Should I divorce him after 30 years? | Talks with Tony

hey tony gaskins here popping in for another episode of talks with tony now we're going right along moving right in order and you know i still got another coaching call today and i was like man i'm trying to shoot a video today and try to stay on track and then i see this one is pretty long and i'm like i want to be in and out 30 minutes just shoot a video and just so i could keep my rhythm because i'm getting a little too busy for youtube and i just keep about to miss day after day after day and then i was doing a coaching call today and the client i was coaching said when i'm when i go a day without watching one of your videos i feel like i'm i get off track in my life and so i said okay man i got that i got to keep trying to show up on here and just try to be consistent the best of my ability so we're moving right along i got the full hour i didn't want to take the full hour but i got the full hour if it takes that i'm not sure if it will dear tony we've been married for 30 years 28 years under one roof two and a half years separated we have nine children together three live with me ages 16 to 23 and two grandchildren one lives with him age 21 [Music] and the others are grown and on their own own on he originally presented himself as a gallant man a christian and a bit of a bad boy we dated for seven months and got married yes we were young both 19 and in love so we thought i strongly believe we were drawn to each other because we came from dysfunctional homes him father was verbally and physically abusive and alcoholic and so he became the protector of his mother me raised by a single highly educated woman who has had issues herself finding a healthy relationship she's been married five times so i experienced daddy issues that was the longest set of parentheses i have seen y'all forgive me i'm sitting here with my hands up i'm like what's going on now come on how much what we got in this parenthesis now so y'all forget so if you're new here when i do this it means it's in parentheses if i do this that means it's in quotation marks if i do this that means underline if i do this the mean is bold during those 28 years our marriage and our relationship had periods of toxicity he presented himself as a gentleman and social butterfly in public but behind closed doors i never knew what i was going to get he was sweet at times rarely drank didn't smoke good with the kids i didn't have to work outside of the home after the first four years of marriage not realizing that this was a controlled tactic and had isolated me walked on eggshells for years noticed traits his father had which he carried into the marriage often verbally and emotionally physically on one occasion i had him move out year three all right okay all right all right now this is a little parenthesis now i mean on a couple of situations i left only to have him apologize with words and gifts and temporarily change behavior years 22 through year 26 of our marriage one day i woke up and had enough went back to school got my degrees so that i could support me and the kids they had seen and experienced enough during our 22nd through 26th year of marriage i asked him to go to couples counseling and to seek personal counseling he refused by stating he already knew what he needed to do and no man could teach him only god during our 26th through 28th years of marriage i had emotional affairs i had been reaching out to my husband in conversation texts and letters for 10 plus years before about before 10 plus years before about what i needed from him i prayed for god to heal us our marriage our family i poured out so much of myself in the marriage that i began to forget who i was what i liked and my passions were non-existent during those years he got back into the church and started reading books on how to become a better husband and father during our 28th year of marriage we each had a physical affair that was our first year of separation he moved out at the beginning of that year and at my request he filed for divorce i began to discover who i was again and live on purpose during the first year of separation we both started going to counseling individually and decided to co-parent by some flute the divorce fell through he never appealed the court's decision even though he had time i later found out during our 29th year of marriage co-parenting we tried to normalize family dynamics it was an ugly mess ugly arguments distrust on both sides with elements of beauty good times and laughter at times we stopped trying year 30 i met someone while i wasn't looking i was still healing and working on me he was 10 years older than me and everything i placed on a list that no one knew about except for me my counselor and god no laying on my back no red flags are seen yet just friends developing into good friends during this time my estranged husband and i decided to give the couple's counseling a goal for co-parenting my estranged husband found out about the guy looking at my phone i left on the table googled him told me everything about him showed up at his house and scared him off we had been friends for a year at this point i feel like i'm stuck while i'm trying to move forward and the children are seeing me happy my estranged husband is trying to sabotage my life of finding peace and happiness he uses the bible as a defense to stay married forgive and manipulate the situation and me through guilt forgive and manipulate the situation and me through guilt i feel like i'm going to have to file for a divorce because i feel that he won't and that this will never come to an end his parents have been separated for almost 20 years and have never divorced not because of the man i had not because of the man i had met but because of the red flags i'm seeing again even during the couple's counseling manipulation and wanting to bed me bed do that mean want to sleep with her or did was that a typo for and wanting to beg me we gonna go with bed because i just like the way that sound that's a new new way of sleeping with somebody manipulation manipulation and wanting to bed me stating that he still loves me he has crossed every boundary i've set during counseling under the banner of love but has shown behavioral changes and holds himself accountable for his past and present mistakes under the guise of i'm learning i'm trying i'm in the process the reality is i am a christian who has sinned and been forgiven so is he so i cannot judge i'm for i've forgiven him for the 30 years of past hurt i'm an empath and a romantic recovering from daddy issues and a romantic recovering from daddy issues as much as i would love to see our relationship work out i feel like i've seen this opera before i'd appreciate your input please do not cut any cards i respect the honesty you've always shown in your videos along with the humor awesome you i don't be telling no jokes now so y'all if you laughing at the video that means you got a good sense of humor on your own [Music] [Music] yeah the country boy yeah country boy no other type oh well he ain't got no degree i don't know what i'm saying well i'm gonna tell you after reading that i feel like i've been married for 30 years after reading that i'm like whoa that's draining and then so something look at you with my good eye [Music] so the picture is black and white so i can't really see you look look like a oh look like a black woman but i can't see okay oh now that email now i don't know if that means indian or african indian meaning like native american or african because of what the email address is nah okay oh you know what now that now that first name kind of scraped me like [Music] well indian native american name [Music] on note9 but yeah so what when i see nine kids when i read that i say whoa now 16 to 23 three of them live with you ages 16 to 23. so i'm wondering is it just one of them that's 16 or do you got another one that's under 18 too like a 16 and a 17 year what do you got 16 and 18 year old 16 23 and you got two grandchildren so i'm guessing that 23 year old or somebody in there got got kids um so you got your full house now three of them and two grandchildren so that's five plus you six of y'all all right y'all full now and then y'all been separated two and a half years nah for the long and skinny of it and i told you i don't know what that phrase actually is but we'll just go with whatever come on now for the long and short of it uh it's time to go on about your business it's time to go on about your business now listen sis it's been 30 years if after 30 years you are not convinced 100 percent that this is your husband and he is the one for you this is the man that god carved out for you it's time to go on about your business because the covenant already been broke anyways both of y'all are cheated and like you say you've been forgiven god forgives because all of us are sinners and we sin at some point in our life and some of us saying over and over and over again we all say it over and over and over in some way over or another so yes you've been forgiven i don't know if he has prayed for forgiveness because he around here using scare tactics going over there to the man house the scatter man now i'ma tell you this right here a man who is not scared of another man is crazy and now you don't went through all kind of uh uh so being that you have been through all sorts of and he went over that to that man house he is a little off now he could have a soft spot for you and that's where you kind of have to work and figure out like okay where is he is he good is he healed or is he crazy and that's what you really need to be praying for discernment on so in a situation like this and this kind of stuff in here you know i have to tread lightly i can't just say hey do this hey do that because when you're dealing with somebody that's crazy stuff can get a little bit more serious so you have to excuse me oh y'all got skill [Music] boy body go out on hold on voice bottle leave me [Music] let me get water over here cutting on me [Music] it hit me in the back of my throat i'm like there's a lord trying to tell me something ah stepped on my charger oh lord stepped on the truck diploma charging by tomorrow achilles you know the hit you know the computer charge that you plug in the wall is three it's sitting on the ground i stepped on it and it rolled it went to rolling hick on my ankle ankle did like this but i told my kelly my 14 year anniversary is tomorrow to god be the glory and now this is here is i guess would be fitting out answering the question about 30 years of marriage now listen to me says listen i don't believe in divorce i don't condone divorce but i know that it comes a time in your life to where sometimes you got to let go and i also know that god is a forgiving god and that you can be for gay for your transgressions and also for leaving this marriage i don't believe that it is god's will that we remain in a marriage that is killing us love should bring life not take us closer to our grave i remember reading one time and it said relationship stress is the worst type of stress is is greater than work related stress family related stress um death related stress that relationship stress is the most toxic form of stress and that it increases your chances of a premature death by natural causes by 300 to 500 percent if you've ever had a broken heart then you know that to be true if you've ever gone through a tumultuous situation in a relationship then you know that to be true by your own life experience when you've gone through something very very tough and trying in a relationship there's not many feelings that you feel in your life that feel worse than that you've lost loved ones and if you've lost the loved one and you've been in a very heartbreaking toxic relationship and you weigh the feelings that relationship could hurt worse it could hurt worse because it may come with less closure it may hurt when you lose a loved one but you may have the closure of they live the good life that this is their story this was their date to go on to glory this was you know a life well lived or or even if their life was cut short you know god needed an angel you use things to console yourself and to to make it make sense in most cases some cases it's not gonna make sense but over here in this relationship you're sitting and you're like where is the closure where's the explanation where's the understanding and so here's what happened with your situation is this what you have to understand is you met him at 19. you met him at 19 and he didn't know who he was he didn't know what he wanted so he got with you and things were hot and steamy y'all hit it off everything going great but then so he he's doing what it takes to be in a relationship he did what it took to be in a relationship he he was with you he was sleeping with you he was there but he didn't know what a man was he didn't know who he wanted to be his dad was not a good example so he was looking for love he was looking for some consolation for some peace for a prize for for a friend he needed some pure love you represented that you feel that void that was in his heart from his childhood but he got with you prematurely and he didn't know if you are who he wanted to be with he didn't know if you are wife material he didn't know if he is husband material so he was young dumb and fuller wrong and so [Music] when that play played itself out you run through the course see you one through the course and then what happens is you get to a place to where he's like okay i've had her every kind of way and see this what happens when a manning when a man does not and the reason why i'm explaining this and how this play it out is because i can't tell you what to do in this kind of situation i can't tell you what to do that's gonna be a personal choice because when you're dealing with somebody who will look off here if i tell you do this do that and that's what some people don't understand because they not in this chair i've seen people in the comment tony you you need to just cut it straight to the point you need to just tell people that they need to lead and it's like that's there's liability with that you can't just tell somebody who in a crazy situation talk situation now if i read the email and it sounds like this man won't bust a grape on a hot sunday at the picnic then i say you need to you need to leave so when i when i said the beginning hey it's time to go about your business is what i really mean on on your situation is it's time for you to sit down think on up what you want to do come up with your plan your strategy your action plan and then get you a either a coach you could work with or an accountability partner a sponsor whatever you want to call it and you have them you share your plan with them and then you have them hold you accountable so now listen so what to happen is it y'all come in okay and then the man he had you like that then he had you like that ugh then he don't flip your side down then he uh then he uh he turned you up now he got you like this ugh now you got you like this now you got you like this now you got you like this then you got your mouth in your legs you this way then you this way then you just then you this way so what that happened is he then came and flipped me and talked you that had you every kind of way he could imagine and after a while yeah okay now he used to it nice old now he's been there and done that so now that youthful lust that curiosity that killed a cat that right there now it's gone all questions have been answered he didn't heard seen done everything so at that point if it's not real love he loses interest and he starts to get wandering eyes he start to look elsewhere and the relationship starts to break down and so when he starts to get wandering eyes that would then translate that turns into other stuff so now he got wandering eyes now one of my teams i'm working with playing the night so i got to finish this then i got a coach and i need to watch some team play tonight lord please please y'all forget my mind you're racing i'm all over play so now if that when things when he gets started to get wandering eyes what's going to happen is that's going to change the tone in his voice that's going to change his temperament now his attitude start to change not again crunk okay nine now he wanna uh conor mcgregor here now you wanna get a look because he frustrated because now in his mind he's a prisoner because he is somewhere that he feels he has overstayed his welcome he feels his time is up in this situation he has done everything he wanted to do he said i want to see her do this i want to see her do this i want to hear this i want to see this i want to feel this i want to touch this do this do this do this he didn't seen everything he didn't felt everything i want to make her cry in the car okay he cried in the car i wanted to cry upside down okay even cry upside down i want to do this do that so now everything got the window and this when you start to see a man change and you like whoa what's going on now he kind of you know he emotionally uh uh physically verbally so now you looking at all these different forms of a when i say a i'm talking about the a word a b you all right okay fill in the blank can't say i can't say everything on here so now you start to see this you start to wonder so now y'all went all this time now now the way you saw this up very well this 30 years you summed it up in about three years and then when y'all go in that co-parenting now see this the thing you had now just cause you say nothing about cheating earlier don't mean you didn't cheat it sound like you didn't cheat and you show got too many kids to be doing any cheating it's like ye and with nine kids you ain't got that much time to be cheating so it so i'm kind of leaning toward believing you that you had your emotional affair in this 26 the 28 22nd the 26th year no during the 26th to 28th years of marriage i had emotional affairs now that's more than one man when you say affairs okay and then you say it's because i have been reaching out to my husband in conversation texts and letters for 10 plus years before about what i needed from him now i can say and well i cannot say if a woman is telling me the truth when she tells me this on a coaching session but to the men watching this i can say that most often like a woman ain't got no reason a lot of me because when i'm coaching she got no reason a lot of me because she lied to me it defeats the purpose because i'm there to help so if she lying i can't truly help and the other reason why i don't believe that women be on the phone on a paid coaching session lying is because there's been women who said i am cheating on my husband or i have cheated on my husband and i have done the unthinkable with this other man stuff i've never done with my boyfriend or with my husband i've had women say that so i'm like okay i i believe it ain't no sense to pay for a coaching session and then lie so when she say this right here i tend to believe her and then she didn't even have to tell all this about herself so that let me know she being transparent during our 28th year of marriage we each had a physical affair now see here's the thing i hate now here's the thing and now men who know know this as a man when i was a dog the reason the way i found out that women that it is a lie that men try to propagate and say that women cheat just as much as men and that's also a lie that loose booty women try to spread to make themselves feel good about their cheating ways now this list here is not a loose booty because she waited until the 28th year of marriage to go on cheat now she said physical affair i don't know if that means enter or or if that mean karaoke and peach cobbler for dessert so i don't know what to mean by physical i'ma assume because 28 years of marriage and grown as she is i'm assuming that me all the way all right spread eagle and so now listen what i learned is that okay when i was out there on screens i go up boom i let this like holler at this like point holler at this like boom holla at this later i'm hollering at everything walking and it was so many times a woman of jazz how that purse on [Music] two [Music] two start to have low self-esteem i'm like lord what the wrong look like a bat broke out the cage i'm like wow these women just looking at me like a peon i'm like maybe my shorts were too big i used to wear the dickies shorts like maybe my shorts were too big maybe i would win them size 11 and i wear nine and a half maybe that shoe flapping had a reason why they walking off and then some women i got a boyfriend i got a boyfriend i got a boyfriend and that's what let me know that's how i learned that women do not cheat as much as men because if a woman looked decent now listen i know i ain't you know i know i ain't good looking but i know i ain't bunt booking ugly you know i don't look like the biker no 57 chevy so if a woman over and over and over i hear i got a boyfriend i got a boyfriend i got a boyfriend woman just look some women just ignore and just keep going so it's so it started to let me know like okay on average on average a woman is faithful i learned that hands-on now it's men who ain't never jumped off the porch and went to holland no woman that be out here hollering by oh women t just as much as men cheat they just do it man better never holler that nothing if you win a holiday son you'll know it's a whole bunch of them curving your behind yeah and so that's how i learned that but see not me being a man and me being around me i could count on one hand how many men done told a decent looking woman i got a girlfriend i count on one hand how many times hit at night so that's what let me know that's how i learned boots on the ground that men cheat more than women so that's what made me think when she say in the 28th year of marriage we each had a physical affair that this could have been his 15th affair his 10th affair his 28th affair he could have had he wanted it one a year because typically when a man is in any kind of way verbally emotionally or physically he's also cheating they go hand-in-hand because that's where it comes from that's what the emotional verbal and physical comes from because he unrest he had unrest in his spirit in that actual life so he round he'll want to meet slain so that frustration of having to answer to a woman he feel like the curt the caged bird singing he feel like now he's in a prison and he feel like he's being trapped he's being held against his will and so that's what the narrative he started telling stuff and that's why he started the last shot he started act out started echo food and so this right here what you got to understand let's see what you got to understand so when you get to this point and that's why i try to tell me and to not when a woman mess around and go to having a physical affair [Music] the relationship is over this for men and women this is a sign as a woman if you know as a woman you not lose booty if you know you ain't lose booty and you then went and slept with you another man [Music] don't worry about that i just picked this up this from this from a lighter that i broke yesterday um no not my light up for no smoking light up for my candle here it kind of helps me out good when i hit when i tell you i don't know i think it comes from neiman's or nordstrom it's called it's a this hill is santol s-a-n-t-a-l-26 santo 26 my favorite resort over there in in mexico palace resorts that's what they be having blowing through the ac remind me like i'm on vacation so i don't see her answer all the emails i like this here but i broke and broke a little lighter now so i can't even light it so now listen to me now so now listen to me when you when you when as a woman if you mess around and you know you ain't lose booty and you go and you cheat on your man the relationship oh the relationship over because see ironically and understand i'm using the word ironically okay ironically a man will cheat and still feel like he got a lot of life left in the tank for the relationship that he's in and to nobody else does it make sense because everybody else is like if you cheat you obviously don't love her if you cheat the relationship obviously is over and he's like absolutely not he like absolutely not i cheated jacob i wanted me to look something different but she the one that i want to be with i want help with all of my heart everything in me that's what men be coming to me saying i won't hold everything in me i i ever heard like i do anything but i'm like so why did you cheat uh i don't really know i really don't know uh you know it just was a moment of weakness but that don't mean that i want to be done with her i want to be with her but and guess what i well i cannot say i've been there because when i used to cheat on a woman that meant i ain't love her that mean i ain't love her so i really be confused how a man or cheat all up on a woman and then be paying all his money for coaching tell me he want to stay with her and i'll just be like huh they don't make no sense so listen to me a man will cheat and want to stay and want to keep you around just like how he went out and had a physical affair now if he know about you having a physical affair and he still wants you around he wants you around to destroy you don't no man want you around after you then cheated to love you through that he want that to get the last laugh you hear me and him getting the last laugh could mean that you would never laugh again you catch my drill dirt now don't play with it don't play with it you got to be strategic you got to be strategic it may be getting the outlaw it may be talking to his best friend you know his pastor you got to get somebody that knows something you got to introduce some representation you got to get somebody that knows what you're getting ready to do if you're gonna leave somebody need to know about it and somebody and he need to know that they know about it so now he know he suspect numero uno numero uno okay so now he know that if he want to act if some tires want to get sliced if some women want to get bust out if a house won't get broke into or worse he know that you know and this person and this person and maybe this person knows that he's suspecto numero uno you mean that's from spanish folks because i have most spanish for let me ask me loose spanish subtitles i can't do spanish subtitles i bless kuchar trabajar mucho grande [Music] excuse me you said what i'm saying so every night then i throw some spanish on y'all you know just so y'all understand like listen [Music] that school jar okay trouble hard just every now and then i'ma hit you with a little bit of spam just so you that you know hey i got you you welcome over here i can't i can't speak all of it now i can't speak all luck because i don't want too many people to be on to just the levels that i'm on so i try to just kind of keep things excuse me just kind of keep comprehending so understand this now you have to get to a place to where okay a pastor know if his pastor know not pastor hey you know so i talked with your wife and um she getting ready to move on with a life and i want you to understand like you need to be a man of god and this you broke your vows you know you are part of the reason it's to this point yes she wasn't perfect but it's time to let go now if somebody could talk to him talk him off their legs you know calm him down then he could grow he could understand he could let you go and you could go on about your business he could eventually go on by his business but see for right now that soul tie is so strong and then like he said he used the bible as a defense to stay married forgive and manipulate the situation and me through guilt manipulation by guilt coercion by fear see he coerced you to deal with him by making you scared by going to scare that man and that's what let me know he's crazy because that man could have just that came out on uh no question asked that man could have said and tried to holla he was you know scared for his life and that was just self defense so the fact that that man could have did that and he know that man could have did that and he went over to that man house and he googled the man found out everything about the man went to the man house this hill man that your husband is ex-husband strange husband is he close to being certifiably crazy that's why don't let my name leave your lips do not let my name leave your lips do not tell him to come to me for coaching he got to go to somebody else jimmy because because i'ma tell you he come over here acting crazy [Music] oscar luego off the lavista baby you hear me he'll be pushing daisies so understand that not have him talk to his pastor help him talk to the pastor okay don't try to send him the everybody in and everybody have them talk to the pastor but what you need to do is you need to come up with your plan because to me it sounds like your heart is too drained for you to make this work for you to try to make this work it sound like your heart to drain it sound like you've experienced too much you've gone through too much like you say your kids have seen you live through too much they need to see you get a victory and that victory will be you moving on with your life now see that's the other thing you went and you started dealing with this other man and you not divorced so now you living in sin when you're going dealing with the other men and you're not divorced you're living in sin and now according to the bible too now the theologians they still gonna hold you in sin even after the divorce they still gonna hold you to that letter so that's when it honestly got to be between you and god in spirit and in truth and you just saying lord i'm putting this in your hands for you to be my judge because by the letter i'm in sin so lord what are what are you saying to me on the spirit and truth level not based on the context of when that was written in kings james in king james version the context when women that had no right they couldn't have a role in the church they couldn't speak they was allowed to be all of that that's when that was written that women was under the thumb of the law and so it was so when that said that you have to understand the context and that's why you will see christian men and women go through a divorce and come out on the other end and be doing better and be more blessed on the other side of the divorce because we serve god in spirit and in truth so god know that what he puts together let no man tear us under but if you come together under a covenant with the devil then god ain't got nothing to do with your covenant your covenant null and void that marriage null and void because god didn't authorize and ordain that and then when you got in anyways you broke the vows of it so it's null and void already anyways so that's when you have to have your peace and your spirit about what god is telling you and i do not believe that we serve a god that asks you to remain a prisoner to a relationship especially one with the a word verbally emotionally physically a i don't believe that that's what jesus died on the cross for and so now you're gonna have people that gonna argue they're gonna argue you down to the word but guess what that's that's why they don't have complete understanding and that's why god don't put them on the judgment seat because they don't fully know what god heart what the spirit of god is going to do in and through you in your life and what this is and so some people will sit and hold you to the fire about your divorce and make you feel like a gentile a exile a outcast a nobody a leper and like you have a hot corner in the in satan house with your name on it for eternity because you went through a divorce and they will say because that is a sin but yet they will sin every single day and feel like god forgive them for their daily sin but not forgiving you for going for getting a divorce if that's technically a sin so they graced and they covered and they sin but you get a divorce or now god and turn his back on you and you worse than the plague that's how fake christians do you that is how fake christians will do you and they will be in these comments and and quoting the scriptures like listen we know what the scriptures say we don't read the scripture with you we know what the scriptures say but we also know that not everything of content not every context in the bible will apply directly to today because if a man put hands on a woman he has broken his vows which means he has been unfaithful to his vows that is not unfaithful based on intercourse based on adultery but he is not loving her the way christ loves the church he is not sacrificing and laying his life down laying his ego down the way he is instructed to so therefore he is out of covenant he is out of line or she is out of covenant and she is out of line and the marriage is null and void because the covenant has been broken and so in the day and time when that when people was being held to the fire for that it really was written because men were just getting married and then just all of a sudden uh two weeks later i'm ready to be the lord i don't want to work and that's why it was put in place like listen do not divorce you can't just wake up on the wrong side of the barn you don't got up on the wrong side of the manger and now you want to haul about you want a divorce y'all down in the court the court line wrap around the corner and we ain't got no typist in there they got to get that that uh thing and bam it into the stone and here we is we doing all of this right here bamming into this stone to get you a divorce because you don't woke up on the wrong side of the manger and this is why we're tired of your butt so hey cup ain't coming we need to declare a decree talk to god what on mount sinai and get a word from the lord and come on back down here and we finna write this right okay what did the lord say the lord said do not get a divorce and if you get you a divorce you will be in adultery if you move on except for infidelity cheating and so it was written in the word and it was contextual in the word but you can't take and just god ain't changing the word but you also can't take and put god in a box and say that god wants you to stay in this marriage when you're going through all kinds of chaos and nonsense you your safety is at risk your sanity is at risk and you finna stay in there like a prison like that like your spouse is god no you serve god god bigger than that situation god bigger than that and if you leave there and somebody want to cast a stone show them john 8 and 7 and then you tell them okay i pray god forgive you for your sins if you coming down so hard on me by the divorce being a sin what your sins is because from last i heard no sin is greater than the other so what you so because i know what god gave me a peace about see if god give you a peace about something then that's all you have to worry about because you serve god in spirit and in truth not in letter and in interpretation because when you get caught up in that you also you dealing with translation interpretation context all of this stuff going in there and you trying to wrap your mind around something you're trying to wrap your mind around it with man-made knowledge your ability to read and comprehend based on what you learn in a classroom instead of listening to the spirit of god within you because god is a spirit not a letter on a paper god is a spirit not a letter in a translation that you reading that you could understand god is a spirit so you serve god in spirit and in truth as the good books say and that's when you can find that you will get a release and when you get that release now you start to realize god in in um god is spirit and they that worship him in spirit they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth that's john 4 and 24. so what is telling you you know that this god is a spirit stop trying to be so religious and stop make letting people who think they fully understand the bible hold you to they fire holding you to their fire like they some judgment throne like they got the right to hold you to the fire on something they didn't read and interpreted in the bible [Music] and you the one got to suffer you're the one in the relationship and they get to go to sleep at night sleep good and just want to hit you across the head with the the bite the bible this is what the bible say this is what everybody say the bible say stay in that marriage he be this what he's doing to you okay the bible don't say this the bible say you can't leave for this the bible say you only believe for this so listen i'm trying to tell you what the bible say did the bible say if he hit you in the face with a book that you could leave no it say if he do this have he did this to another woman okay no you got to stay and that's what they'll tell you and then when you ask her uh um excuse me ma'am um now what's your education i dropped out in eighth grade but i'm saved by the grace and the mercy of god so it's a way to learn how to read and comprehend that you said i'm saying people people are coming to be all kind of theologian i love the lord with all my heart i love the lord with everything in me i want to be in right standing with the lord every day but one thing that god gave me the wisdom to understand is that you cannot be holding somebody to the fire over the letter that you're interpreting from a context that may not even apply to what you're living in apply to today because god could be saying yes we didn't when they wrote that they didn't write if a man beats his wife she can leave because he was allowed to back then he was allowed to do all that to her so we just put infidelity and we and that was written you see what i'm saying so the spirit will give you peace about getting up out of this thing that is killing you that you suffering in that you struggling in that you depressed in and then here's the thing this is to say she prays she praying for her marriage praying for mary the man never changed because god can inspire somebody to change god can you know somebody could be inspired to change but the work has to be done by you as a man or if you're a woman you could be inspired by the holy bible but you still got to do the work i could know the word inside not but i still have to keep my thing in my pants see if i get ready to whip that thing out and go put it somewhere the bible ain't going to come in that give me that thing yeah give me that thing put it back in there bob ain't gonna do that it's gonna sit right down you gotta open it you gotta read it [Music] be inspired by it learn from it but then you got to take action then you got to be obedient so this is the thing and at the end of the day each one of us will have our own judgment seat you came in by yourself ain't nobody pop out of your mama at the same as that time you if you got a twin that came either right before you're right after y'all ain't come out there at the same time you came in by yourself you're going out by yourself so you can't depend on a youtuber interpretation of the bible you can't depend on your pastor interpretation of the bible you have to know god for yourself and what your spirit what the spirit of god is saying to you about your situation and where you need to be at and you have to make sure that you hearing and you operating from a pure spirit you can't it ain't about twisting the word of god it is really about understanding god's will and way for your life and you have to ask yourself does god want me to remain in a marriage that is killing me that i'm praying for and i'm doing this and that and he is not changing or she is not changing and i'm ready to end it all lose it all cost it all is this what god wants for me i've tried i've i've toiled i've prayed i've fasted i've done this that and so this one i'm saying when you don't go on and you didn't gave it 30 years to the point that that you broke down and went and started cheating the relationship so dead and gone but see this the thing it's hard that's why i said it's hard listen i don't listen to what nobody trying to tell me about what garden gave me peace on about what god god has shown me revelations in my life and in my walk with him that somebody else it might not make no sense to them because of how they interpret something but i i listen to the spirit of god within me and then i will know if i'm hearing right when i take action if my actions are blessed if my actions are blessed then i know god heard me even if my actions feel cursed it gives me a moment to pause to see and if i still hear that what i'm doing is right think that i will be i will be granted peace in the midst of a storm and then on the other side of that storm i see the rainbow and i realized that that test came from the adversary to make me go back to make me change and do it a different way when god was trying to tell me to do it this way over here that was not con conventional or traditional so i questioned myself because some people so trapped in their condition or tradition or their interpretation of what somebody else has misused on them without using discernment or or praying for discernment wisdom knowledge and understanding and a moving of the spirit but they have been trapped and they literally sitting there and walking around looking like say satan reincarnated because the situation they're in is so toxic and unserving but they have been told that you have to stay there because that's what god said to stay there and when god could be talking to your hardness and listen i did not put this together so this being taught asunder is not tearing anything apart that i ordained and put together because he went god put it together it's gonna last come trial come tribulation come mistakes come back choices come come what it's gonna be if god put it together even if you lose a spiritual battle because you in battle you're in spiritual warfare you're gonna get back up brush yourself off learn from it and you ultimately will win the war even if you lose some battles if god put it together it's gonna stay together it's gonna win you may go through everything that everybody else have gone through but because you were put together by god you're going to heal learn grow and overcome whereas the same tests will break something apart that was not put together by god so see that's what you have to realize and understand on situations like these right here it ran its course it taught you a lesson raise your kids so you have to ask yourself do my kids need to see me get a win not a situation where you got this man over here on the side while you still married to your husband but do they need to see you stand up for yourself love yourself respect yourself break free get a divorce from this toxic draining relationship and then heal be single and healing and then when you are whole attract real love that sweeps you off your feet and you can reciprocate and then y'all ride off into the sunset do your kids need to see that so that they can believe that love is real and that's what you really got to get to the core of and see and then you're going to see okay do i go do i stay but a decision it has to be yours and only yours hey this is tony gaskin i got to coach in 30 minutes so i'm gonna try to upload this in that 30 minutes god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 22,058

Rating: 4.9418182 out of 5

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Id: m1TEI4xBPG8

Length: 58min 15sec (3495 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021