WHERE Y'ALL FROM? ALABAMA BABY! WE'RE FROM L.A. LOWER ARKANSAS. YOU DO FOR A LIVING? WHATEVER PLUCKS MY TWANGER. COUNTRY. PORK CHOP, PORK CHOP, GREASY, GREASY. MY COUNTRY ASS IS ENJOYING THIS. [SOUTHERN ACCENT] HOW ABOUT THEIR POOP? WHAT? POOP! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOUR COUNTRY ASS SAID. WE DO RESEARCH ON CATFISH. I AIN'T NEVER HEARD OF NOTHIN' SO COUNTRY IN MY LIFE. NAME SOMETHING PEOPLE BURY IN THE BACKYARD. I'M GONNA SAY PEOPLE BURY A PLACENTA, YOU KNOW, SO THAT THEY GET THE ROSE BUSHES AND STUFF? WHERE Y'ALL FROM? [LAUGHTER] SHOOT, TAKING BABY DOLLS OUT IN THE BACKYARD AND BURYING PLACENTA. HOW THE HELL DO YOU COME FROM THE HOSPITAL WITH YOUR PLACENTA IN A BAG AND TAKE IT OUT IN THE BACKYARD 'CAUSE YOU WANT SOME ROSES? I SEEN IT ON A MOVIE. YOU AIN'T SEEN THAT ON NO MOVIE. I AIN'T NEVER HEARD OF NOTHIN' SO COUNTRY IN MY LIFE. MISS DEBRA, WHAT DO YOU DO? WELL, STEVE, I'M A BIOLOGICAL SCIENCE TECHNICIAN IN STOVALL, MISSISSIPPI. WE DO RESEARCH ON CATFISH. ON WHAT? RESEARCH ON CATFISH. YEAH. WE--WE FIND THE PARENTS AND EVERY-- WELL, IF THIS AIN'T SOME COUNTRY [BEEP] RIGHT HERE. [LAUGHTER] NAME SOMETHING A PERSON MIGHT SAY IS IN THE TOILET. [SOUTHERN ACCENT] HOW ABOUT THEIR POOP? HOW ABOUT WHAT? POOP! [LAUGHTER] IT IS IN THE TOILET! YOU THINK IT'S IN THERE? IT BETTER BE. I BET IT IS! [IMITATING SOUTHERN ACCENT] BETTER NOT BE ON THE FLOOR! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S SEE IF IT'S UP THERE. [CHEERING] HEY, SHEILA. HOW ARE YOU? HOW YOU DOING, DOLL? I'M BODACIOUS. MARIETTA, GEORGIA, HOME OF THE CHICKEN. HOME OF THE BIG CHICKEN. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? JUST WHATEVER PLUCKS MY TWANGER. [KENNEDY FAMILY LAUGHS] YES, MA'AM. YES, MA'AM. NAME SOMETHING YOU DO SO YOUR GUESTS GET THE HINT THAT THE PARTY'S OVER. YOU YAWN. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] YUP, YUP, YUP. THAT'S IT. OH. THAT'S IT. GOOD ANSWER. YOU YAWN! I'M FROM DOWN SOUTH. I LOVE IT. OK, THEN. YAWN. PAUL, HOW ARE YOU DOING? WHAT DO YOU DO, MAN? I'M DOING FINE. I'M A HEALTH AND PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER. I'M COUNTRY, TOO, SO... I'M FROM L.A. OH, YEAH? LOWER ARKANSAS. [LAUGHTER] I DO THE JOKES ON THE SHOW. HA HA HA! YOUR JOB IS TO TRY NOT TO GET 3 STRIKES. BROOKE, IF YOU DATED A FIREMAN, NAME SOMETHING OF HIS YOU MIGHT LIKE TO PLAY WITH. I'M GONNA GO WITH HIS SIREN. WHAT DID YOU SAY? I SAID HIS SIREN. HIS SIREN. WHOO-WHOO. MY COUNTRY ASS IS ENJOYING THIS. [IMITATES ACCENT] HIS SIR-EN. WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO. WHAT ABOUT YOU, CARSON? WHAT DO YOU DO? MR. STEVE, I AM A RISING SENIOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA. I ALSO LEAD MY OWN BIBLE STUDY, SO I ENJOY DOING THAT IN MY FREE TIME. YOU DO WHAT? I LEAD MY OWN BIBLE STUDY, SO I ENJOY-- YOU WHAT? LEAD MY OWN BIBLE STUDY. BIBLE STUDY. LEAD MY...? OWN BIBLE STUDY. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] BOY, THIS BOY COUNTRIER THAN A BUCKET OF CORN. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] WHAT DO CHICKENS HAVE THAT YOU'RE GLAD YOU DON'T? CHICKEN FEET. MISS FRANCINE, WHAT DO YOU DO? I'M AN ACCOUNTANT FOR A POULTRY COMPANY. WELL, JUST BY COINCIDENCE WHAT DO SHE DO? SHE KILL CHICKENS. LET'S FIND OUT WHAT MISS FRANCINE GOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS HERE. GIZZARDS. HUH? GIZZARDS. GOOD ANSWER. EVERYBODY DON'T HAVE TO KNOW HOW COUNTRY Y'ALL ARE. AND FROM MONROEVILLE, ALABAMA, IT'S THE HARRIS FAMILY. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WHAT DO YOU DO BIG MAN? I WORK CONSTRUCTION. I'M AN ESTIMATOR. TELL YOU HOW MUCH SOMETHING COSTS. THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [IMITATING] I WORK CONSTRUCTION. I'M AN ESTIMATOR. I COME OUT AND ESTIMATE IT AND THEN I BRING IT ON BACK. BOY, I LOVE COUNTRY PEOPLE. THIS GONNA BE MY SIDE RIGHT HERE. WHAT DO YOU DO, DANIEL? I SELL TRACTORS FOR A LIVING. BOY, HELL, YEAH. HELL, YEAH. I ALSO WRITE AMATEUR COMMERCIAL FOR RADIO. LIKE Y'ALL HAVE A JINGLE AND EVERYTHING? I'VE GOT A SLOGAN. WHAT IS IT? PORK CHOP, PORK CHOP, GREASY, GREASY. KUBOTA CUTS THAT GRASS REAL EASY, EASY. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] KIM, HOW YOU DOING? I'M DOING GREAT. HOW ARE YOU? GOOD, GOOD. WHERE ARE YOU ALL FROM? WE'RE FROM PARKER, KANSAS. PARKER, KANSAS. YES! HA HA HA! THE COUNTRY. IT GOT TO BE. [LAUGHTER] NEVER HEARD OF IT. LET ME ASK YOU ALL SOMETHING. HOW BIG IS PARKER? ABOUT A HUNDRED PEOPLE. A HUNDRED PEOPLE? A HUNDRED PEOPLE. HA HA! YOU ALL THE ONLY BLACK FAMILY IN THERE? OF COURSE! YES! HA HA! DO--DO THEY DRIVE BY YOUR HOUSE AND POINT AT IT? YES, THEY DO. "THAT'S WHERE THEY STAY, RIGHT THERE. IT'S--IT'S 8 OF THEM IN THERE." [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] HEY, LINDSEY. HELLO! HOW YOU DOING? I'M REALLY GREAT. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. WHERE Y'ALL FROM? WE'RE FROM L.A. LOWER ALABAMA. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] YEAH. [LAUGHS] Y'ALL WROTE THAT JOKE YOURSELF? [LAUGHTER] WE DID ... NEVER BEEN USED BEFORE. YEAH. COMPLETELY ORIGINAL. MARCUS, WHAT ABOUT YOU? I WORK AT KENTUCKY HIGHER EDUCATION IN FRANKFURT, DOWN IN THE MAILROOM. WHAT? I WORK--I WORK FOR THE-- I WORK FOR THE STATE IN KENTUCKY DOWN IN THE MAILROOM. OH, DOWN IN THE MAILROOM. DOWN IN THE MAILROOM. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOUR COUNTRY ASS SAID. BETTER YET, HE RAPS. HE WHAT? HE'S ACTUALLY OUR RAPPER. HE RAPS? YEP. HA HA! OK. OK. THANK YOU, LORD. ALL RIGHT, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING, MARCUS? ♪ YO, IT'S ME IT'S THE REAL MARCUS LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE IS MY FAVORITE THING WHO NEVER NOT FLOWS WITH ME YOU CAN PUNCH ME BACK AND SAY HIT THE STREETS, YO IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW ME YOU CAN PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GO CRAZY ♪ AUDIENCE: [CHEERING] SHE'S GOT A BOYFRIEND, WELL, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 20, AND HE'S 18. OH, TAYLOR, YOU A COUGAR. IS THAT HIM? THAT'S HIM, YEAH. HE'S A FARMER? YEAH, HE HAS COWS, EVERYTHING. SO HE KNOWS WHAT HARD WORK IS. WELL, HELL. WELL, HELL, THAT'S IT THEN. WHAT THE HELL WE TALKING TO HIM FOR? HE GOT COWS. WHAT IS THAT? HE GOT SIDEBURNS? YEAH. HE LOOKS A LITTLE OLDER. I THINK THAT'S WHAT... HE GOT PORK CHOP SIDEBURNS? WELL, IF YOU DON'T TELL NOBODY HE'S 18, HELL HE LOOKS 40. I USUALLY DON'T. GIVE ME MEGAN. GIVE ME QUINTA. LET'S PLAY FEUD. OH, IT'S MAGEN. IT'S MAGEN. MAGEN. JUST PUT A LITTLE SOUTHERN DRAWL TO IT. MA-- MAGEN. LET'S HAVE MAGEN RHYMES WITH BACON. THAT'S WHAT I DO. I'LL JUST SAY IT LIKE THAT AND YOU CAN JUST TAKE IT TO THE BANK. LIKE, I'M FROM THE COUNTRY MYSELF. WEST VIRGINIA, TO BE EXACT. DADDY WAS A COAL MINER. IT'S ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S YOUR DADDY USED TO DO? MY DADDY WORKS FOR A TRUCKING COMPANY. WORKS FOR A TRUCKING COMPANY? SAME THING. PROBABLY WAS HAULING THE COAL MY DADDY WAS DIGGING OUT THE GROUND. [LAUGHTER] HE'S PASSED ON TO THE GREAT BEYOND RIGHT NOW. HOW OLD'S YOUR DADDY? 50. YOUR DADDY'S 50? YES. WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU? I DON'T KNOW. I'M OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR DAMN DADDY MYSELF. AND FROM ELLISVILLE, MISSISSIPPI, IT'S THE DARBY FAMILY. HEY, APRIL. HEY, UNCLE STEVE. HOW ARE YOU? HOW YOU DOING? I'M GREAT. Y'ALL FROM ELLISVILLE? APRIL: YES. MAN, THAT'S SMALL. THE THING I HATE ABOUT ELLISVILLE-- THIS IS WHO I NEED. HE'S WEARING THE SUIT. RIGHT HERE, SEE, THIS IS WHAT I LIKE. SEE, I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE MY MAN WHEN I WALKED OUT HERE, 'CAUSE THE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS MOUTH, "THE THING I HATE ABOUT ELLISVILLE." SEE, THAT'S WHAT-- SEE RIGHT THERE. SEE. WHAT IS THAT, STEVEN? THEY DON'T GOT A POPEYE'S OR A CHURCH'S CHICKEN. SEE, THAT'S ANOTHER PLACE WHERE I PAY MY TITHES AT IS CHURCH'S CHICKEN. AND WHEN I GET OUT OF CHURCH, I GO STRAIGHT TO CHURCH'S CHICKEN AND PAY MY TITHES THERE IN PEPPER. GOT TO HAVE A PEPPER WITH IT. [LAUGHTER] SEE, HIS WHOLE PROBLEM WITH ELLISVILLE IS AIN'T NO DAMN FRIED CHICKEN. [LAUGHTER] YOU LIKE TO SEE THE GREASE STAINS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BOX. HEAVEN LORD, THANK YOU. THANK YOU, FATHER. YOU LIKE THEM PIECES OF CHICKEN WHERE-- YOU BETTER TALK ABOUT IT. YOU CAN GET CRUNCHY OR YOU CAN GET SPICY. MAN, I'M ABOUT TO WALK OFF THIS STAGE. ONE MORE WORD AND I'M GONE. I'LL BE LIKE FORGET THE FEUD, I'M FITTIN' TO GO TO CHURCH'S CHICKEN. YOU BETTER STAY RIGHT HERE. YOU DON'T ASK NO FAT DUDE DO THEY LIKE ANYTHING. WE LIKE EVERYTHING. THERE AIN'T NOTHING THAT I DON'T LIKE, MAN. STEVE, THAT'S WHAT I SAID. YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. YOU TALK TO FAT PEOPLE ABOUT FOOD. RIGHT. YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIS SKINNY ASS ABOUT NO FOOD. HE BEEN SKINNY AND PRETTY HIS WHOLE LIFE. YOUR LITTLE TIGHT-ASS SUIT ON. [LAUGHTER] I HAD TO GET MINE PINNED. MINE'S TOO BIG, MAN. YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU GOT TO GO TO A BIG MAN'S STORE. RIGHT. 'CAUSE MY THIGHS RUB. SO I GOT TO GET SOME LOOSE PANTS, MAN. I GOT TO GET LOOSE PANTS. SEE STEVEN, HIS THIGHS AIN'T NEVER TOUCHED. YOU KNOW WHAT, I WAS AT WORK ONE TIME, STEVE, THEY WANTED TO--DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO TO ME, MAN? WHAT? THEY WANTED TO FIRE ME BECAUSE MY THIGHS GOT TO RUBBING. SEE, IT'S HOT IN MISSISSIPPI. IT STARTED SMELLING LIKE A SUNDAY DINNER, AND IT WAS AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING. BUT IT WAS--WE DON'T EAT LUNCH TILL 12:00. SO, YOU KNOW, THEY... COME ON NOW. COME ON NOW. THANK YOU, FATHER. BOY, I NEEDED YOU LIKE I NEEDED A GLASS OF COLD WATER. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR ME RIGHT NOW. YOUR THIGHS WAS RUBBING TOGETHER, AND IT GOT SO HOT IT STARTED SMELLING LIKE DINNER. SUNDAY DINNER. [LAUGHTER]
