Russian stand-up comedian: being anti-war and life in Turkey

four months ago I was a Russian comedian but then I spoke openly against the war and now I am a traveling comedian and now I I'm trying to restart my career this time in English and my dream is to become like a famous Russian writer Vladimir Nabokov I want to inspire pedophiles I'm kidding I'm kidding I just want to be good both in Russian and English and Nabokov did because he grew up in a family where everyone spoke Russian and English and I grew up in a family where nobody spoke at all so I don't know my my English is not that good actually I speak like a character from GTA 4 you know I thought I thought you would say no your English is good okay I grew up really depressed guy when I was 15 I had suicidal thoughts and uh my mom saved me because I came up to my mom and told her about my suicidal thoughts and she said what suicide you're 15. you cannot have real problems wait a couple of years your life will get way worse and like oh yeah and that happened like that happened and and for some reason I didn't kill myself I don't know what I left my country because like it's a normal thing to leave your country like I don't like my president so I left my country and that happens that happens all the time like Russians leave their country because they don't like their president they move to U.S the Americans don't like their president they move to Canada that like basically the whole world is a huge swinger party like we swap presidents we try to have a good time and my dream is to live in California someday and turkey is a perfect transition Place between Russia and California because it's already warm and beautiful and it's still a dictatorship so like I move slowly like not too fast I live in Turkey now and basically my whole plan for my whole life is to wait for Putin to die and that's my whole plan and somehow my family wants me to keep on living like never happened because like my mother calls me and she's like when you and your wife Olia will have a baby and now I have a perfect excuse I say we will have a baby when Putin dies and my mom says you promise I go yes and then I got like a terrified like what does she have on her mind why why does she ask maybe she's she has some like underground Rebel organization that consists of ladies in their 50s that had a conspiracy they all were like having assault rifles my mom is the leader and she's like all right ladies if you want to have grandkids we need a revolution so I just oh thank you [Applause] and there's a rumor that Putin has cancer and uh I think it's the first time in human history when people are rooting for cancer in this battle we are this close for organizing festivals supporting cancer you know the rock bands who played their best hits and then scream and go cancer go kill this [ __ ] and like I think like it's my mother or the cancer it's like two only options for the world because the Western countries are aren't gonna stop the war because they they're so weak they try to stop Russia without with economy you know basically the Western Country said uh we won't be buying oil and gas from Russia and the Russians will not have access to IKEA McDonald's and Spotify and couple of months after that there you go like but maybe we will keep buying oil and gas [Laughter] and we're like can we keep Spotify now this is how we stop Wars by cutting you off Spotify so you don't have access to low-fi beats to study slash relax too and you die from tension that that's what happens like it's weird which brands choose to leave Russia like Stephen King doesn't want his books to be sold in Russia and we're like oh no how how are we going to experience Horror in Russia [Applause] last week's my Suicidal Thoughts have come back and again I didn't kill myself sorry for the spoiler but I didn't I didn't do it because of the stupidest idea like I was thinking about suicide but then I suppose I thought I thought about my Airbnb host I thought it would it would be such an [ __ ] move to kill yourself in the Airbnb apartment because the host will come back he will open the door he will see my dead body on the floor and he'll say oh [ __ ] Russians they just can't stop killing people this [ __ ] didn't find anyone to kill so he killed himself Jesus I don't think he will say Jesus but the rest is fine I hope that I I come back to Russia one day and when Putin dies of course and and we will need to like restore Russia's reputation in the world because it's so [ __ ] up right now and we will need some good PR guys to restore the reputation and I think we will need those guys who did PR for Austria because if you Google you will find out that Adolf Hitler was born in Austria but somehow they made everyone think that Hitler is German and if you tell to an Austrian like Hitler is Austrian they say no no no no no no no Mozart is Austrian mode side and we will need these guys to fix our reputation and maybe one day we will make everyone think that Putin is from Poland that that's what we need so yeah I live in Istanbul and I am an immigrant right now I I have no rights I cannot vote so basically nothing changed for me since I left Russia except for the paperwork the paperwork is terrible here I'm exhausted all the time about the paperwork here like the other day it was so exhausted I came home and decided to watch a Jason Bourne movie and I wasn't impressed by the action scene the car chases but this moment when Jason Bourne opens the drawer and he has a bunch of foreign passports there and like oh my god did he do all the paperwork and Jason Bourne has a Turkish passport there and I'm like oh my god did Jason Bourne do that he go to this horrible building in pantik did he applied for ecomet wow she's a superhuman that's all I have guys

Channel: Dan The Stranger

Views: 82,611

Keywords: stand-up, stand up, stand up comedy, stand up russia, stand up in english, stand up turkey, stand-up comedian, dan the stranger, stand up comedian, comedy video, comedy, Mike Birbiglia, Mark Maron, Alex Edelman, comedian, stand up funny, russian comedian, comedy central stand up

Id: btit4SWZRbw

Length: 8min 32sec (512 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 15 2022