Marvin are we still watching a scary movie tonight yes baby jeffy's put on his pajamas then he's going to bed and then we're going to watch a scary movie oh I'm so excited hey Daddy check the fit I got my bunny shoes on got my carrots on I'm ready for bed oh you are ready for bed Jeffy so how about you hop on over to your bed and go to sleep no what do you mean no before I depart off to bed I have just the teensiest request what's your Teensy request I would like one pepperoni pizza Jeffy you're not getting a pepperoni pizza before bed why I want pizza Jeffy say please my balls itch okay first off even if he says please he's not getting a pizza before bed and also Jeffy what about your balls stop it Jeffy listen pizza before bed will uh give you nightmares Pizza these nuts what I'll give you a pizza something Jeffy you you can't you said the the the punch line before the pizza these nuts look you're not getting pizza before bed Danny I assure you your night will go a lot smoother if you get me pizza is that a threat no Danny it's not a threat I'm just saying the back of my bunny suit opens up and it exposes my butt cheeks and I had one of those warnery poops today and I didn't wipe my turd tunnel so I have plans on rubbing it across your couch like riding happy birthday on a birthday cake but instead of icing it's going to be [ __ ] from my poophole Marin I kind of want to pizza now how'd that make you hungry I am going to wipe my poophole the dirty poop hole across your couch like smearing Crayola crayons okay Jeffy I'll get you a damn pizza great all right Jeffy here's your pepp pepperoni pizza e what's wrong what are those red things on it those are pepperonis well I don't like pepperonis take them off you said you wanted a pepperoni pizza where's the cheese under the pepperonis well I want the pepperonis taking off okay fine I'll take the pepperonis off all right Jeffy I took all the pepperonis off the pizza so you can eat it I don't want it anymore I want hot dogs father you're scaring me Jeffy you're going to eat this damn pizza come on Marvin the sooner he eats the sooner we can watch our movie baby you're not going to actually play his game he wants hot dogs now you want hot dogs Jeffy yeah Mommy but you're going to want to write this down because I like my hot dogs a certain way okay yeah so check it this is what I want I want two hot dogs boiled then when they're done cooking I want you to put them on a plate Loosely no bun or anything cuz I like to watch them roll around then on the center of the plate I want you to put ketchup and mustard on there but it's up to you to balance the plate so that the hot dogs don't touch the ketchup and mustard because if they do you're going to have to start all over and then to drink I want show me the water that the hot dogs were cooked in with milk then once you got all that together go ahead and put that in the trash cuz I'm not going to want that either Jeffy oh that's it Jeffy you're going to bed hold on I got one more request go to bed Jeffy but Daddy you didn't hear my request I want grapes with the skin peeled off and I want bananas but I only want the stringy part good night Jeffy oh Jeffy frustrates me so much calm down Marvin let's just watch the movie and look we have a cheese pizza we can eat yeah you're right and I guess if you want to add some sausage to that pizza say it's right here you picked it off and put it in the corner what those are pepperoni not sausage pepperoni is a type of sausage no it's not okay well let's just sit here you be wrong and watch a movie okay a you CAU me but Jeffy go back to bed but I heard movie and I want to watch a movie you're not going to watch this movie Jeffy it's scary Jeffy it's really scary you can't watch it well how scary is it scary or scary it's scary well I can watch it I'm a big boy no Jeffy it's going to give you nightmares it's a really scary movie I don't care cuz I want to watch it oh you know what fine then we'll watch it but when you get nightmares you don't come crying to me okay I won't go cry Daddy it's called Nightmare on poopy street [Music] [Applause] right wait why am I jogging at night suck my ball get over here run can't run Jeffy run no please what damn cat I'm tired of you scratching me while I sleep go get out of here shoe man the damn cat ruined my favorite white sleeping shirt what's wrong honey come back to bed the cat scratched me while I was sleeping I told you we should get that thing CL I know I know it's just it's like cutting off their fingertips I just don't feel comfortable doing it it's just a cat okay I I'm not going to argue right now okay I'm tired wait hold on do that again oh yeah a little lower right here oh yeah that's it that's the spot that's good okay all right you can kill me now daddy this mov scary well Jeffy we told you it was a scary movie so he killed you in your dreams and then killed you in in real life yeah that's the point of the movie I'm not going to sleep it's not real Jeffy so I'm not going to dream about him well I mean you just watch the movie so you might morvin well I'm just being honest like he's not going to kill you cuz he's not real but you might have a nightmare about him morvin just I'm just telling him the truth baby I'm never going to sleep ever again what are you doing Jeffy I'm trying to keep my eyes open so I don't go to sleep at some point you're going have to close your eyes Jeffy no I don't you're going to have to go to sleep at some point no not all right Jeffy how about this what if I have this special little thing that will stop him from coming in your dreams special little thing yeah look look come to your bed come on okay okay Jeffy come in the bed but then my seats will be all sticky get in the bed Jeffy okay all right Jeffy if you just go to sleep Freddy won't come in your dream okay well how are we going to stop Freddy from blowing a load in my dreams he's not going to come in your he's not going to go in your dreams because you have I have this special little tool and this tool will stop Freddy from coming going into your dream you won't dream about Freddy if you have the special tool okay the tool right here it's this chapstick so they say if you have a Chapstick on your bed then Freddy will stay dead okay I'll let you know when that makes sense so look you can sleep and have all the dreams you want cuz this chapstick will stop Freddy from going into your dream so good night Jeffy okay good night Daddy all right my daddy said that as long as I have my Chapstick then I'll be safe all right time to go to [Music] sleep wait a minute oh my in the same straight as that movie that means get back here Jeffy I'm just trying to check on you what Jeffy where'd you go Jeffy Jeffy how you floating like that Jeffy D get back in bed Oh Daddy that Freddy guy came in my dream no he didn't Jeffy you were just having a nightmare no Daddy he really did he picked me up and he was shaking me we got to call the cops well I mean you were just being shaken in the air like you were just floating there so so he actually probably was in your dream and and picked you up that he is real yeah we have to call the cops come on Jeffy baby baby baby we just called the cops what why because Freddy's and jeffy's dream trying to kill them what hey there somebody called the cops yes oh I can see why why not just order a cheese pizza who orders a pepperoni pizza and then picks the pepperonis off that should be a felony officer I have a question is pepperoni a sausage everything was a sausage to my ex-wife especially the next door neighbor while I was at work did he pepperoni that's not funny my wife cheated on me with my neighbor it was heartbreaking but I'm glad you get to make your little pepperoni joke anyway what do you find people need you need my help eating this pizza huh huh you need my help opening this garlic sauce you need my help dipping the pizza in the garlic sauce you might help eating the G Pizza no listen have you seen the movie Nightmare on Elm Street which one there's like nine well whichever one has Freddy Krueger in it that would be all of them so yes well listen Freddy Krueger's in jeffy's dream trying to kill him Marvin that's ridiculous oh no I believe him Freddy is very real and he kills people all the time as a matter of fact whenever we can't solve a case we just chalk it up to Freddy well well Freddy's in jeffy's dream trying to kill him how do we stop Freddy well I have good news and bad news uh the good news is stopping him is pretty easy I know a guy who does that all the time what you do what's his name maybe you heard of Jason Vorhees he's my cousin he is oh yeah he kicks Freddy's ass all the time so that's the good news oh with the Callum well see that's the bad news the bad news is he lives on the bottom of a lake and he only comes out on Friday the 13th and today is Saturday the 29th not even [ __ ] close well well maybe you can like maybe he can do you a favor and come out today instead of the 13th I mean he lives on the bottom of a lake so I can't really call them but I guess I could send an email yeah do whatever you have to do uh hey kuzo it's me you know that thing you usually do on Friday the 13th uh need you to do that on Saturday the 29th please thank you very much okay well let's see if he [Music] answers oh hey look everybody he showed up I I know Jason I'm sorry I know it's not your day we just really need your help yeah so so Mr Vorhees Jason Mister um my son Jeffy he's been having a lot of bad dreams about this Freddy guy that's trying to kill him and we want to know how to stop [Music] him yeah oh okay yeah okay so uh Jason says that Jeffy needs to go back to sleep and when he dreams about Freddy he needs to steal Freddy's hat because Freddy hates that and that'll bring Freddy into the real world and then Jason can kick his ass M okay all right Jeffy let's go to sleep and so you can take Freddy's hat all right okay uh uh uh Jason also wants to know if you're going to finish that garlic sauce in the pizza cuz we're hungry you guys can have it yes all right Jeffy go to sleep and when you see Freddy you grab his hat okay all right Daddy all right I'm back on the street now where is he h got your hat hey give it back dadd I got the Hat oh give it to Jason give it to Jason that's not fair that's my head give it back do this every time you hit myle you like it let's get out of here hey he did it yeah he killed Freddy yeah he does that but uh don't let him catch you on Friday the 13th he's not going to be so friendly that's when he kills everybody so Jeffy I hope you learned your lesson not to watch scary movies I sure did daddy so what are we going to do for the rest of the night do you want to watch the sequel yeah [Music] okay [Music] honey what are you still attracted to me yes of course it's just we never spend time together anymore it's just i' I've been really busy recently and I'm working a lot of hours and I'm just I'm tired okay you're never even hold my hand you are my hand just go back to sleep okay honey I told you I'm not in the mood right now oh kill me okay there you go Daddy all right Jeffy no more stickers well I got one more flog my face is already covered that's what she said come on Marvin just let him do it okay hurry up there you go daddy fog all right no more stickers yes more stickers I got one more no Jeffy put them on your body all right I'll put them on my butthole therefore when I fart stickers go everywhere it'll be a sticky fart there's someone at the door hold on hello hey Marvin you have your house payment this month uh well no I don't have it oh so you don't have enough money to pay me but you have enough money to buy stickers and put them all over your stupid face well no no my my my son had the stickers listen Marvin I don't care I'm tired of you being poor so you know what I'm going to do this is your nut sack and if you don't have your house payment tomorrow when I come by this is what I'm going to do to your nuts at look at your nuts Marvin let payment tomorrow okay who's at the door Marvin it's Goodman and he wants my house payment but he's just so mean don't worry Marvin he's just a mean rich man he doesn't understand I know but he doesn't know what it's like to be poor I just wish he knew what it was like to be poor I'm going to go wash these stickers off my face uhoh not don't wasy sticker come on Jeffy let's get ready for bed [Music] okay good morning rose rose who's Rose ah who are you my name is Starlight we met last night what I don't remember that how'd you get my bed Rose is going to be so mad good morning sir who are you I'm chives your butler hung over again I see no I'm not hung over what are you talking about I don't know what's going on sir your name is Goodman you're a trillionaire and you're a dick I mean Goodman's body yes sir you you are Goodman I don't know what's going on Sir shall I pay the lady for her Services you owe me $5,000 I don't have $5,000 sir yes you do it's right here now scram thank you okay listen chives I don't know what's going on I'm not good man I'm not supposed to be in my body hahaa very funny sir no no I'm telling the truth I'm not good man I don't know what's going on shall I just bend over for my spanking now why would I spank you well normally when I talk back to you you give me a harsh spanking I I don't I don't want to spank you what I I I think I love you shall I draw a bath sir oh yeah yeah I'll take a bath that that'll help me figure out what's going on very well sir I'm good M look at all this money in the bed what the well I've never seen this much money in my life I really just bathe in this yes sir it's all yours uh do you want to join me really sir I've never been allowed to join you before yeah jump in the money's warm very well sir hey dny hey Danny hey Danny hey Danny you going to take me to school what the who are you you got to take me to school I'm not taking you to school I don't even know who you are wait what the is this Marvin's house I must have fallen asleep here Marvin did you fall asleep on the couch again ew fat Marvin you're so silly when you first wake up why do you poor people keep calling me Marvin because you are Marvin what the oh no oh no bald bald and poor what's wrong Marvin I'm Bal and poor you say that every morning I used to be handsome what happened it's okay Mark get away from me you fat cow moo moo moo here's your breakfast sir filet Min uncooked medium and a loaded baked potato unfortunately we don't have any pepper corns why are you showing me your butt so you can spank me sir I said I wasn't going to spank you really yeah and this this breakfast is amazing do you want some oh I'm not not allowed to have any sir normally normally you just feed me kib without the bits no no you can have some of my steak I'm not going to eat all of it really sir thank you so much Dad Dad Dad can I drop out of school and become a piece of [ __ ] yeah sure really you're the best dad ever yay no school sir I don't know what's gotten into you but we love it yeah yeah I think I love it too why did this happen to me why am I in Marvin's poor fat body I bet he's got a tiny wiener let me check tiny wiener why would God do this to me I'm such a nice person wait a minute if I'm in Marvin's body that must mean he's in my body I got to call him and get my body back Marvin I think we should file for divorce I think so too you're just too fat what you're a fat cow give me my phone I need to make a phone call okay here fine go call your other girlfriends I think I might right all right come on me answer the phone this is the life another glass of champagne sir no thank you chives you can have that glass wow thank you sir man Goodman's life is amazing sir you're getting a phone call just put it up to my ear very well sir hello Marvin what Goodman are you in my body uh yeah yeah because I'm in your poor short fat small wiered body you have a small Wier did you know that yeah but but listen you have a big wiener and and I like your life it's so amazing I know my life is amazing so give me my life back no I think I'm going to stay in your body for a while no you give it back to me right now uh the Call's breaking up that call is not breaking up cuz that is a satellite phone uh chives hang up chives don't you hang up on me huh he hung up on me oh if I ever get back in my body I'm going to make chives walk around in a thong and I'm going to give him a thousand spankings Marvin I made you some breakfast I think you just woke up cranky it better be F and yawn e what is this albino rabbit [ __ ] it's Cheerios Mar Marvin made with real honey where's my filet minion cooked medium rare peppercorn you know we can't afford that Marvin ew I keep getting more and more poor I'm going to go to my mansion and see if I can get my buddy back he's going through a midlife grais Marvin you open this door right now hello chives let me in my house no I'm sorry sir I was given strict instructions not to let Marvin into this house but I'm not Marvin I'm Goodman so let me in Well you certainly look like Marvin chives as soon as I get back in my body you're getting a spanking well hopefully that never happens whoever's in your party right now treats me great he treats you great that can't be happening Marvin get down here right now I'm sorry sir if you would like an appointment with Mr Goodman you'll have to call in and schedule it in advance unfortunately he's booked by about 3 years good day sir CH don't you SL that door in my face oh man this house is incredible I could just lay here and relax all day um excuse me Mr Goodman I was wondering if maybe I could start wearing underwear now because he's getting kind of cold in the house what what why don't you wear underwear be because you told me not to wear underwear why why' I do that do you know for like easy access oh no yeah yeah yeah you can start wearing underwear definitely you can start wearing it really let me thank you what what are you doing I was going to thank you what that that you can just say thank you but that's how you taught me how to say thank you no no no no I I I could just give you a raise oh you have a raise let me let me help you no no no no no no no like I like rais with with money oh you're going to pay me I don't pay you I mean you sort of do but it's only like 5 pesos per month okay I'll I'll start giving you $3,000 a month really let me thank you no no no no no no I said I know what the thank you look look I'm going to go drive around in in my car do you do you want me to thank you in your car no no just stay right here here and do whatever it is you do okay Mr Goodman yeah I'll see you later see you later oh wow a real Lamborghini and I get to drive it this is so cool oh my god I've never driven a Lamborghini before let's start it oh this is so cool okay I'll drive really careful man I love driving this car I never want to go back to my old life good Marvin you get out of my car right now I'm I'm sorry Goodman your joy R is over take me back to your house so we can figure this out okay God dang it all right Marvin we're going to sit right here and figure out how to get me back in my body oh hey Marvin I see you brought your lawyer too if we can just sign these papers we can get this over with real quick wait what's going on uh Marvin's wife is divorcing him why because he keeps calling me a fat cow is she not I'm doing you a favor Marvin I'm going to sign those papers well no no no no we don't want the divorce well it's not really up to Marvin she's divorcing him well well well maybe we can work something out oh no I made it really easy for you see this happy little font it's called fairy tale ending I I know it's kind of ironic given the circumstances but imagine if it's a divorce in big red lettuce that'd be pretty sad but this is like divorce that's not so bad okay but Marvin doesn't want the divorce oh come on look man I know that divorce is scary at first but after you get divorced you can download Tinder and then get a piece of strange ass and and then you itch for the next few weeks post not Clarity is a [ __ ] but but then you find another woman and you get married to her and you do it all over again it's a circle life okay but listen I'm not Goodman I'm Marvin Goodman's in my body it's true I'm bald and poor what wait wait so you're telling me you switched bodies like some kind of Rob Schneider movie yes and we don't know how to get back at our bodies well that explains why Marvin was so mean to me yeah I would never be mean to you baby so does anyone have any ideas how we can switch our bodies back well in the movies usually they miss their old life and learn a lesson and then they switch back yeah I miss my old life I miss being rich I want my body back well I kind of like Goodman's life so I don't know I mean I guess I miss my old life but but listen can you help us figure this out uh look Ben I'm in loyer mode right now not magic mode I don't even know how to do magic this is a problem you got to take up with God hey it's me what's going on God we need your help yeah I know I heard okay so me and Goodman switch bodies we don't know what's going on yeah that was me I drank a lot of water last night and I accidentally turned it into wine I got pretty drunk I thought it'd be funny to make you guys switch bodies well can we switch back well that depends did you learn your lesson what lesson was I supposed to learn well maybe now that you've seen how terrible Marvin's life is you'll treat him better from now on I agree it is pretty shitty he's poor and he's married to a cow yeah exactly that's what I'm talking about so you're going to treat him better now I guess I'll treat him slightly better okay poof am I back am I back in my body hold on let me check oh yeah I'm back big waiter in town ha poor I mean slightly less fortunate you know what Marvin with all the crap that you've been through you don't have to owe a house payment this month but I would recommend signing those papers thanks I guess Marvin is that really you yeah I'm back in my bald fat body don't forget your small wiener yeah Marvin at least I'm just going to lay back watch some TV and enjoy my drink hey Bo can we put up Christmas lights tonight please put up Christmas lights it's the day before Christmas Eve putting up Christmas lights would be totally pointless at this point we're just going to take him down in 3 days but Bo we're the only house in the neighborhood that doesn't have Christmas Slim that's because we're the only house in the neighborhood that's smart enough not to raise our electric bill it wouldn't raise it that much oh that's easy for you to say because you don't have a job I pay the bills but Bo how will Santa Claus see our house without Christmas lights nobody in this house believes in Santa Claus what about your daugh oh come on Penelope is way too smart to believe in Santa Claus watch Penelope get in here what Dad do you believe in Santa Claus yeah see she doesn't believe wait what you believe in Santa Claus how old are you you don't know how old I am what yeah of course I know how old you are I know how old my own daughter is hold on don't tell me what did me and your mom get divorced wait okay what month is your birthday oh my God I hate you oh come on it see she doesn't believe in Santa Claus Bo who's going to help me put lights up please help me it's not going to be me because I'm not having a good day I'm tired my shirt has a stain on it and this is my favorite shirt okay I'm not in the mood to do it tonight find somebody else a who Could That Be hello heying Guy mom want you know if you're coming to house for Christmas hell no but why Bo who is that on the phone it's just my brother Jonathan oh is that your wife tell her that Daddy says hi she'll know who it is I'm not telling her that Bo ask him if he's ever hung Christmas lights I'm not going to ask him if he's hung them is your wife asking if I'm hung tell her I'm hung like a horse e Jonathan Bo since you won't hang Christmas lights for me maybe he will is your wife asking if I can hang her Christmas lights I'm on my way no Jonathan don't look what you did now I have to see my brother but Bo that's good family time no not with him it's not no no no that can't possibly be him hello cover your eyes cover your eyes Bo you cover your eyes why it's a surprise what is it just trust me and cover your eyes I'm not coming outside until you give me a hint let's just say Santa came a little early this year that doesn't sound good just come on okay okay don't peek don't peek only open your eyes when I tell you to you better not have your wiener out again Jonathan that was one time I swear okay open them I don't see anything you have to turn around oh my God Jonathan you put lights on our house Jonathan you're so amazing thank you Jonathan you hear C bring guy you're like screaming my name Jonathan you didn't even stick with a theme it's just a mess you've got a manger and you got Santa in a speedboat Bo it's the thought that counts he did something nice for me something that you wouldn't do oh you hear Z Bren guy I pleased your wife I did something that you can't do I just didn't feel like like doing it Jonathan Jonathan you should come inside you here that Bren guy Jesus Christ Jonathan this couch is so comfy do you mind if I stay the night no leave I believe your wife asked me to come inside not the first time she asked me to do that Jonathan I'm so glad that you came how' you know is there a stain oh I'm so embarrassed ew Jonathan just go fine but before I go I'm making my list of Santa do you want me to write anything on there for you wa you're writing a letter to Santa Claus Jonathan you're 30 years old Santa isn't real you don't believe in Santa no Jonathan we have this conversation every year there is no such thing is Santa Claus but I have proof Jonathan the the movie The Santa Claus with Tim Allen is not proof well fine I'll leave but before I go I'll make sure that you believe no matter what I do okay great just leave fine nonsense believer all right baby I'm out if you need me you got my number no she doesn't man I'm so glad he's gone did you hear the door close I'm going to go make sure he left what he left my door open well at least he left I need to get a restraining order on him Jonathan what are you doing in my tree I I got lost on the way out no you didn't get out of here fine go go get get out of my house I'm going to make him believe in Santa Jesus Christ did you see that see that's why he's not allowed over here he's annoying but Bo he's so nice though nice you think him making inappropriate jokes every 2 seconds is nice Bo he's your brother you love him no no I don't love him I don't even believe he's related to me he doesn't look like me I'm just really stressed out and I want to go to bed bo you should go say good night to your daughter she doesn't like me of course she does Bo you're her father you only get to see her one night the whole year go spend time with her tell her you love her and that she means a lot to you and you work really hard to take care of of her yeah yeah you know what Karen you're right I do work hard I'm going to go upstairs and tell her how much I love her okay I'm just going to go in there and talk to my daughter yeah I'm going to be like hey Penelope h no I got to give her like a cute nickname like I'm a cool dad like like hey Penny no I don't like that um hey hey ly ly that's a fat name I'm just going to wing it hey there beanie weenie beanie weenie what the hell does that mean no I've never called her that in my entire life that doesn't even make sense okay listen Penelope I'm I'm not really good at this whole talking thing of even really being a dad for that matter I mean you were an accident I I mean not like a bad accident like a like a good accident like like when you get rear ended and and then the person hits you really hard and you think that your car is going to be total but then you get out and look at it and it's really not that bad it's just a little dent in the back and you can probably buff it out you know it's that's like you and and then then you you learn to love the dent because it's it's your Dent you know it's what makes that car your car it's it's just a little dent in your car that helps you tell it apart from other cars that's that's you you're you're my Dent you know like when I'm in the Walmart parking lot and there's two cars right next to each other look identical I know which one's mine cuz it's the one with the big dent in the back and and that's you you're you're my nice little Dent that could be a nickname denty that that kind of sucks listen Penelope I what I'm trying to say is I love you and I I probably shouldn't I'm probably not around as much as I should be and it's cuz I'm working you know I I want to take care of you I mean what would you ra would you rather that I was around all the time and we be poor or I'm not around as much cuz I'm working and we' be not as poor but I mean I can still afford to buy you things like like fortnite and those nice headphones you have that you you can't hear me can you you're not even listening P Penelope Penelope what what Dad what are you doing here I just I wanted to I I I I I don't I don't know so Bo what did she say oh she said she loves me so much and I'm the best dad ever a that's so sweet boy yeah so Bo want to fool around no there's been plenty of fooling around already tonight come on Bo give me some sugar no I'm not in the mood your brother Jonathan would give me attention oh oh I'm sorry so you want me to be like Jonathan huh well Jonathan pees the bed do you want me to pee the bed okay I'll pee the bed no that's not what I meant no it's too late I'm peeing the bed boy you better not I just cleaned these sheets I'm joking I don't even have to go good night okay so I'm going to break into his house leave a bunch of presents and then Brooklyn gu going to I have to believe Santa is real now to get this door open just not roasting on an open fire J froing your nose We wish you a Merry Christmas we wish you a Merry Christmas we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year yeah once Bren guy sees all these presents he's going to have to believe in Santa well time to get out of here one of the oraments fell Santa would not let that happened time to put it back wow it's really high up there silent night holy night holy no Karen what was that noise go back to sleep boy Nate okay oh I hope broken guy didn't hear that I try to pick up this tree so he doesn't notice picking up the Christmas tree because I dropped it on the ground brookling guy will be so mad at me if you found out I what you said a CL no no no no no no okay what was that noise what if it's a robber body I'm going to go check it out what the hell is going on ah guy somebody get this damn tree off me so Brooklyn guy do you believe in Santa Claus now Jonathan what are you doing in my house I'm not Jonathan I'm Santa Claus Santa Claus oh hey baby lucky for you this Santa comes more than once a year what jonath then get out of here it's not before I get my milk and cookies don't you dare touch my damn milk and cookies pour some milk pour some milk chocolate chip cookies in my tmy there're so yummy hope booking guys doesn't kill me what's all that noise Santa what are you doing here you came early not again Jonathan I'm going to kill you Dad Santa's here that's not Santa Claus that's that that's uh that that's uh that's St Nicholas is who that is that's his that's his full name oh my god dad you're always so technical Santa's here your father called me and asked me to come over and see what she wanted for Christmas oh my god dad you know Santa yeah yeah we're we're real tight we're we're like brothers yeah we're so tight your dad said I could even eat all of his cookies I don't know about that I think I said you could have one or two no you definitely said every single one dad oh my God this is the coolest thing ever you're the coolest dad ever really okay well you better get to bed cuz me and Santa need to talk oh okay okay Jonathan that was a very nice thing you did so I'm not going to call the police but you are the police I know I know but I'm not going to press charges for all the destruction you did in my living room and for breaking into my house that was not me Jonathan just get out of my house okay okay I'm just going to take these and be on my way no no no you leave the cookies oh come on where's your Christmas spirit what a ridiculous night but that was so nice of Jonathan oh yeah it was really nice how he broke into a house destroyed our Christmas tree and ate all our cookies very nice a but he made Penelope so happy yeah whatever H good night Bo good night Karen oh boy Karen I told you I'm not in the mood then what are you poking me with that's my candy can Jonathan what the hell are you doing so Joseph what do you want to do today I don't know dude you want to play a board game sure but all I have is sorry oh yeah sorry it's all dude guys guys guys me and Timmy just had a great idea that'll make us rich why you hanging out with Timmy uh uh we were at my house practicing our vocals yeah in his closet he's really good with his mouth for for singing show him oh my God on the spot okay okay um the wheels on the bus go round and round wa he's actually pretty good for a white boy so what's your idea I was thinking we should start a boy band like the Backstreet Boys are in syn or One Direction wait Cody we already started a rock band called lizard guts lizard guts yeah but that's a rock band this is a boy band we like dancing [ __ ] well he's right dude boy bands do pull a lot of girls you're telling me I could have a lot of girls all over me wait Junior aren't you already dating Penelope yes I have a girlfriend but famous people are allowed to cheat on their girlfriends facts okay I didn't know that well I was just going to do it for the boys yeah me too the boys except I'm not gay though yeah sure okay yeah I'll join a boy band so what's the name of the band going to be I was thinking we could call ourselves the Joan ass Brothers Ooh or Instinct ooh ooh or or one erection oh my God I love that but what about the back door boys oh I love that back door boys that's the one you know what I'm out what J where you going so Junior you're going to join our boy band uh I mean it's either that or we play Sorry sure I'll join all right let's go to the stew all right guys come on let's get to cooking I thought we were recording a song no no Timmy cooking is what people call making music oh in that case we should totally make a chicken alfredo how about we just make a song Timmy yeah guys let's record a song so every hit song is something that people can relate to so let's make girls feel good oh yeah that sounds really hetero yeah Junior I think it's got to be Wicked gay ooh what if it started something like this you got the key to my heart you do you do oh and the next line could be I never ever want to lose you lose you o I love that yeah that's good and then it could be like I want to lick you where you poo poo poo poo oh my God so hot yeah right I mean I I guess that can be kind of straight all right guys let's record the song you know what let's just record the music video Let's improv everything yeah let's do it all right let's go yeah this song goes out to all the single boys in the world and girls but mostly boys you got the key of my heart you do you do I never ever want to lose you lose you I wouldn't want to live without you you I want to lick you where you we the back boys making some noise don't need no toys we're the back door boys our a is destroyed ring like cowbo we don't like women we're the back door boys pull down your pants like they're full of an yeah SCH so big put me in a TR like a baseball bat at first glance damn booty so big got to be in plant damn throw that ass back boy Make Me Dance i f that were him like we in friend this ain't no ordinary Bromance finish too fast need another chance you got the key to my heart you you I never ever want to lose you lose you I wouldn't want to live without you without you I want to make you where you we're the back door boys making some noise don't need no toys we're the back door boys our a is destroyed riding like cowbo we don't like women we're the back door boys oh my God we sound so amazing guys we're going to be huge we're going to be bigger than Justin Bieber yes and Taylor Swift whoa that is where I draw the line mister I'm a total Swifty guys you don't want to you know re-record the song and just straighten up the vocals oh what's wrong with the vocals they just sound a little gay Junior look this song is going to have me neck deep and chowed and you're going to be lapping up muff like a dog drinking water out of a bowl oh that part yeah that's what I'm going to be doing me too woof I guess so just release the song oh I already uploaded it what do you think everybody in the world has heard it yet maybe let's go check the news okay guys let's check the news breaking news Okay a scarecrow is winning an outstanding Achievement Award for being outstanding in his field but hey it's in his jeans oh I guess our song was too weird for people to listen to it but that doesn't make any sense it was a Bop you know what check Yahoo news Okay Yahoo news oh my God we made the front cover of Yahoo news only the most famous people get on Yahoo News we're famous I know right I've seen Kim K on there like 12 times hold on guys my phone's ringing hello Junior I just saw you on Yahoo News you're a part of the back door boys well not like a big part of it I think I should have been on the left side your song is number one it's huge wait really yes all my friends think you're so hot really why do you sound so excited Junior well I I don't sound excited I just thought it was kind of cool your friends thought I was hot you know what I don't want you being in that boy band anymore if you're doing it to get other girls of course I'm doing it to get other girls famous people can cheat on their girlfriends what Junior you better not make any more music with that group okay fine I won't sorry guys I can't be a part of the homo Boys in anymore no Junior we need you we're the back door boys yeah three back doors is way better than two guys my girlfriend said I can't who's at the door let's answer it together okay hello hey there I'm Talon agent and walking Target on my back Steve stalberger what are you doing here well you kids are the back door boys and I'm the front door man with the front door plan and a suitcase full of cash I like the cut of his jib Junior he's got a well- cut jib he is very handsome wait wait wait explain what's going on well the song you boys made is huge I tell you huge so I want to give you $500,000 to make a new song and signed with my record label and become slaves to corporate greed well the thing is my girlfriend just told me I can't make any more music ah fooy I guess I'll find a gay group of kids to give this money to no no no no no no I want the money we'll do it we'll do it I knew I'd get you with the money okay just give me a few dollars no no no you got to make the song first come on guys let's go back to the stew okay guys let's hurry up and record this song and can we please make it straight this time okay A little straight got it isn't Penelope going to be mad she won't be mad when I show her five $100,000 in cash you're not getting all $500,000 yeah we have to split it she won't be mad when I show her $250,000 in cash you're not getting half either we have to split it three ways I don't know what the number is split three ways well that would come out to us each getting about 166,000 I would only get $166,000 well actually after taxes it's more like 104,000 you're telling me I'm going to record this stupid gay song for only $104,000 Junior that's still pretty good it's $104,000 more than you would have had otherwise okay fine I'll record the song but only if it's straight yeah we'll make it super straight so what should our next song be about I get one word Cowboys Yeehaw hey Cody why don't you come over here and be my little horsey on my way ride it like a horsey boy okay ride it like a horsey boy okay ride it like a horsey boy okay ready It Like a Horsey boy okay get on top turn it around cboy I'm going to town like a pig in the mud I'm rolling around s in the booty I hope I don't drown I want you to be my gay cowboy I want you to be my cowboy put on a saddle spank me with a paddle hit me so hard make my ass cheeks rattle Hit Me Harder daddy you know I won't tattle hop on my horse so I can't scattle where you going baby the fun just started don't think that smell is because I just farted you know I'm like Moses cuz your cheeks just parted if you leave me I'll be brokenhearted okay guys no I'm done I want to leave the band what come on Junior you didn't even sing your part yeah you totally choked and not in the good way I just can't do it I I can't sing this song the lyrics are too gay what do you mean it's not gay it's about Cowboys you literally said smack my ass make it rattle well yeah I was talking about the horse you know when you're riding a horse you smack its butt to make it go faster what about the part where you said ride it like a horsey boy I I was talking to the Cowboy and telling him to ride the horsey what about the part where you literally said I want you to be my gay cowboy Oh my god gay isn't happy like a happy cowboy Oh that's not what I meant at all I meant like straight up homosexual Cowboy see that's why I want to leave so I just I'm just going to leave you're not going to get paid for the song we just pay me from the first song it was a number one hit well we didn't make any money off the first song we uploaded it for free on a non-monetized channel oh well I guess this chapter of my life is over cuz I'm done oh wellow so should we finish the music video well yeah ride it like a horsey boy hey Junior we got our cash yeah it's a shame you had to leave him with a twah junor yeah you know I wish I could have stayed but I just didn't want to leave a really bad digital footprint out there Junior you've said the nword before yeah I know I just wanted to pick a path and I chose that one I just didn't want too bad things out there so I'm kind of glad I left what are you going to spend your money on I'll probably spend it on my har tuition o I'm going to buy a pony like a real pony God damn it Timmy oh my God that's my father I need to straighten up Timmy what's this pickle looking [ __ ] I heard on the radio uh it's for a school project father no sir R Bob you're one step away from conversion Camp there mister so you take your Fruity Pebble Flintstone ass on and home and Yabba daba do your homework can I at least say bye to my friends first no go home and read your Bible Leviticus 18:22 read it over and over over and over again and ride it a thousand times and put it on the refrigerator let me have a word with you kids stop trying to turn my son into a homo okay stop trying to make him eat Skittles and taste the rainbow and [ __ ] I don't think your son needs any help stop it zip it knock it off okay well we were making money off the song I don't care about your chump change and also why is my Hungry Hungry Hippo sticky what leave them alone C can I can I have Timmy's half of the money since his dad didn't want it sure
