Silicon Valley | Season 1-5 | The Best of Dinesh

I know guilfoyle probably came in here and puked out a bunch of tech specs three-fourths of which are total horseshit did you bring up the Iranian Revolution thing yet those words mean nothing but here's the fact I'm the only one of these clowns that can code in Java and I read sleek performant low overhead Scala code with higher-order functions that will run on anything period end of sentence so basically I think whatever equity I get it should reflect that I contribute more than guilfoyle listen we all love bighead but the truth is he's not as good of a quarter as I am not as good as system architecture as guilfoyle not as good at being a prick as you no offense there's a light way that everything brings nothing to the table him getting points would be a big [ __ ] you to all of us but he's a great guy great guy but useless yeah he is a great guy not like that Jared at least we can all agree on that this is gonna sound super mean but the other night he was sleeping I was just staring at his face all I could think was he's utterly useless bighead is a man with zero purpose oh hi hi bighead hey how's it going super good right now um I'm just gonna maybe it like go for a bike ride real fast and clear my head Oh [Music] you know I'm actually kind of worried about you know if he's gone like really truly gone in a way that kind of solves your problem I mean like if he's dead are you trying to say that big head might be dead that doesn't help at all how is that helping I'm just saying that that's a possible thing that could have happened to him it could happen to anybody and in this case at least something good came out of it what's the good part you don't have to have an awkward conversation we got a whole hour left people so let's get those Brown Asians going donations are funny right I mean why would anybody donate to something like bro and not a homeless shelter or schools cancer that's still out there any of us could have it you can donate if you want but he's throwing away half the world's market you know what bro means in Mandarin it means [ __ ] in Finnish bro means a baby's erection in or dubrow is actually short for Brooke Tower which means a dildo for a man a man's dildo fecal eclipse loses something in translation we don't have a word for it they do it's bro wait why does it say sent from my iphone at the bottom you just sent this from your computer it's so that I seem like I'm an out and about kind of person I put that in the signature and then in the body I'll write fun stuff like I'm at the opening of a secret restaurant or watching jaws at the pool of an old hotel you know I know Karen is out of my league okay she's practically not my species I'm a guppy and I'm trying to mate with the dolphin you guys have bottom feeders you're like those fish that swim into other fish's mouth and eat bacteria after T there's no such fish you made that fish up okay it's an analogy I'm not gonna debate the existence of the literal fish with you because it's not relevant well good cuz it doesn't exist Oh another text from Karen in your hood can I come over idk too soon question mark what's the issue this is what you want you know it's the place is so dirty right now probably another day is best for such activity um should I tell her I'm not getting Ethiopian tapas I don't see what the problem is here she wants to come over and she acknowledged that it's too soon you basically done the deed which for you is ejaculating in your own pants all over your leg and then apologizing profusely this is your place yes I know it's weird that a guy like me would live here but honestly this is just where I rest out there is where I live okay how'd you get on our Wi-Fi how did your phone know the password did it yeah it connected immediately it's an alphanumeric Oh long password Oh Karen Erlich hey outed by Wi-Fi you never called I got super busy Hey we all do so did you ever find my earrings I I don't know should we check the old lost and found okay he didn't actually do anything wrong he worked for endframe the pieces of [ __ ] that stole our algorithm yeah so by the transitive property he is therefore also a piece of [ __ ] well the pieces of [ __ ] fired him so his piece of [ __ ] status is reversed okay fine so the transitive property may no longer apply but the reflexive property states everything is equal to itself so since he's a piece of [ __ ] he's a piece of [ __ ] so he's getting fired for no reason and I kind of feel bevor the guy he's probably pulling his hair out somewhere wondering where he screwed up but he didn't screw up and he'll never know that for the rest of his life I bet you're right he probably is just ripping his hair out somewhere I wish I could see that piece of [ __ ] it's a piece of [ __ ] okay it's my little thing and now hand you back to Dinesh no he's a he's a man with a plan and the pretty cool tan it's not a tan yeah no no sorry this is how I was born hey um and this a bit hey um before you go I just wanted to say that I thought your last commit was very impressive oh thank you just call it like I see it you don't actually think she was flirting do you she works here she's paid to interact with you just like that bartender that Richard thought he was flirting with uh actually she's not a bartender and for your information we've been trading texts and we're going for drinks later right if you go to the bar she works a you can probably drink for free all right I don't see it but everybody else does what's your endgame here hon I have like a real connection she's so like nice and she's so down-to-earth that it's like she has no idea how attractive she is she could be hideous well I can't imagine that would matter to Dinesh one iota right cuz she's nice and a very talented and has a great laugh and with any luck she's not a dog face finish I confuse all black oh I'm sorry I didn't give the camera permission to access the video chat hold on boom yes I can whew now it's me [ __ ] sorry Denzel yes Denzel who is from Pakistan this video quality is great right it's very impressive I will have to tell my boyfriend's all about it either she froze time met and married the man of her dreams unfroze time and hopped back onto vidya with you or you're the dog face what the [ __ ] is going on richard found a girl you have a girlfriend jared is getting laid with a girl hi mom how's it going Mandy's bay area rents huh hi eh ah how's the guy supposed to live by himself or lady by herself especially on an every one-quarter salary you feel me are you offering us a cost-of-living raise nope not at all even better one of you dude to strapped for cash do your solid move and split the rent fiddy fitty or 40 city depending on square footage of bedrooms since I became CEO our user growth undeniable our retention so sticky it's pornographic and we're more mission focused than ever and providing the best video chat the world has ever seen Wow well this seems really promising German you don't want to be known around here as the guy who [ __ ] this up okay so when you hip your bosses do our numbers and they get visible hard-ons have them move quickly I first all our X employees blab Sanjay Elizabeth your level what you're compared to club when we agreed to split the company we said that you could take the algorithm for your video chat and I could use the data flowing through the system to optimize the algorithm for my thing we had a deal we had an agreement not technically a deal what the [ __ ] Dinesh I'm sorry I really am but the answer is no okay well suck a dick I'm sorry what did you say nice blazer thank you what'd you get it doesn't matter I just want to know where I can get one so I can look like a total [ __ ] douche bag 21 billion dollars I mean how is that even [ __ ] possible I mean I knew Dinesh was going to [ __ ] this all up but honestly this couldn't get any better oh he sort of became on himself I was wrong this just got better every sound is $16,000 ah all right all right don't think about that just think about how to solve this massive massive problem quickly quick as you can what I can't stay online we're just racking up more finds well technically this is a corporation so whatever they find you they'll really only be able to collect what the company is worth which at this point is basically nothing that's right I'm just the CEO well when you lied to me about adding Terms of Service it could be argued you violated your fiduciary duty to the company rendering you personally liable I could be personally liable for 21 billion dollars yeah most likely I'm gonna watch this well I was CEO for 11 days and in that time I violated the rights of 50,000 little girls exposed them to sexual predators the rack defines the size of the small nation's GDP yeah I throw up in my pants what hey you have a bail send what's out oh my god crushing it all the time I'm gonna back to uh yeah of course I loved it bye he was to meet me Josefina's tonight this is not a negotiation if you fight me I will win and I will [ __ ] you in the tech business forever no one will hire you I'm taking Piper chat by 8 a.m. tomorrow you will hand over to hooli all your data and systems all your users will be converted to hooli chat users it will be like Piper chat never existed and what you get out of it is the chance to walk away and try and get another job in this town you have five seconds to decide five four okay would you care for some wine or a cocktail tonight uh just water please just water please I love water I do oceans rivers lakes what does a pond become a lake I wonder if its depth what are those waters I felt like the owner of water is a while ago strange did you change the locks because the keys were working last night when I went for my day cuz I haven't come back to the house since my date so I did sex on her good cool yeah that's great nice man who is she um her name is Nia and she is a Niazi she hates guilfoyle almost as much as I do so [Music] hey look it's Osama bin [ __ ] thought you were staying at Mia's tonight I was going to but Eliza had some intestinal distress so I couldn't stay which really sucks because she's so great which really is horrible because it's so hard to be away from her because she's so great gonna continue I have no diarrhea I lied I am so [ __ ] this girl it's gonna kill me or get me killed it seems like the longer you wait the worse it's gonna get how much Jared you should wait I have to end it right now first thing Monday take the coat is the meaning of this what step back sir people of the FBI I don't know what sorts of things you were told or who told it to you if we may never know but I can assure you that this young woman is oh my god out of what exactly my relationship the wedding got raided the FBI got an anonymous tip about me as hacking exploits can you believe that Just My Luck I'm all free you ratted your girlfriend out to the FBI because you're too big of a [ __ ] to break up with her I'll never tell but yes yes I did yes yeah lady hit me in the face of me is never gonna suspect me [Music] all right what has 2 thumbs 0 dick pics and just quit periscope what the [ __ ] is the biggest dick pic of all see you later no bikes just follow traffic laws that's unfair alright you want to get insane let's get it something's wrong with your brung it's all [ __ ] up [Music] you

Channel: Pickle Rick

Views: 1,141,675

Keywords: Silicon Valley, Dinesh, Pikistani Denzel, Funny moments silicon valley, jared hendricks, jian-yang

Id: 7fVFTtfpAvw

Length: 15min 53sec (953 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 14 2018