] FINE TODAY. EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY. [NORMAL VOICE] BOY, YOU GOT TO SETTLE DOWN, EDDIE. WHAT DO YOU DO? EDDIE: I'M A AIRCRACK ELECTRICIAN FOR WARNER ROBINS-- STEVE: NAH, THAT AIN'T WHAT YOU SAID, EDDIE. YOU SAID YOU ACT LIKE A CRACK. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT WAS A CRACKPOT OR A CRACKHEAD. BUT YOU SAID, "I ACT LIKE CRACK." CAUGHT YOURSELF. STEVE: TYRONE, HOW YOU DOING, MAN? TYRONE: I'M WELL. HOW ARE YOU? STEVE: GOOD, GOOD. WHAT DO YOU DO, SIR? TYRONE: I AM HER MAN CANDY AND A LEGAL COMPLIANCE ANALYST FOR LB GLOBAL LAW. STEVE: WELL... FIRST ASS SMACK WE DONE EVER HAD ON "FAMILY FEUD." SO WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING, TYRONE? TYRONE: I'M A LEGAL COMPLIANCE ANALYST FOR LB GLOBAL LAW, DEFINING THE BUSINESS OF LAW. STEVE: IS THIS HIS REAL VOICE? "I'M TYRONE. I'M DEFINING THE GLOBAL BUSINESS RULES OF LAW. I'LL BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON. I'LL BE ANSWERING THESE QUESTIONS TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY AND KNOWLEDGE. I'LL BE HERE ALL DAY. HOW ABOUT THAT, MAH?" AUDIENCE: [APPLAUDING] STEVE: HEY, FRANK, HOW YOU DOING? WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, FRANK? FRANK: WELL, ACTUALLY, I AM IN SCHOOL RIGHT NOW. I AM DOING, ACTUALLY, THE ROTC PROGRAM. SO ONCE I GRADUATE, I WILL BE A ARMY OFFICER. BEFORE THAT, I'M ACTUALLY AN ENTERTAINER. I WORKED AT DISNEY. I TOURED IN EUROPE, ALL AMERICA. STEVE: OH, YEAH. I HEAR. I HEAR. CAN'T YOU HEAR? FRANK: YEAH. HA HA! STEVE: "HI, FOLKS. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? HI. I'M ON THE ROTC PROGRAM. I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK. HEY, COME ON IN, KIDS. HEY, WELCOME TO DISNEY. I'M YOUR ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE DAY." YEAH. OH, I HEARD IT. STEVE: NICOLETTE, ONE ANSWER LEFT. YOU CAN CLEAR THE BOARD. YOU GOT NO STRIKES. GRANDPA DISCOVERED GRANDMA WAS CHEATING WHEN HE FOUND THE OTHER GUY'S WHAT UNDER THE BED? NICOLETTE: GLASSES. STEVE IMITATES NICOLETTE: "GLASSES." NICOLETTE: GLASSES, STEVE! STEVE: DO YOU USE BABY TALK A LOT? NICOLETTE: IT'S JUST MY VOICE. I CAN'T HELP IT. [LAUGHTER] STEVE: WHAT WAS YOUR ANSWER? NICOLETTE: GLASSES! STEVE: OH, NO. DON'T TRY TO... HERE IT COMES. [DEEP VOICE] GLASSES. AHEM! GLASSES. AUDIENCE: AW. STEVE: LANCE, WHAT DO YOU DO? LANCE: HEY, HOW YOU DOING, STEVE? STEVE: OK. LANCE: WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF FIRST. WELL, I'M A FULL-TIME-- STEVE: [IMITATING] HO, WHOA. HO. WAIT, HOLD ON, STEVE. I WANTED TO... BEFORE YOU JUST GO FLYING OFF INTO WHAT I WANT TO DO... [LAUGHTER] [NORMAL VOICE] ALL RIGHT, LANCE, HOW YOU DOING? LANCE: GOOD. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF? STEVE: [IMITATES] OH, WONDERFUL. [LAUGHTER] EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. [NORMAL VOICE] WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING, LANCE? LANCE: WELL, RIGHT NOW I'M A PROFESSIONAL STUDENT, STEVE. STEVE: WHY DO LANCE SOUND LIKE HE 85? [LAUGHTER] STEVE: ANGIE, TELL ME AN ANIMAL THAT PROBABLY SNORES WHEN IT SLEEPS. ANGIE: A CAT. STEVE: YEAH. MEW. "A CAT." HEATHER: GOOD JOB, KITTY. STEVE: "A KITTY CAT." CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I DO IN MY SPARE TIME? [LAUGHTER] YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE THE VOICE, BIG BOY? [LAUGHTER] JUST DIAL 1-900-IM-ALONE. THAT'S 1-900-IM-ALONE. AND LET'S JUST TALK IT OVER. [LAUGHTER] MEOW. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
