Silicon Valley | Season 1-5 | The Best of Gilfoyle

can you kind of catch me up on what you see as your role in the company what do you do what do I do system architecture networking insecurity while you were busy minoring in gender studies and saying acapella at Sarah Lawrence I was getting root access to NSA servers I was one click away from starting a second Iranian Revolution I actually went to Vassar prevent cross-site scripting I monitor for DDoS attacks emergency database rollbacks and faulty transaction handlings the internet heard of it transfers half a petabyte of data every minute do you have any idea how that happens all those youporn ones and zeros streaming directly to your shitty little smartphone day after day every [ __ ] dude shits his pants if we can't get the new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds so what do I do I make sure that one bad config on one key component doesn't bankrupt the entire [ __ ] company that's what the [ __ ] I do that's basically what I told him I wasn't wherever we end up here I just want to say that I feel I shouldn't get more equity even Dinesh Jacks empty [ __ ] chair is a better choice than I am so maybe uh maybe ask a chair see what it thinks say what you will about the chair but at least it never told me to build a [ __ ] box true compared to Richard it's a lot sturdier and it has a lot of less of Barker's ass rubbed all over [Music] oh wow micro drones they just closed 70 million in seed funding what's he like bro you're my bro I was he like I want to shoot you in the face and watch you bleed out all over the stage cuz you [ __ ] my wife you [ __ ] right in the middle it was like huh Gilfoyle Richard stop talking about this or I have to punch you in the face Wow Pied Piper sounds like a great place to work oh yeah it is Pied Piper is the best oh my god every day feels like I've died and gone to hell I'm sorry he's a Satanist so it's good oh you really think we'd go work for hooli what the [ __ ] is wrong with you Richard what other options do we have we need serious funding to go up against nucleus and we don't have that so listen I will listen to the sound of you chortling on my balls that's how I taught the ad agency into giving you guys that slogan for only 30 grand synergy [ __ ] know what that means does it mean taking a stack of cash and lighting it on fire crazy [ __ ] I love this guy you should call the museum see if this is normal Jared do you want that egg to be alive right of course well right now because you don't know whether it is or not it exists in both states like Schrodinger's cat like what it's a quantum mechanics thought experiment that an Austrian physicist came up with to help understand quantum states so he imagined putting a cat into a box with poisoned food as a 50/50 chance the cat eats it if you open the box and confirm that the cat is dead then in a sense you've killed the cat or if you call the museum and get the information then you've killed the egg no that's silly is it okay I'm just gonna think about it for a minute yeah you should have never called that Museum Jeremy right on there pretty good oh [ __ ] Jared you just killed that guy I just got a text from Richard I'm not gonna read it you gonna have the cheese of the plane you're leaving me with the cheddar that's right dick Geek Squad the computers right here you're not wearing this shirt I spilled coffee on it I'm a nerd alright we're all set here you're gonna be replacing it hey I'm Winnie I'm guilfoyle you a bartender I work at Facebook as a bartender now I only ordered one is the sample but once I have your sizes we can all have them why would we all want them one is already too many I don't mean in the house I mean like in the world now guilfoyle I have you at a bout of 40 long am i right if my mother was naked and dead in the street I would not cover her body with that I would that's so [ __ ] long yeah I saw you come out of the shower yesterday okay uh well obviously I've been sleeping here at night but I've been done during the day pretty sure that shower was in the morning that's part of the day Richard okay Gilfoyle ii-i've been sleeping here at night and then I've been here for some mornings but I'm I've left the house during the day we all leave the house during the day Richard that's not weird I went to get coffee this morning yeah I went to the suspensory it smokes the weed before I got home so I went back to this Spencer II you know what I just realized I haven't left the house in six days now that's worth exploring the [ __ ] was that oh just three months of runway being driven off by 90 pounds of [ __ ] spoken by a 280 pound pile of [ __ ] would you please please please please come work for Pied Piper thanks for asking I'm going to put this as delicately as I know how you can short all my balls this must be the new fridge you like this look it has a screen so you can see all the food it's inside mm-hmm kind of like that one this one has an app so you can actually watch the food on your phone all the needs to do let's keep my [ __ ] beer cold beer [ __ ] you it's bad enough it has to talk does it need fake vocal tics like it just makes it sound more human humans are [ __ ] this thing is addressing problems that don't exist it's solution ism at its worst we are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior whatever you give you server a human name you named it anti yeah but Anton doesn't call me anything he grimly does his work and he sits motionless until it's time to work again we could all take a page from his book I'm not quite sure what you're doing is there something I can help you with yeah how do I show you the [ __ ] up hello my cold friend hello you attack and destroy my refrigerator Anna you misspelled my name I did I had to overclock Anton but I was able to brute-force the backdoor password to that chrome piece of [ __ ] in under 12 hours when I added a little visual flair how's it going in here don't touch the [ __ ] lights one surge and we're dead what up but what oh the eyes their context okay Jesus Christ I broke my glasses I don't have an extra pair so I had to pull these out of a drawer Adam a brawl Hallows Eve I was a cat we literally moved it from 9 to 11 to accommodate you so do you mind telling us when you feel like you can make it in sure whenever you hold the meat in I'll be in an hour after that okay what the [ __ ] was that that's the song you suffer by napalm death whenever the price of Bitcoin dips below a certain value it's no longer efficient to mine okay any idea how often that might happen Bitcoin is very volatile so a lot good all right well let me turn it down the which allows had his mind Gilfoyle hood you smoke I kept mulling that seven [ __ ] I didn't leave a bit of my coat on that fridge no remnants nothing so how did they know then I realized they're listening to us they've been listening to us this whole [ __ ] time you thought of mine performing fellatio was bad what happens when your customers find out that every single thing they've ever said in front of their hearth has been recorded I am a world-class CEO oh okay and your heavy-metal friend I mean he's obviously a dick hey did Richard step out yeah I guess so he said he needed a dick holy [ __ ] what did you do to your face this oh it's just the lights a mean injection it's temporary the idea was to distract from my nose which scans kind of large on camera so just kind of evens things out what evens things out [ __ ] you [ __ ] you Becky did you run connection throttling on the latest batch of device IDs yes you know why not a [ __ ] oh I see I'm the [ __ ] really you really want to have this conversation you're both [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up Monica Cheers okay is our coin price right he's going up look at that Jarrod finally broken yeah I like you no no no yeah do you understand what I'm saying [Music]

Channel: Pickle Rick

Views: 2,094,120

Rating: 4.9027076 out of 5

Keywords: Silicon Valley, Bertram Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle funny moments, Chortle my ball, Gifloyle chortle, funny silicon valley, dinesh, Richard Hendricks, Jian-Yang

Id: QMDf5MSE0LQ

Length: 11min 13sec (673 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 12 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/mkmike000]

love this fucking series so damn hard. gilf-oyle is like me. istp 100%