all right class did you know that ante eaters eat 35,000 ants a day make sure you write that down CR take notes 35,000 ants a day hey Cody doesn't your mom have to eat like 35,000 lbs of fat every day Junior these insults are just getting lazy now can I borrow a pencil Junior you just insulted my mom why would I give you a pencil cuz I have to take notes I don't have another pencil I had two and one of them's missing hey Joseph can I borrow a pencil dude I just stole this one from Cody Joseph what you you aren't using it hey Penelope can I borrow a pencil no Junior get your own I'm going to have to borrow a pencil from Roy Roy junior Roy's too cool to give you one of his pencils yeah dude if he actually gives you a pencil that means you're cool well I'mma ask him oh Roy you're so cool I know yeah I don't know what you said but I like Taco Bell too um excuse me Roy your coolness oh what are you doing here loser e Roy why is he talking to do you I don't know babe what do you want dweeb I was just wondering could I borrow one of your pencils oh no these girls bought me these pencils why would I give one to you Roy get him to go away yeah can you go away loser well I just I just need to borrow a pencil can I just borrow one absolutely not go away what' he say junior he said no see I told you you weren't cool enough to get one of his pencils yeah Junior Roy's just too cool hey is this Jackie choose class dude that's PJ Jamie James CAW P Jam CAW no way PJ cring Shaw what are you doing here I thought you were homeschooled by your mom yeah but I got kicked out of home school for sleeping with the teacher he's so cool dude I want my mom to be his teacher I want him to be my dad I want him to be my husband well PJ sit anywhere you like cool PJ crall hey get out of my seat but but but this is my seat not anymore it's PJ's seat Now ladies you can stay but but ladies I'm cool you're not cool anymore you ladies want a sip of my Capri Sun Roaring Waters dude PJ just made Roy uncool there's always a bigger fish wait so Roy's not cool anymore no Junior look it's basic math PJ is so cool that anyone he says isn't cool isn't cool anymore and so he said Roy's not cool that means that Roy is no longer cool well what if I asked PJ for a pencil oh Junior if Roy wouldn't give you a pencil I doubt you could even get PJ to look at you yeah you're pushing it dude well I'm going to shoot my shot and ask oh ask for his number for me no PJ I like your PJs yeah me too that's why I wear them y p um excuse me PJ crenchaw per Jam crenchaw Jamie James crenchaw E PJ why is this Luther talking to you ladies ladies that's harsh let's see what the little man has to say um I was wondering your coolness if I could borrow one of your pencils yeah like PJ would let you have one of his pencils hey hey PJ makes his own decision yeah sure you can borrow one really yeah but I want it back later okay um which one can I borrow uh not that one or that one or that one or that one yeah you can have that one okay thank you so much PJ I'll take good care of it so Junior what do he say I bet he said no guys he let me borrow one of his pencils what PJ chisa's pencil oh my God let me taste it I want tast PJ CAW oh I feel like PJ CAW oh AAW well guys I have to take care of this pencil you know PJ's so cool and he let me borrow it so I can't let anything happen to it I got to get pajamas like I used to be that cool CR crash settle down settle down I know PJ crw is cool but we got to focus because I want his autograph first my butt my butt guys remember that time where I got to go to the Super Bowl and I didn't have to pay for anything I'm cool right is he asleep of course he is he's PJ khaw yeah he can sleep anywhere in his PJs yeah guys guys re them around let him sleep a o I think PJ drooled on me really lucky oh where right on my face yeah right there next to my mouth guys have you guys seen PJ's pencil they let me borrow no dude you lost PJ Christ pencil well well it was right here now I can't find it Junior you're going to be so uncool guys guys guys do one of you guys take it no no well it was right here and now I can't find it is it on the ground where is it Jor you better find that pencil before tomorrow oh you're going to be so uncool dude okay okay I'm looking for it I'm looking for it uh all right craft that's the end of the lesson for today craft dismissed you can go home where is it where is it where's that pencil Junior just look for it tomorrow before school junior stop throwing desk leave the classroom now but I got to look for my my pencil come on Junior oh guys I'm so screwed I don't know where that pencil is yeah Junior if you don't find that pencil PJ crch is going to say you're uncool yeah and if PJ crha says you're uncool we can't hang out with you anymore dude yeah we'd be uncool by association well guys what if I just go to the store and buy a new pencil and say that's the pencil he let me borrow dude PJ would know yeah you can't pull a fast one on PJ khaw I just don't know where that pencil could have went who's that oh maybe it's PJ hello hey Roy what are you doing here don't you have like a bunch of girls to hang out with yeah I got plenty of girls to hang out with they're just busy are they with PJ CAW yeah but but but but I don't care I don't care if they hang out with him okay well what are you doing here well I just want to come by and hang out with the boys but we're not your friends sure we are remember all the good times we had no uh well anyway can I come in and talk to you guys for a minute make it quick Roy but then you got to get out of my house sweet who was at the door Junior it was Roy Roy Roy Roy Roy who's Roy oh Roy wait that loser what he want what's up guys oh what's Roy doing here you're so uncool Roy well you guys used to think I was cool remember when I went to the Super Bowl and I didn't have to pay for anything yeah we heard it before dude yeah you can't keep milking that forever Roy well what about the time I got three girls pregnant cool story bro yeah not impressive Roy you might as well just get out of here all right well if I get out of here how will you find this PJ's pencil you criminal you you scoundrel why would you steal that pencil from me well because if I can't be cool then you can't be cool you can't do that PJ PJ needs that pencil back look I'll do anything to get that pencil back all right well then teach me how to be cooler than PJ khaw okay first of all you will never be cooler than PJ kingshaw and also we're not cool how are we going to make you cool I don't know just like think of something I don't know I just want to be cool again wait wait I I got it guys what if Roy challenges PJ crenchaw to a cool off like a cool battle and they see they see who's the coolest I would like that yeah oh yeah that is a good idea oh who's that let me answer the door hello hey what PJ crit Shaw what are you doing here I'm here for my pencil uh well uh I don't really have your pencil you don't have my pencil no I lost it you better give me that pencil okay I know where it's at really why didn't you just say so well because Roy took it that loser yeah he's upstairs who was at the door Junior it was PJ kingshaw here jimy kinshaw Jimmy James kingshaw yeah hey hey PJ uh Mr PJ I just wanted to say that I like your PJs can I get any your PJs I love my fans oh Mr PJ uh Roy stole your pistol he stole it he stole it hey it's not cool to snitch and it's also not cool to steal things I hereby decree that Junior and Roy are very uncool what I'm sorry Junior I can't talk to you anymore yeah I can't be seeing with you dude no Mr PJ please please please don't make me uncool did you hear something no oh that boy is Savage Oh Ro do do the cool off and say that if you win we're both cool all right hey PJ I challenge you to a cool off and the winner gets to be the coolest did you hear something again it sounded really uncool that boy don't miss tell PJ that Roy wants a cool off I'm not supposed to be talking to you but okay uh Mr PJ Roy wants to have a cool off to see who's the coolest okay if he wants to be embarrassed I'm not going to be embarrassed you're going to be the one that's embarrassed when I prove that I'm the coolest all right well how about this whoever loses to cool off has to leave town and never show their face again all right deal hello and welcome to the first annual cool Olympics now let's meet our contestants our first contestant is Roy getar oh stop booing it's me Roy you know my my parents own a poodle grooming business and our other contestant is PJ crer paah jamm crer Jammy Jam crw all right settle down settle down damn he's cool our first event is to see who can drink the most Kool-Aid Jammers in 30 seconds Kool-Aid Jammers I only ever drink a PRI side you're going down PJ on your mark get set go I can't drink anymore I did it the winner is PJ crw bar jny crw jny JW too cool for you I'll beat you in the next game our next event is to see who can get to the center of a Tootsie Pop faster you're going down PJ check out my tongue how am I supposed to compete with that giant tongue look at my tongue tiny tongue how are the girls going to stick around with you with that tiny tongue Ready set [Music] go all right I'm done now CU of this big tongue and the winner is Roy get hard looks like we're tied PJ and in this final round you're going down we'll see about that well we're tied going into the final round for the final game there will be a girl in the middle of the room both guys have to show off how cool they are to get the girl to make out with them whoever gets the girl wins yeah this is this is easy you're going down PJ girls love me yeah right you saw me steal your girls at school it'll be that easy oh yeah well this one time this girl took me to the Super Bowl and I didn't have to pay for anything yeah I've heard your little story it's really cute but a real man pays for his own Super Bowl ticket hey you take that back Ready set go hey babe I got three girls pregnant and I left them and I don't take care of the kids hey I have three iPhones you can play on one of them if you want W hey babe one time I went to a Super Bowl and I didn't have to pay for anything the girl literally flew me first class all the way to Miami woo yeah well I got airpods and a PS5 um um my parents own a poodle shop so if you ever want to pet a poodle then you can come do that woo I got some green Play-Doh you can eat it with me if you want W oh but babe the the Super Bowl see here's the ticket right here I wi you can't keep milking that for the rest of your life Roy no we have a winner the coolest kid in the world is PJ CR Shaw pair of jammies CR Shaw Jammy JW hey yeah time to get stepping do I really have to go yeah this town ain't big enough for two cool kids but where am I supposed to go where a girl will pay for you oh but what if no girl will pay for me don't worry man they'll pay for you all right hey yeah keep your head up jamp I'll [Music] try oh that's the end of Roy he used to be so cool he'll be cool again in another town bye Roy bye Roy bye [Music] man I hate wrapping presents hey shf B what are you doing oh oh I'm just putting your Christmas gifts under the Christmas tree all or these are my gifts mhm wait I only have three gifts for Christmas that's lame I mean s's going to bring you more uh these are just a gifts from me and your dad can I open up one today please no Christmas is only a week away you can wait a week please let me open up one today please no Junior you're going to wait a week okay what if I open up one while you're in the bathroom that's why I have this wait what it's an Elf on the Shelf on a table what's an elf on a shelf on a table he just watches and makes sure little boys like you don't open the Christmas grips Before Christmas what about little girls it doesn't matter the gender Junior how many genders are there there's only two genders actually there's over 70 genders I don't care about your conspiracy theories look if this elf catches you open your Christmas gifts before Christmas he's going to kill you kill me oh yeah I've seen it done before yeah he killed my twin brother you had a twin brother yeah I had a twin brother he opened the Christmas gifts and then yeah he got killed so don't open your gifts he's going to kill me who's that uh hello hey Junior what's up dude uh Hey guys uh what are you doing here what's wrong Junior you seem spooked Chef pip just told me something really scary did he tell you that in 2050 the world population will reach 10 billion people which means it won't be enough food to feed everybody which means it'll be a famine so everybody will kill everybody for food don't tell me that I'll be like 60 by then there's no way I can fight for food guys what Chef told me was way scarier than that what really yeah come inside okay all right dude show me what's scarier than world hunger that what's that it looks like an Elf on the Shelf it's an elf on a shelf on a table chef peipe says if he sees me opening up my Christmas gift Before Christmas he'll kill me well then just don't open your gifts before Christmas H this stupid doll he's not going to do anything dude he's just as useless as Cody stupid doll he's not a doll Joseph he's a man with feelings and emotions and five jobs but but that's just a stupid elf toy it's not going to do anything wait that elf is not going to kill me no of course not he just said that to scare you yeah what is this stupid elf going to do huh huh what you going to do stupid elf yeah yeah what are you going to do stupid elf you're not going to do anything you guys are right I shouldn't be scared of that elf let's open up my gifts before Christmas okay why don't you just wait a week and open them on Christmas I I didn't know your name was Cody on a shelf I didn't know you were that lame everyone everyone grab a gift let's open them upstairs okay all right guys did everyone grab a gift yeah I got one dude this is going to be so naughty shh I don't want to hear us come [Music] on all right guys what do you think these gifts are take a guess ooh let's see oh definitely Legos Legos that's so cool that they got me Legos Joseph what do you think that one is H just take a guess Joseph but I don't want to be wrong dude I'm trying to get it right you know it's your gift just take a random guess uh you know what I don't even care what your guess is you know what I think it's a tennis racket well that's a dumb guess what what do you think yours is Junior um whatever it is I hope it's not fragile H I think it's a fortnite toy oh you better hope it's some tennis balls to go with this tennis racket well let's just open and see what it is okay guys I was right it's a fortnite toy throw throw burrito Cody you told me that was Legos that was just a guess it wasn't a fact wow dude I was so close with my tennis rag guess that has nothing to do with tennis no no dude it is sports related so I was the closest guest no I was the closest guest I actually guessed that mine was a fortnite toy but Junior he's not from fortnite yes he was he was in the last season not everything is from fortnite what do you think Spider-Man's from fortnite yes and Batman and Rick and Morty what no Junior those things existed before fortnite no fortnite made those things hey dude can I open up your LeBron James and play with them yeah you can open I'll open up my fortnite toy and play with it I guess I'll open up throw throw burrito oh man this toy is so cool the storm's coming dude LeBron's so stretchy hey Cody don't throw a burrito at me I'm sorry that's the name of the game that's what I'm supposed to do what if I threw this fortnite toy at you that would actually hurt ow so you know what ow don't throw burritos at me you know what I was trying to hit burrito and two [Music] hey wait wait wa what was that noise what was that noise what was that noise sounded like a big bang let's go see what it is guys someone knocked over my Christmas tree who would do that maybe it was the wind but we're inside air conditioners make wind Cody I wouldn't exactly call it wind what would you call it then oh so all the wind outside comes from an air conditioner duh that's why it gets cold in the winter so there's just a big air conditioner in the sky yeah that's why they call them airplanes what are you talking about they make the cold air duh you're really looking like you want to kiss me right now Joseph just made up and do it I'm my just do it what if it was the elf it's a stupid elf it can't do that it's not real it can't push over a tree dude yeah Junior Joseph's right it's just a toy it probably just fell over on its own you know if a Christmas tree falls in the living room and no one's around to hear it does it still make a sound yes that's why we came in here to check out what the sound was duh idiot but but but we were around to hear it so if we weren't around to hear it would it have still made a sound you're right guys so that elf didn't do that maybe it did just fall over because of the wind so let's go upstairs and play with my [Music] toys so Cody how do you play this burrito game I think you just throw burritos at people there has to be more to it I'm going to read the rules guys the elf I Know What You Did he spelled no wrong wa no that's how you spelled no no it's supposed to be spelled k n o w that would be Cano no Junior when you're saying you know something it starts with a K this elf is illiterate stop making fun of his height dude what do you mean you know what we did we we didn't knock over that Christmas tree not not that what is that you opened your gifts before Christmas see he is right he's going to try to kill us dude that elf isn't real I'm going to show you he's not real what are you going to do with him Joseph oh I'll show you what I'm going to do with him follow me dude there dude you don't have to worry about him ever again but isn't he alive he's a doll dude yeah he's just a toy well well then then how did those papers move the wind I told you that well then who wrote on those papers the wind how many times in I got to say it okay I guess let's go play with those toys all right dude you won't have to worry about that elf ever again the elf is I don't understand it how is this even possible how could he possibly have gotten out of the trash can I snap out of it Cody thanks Junior but how is this even possible he was in the trash can once you throw something in a trash can you can never get it back that's gross hand me that stupid elf I got to go to Extreme Measures hand them to me o I'm getting real tired of you dude what Joseph what are you going to do oh I'm going to cut them into pieces apparently he can walk but he won't be walking after this good thinking Joseph I don't want to watch oh I do I like seeing stuff like this missing limbs cut him Joseph okay dude there cut him into six pieces he's not coming back after that that was gnarly thanks for doing that Joseph yeah dude now let's go play with your toys okay well dude at least you won't have to worry about that elf ever again the elf is back how is this even possible dude that elf is alive he's real he's going to kill us we should have open up your G oh guys guys my Christmas gifts can help us kill that stupid elf shoot him fortnite guy Jesus Christ he's bulletproof uh Lebron James save us okay okay there's only one thing that can save us now throw throw burrito man I suck at this what would we do well I pissed my pants cuz of how scared I am I'm going to go home and change shorts but Joseph what do we do we got to call the police dude let's call the cops to that stupid elf hey there somebody call the cops yes officer that elf is trying to kill us what that elf that's just an Elf on the Shelf it's a little toy that parents pretend is alive to scare their kids or something wait so he's not alive oh no he's just a harmless little toy unless you open your Christmas presents early then he'll kill you kill us can you protect us well why would I need to protect you it's not like you guys would open your Christmas presents early wait what's all this wrapping paper about we opened our Christmas presents early what are you crazy this thing's going to murder you wa it is oh yeah of course I get 911 calls all the time oh my son opened his Christmas presents early and our Elf on the Shelf murdered him oh go there has to be something you can do you have to protect us you're the cops oh I don't know kid this thing won't stop until you're dead I guess I could try arresting him yeah arrest him put him in the electric chair do whatever you have to do all right but I can't guarantee that'll protect you all right Mr Elf on the Shelf or should I say Mr elf in the jail cell all right come on oh thank God that cop arrested him yeah dude I think we're safe what's that let's go see what it is what what happened he was too fast he stabbed me in the armpit I think it went in my heart through my armpit what do we do there's nothing you can do you better watch out you better not cry you better not pout I'm telling you why that elf is batshit crazy oh why did you have to open your Christmas presents early why no do we have to tell shabii oh no no no then shipi will know I opened my Christmas gifts early how many more lives do we have the lose you're right let's go tell shfp chefi do you s me he's getting killed by the that'll show that stupid brat for opening his Christmas gifts early hey do you have that 20 bucks you were going to give me for helping you fake this after we're finished come on I'm not done yet I want to scare him a little more he seems pretty scared to me no I'm not done I got some more ideas you know I could be out saving lives right now come on giving a speedy ticket it's not saving lives yeah you're right all right what do you want to do next Joseph what did Chef peipi say Chef peipi just got killed by the elf no not Chef what do we do there's nothing else we can do junior we cut them into pieces we threw them in the trash can we call the cops wait wait we have to tell Santa tell Santa yeah the elf works for Santa so maybe Santa can discipline him you're right that's one it's Santa's elves so it's Santa's responsibility to take care of his Rogue elves so how do we call Santa you can't call Santa stupid he he doesn't have a phone he's like the plug you have to write him a letter you're right let's write Santa a letter where do we write the letter to uh we have to send it to China yeah yeah cuz the North Pole is in China all the toys come from China that's right that's why all the toys say made in China yeah okay okay let's write s a letter all right dude I wrote the letter Dear Santa one of your L's gone crazy please help also two years ago you gave me coal why did you do that not cool bro next time you do that we fighting on God how's that that's perfect Joseph thanks bro I really got the message AC cross yeah I think you did too all right I'm going to go put this in the mailbox okay dude okay I hope it gets a Santa quick all right Joseph I put the letter in the mail box how'd you get the damond mailbox Joseph Joseph are you okay no dude I'm dead no what can I do what can I do to stop this I'm [Music] sorry you finally asked the magical question what magical question what can you do to fix this yes yes what can I do to fix this oh I could bring all your friends back to life but all you have to do is be a good boy until Christmas okay okay I can be a good boy all you have to do is clean up yeah clean up the entire kitchen no the entire house and and and make sure that you give Chef peipi back rubs don't be a bad little boy don't be a total brat okay okay I won't be a brat I'll do whatever chef peipe says yeah now go in your room and count to 30 and when you get done counting uh go to the kitchen and start cleaning everything will be back to normal okay okay I'll go to my room and count 30 I totally got him oh Chef peipi you're really going to give me $20 for faking this yes Joseph yes I'll give you $20 thanks so much for cleaning the kitchen and being a good boy Junior yeah you know I'm just being nice and cleaning on my own I know I know but remember the elf is watching you so keep cleaning or he'll kill you oh I know I know hey Junior I changed my shorts what I miss oh um I made a deal with the elf that he won't kill me cuz he killed Joseph and he killed a cop so I have to keep cleaning or he'll kill me what hey Daddy I got my report card are there any FS on your report card um no are you lying no there's no FS on it because Jeffy if there's a single F on that report card we're not taking you to Disney World all right well check this out boom not a single F on this report card all D's daddy stands for Disneyland Disneyland Disneyland Disneyland Disneyland Disneyland Jeffy all DED is not good yeah but it's still passing Marvin there are no FS on his report card but D's are bad D's are passing and D's are my nuts in your mouth how old are you old enough to have my nuts in your mouth good morning Daddy Jeffy look I guess if there's no FS we'll still take you to Disney World really daddy I'm going to go pack my stuff right now but you have to get better grades Next Time Marvin I don't think we have enough money for all three of us to go you're right we're really poor right now I think we can buy two tickets okay I think you and Jeffy should go so you can have a fatherson trip I guess you're right me and Jeffy haven't spent a lot of time together I'll go buy two tickets to Disney World okay all right baby I got me and Jeffy two tickets to Disney World a you and Jeffy are going to have so much fun yeah I hope so Jeffy are you ready to go yeah D sure I am Jeffy what is that oh it's towater without the TU no not toeat or you that mask what are you wearing oh it's the piglet mask I found in your cion Mor where did you get that I've never seen that mask before in my life Jeffy take the piglet mask off no I want to wear it in Disneyland on all the rides you can't wear that on the rides in Disneyland you got to take it off but guys so we need to poo his best friend piglet he already knows his best friend piglet you got to take that mask off right now no D I want to wear the piglet mask take it off Jeffy look you can you can take tomato or you just can't take the mask oh okay D oink oink so Marvin are we going to talk about the piggy mask we're not going to talk about the piggy mask okay all right Daddy I'm ready to going Disneyland all right Jeffy grab your ticket to Disney World and let's go what grab your ticket to Disney World Disney World I didn't want to go to Disney World I wanted to go to Disneyland Jeffy Disneyland and Disney World are the same thing no they're not I've already been in Disney World and now I want to go to Disneyland Jeffy they're basically the same place uh no you're not because Disney World is the world of Disney and Disneyland is the land of Disney and I've never been to Disneyland so that's where I want to go Jeffy if you've been to Disney World there's no reason to ever go to Disneyland Disney World is bigger it has cot and Hollywood Studios and everything I don't care I've already been to Disney World and now I want to go to Disneyland Jeffy Disneyland is all the way on the other side of the country in California we live in Florida Disney World is in Florida so we need to go to Disney World I don't care how far Disneyland is I want to go there cuz I've never been there Jeffy I already bought tickets to Disney World these tickets only work at Disney World so we're going to Disney World wait let me see let me see let me look real quick they're only good at Disney World I already read it well right here it says that it's good for Disneyland or Disney it doesn't say that yeah it says it right here it does not say that it it does not say that oh you want me to lie and say that the tickets are for Disney World not Disney oh I've already heard you you just don't want to take me to Disneyland because you think I'm ugly oh no Jeffy you're precious oh no no no no Disney World doesn't think you're ugly Disneyland thinks you're ugly so we don't want to go to Disneyland if you don't take me to Disneyland I'm going to get all extra my report card and where did piggy mask to school every day oh no no no no no no no no okay okay we'll go to Disneyland we're going to go to Disneyland okay okay I'm going to buy plane tickets God we have to fly to California I'm afraid of flying baby can you just go with them oh no Marvin I have a bunch of appointments okay okay I'm going to buy the plane tickets let's just go to the airport Jeffy we're going to Disneyland yay [Music] bye hey dny hey dny hey Daddy what Jeffy what do you want good come go out the window no I'm not going to C out the window I'm afraid of heights hey Mr what doing Jeffy leave the passengers alone you have peanuts can I have some your peanuts no oh man Daddy can you give me some peanuts the guy behind us said I had to get my own I'll ask the flight hit it just shut up Jeffy cuz if I could get some peanuts right now that would be the bomb Jeffy you cannot say that war you can't say bomb excuse me sir uh yes I got a complaint from another passenger that said that you were threatening the plane with a bomb no no no no no no my son said bomb and I told him not to say bomb see you just said it again no no no no I was just saying what not to say see now you're saying it so much I'm thinking maybe you got one up your butt and you want to use it no Hey sir I'm going to have to ask you to calm down no no no I am calm I just don't like planes oh you don't like planes so you want to get rid of it no no no no no no I don't like flying you don't like flying so you want to force the plane down oh no no no no no no no you're being ridiculous sir if you don't calm down I'm going to have to strap you to the seat I am calm all right that was pretty rowdy I'm going to have to strap you down stop this is ridiculous all right sir when we land we're going to untie you and we're going to give you a cavity sir this is so stupid Danny how did you get an extra sheat Bell Jeffy I'll kill you I'll kill you come over here I'll kill you breaking news m a plane was forced to make an emergency landing after a man threaten the plane with a bomb Marvin oh my God sit down there you Marvin what is going on well Jeff had quiet I'll tell you what's going on your husband threatened a plane with a bomb stop it stopid get it out look Jeffy wanted peanuts on the the airplane and Jeffy said if he got peanuts it would be the bomb and I said Jeffy don't say bomb and then he heard me say bomb and then he stuck his hand in my butt looking for a bomb see officer it was just a mistake no no no no nobody says bomb on a plane unless they have one what if the person's flying to Bombay what did you just say get down let me check your butt again I don't have a bomb in my butt that's exactly what somebody with a bomb would say officer what is going to happen well your husband's on a no fly list which means he can never fly on a plane ever again well I'm afraid of flying so I don't care so are we still going to Disneyland oh we're not going to Disneyland after this oh God I hate crying people like whenever I arrest somebody and they're like that's not mine you just planted that in my car I saw you and it's like I had to plant it there because I had to meet my arrest quota jeez anyway I don't want to see you on a plane ever again buddy you hear that little man stop stop poking me don't Don't boot my nose so how are we going to get to Disneyland look Jeffy look we we can just drive Disneyland but it's going to take like 3 days so we'll leave tomorrow okay good all right morvin I'm hungry can you take me somewhere nice baby I just got put on a no fly list do you think I want to go to a restaurant come on somewhere nice I can see if we can get a reservation to Harry housin Harry housin but it's impossible to get a reservation not for googly bear let's go baby oh can I come haha please please please what no you're not going to go with us you never take me anywhere you're a dumb friend Marvin how did you get us a reservation at Harry houses I didn't we're just sitting at a random table Marvin what if they kick us out baby they're not going to kick us out we're already sitting here excuse me but unfortunately we are closing in 5 minutes a oh no no baby don't worry look we already know what we want can we just order what can I get you baby hurry up and look at the menu okay let me see oh Marvin I can't see it from here just order a sushi and chocolate cake okay uh do you guys have sushi we are now closing in 4 minutes oh no no no no I know we want uh can we get the the dynamite Roll okay and then can I get the the chocolate cake chocolate cake sir yeah yeah yeah it's it's right here I don't believe we have a chocolate cake on the menu yes yes you do it's right here it says chocolate cake read it oh you must be referring to the chocolate smothered calamari no no no no no that's up here we're talking about the chocolate cake under desserts I'm sorry sir I'm afraid I don't have my reading glasses you'll have to read it for me it says chocolate don't you know the menu no oh I'm sorry we change the menu every day Marvin just order the chocolate cake okay can I please get the the chocolate bomb cake bomb bomb this man claims to have a bomb evacuate the building no no it was a chocolate bomb cake freeze you're under arrest wait it's you again now you're threatening a restaurant with a bomb officer it's just a misunderstanding yeah I was just trying to order food off the menu it says chocolate bomb cake see see it right there yeah but the waiter said you also tried to order the dynamite Roll why are you only ordering explosive menu items we wanted Sushi yeah yeah yeah she wanted Sushi and the only Sushi was the dynamite roll and she wanted chocolate cake and the only chocolate cake was the chocolate bomb cake I was just trying to order the cake but earlier you threatened a plane with a bomb so why did you think you should be ordering explosive menu items you could have ordered literally anything else on the menu like the like the lady Baltimore cake whatever the hell that is or the or the butter corn pudding huh why not that or the oh my God look at these prices Jesus Christ I should be arresting the owners for robbery oh my God wait special shrimp stir fry oh hold Ono over I mean I'm going to arrest you but I mean a man's got to eat I'm hungry what's in the special shrimp stir fry waiter I need a waiter excuse me can an officer get some goddamn service over here you know protect and serve wait a minute oh yeah that's right they evacuated the building because of the bomb the bomb that's right you're under arrest now bend over so I can check your boy all right that's it you're not allowed outside anymore you're under house arrest house arrest why because you won't stop talking about bombs you already threatened a restaurant and a plane I can't trust you this whole thing's a Mis understanding and I'm getting real tired of sticking my hand up your butt I'm going to have to start wearing gloves cuz I'm getting tired of cleaning my fingernails I was just trying to order food at the restaurant called chocolate bomy that's what it was called me nose itches oh God your house stinks wait wait wait a minute it's not your house it's your ass ew God wash your hands wash your ass gross no don't wipe it on me why it's your stink it's your ass stop it look this whole thing was a misunderstanding what can I do to stop all this well if you could get a witness that could testify that you weren't really talking about a bomb then I guess I could let you go well my son Jeffy he knows his whole thing started over peanuts he knows I wasn't talking about bombs okay well if you can get him to tell me you weren't talking about bombs and I'll leave you alone okay let me go get my son no no no no no no I can't leave you alone with him you might threaten him to make him say that you're going to have to bring him here okay baby can you send Jeffy a text what do you want me to do send a text send text like the explosive no no I said send a text I heard s text can you send a text message to Jeffy and tell him to come here okay you're crazy like you're going crazy no I think you're crazy so I'm going to give you a psychological test okay now how many fingers am I holding up not my thumb not your thumb yeah how many fingers do you see I see four see four like the bomb I'm going to check your butt oh God e oh man would do you like not wipe what's going on I don't expect someone to give me a cavity search I'm not prepared so you're just sitting like that doesn't it itch hey n hey Jeffy tell the officer no let me ask him I don't want you like stringing him along or something okay Jeffy I have a few questions for you so like do you guys not own toilet paper what's going on here what did to ask about the peanuts the bombs right okay so Jeffy now has your father ever said anything about hating planes yeah oh really I don't like planes I'm afraid of flying now Jeffy do you think your father would like it if all the planes just exploded yeah oh really I I don't like planes like I don't like flying quiet now Jeffy does your father have a lot of gasoline somewhere yeah in his car oh really all cars have gas them then why don't you get a Tesla well cuz cuz they're expensive oh really all right Jeffy I have one more question for you now is this whole thing actually just about you wanting peanuts yeah cuz I wanted peanuts and I asked my dad for some and I said if I got some peanuts it would be the bomb Oh the bomb like a good thing yeah yes like a good thing like like oh those are the bomb oh well don't I feel silly yeah it was a big misunder understanding so you understand it now yeah okay yeah no I understand you're free to go I'm free to go wait a minute unless he's in on it and you actually do have something up your butt that I didn't find the first three times no there's nothing up my butt okay I'll make you a deal let me search your butt one more time and if I don't find anything other than dingleberries you're free to go no there's nothing on my butt Marvin don't you want this to be over yeah your ass is on the line okay fine do it one more time yes all right I didn't find anything so you're free to go and I went up to the Elbow this time thank God it's over D when are we leaving for Disneyland daddy we're not going to Disneyland guess what Simmons you owe me a 100 bucks no way mate yep that's right you bet me that I couldn't get the same guy to let me give him a cavity search four times in one day and I did it so smell it and weep oh God here take your hund leave oh Jeffy it's time for your yearly ear cleaning oh boy Marvin do you want to help I'm not going to help you clean jeffy's ears that's so gross it's not that bad Marvin it's like digging for cheese digging for cheese Come on Mommy these ears aren't going to clean themselves why do you have so many Q-tips cuz we're going to need them all come here Jeffy all right Mommy now remember go really really deep in there I want you to touch the brain oh it sounds so gross look the other way I don't want to see that ew what is [Music] that what is that oh that's what you call a cheese stick it's a rare delicacy d That's so gross that's so gross oh my God okay we're done with the ear cleans we don't have to clean any more ears but Marvin I still have to do the other one we're not cleaning any more ears what we're done with that who's at the door hold on I'll be right back don't touch his ears hello Goodman what are you doing here hey morvin I wanted to come by and show you my Halloween costume but it's not Halloween anymore I know scary huh see for me this is a Halloween costume but for you this is reality let's go over it shall we didn't pay July didn't pay August didn't pay September didn't pay October shall we go for November well I I see I can't deposit that into my bank account look I just need more time oh you need more time I'm so sorry I completely understand how about if you don't pay the last 4 months and this month in the next hour your bald ass is going to be living on the street but what about my family oh I'm going to live with your family and they can call me Papa Goodman look it's impossible to get all that money by tonight well I thought it was impossible for someone not to pay their house payment for 4 months but hey anything's possible you prove that buddy here okay 1 hour actually 30 minutes I'm going to go get a snow cone for my balls cuz they ache so bad all right Jeffy all done a sweet check out my cheese collection I got cheese sticks and cheese hollipops hey Daddy you want any of my cheese no all right well I'm just going to go to my room and eat this what's wrong Marvin I'm 4 months past du on the house payment what how did you get so far behind you know cuz money's hard to get and we owe a lot of it well how much do you have let me check I have $1.60 how much do you have H I have a 100 well that's something well do you think he'll accept this and give us more time no he wants the last four months of payment and this month's payment where he's going to kick me out on the street oh my God wait just you what wait yeah just me but you'll live on the street with me right yeah sure oh where am I going to get that money at well why don't you go to the bank and ask for a loan cuz Goodman owns the bank he's not going to give me a loan to pay my other loan yeah I guess so I have to go to like a loan shark or something Marvin that's dangerous I have to do it for my family where am I going to find a lone shark can I help you with something uh yeah yeah I'm looking for a lone shark well I'm a lone dolphin so I'm nicer than a lone shark I mean I'll still break your kneecaps but I won't eat you like sharks do well I need a lone how much do you need I need $10,000 ooh that's a lot of gravy do you have the mashed potatoes for that gravy well what does mashed potatoes mean never mind I don't even have that much money I got robbed you got robbed yeah they even ripped my leather jacket I'm pretty upset about it they stole everything in fact the only thing they didn't steal is this Jesus Christ probably cuz it weighs a ton it's a good good gold machine it literally makes gold it makes gold yeah anything you put in there turns it to Gold why would you try to get rid of this cuz it's super illegal I could get the electric chair just for having this so I just want to get it off my hands or my fins I'll buy it how much is it it is uh $160 that's exactly how much I have in my wallet well great that means you can afford it all right there it is right there all right now you can just take this and I hope you can lug it home oh you okay all right baby all our problems are solved you got the money no even better I bought a good gold machine what well it's a good gold machine whatever you put inside it turns to Gold how much money did you spend on this Marvin all the money we had left what you spent our money on a scam well no no it's not a scam apparently whatever you put inside turns to Gold that's impossible well you don't you haven't seen it work yet neither have I but but but but but look put the TV remote in in there and it'll turn into a gold brick if this doesn't work I want a divorce oh it's going to work it's a gold machine with tin foil on it oh hold on let me let me turn it on um I think that I think that's how that works and and that and oh you hear it working oh I think it's go time I think it's divorce time no no no no what did I do wrong baby look at me I forgot to plug it in I'm so a silly goose plug it in Marvin all right baby it's plugged in now we wait Marvin I can't believe you spent our last little bit of money on a scam we're going to be out on the street Jeffy won't have a home we won't be able to afford food now we're to sleep Christmas is around the corner hold that thought baby it's done Marvin I'm leaving you let's see what's inside it's gold it worked baby what it works yeah look it's gold barvin you're a genius I know I am I knew that guy was trustworthy baby we have so much gold look go outside grab rocks grab leaves grab whatever trash you can we're going to turn it into gold we're going to be billionaires okay we're going to be riched oh my God all right we put a bunch of junk in there wait what's that note that was my goodbye letter to you when we were getting a divorce but we don't need that now sounds good to me all right start making that gold oh we're going to be so rich baby okay baby it's done let's look at all the gold look at all that gold Marvin we're so rich we're not going to lose the house now yeah I have enough to pay Goodman that must be him all right all right baby help me grab all this gold and take it to him but wait Marvin you don't owe him that much but I want to pay off the house and I want to give him money to never bother me again okay let's go hello hey Marvin I'm here for my house payment well we got it right here in Gold Jesus Christ where'd you get all that gold uh uh my my grandmother was a gold digger and I just inherited all her money wow seems like a nice lady well yeah so look we want to give you all this gold so we can pay off my house and you never talk to me ever again okay all right here you go so just take that yeah you take that well thank you mommy daddy I'm done with my cheese mommy daddy where you at what is this oh a bch a teleportation machine I wonder if it'll take me to Disney World let me find out I sh to Disney World go right now all right let's get in baby I can't believe I just paid off the house I know Marvin you'll never have to deal with Goodman again I know let's make out on top of the machine Marvin the machine's on did you turn it on no hold on what the what in the oh my God Marvin it's Jeffy oh my God baby I think Jeffy crawled in the machine and turned himself into gold Marvin turn him back I don't know how to do that Marvin I want Jeffy back listen we're billionaires we don't need Jeffy anymore let's just act like he didn't exist Marvin turn Jeffy back to normal right now okay look I don't know how to do it but look I'll go ask the guy I bought it from and see if he knows how to work it okay just hold on more heyy I have a problem with you hey man you can eat it so it's not all bad what what wait why are you mad that machine turned my son into gold oh and you're not mad about anything else no is there something else I should be mad about no no no don't worry about it I mean I can't help you wait no no no your machine turned my son into gold so you're going to help me change them back well you can't change them back it just turns things into gold and I already got rid of my turned gold into people machine you had to turn gold into people machine yeah but I sold it to a guy who was rich but very lonely well look I need your help I want my son back to normal so help me change them back I mean I don't know you could like call a dentist or something what's a dentist going to do about my son turning gold well you know they they give people gold teeth so maybe they could give your son not gold teeth and then turn him into not gold I don't know I'm a dolphin I don't know these things I guess I'll call a Denis and give it a shot okay all right baby I'm back did you just make gold yes Marvin I was stressed out what did the guy say he said I have to call a dentist H yeah you do need to start flossing more not for me for Jeffy well what's a dentist going to do I don't know but I'm I'm going to do what the guy said I'm going to call a dentist hey there you call a dentist yes I did so my son no hold on I wrote a song about teeth I want you to hear check this out brush brush brush your teeth don't get cavities flossom flossom flossom flossom don't get cavities I wrote that that's all me that's great thanks well wasn't that just row row row your boat okay okay smart guy check this one out how about this uh the teeth in your mouth get brush brush brushed brush brush brushed brush brush brush the teeth in your mouth get brush brush brushed don't get cavities a I like that one too yeah wasn't that just wheels on the bus go round and round okay you're really starting to piss me off okay how how about this one huh how about this one uh uh the itsy bitsy tooth in your mouth got brushed by the don't get cavities wait wasn't that just the Itsy Bitsy Spider it was going to be until you started judging me and you made me mess up look what do you want you get a cavity of some cuz I'll poke it I'm a dentist that's what I do I poke your gums until they bleed and then I blame you for not flossing oh no no no listen my son got turned into gold and I need you to turn them back into a human okay hold on there Chief I I need you to explain everything you just said in detail because I don't get it okay list I bought this machine that put that DET turns whatever you put inside it into gold and my son got inside it and he got turned into gold so now I want you to turn him back into a human and you thought a dentist could help with this problem well yeah see look you're a dentist and you turn people's teeth into gold so maybe you could turn his gold teeth into normal teeth okay okay two problems one his teeth are the only part of him that are not gold and two what the hell are you talking about you like some kind of goofball or something well no look I just need your help because look this machine makes gold and I want my son to be turned back into a human and I I just don't know what to do no no no no hold on you're telling me that this machine turns normal things into gold yeah whatever you put in this machine turns it into gold so so those are real gold bars yes you guys are billionaires yeah we have all this money but like we just want to turn my son back to normal okay uh so I oh okay I think what I have to do is I need to take this machine home and then I I can study it so that I can uh reverse the gold thing you want to take this machine home yes that I I have to do that to help your son yes well what if you're just trying to steal it no steal it come on I I wouldn't do that I'm a dentist I don't I don't need to steal I I make decent money you know I don't need billions of dollars in gold so I never have to work again no I like being a dentist I like writing copyright songs that that just make the lawsuit stack up that's my life that's that's what I do I like that well I don't feel comfortable with you taking this machine home okay I guess you just want your son to be a gold statue for the rest of his life I'm just going to leave okay give me this godamn no no get back get back you're not you're not taking it leave leave go get out of my house now come on man sheare the wealth you don't need all that gold you're a dentist you have a lot of money leave no no no no come on what if I sing you one more tooth song then will you give me some gold no come on right off the Dome listen list listen to this um twinkle twinkle little tooth your shiny because I brushed you don't get cavities I'm going to get that gold machine if it's the last thing I do Marvin how are we going to turn Jeffy back I don't know but baby I've had a long day I'm really tired so how about we go to sleep and then tomorrow we cash in our gold go buy a mansion in Hawaii and then we can work on Jeffy then okay let's go to bed good night Marvin good night baby when we wake up we're going to be filthy sticking rich and we're going to fix Jeffy right oh yeah yeah that too okay I'm going to break into this house I'm going to steal that gold machine I'm going to take it home I'm going to make a whole bunch of gold and then I'm going to divorce my wife wait no no no no no that's not right no no I'm going to I'm going to steal the machine I'm going to take it home and then I'm going to divorce my wife and then make a bunch of gold so she can't get any money from me in the divorce settlement yes that's what I'm doing now we just have to break in uh maybe they leave the door unlocked no it's locked that's not going to work wait what's this um oh you a passcode uh what would somebody do like 1 2 3 4 it is that good um no it's locked uh how about uh one two five six what no way really oh my God I'm a genius okay now I just got to close the door really quietly man I tripped I think we're good now I just got to get up these stairs why are these stairs so creaky they're C pit okay there it is come to Papa oh my God this thing is heavy okay I just got to get it down the stairs into my car and then I'm rich oh oh God I'm going to break my B carrying this thing I got to go down all those stairs guy stop complaining if you pull this off you're going to be a billionaire yeah I'm going to be a [Applause] billionaire Mar someone's in the house hold on let me go see oh that's not good that's not good that's not supposed to be like that hey a robber hey a homeowner see I can State obvious facts too well you I'm going call the cops well guess what buddy hold on I got a big surprise for you just give me a second this thing is it's pretty on here and I am a cop hey you you are a cop why' you break it into my house cuz I was trying to steal you a gold machine you broke it yeah well now no one gets it that's what you get for not sharing well that that is it I am going to call your your chief of police and I'm going to say that you're a robber and you're going to get fired no no no no you don't have to do that look what what if I turn your sun back to normal huh what about that you can't turn my son back to normal yeah yeah I can because uh gold melts at 2,000 de so you could just put them in the oven and then melt them out right well my oven does not go to 2000° oh yeah sure it does come on I'll show you yeah see we just press bake and it's already at 350° it can definitely do 2000° see here we go go 400 oh we're almost at 500 this thing cannot do 2,000 de yeah it can look we're already a quarter of the way there wait what oh I guess the highest it can do is 550° I told you it couldn't do 2000° no look it's fine we just put them in there four times you really think this oven can melt the gold off my son's body yeah of course it can okay I guess I'll just put them in there Au get in the oven you get it Au cuz that's the periodic table symbol for gold it's Au oh okay I get it I'm going to put him in the oven okay he's in there all right now we just got to come back in about 10 minutes and your son's going to be a okay okay all right Marvin you ready to see your son again there's no way this is actually going to work check it out what Jeffy see I told you it would turn your son back to normal yeah Daddy I was trapped inside chocolate you were trapped inside chocolate look at this this little pieces of gold inside the chocolate I'm so confused why is it chocolate wait a minute I don't think that machine turned things into gold I think it turned things into chocolate with a gold wrapper on it wait wait so it doesn't actually make gold no it just makes chocolate that looks like gold oh no I just paid somebody using that gold oh well maybe he won't notice oh no uh hello you think this is funny okay Goodman look I did not know the gold was chocolate and I didn't know I could fit an entire jar of pickles up my ass but here we are no no good but I promise it was a big misunderstanding well fortunately for you I actually like chocolate and I like it so much and I thought this was such a funny joke I'll give you to the end of next week to get the money wait really yep go ahead okay
