-Alright, everybody calm down. -Oh! Mnh-mnh, no! There's something wrong
with these lamps! -Ah, yeah right. I probably have
to get back to work. -Dude, did you take
a [bleep] in your lamps? -What, in these lamps?
I don't think so. [ Whimsical theme plays ] -You've found
that one special someone and you never want to be apart. You dine together. [ Romantic tune plays ] You play together. ♪♪ You sleep together. ♪♪ You even bathe together. ♪♪ So, why not share the most
intimate moment of them all? With the Love Toilet. ♪♪ Exquisitely designed, handcrafted
of the finest porcelain, with flush assembly
and float bowl imported from France, the nation of love. The Love Toilet. [ Flushing ]
From Niagara, the toilet people. Because, when you're in love, even five minutes apart
can seem like an eternity. -The Love Toilet. Available at all Bambergers
and other fine stores. [ Suspenseful music plays ] -My fellow conformists, there is only one approved way to sit on the toilet. It has been designed to make you
look stupid and feel foolish! It is against regulation
to look cool or feel confident on the toilet. This is the way it has always
been and must always be. [ Clang ] [ Static crackles ] -No. ♪♪ -What is the meaning of this?! Go sit on your designated toilet and feel shame! ♪♪ That toilet is different! What is that?! -The future. [ Rock plays ] ♪♪ Impossible. No citizen can look cool while sitting on the toilet. This changes everything! [ Static crackling ]
No-o-o-o-o-o-o! -Introducing the Koohl Toilet
by Koehler. A sleek reverse-bowl toilet
that you sit on the cool way: backwards, with your arms
casually draped over the top. The craftsmanship
you expect from Kohler, coupled with
revolutionary design that brings confidence
into the bathroom. ♪♪ [ Zipper whirs ] [ Chime, flushing ] ♪♪ [ Resonating ] -Nothing will ever be
the same. ♪♪ -The Koohl Toilet by Kohler,
coming spring 2017. Already available in Japan. [ Telephone rings nearby ]
-Hey, Johnson, don't forget: We need those reports
by the end of the day. -You got it. [ Rumbling ]
Ooh! [ Inhales sharply ] Oh, no!
-Need to go to the bathroom, but you have
a lot of work to do, and it's all the way
down the hall? -Yep. -[chuckling] We've all
been there before. Why don't you check your lamp? -Huh? -Check your lamp. -Whoa! -Go ahead, do your business. -Whaddya mean? -Use it as a toilet. -Oh! Now, I get it. -Introducing the
Undercover Office Potty, the only toilet
that looks like a lamp, so you can go whenever you want,
and no one has to know. Just open it up and go to town. It'll be our little secret. -Thanks, Undercover
Office Potty. I did good. -Hey, Johnson, you get
around to those reports? -Yeah, finished them
a while ago. [sotto voce]
I had plenty of time. -Wait, why do you have
so many lamps on your desk? -Huh. I guess I like
a lotta light. -[sniff] Oh, god! It stinks in here! -Well, it wasn't me. I used the bathroom
all the way down the hall. -Jesus!
I think it's these lamps! [sniff]
[Bleep], man! It's definitely these lamps! Oh, my god! -Smells like regular
lamps to me! -Hey, Adams, get in here! -[sniffing]
Holy [bleep] -Alright, everybody calm down. -[sniffing] Oh! Mnh-mnh, no!
There's something wrong with these lamps!
-Ah, yeah right. I probably have
to get back to work. -Dude, did you take
a [bleep] in your lamps? -What, in these lamps?
I don't think so. -We gotta do something
about this. I'm tellin' Mr. Anderson.
-No, please. ♪♪ -Johnson, this is
never easy, but, uh, your coworkers are complaining
about your lamps. -But I go to the bathroom
all the way down the hall! -I'm gonna have to take
a look at these lamps. -[Gasp] -[sniff] Oh, my god. Oh! You lied, Johnson! You went to the bathroom
in the lamps! Get 'em outta here!
-Yes, sir! Sorry, sir! -Let me guess: nosey coworkers
caught on to the lamps because you had too many
on your desk? -Yep.
-We've you covered with everyday office items that you can use as a toilet. Introducing the... There's the stapler,
the tape dispenser, and the automatic
pencil sharpener. -Hey, guys, look! I got rid of the lamps! -Why is your tape dispenser
so massive? -Hm. I guess I like
a lotta tape. -God, he's goin' to the bathroom in these oversized
fake office supplies! -I go to the bathroom
down the hall. -What is wrong with you?!
-I just need-- Why would you do this?!
-The voiceover said it would save time for business! -What have you been
working on?! -I don't know! I've been
too busy going to the bathroom! -It smells like [bleep]
in here! -[whimper] Am I fired?! -Yes!
-[Sigh] [ Slaps desk ] And take that [bleep] With you. -Right, yeah, of course. [grunts] Oh!
[ Liquid sloshes ] -Oh, god!
-God! [ Tender tune plays ] -You hear about Al? He passed away. -Oh, no! That's awful! -I'll say. They found him on the toilet! -That's so embarrassing! -Dying on the toilet. It's every senior's
worst nightmare. You live a life
of grace and honor, only to pass in the most
humiliating way imaginable: ass-up on a bathroom floor, a loaded toilet rotting
behind you. Thankfully, there's a solution that's both elegant
and dignified. The Toilet Death Ejector. When you are on the toilet
and you feel yourself dying, simply press the red button. -Ooh! [ Croak ] -Hydraulics beneath your seat will propel
your dead body forward, hurl you gently through the air, and deposit you neatly
on your bed. The toilet will then
automatically flush and release a puff
of lavender scent. Finally, a smart book
will fall from the ceiling onto your chest,
to imply wisdom. Choose from impressive titles
like the Bible, Henry David Thoreau's "Walden," or Latest Gladwell. -I don't know. That sure seems
awfully complicated. -I'll tell you what complicated: explaining to the grandkids
that Nana died while taking a giant dump. No matter what the cause
of death is, they're gonna assume it was the size
of the dump that killed her. So, reclaim your dignity. -[Gasping] [ Whir ] [ Whir ] -Hey, Mom, I just -- Oh, no! ♪♪ [ Sigh ] She was so wise. -Our team of engineers
guarantees that the Toilet Death Ejector
is mostly accurate. [ Whirring ] [ Clattering ] [ Glass breaking ] -He passed away.
-Oh, no! -It's a shame.
But at least he died peacefully, in bed, reading scripture. -Oh, that's nice, yeah. -Only thing was his pants were
around his ankles and there was
[bleep] everywhere. -The Toilet Death Ejector. Every time you hear
that sound... [ Whir ]
an angel gets its wings. ♪♪
