THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU COULD HAVE SAID! DUMBEST ANSWER I'VE EVER HEARD. THAT'S THE STUPIDEST ANSWER. STUPIDEST THING I DONE HEARD. WHAT ARE YOU AN IDIOT? HE'S REALLY DUMB. IG'NANT ANSWER. YOU WANTED IG'NANT. [LAUGHTER] WE ASKED 100 WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING SPECIFIC OF LEONARDO DICAPRIO'S YOU'D LIKE TO HOLD. THE MONA LISA, HIS PAINTING. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. WHAT? IT'S UP THERE. THAT'S A GOOD ONE. YOU GOTTA GO BIG, STEVE. YOU GOTTA GO BIG. IF THAT'S UP THERE, I'M GOING HOME. [BUZZER] FILL IN THE BLANK. "IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I'D NEVER BLANK AGAIN." CHEAT. CHEAT. HA HA HA! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING YOU COULD HAVE SAID! WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT? WHAT'D YOU SAY IT FOR? IT'S NOT GONNA BE UP THERE! CHEAT! OH! NAME A NUMBER THAT MOST MEN EXAGGERATE. 100. 69? [LAUGHTER AND CHEERING] WE TALKED TO A 100 WOMEN. NAME SOMETHING MOST WOMEN WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD LEAVING THE HOUSE WITHOUT. UM, THEIR VIBRATOR. GOOD! GOOD ANSWER! THE ANSWERS HAVE BEEN CRAZY. [LAUGHTER] I'M SORRY. SORRY. SORRY, MAMA. "WELL...ON MY WAY TO THE GROCERY STORE." [LAUGHTER] "WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MY TOY?" NAME A KIND OF SUIT THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE FOR THE OFFICE. BRITTON. CHICKEN NOODLE. SUIT! SUIT. "YOU DON'T WEAR NO DAMN CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP IN HERE!" AW! JEFF, NAME SOMETHING A... MAN MIGHT BE WILLING TO GO TO PRISON TO GET AWAY FROM. POLICE. HA HA HA! OH. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YES. GOOD ANSWER, JEFF. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S OK. HA HA HA! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M SINGLE? HA HA HA! THAT'S THE STUPIDEST ANSWER. [BUZZER] 100 WOMEN, "TELL ME A COUNTRY WHERE YOU THINK THE MEN ARE SEXIER THAN AMERICAN MEN." UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] AMERICA! WHAT? [LAUGHTER] UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! OH, YEAH. WE ASKED 100 WOMEN, WHAT MIGHT A BLIND DATE CONVENIENTLY FORGET TO MENTION ABOUT HIMSELF? [LAUGHTER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] HE'S BLIND. HE'S BLIND? [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] THE BLIND DATE CONVENIENTLY FORGOT TO MENTION HE'S-- "I REALLY AM A BLIND DATE!" [BUZZER] BUDDY, FILL IN THE BLANK. WE ASKED 100 SINGLE PEOPLE ON SOME DATES YOU FELT LIKE SAYING, "LESS TALK, MORE BLANK." MORE PERIOD. MORE WHAT? MORE. "LESS TALK, MORE." SAY? WE GOT--THAT'S THE QUESTION. WHAT THE HELL IS YOU-- OH, OH, OH. "LESS TALK, MORE"? "LESS TALK, MORE MORE." "LESS TALK, MORE MO!" OH, THAT'S IT. OH, I GOT IT. "LESS TALK, MORE MO MO! [APPLAUSE] HA HA HA! BASED ON ITS SIZE, IF YOUR BOTTOM WERE A PLANET, WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE? AMERICA. AMERICA. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AMERICA! [BUZZER] IT WOULD BE FUN TO SWIM IN A POOL FILLED WITH WHAT? PIZZA. HA HA HA! WHO THE HELL YOU KNOW WANTS TO DIVE INTO A POOL FULL OF HOT ASS PIZZA? PIZZA LOVERS. ALL THAT CHEESE... BUT THE CHEESE IS GOING TO STICK ON YOU, JOSEPH. PIZZA. NAME A SECRET ABOUT HIMSELF A MAN MIGHT ONLY TELL HIS WIFE ON HIS DEATH BED. GO ON. I'M JUST GONNA SAY THAT HE LIED ABOUT BEING IN TROUBLE. WELL, HE LIED ABOUT DYING ON HIS DEATHBED. HE LIED ABOUT IT. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] AIN'T DEAD YET. [LAUGHTER] LORD HELP US. [LAUGHS] YOU WANTED IG'NANT, YOU GOT IG'NANT... HE LIED! HE KNOW GOOD AND WELL HE WAS NOT DEAD ON A DEATHBED. WHILE SANTA DELIVERS PRESENTS AND GETS THE GLORY, WHAT ARE THE ELVES DOIN' BACK AT THE SHOP? [LAUGHTER] FEEDIN'--I MEAN, FEEDIN' REINDEERS. GOOD ANSWER, GOOD ANSWER. IT'S UP THERE, IT'S UP THERE. GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER, COUSIN. IF SANTA IS IN THE SLEIGH... [LAUGHTER] OTHER REINDEERS. WHAT--WHAT OTHER REINDEER? THE ONES WHO ARE NOT FLYING. THE ONES WHO CAN'T FLY. THE BABIES, THE LITTLE... THE ONES THAT CAN'T FLY. YEAH, THE TRAINERS. NO, NO YOU DON'T-- SOMEBODY GOTTA BE TRAININ'. YOU GOT NO TRAINERS, NO LITTLE REINDEERS? [LAUGHTER] THE LITTLE ONES. YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE ONES. STEVE! BACK AT THE NORTH POLE FEEDING THE EXTRA REINDEERS. [BUZZER] AWW... THAT WAS A GOOD ANSWER. NAME AN ANIMAL STARTING WITH THE LETTER "C" THAT MAKES A FUNNY SOUND. YOU SAID... [LAUGHTER] KOALA WITH A C! SURVEY SAID... THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT'S SON ISN'T VERY SMART. HE HAS A BRAIN THAT'S THE SIZE OF WHAT VEGETABLE. RAISIN. [LAUGHTER] [CURTIS LAUGHS LOUDLY] GOOD ANSWER! [APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER] [LAUGHING] RAISIN! [BUZZER] SWISS BLANK. S...S...SW... SWITZERLAND? HA HA! [LAUGHTER] SWISS-ZTERLAND. SWITZERLAND. [BUZZER] AWW... GIVE ME SOMETHING A WAITRESS MIGHT PUT IN A RUDE CUSTOMER'S FOOD. MONEY. GOOD ANSWER, DJ. SHE MIGHT THROW COINS IN THERE OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW. GOOD ANSWER, DJ. WHOO! I BELIEVE, FOLKS, YOU NOW UNDERSTAND THE UTTER SHOCK WHEN HE GOT THE NUMBER-ONE ANSWER. WE'RE BACK TO WHAT HE DOES NOW, FOLKS. HE GIVES YOU ANSWERS THAT MAKE YOU SCRATCH YOUR HEAD. "I DON'T LIKE YOU. I'M GONNA PUT SOME MONEY... I'M WORKING FOR TIPS. I DON'T LIKE YOU. I'M STICKING IT IN YOUR FOOD." AWW. WE TALKED TO 100 WOMEN. SOME MEN ARE PIGS. WHAT BARNYARD ANIMAL MIGHT YOU COMPARE YOUR MAN TO? A CAMEL. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] WHAT BARNYARD... NO, NO. WHAT DESERT-DWELLING ANIMAL MIGHT YOU COMPARE YOUR MAN TO? CAMEL. [BUZZER] [AUDIENCE GROANS] DJ? YES, SIR? NAME SOMETHING A PIRATE MIGHT BE EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT HE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO. DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL "PIRATE." [LAUGHTER] ANOTHER GOOD ONE. GOOD ANSWER. ANOTHER GOOD ONE. GOOD ANSWER, DJ. I BEEN DOING THIS ENOUGH, I KNOW THE GOOD ONES WHEN I SEE THEM. I KNOW THIS BOY LOCKED IN ON BAD ANSWERS. THIS IS SO GOOD, THIS IS GOING--THIS IS GOING ON YOUTUBE. [LAUGHTER] AWW. NAME A PLACE WHERE IT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR A MAN TO WEAR SHORTS. YOU SAID... [LAUGHTER] THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID? SURVEY SAID... SURVEY SAID... NAME A STATE PEOPLE ASSOCIATE WITH THE OLD WEST. YOU SAID... YOU SAID THAT, TOO? NAME AN ANIMAL WHOSE LEGS ARE FEATURED ON A RESTAURANT MENU. I'M GONNA GO WITH PANDA. PANDA EXPRESS. PANDA. CHINESE FOOD. PANDA. BAMBOO. ALL OF THAT'S ON THE MENU. PANDA. PANDA. WE ASKED 100 SINGLE MEN, TELL ME A GIFT YOU MIGHT GIVE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU'D NEVER GIVE TO YOUR MOM. WE'RE GONNA GO WITH A CHILD. [LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE] GOOD ANSWER! YOU WOULDN'T GIVE THAT TO YOUR MOM. IT'S A GIFT. A CHILD IS A GIFT. YOU WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO YOUR MOM? YOU CAN'T MAKE A BABY WITH YOUR MAMA, STEVE. [LAUGHTER] I MEAN YOU COULD, BUT I WOULDN'T DO IT. IT'S UP THERE. GOOD ANSWER, DANO. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. IT COULD BE UP THERE. YOU COULD BE RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. HE GONNA STRAIGHTEN ME OUT. YOU AIN'T GIVE NO BABY TO YOUR MOM, STEVE. NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOUR WHOLE DAMN FAMILY GONNA BE ON YOUTUBE.
