r/Relationship_Advice - My Boyfriend Knows What's Best For My Body? Help!

g'day there guys it's your Z hobby machi back at it again with another r slash relationships advice video actually it's not another it's the first I've done now if you love me as much as I love you then you know what to do I want you to mosey on over to the hold like a button and tackle it like Crocodile Dundee maybe even chuck I don't know a love heart down in the comments now with that said I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and get ready for some rocky relationships now our first post is titled boyfriend keeps trying to upgrade or improve me by calling me chubby now I female 23 have been dating my boyfriend male 27 for a year I am 5 foot 4 and 125 pounds he pursued me slowly he keeps making more and more negative comments about my appearance he made me a workout and eating plan and constantly asks if I follow it he basically wants me to go vegan honestly I'm not into the vegan lifestyle and I don't eat horrible when we ordered in yesterday I got baked ziti he looked at me and said how could I be ordering this when we both agreed I need to lose weight every time I try to dump him over this he tells me I don't understand where he is coming from he told me I'm average and he wants me to stand out that he noticed I have low self-esteem and he is trying to make me confidence and be happy with myself every day he asks me if I did my workouts he will send me photos of other girls and say if I follow what he says I will look like that he really pursued me and now I feel like he's killing my self-esteem why pursue someone so hard if you aren't that attracted to them he told me if I lose 15 pounds I'll be perfect he sends me photos of women who have post-pregnancy bodies or not good bodies at all and he tells me that they are like me that they are chubby and not curvy or he will send me pictures of girls I don't consider pretty and say if I listen to him I will look like that I just need to lose weight I tell him I think I'm thinner than those guy and he tells me that he has better eyes honestly at this point I don't want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive I feel like I want his approval I have been wearing baggy clothes because I'm so ashamed of my body I used to like my body but now I'm ashamed why is he dating me if I'm so unattractive how do I gain my self-esteem back why pursue me and it's I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming response I can't get back to everyone but I appreciate each and every message honestly I didn't realize my situation was that bad I'm going to assume he had me under control this really was reassuring and I'm so happy I found this community and made this thread I broke up with him over text message and explained to him how you talk and treat me is not how you talk to anyone let alone your girlfriend who you are supposed to love that I hope he changes for the next girl he dates because he's a miserable person and no one deserves his abuse I blocked his number I'm sure he might try to show up at my house but I just felt the need to end it as soon as possible I think I'm going to take some time for myself since my self-esteem is still in the gutter but thank you all so in regards to that last comment excellent updates keep your doors locked when you're home if he shows up your place don't open the door no matter what he says if he wants to give you something tell him you don't want the flowers gift whatever take them away if he wants just one last hug goodbye tell him no if he refuses to leave tell him you're reporting him for trespassing and harassment edits also tell him he's being recorded even if he's not once he's inside he will have a plan on what to say to twist things around and make you doubt yourself he knows what buttons to push he might make huge promises and demand another chance to prove that he's a good guy as if you owe him something you don't owe him another chance or more time worst case scenario he wants to punish you for daring to break up with him it is not worth it just don't open the door and tell him to go home he already started calling my house and parents cell phones he was mad I didn't try to fight for us and said that I was being abusive for him because this is the third time I broke up with him and played these games he was saying he has no friends besides me and he needs me I'm just too sensitive I'm not responding and just recording anything he does because you can never be too safe honestly I'm not even upset about the break-up I just have that feeling of worthlessness but I had that even with him if this is real and not a troll post you need to dump his ass if you can't do that then at least start sending him links on penis enlargements and how to satisfy your girlfriend when you were bad at sex oh my first reaction was that's mean and not a constructive way to communicates in reality he's doing the same thing to me and that would be equal I'm just a nice person the sad part is my self-esteem is so low I didn't consider how bad it was until I've been talking to my girlfriend's more and then saying how that's not right didn't realize it's so bad this would seem like a troll post how do I gain my self esteem back by dumping the person who keeps destroying it I'm nervous no one else will want me I know it's dumb but I feel like someone would be settling if they're with me now and your next post is my user throw rally kisses titled my 21 male flatmates 20 male keeps giving me little kisses when he thinks I'm asleep how do I ask him to do it when I'm awake to here oh my god I'm gonna call him Jake to make this all easier to tell all sir we met because we're on the same course at University and both needed flatmates when we moved out of holes in second year we're generally pretty different but we get on like a house on fire and I couldn't have asked for a cooler flatmates Jake's a pretty casually physically affectionate guy in general huge hugger will casually put his arm around me or any of his mates when we're sitting side by side I think we all know the sort of thing I mean I'm not as much that way as he is because I was kind of raised in a men don't hug kind of household we're physical affection was rarely given if it was given at all but I'm cool with him being like that and actually kind of appreciate it we all need a hug sometimes right obviously we're currently on lockdown and we both elected to stay at our flats instead of going home to our families him because he has a lot of high risk people in his and doesn't want to risk potentially being an asymptomatic carrier me because honestly three weeks are more stuck in my house with my family sounds like abject hell so far it's been great now for some context I have a condition which means I'm incredibly tired / sleepy a lot and as such I have a kind of funky sleeping pattern basically most days I have to force myself to get up in the morning don't we all then take a nap sometimes a couple in the middle of the day and go to bed at a reasonable but not too early time so that I get enough but not too much sleep at nights it helps keep my fatigue in check and stops me from literally just sleeping 15 hours at a time every day I have good days where I don't need a nap and bad days where I don't manage to drag myself out of bed at all but how I just described is how most of my days look this is relevant I promise law sir when I take my midday naps I usually do so on the sofa in the living room because it's far easier to get up afterwards than it is if I nap on my bed Jake is generally out when I take these naps but he has said he's fine with it if he's here since they're generally only 30 to 60 minutes and I'm a pretty heavy sleeper and to prefer a bit of background noise while I Kip anyway so if he wants to watch TV or whatever while I'm napping it's no issue since quarantine he's obviously been here every time he's been very accommodating and sweet about it's our living room can get pretty cold so if I fall asleep without a blankets read most times law he'll pop one over me so I don't freeze it started out being just that I'd fall asleep without a blanket and wake up with one then a couple of times I woke up and he was sitting up the top of the couch one of those corners sofas so I was on the part of the L and he was on the other bit if that makes sense and he was just casually playing with my hair which I actually really love more than I thought I ever would very soothing then about a week ago I guess he thought I was asleep before I was because he talked a blanket over me and gave me a little kiss on my forehead now this isn't the first time he's kissed me like I said he's very casually physically affectionate with everyone and he dolls out kisses on the cheek to everyone like they're nothing however this felt very different much more intimate and loving and I liked it like I really liked it to the point where I've literally been pretending to fall asleep sooner that I'm ready to actually sleep in hopes he'll do it again which he has been he sometimes strokes my cheeks or my hair a little bit to which oh my god that's even better I don't really know what this means I consider myself mostly straights but I'm not sure how he identifies but as far as I'm aware he's been with both men and women in about as equal numbers I don't know if this is a thing of me being attracted to him like he's objectively good-looking in a way I'd call pretty rather than handsome but I've never thought about if he's actually attractive or but once like I'd really kind of be like okay with it / like it if he's starting to give me these little forehead kisses while I'm awake too I don't know how to describe it it's very comforting very soothing however as I've mentioned I was raised in a context where physical affection like that was a rarity and pretty much only reserved for when something bad happened and I was upset how do I approach him about it without being weird and it's kind of snowed under with comments and messages right now sorry if I'm not getting back to everyone main thing I want to answer here a lot of people asking what's up that makes my sleeping pattern funky I fell out of a tree as a teenager and got a head injury the sleep thing is one of the few symptoms of what is effectively very minor brain damage my cognitive function and stuff is still okey-dokey but stuff like sleeping and fine motor skills in memory are a bit wonky gay man here just pointing out the fact that he does not know whether or not you're okay with this since he does it while you're asleep and thinks that you don't know if you won't open to these advances this would be incredibly creepy what makes him think he has consent to do this when did he start doing this are we just going to ignore this fact I'm happy for you but like this seems like a red flag to me he started doing it a week ago I'm fine with him casually kissing me on the cheek or cuddling up to me or pulling me in so I have a head on his shoulder or chest and he plays with my hair while we're watching telly or whatever I also expressed that I liked it when I woke up and he was playing with my hair I don't understand why so many people think this is something that's completely out of the blue like this is well within the remit of how we act and how he shows affection which I've expressed in general America with nothing you've said makes me believe this is a sexual thing for you what your post says to me is that one you're starved for physical affection especially in this high-stress time and two you don't care who you get it from that's a good thing because you're not caught up in some machismo I ain't gay bro bullcrap I'm sure you'll get those comments it feels good and you're accepting of its I would just casually mention it to him like hey Jake I really appreciate how accommodating you've been in my daytime napping I also really like how you cover me up with the blankets play with my hair and give me little kisses it's really soothing then if you really want to go for it you can say I would really like it too if he gave me little kisses when I'm awake too I might be wrong this might lead to some same-sex experimentation who knows sometimes same-sex attraction is contextual in that case you may not be generally sexually attracted to men but you might be to a specific man if for example there is an emotional connection that's not uncommon that said just like opposite sex living arrangements I'd advise you to be very cautious about hooking up with roommates but in any case there is no harm in some platonic cuddle slash affection and our next post is by user through our RA underscore gross i29 female tried to surprise my husband 28 male and all he just said gross so my husband and I have been having a bit of a dry spell over the last two weeks which started when I wasn't in the mood for a few days in a row and he was and seems to have spiraled from there tonight we're stuck at home and I figured I would try and surprise him when he got off work I put on some lingerie and waited on the sofa around when he usually finishes his last conference call I got a little overexcited early and was touching myself a little bit and he came out of his office he looked at me seemingly disgusted and immediately goes ugh gross do that in the bedroom or something and walks away I mean I was trying to do something fun and spontaneous and he says gross I don't even know how to respond to that we haven't talked since that and I've just been stewing on that I think I've gotten a little bit too much in my own head about this because my best plan right now seems like to electrocute him joking for anyone that can't tell but I mean what kind of response is gross who says that I need an outside perspective how would you respond in addition I need some decompression time to switch from work mode to wife Road I'm guessing you caught him off guard and it wasn't on his radar next time perhaps sends some flirty texts to mentally put him in the mood excellent advice especially after a dry spell if the opie rejected him it's natural for him to shut himself off and to the most fair way to bring the sexes back in is for whoever rejected to be overly explicit about what they wants and that means letting the other know they want it's not randomly wanking in the living room giving the impression they're already having sex without him and our men George ara heard or says I understand that your hurts but I kind of see his points men aren't always horny it may be be a little put off too if you entered a room your head full of work stuff stressed outs maybe tired and your husband was there playing with his dick looking up at you like he's doing you favor he could maybe have been more diplomatic but I wouldn't be too hard on him you were totally in the mood end up for sex and he wasn't that's all that happened it doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive alright reading this one Thomas made me spill at my drink so now I've got to read it ha ha ha you killed me bro I'm imagining how my girlfriend would react if I turned her down for sex for a few days put on some sexy outfit and in started wanking in a living room she walks in and don't look at her without saying anything not gonna lie I'm assuming she called me gross and I'd have to apologize and clearly explain why I thought wanking in the living room whilst wet dressed in leather was appropriate behavior ride'em cowboy and Opie updates this post well we had an apparently much-needed conversation and much of what was said was true although he is neither gay nor cheating on me and I have not gained weight and nobody will be receiving any pictures of me he said that he's sorry for calling it gross but he feels like he's always the one initiating and I'm always the one saying no and whenever I do initiate I don't put in as much effort as him that the fact when he just stopped trying after the first couple of days I said no that it took two weeks for anything to happen only proved it to him his first thought when he saw me was that I didn't want to be interrupted and his second was that after two weeks with nothing I didn't even bother to ask or set a mood and that's apparently what culminated in the gross comments so we agreed that I would try to woo him a bit more and make him feel more wanted and he wouldn't take it to heart if I happen to say no a few days in a row man dead bedroom comments and stuff like that always hit me in my heart I don't like I don't like those situations anyway on next post is by throw are a room cuddle isolation has led to my roommate 25 male and me 23 male routinely cuddling sir I have been living with my roommate for a year and we've just renewed our lease for another year he was a friend of a friend and I needed to get out of an abusive situation so I moved in with him without really knowing him well he can be a hard man to know he's naturally very quiet sin to the point with a cold face he's naturally large and athletic as well I was a bit intimidated and scared of him I'll admit but he's helped me out getting me back on my feet after my ex despite his stoic face he's warm and protective friends our state's on 24/7 plagued lockdown basically only essential businesses open both of us are working from home and the weather has been bad so we can't get out even for a 6 foot apart walk we're the only human contact each other has had for what feels like months last week we watched a movie together in the living room and I fell asleep I woke up to him asleep and me asleep on his chest this opened the floodgates of him seeking me out to cuddle and sleeping literally in my bed we've never talked about it and he is the one who initiates my feelings are all jumbled up and I feel like I'm taking advantage of him wanting to be around people during this time eta some of you seem confused I am openly gay I have no idea about my roommates he's never dated for as long as I have known him some people need physical contact even non-sexual you're not taking advantage of him for as long as you both have boundaries and each others is respected emotionally you're helping each other to not feel so trapped and alone honestly it's fine this with all the fear and uncertainty surrounding the pandemic it's totally reasonable to want to feel close to somebody cuddling is naturally comforting and doesn't need to be sexualized it can be completely platonic as long as there are boundaries opie if you're starting to get emotionally attached and you're not sure where your roommate stands it'd definitely be good to set boundaries ASAP and maybe trying talk over it's I don't see a problem with wanting a cuddle buddy though I cuddle up with my friends too it may be more socially acceptable because I'm a girl but I see no reason why guys shouldn't be able to get that same affection from their friends as well in the end you do what makes the two of you comfortable and now our last post with an update is titled my 39 female wife lied to me 41 male about stopping her cancer treatments and the extent of her cancer I I don't even know what to do my whole world has been shattered we've known for a while she said breast cancer but it was called early and responding to chemo she dropped a bombshell yesterday when I told her I'd be about an hour late picking her up from chemo she tells me don't worry I don't need it anymore wait what how why as it so turns out she stopped treatment the cancer is spread everywhere now she's dying at best she is not even six months left she says there's a good chance chemo will not work and it best all it'll do is give her time of course I was mad I've never yelled at her I've never fought with her but last night I felt betrayed like a part of me died she's dying and she's lied to me about it she's been skipping chemo treatments for the past two months so that means she has four months at best to live what was she planning not to tell me and just randomly die she tells me she doesn't know but she was scared and coming to terms with the fact her life was going to be ending soon I I don't even know how to feel I'm so numb I can't face life without her we have a family kids a life she can't be dying she can't be giving up am I wrong to feel so afraid of facing the future alone am I wrong to feel so betrayed so upset over her lie this is life or death how could she lie to me like this I feel so goddamn betrayed I've just been crying I don't even know what to do people deal with their own mortality in weird ways it is probably best to transition from feeling angry or betrayed as rapidly as you can so that you can make whatever time you have left with her accounts even other people's mortality my dad point-blank refused to accept my mom's terminal diagnosis with pancreatic cancer my mom on the other hand went home and called all her old friends in faraway places to ensure they had time to make plans to visit her one last time they each came to their truth in their own time and she said goodbye knowing she was loved I'm tearing up a little thinking about this even though it happened 20 years ago and I was young RP I wish you all the best during this time I understand that you're blindsided by this but please be easy on her I can't imagine what it would be like at 39 years old to here your cancer has spread there's nothing more we can do your wife although she probably didn't know how to tell you has decided to live those last six months of her life living not cooped up in a hospital not suffering from chemo slash radiation treatments I just watched my grandpa die a slow and horrible death from his chemo treatments he was on it for a month had his stroke and we had to watch him literally starve to death because he could no longer function your wife has chosen not to take this path and you should support her just because she doesn't want the treatments anymore doesn't mean she's giving up she's trying to make the most out of the time she has left for the time being stop thinking about what you've lost out on and start thinking about all the things you can do while she's still here cherish every single moment that you're given for all you know she could leave more than six months and he might get to take that vacation life is full of uncertainties and we don't have expiration dates stop focusing on what you want to need right now and focus all of your attention on her and your family I'm so sorry you're going through this but that's what she needs right now and there is an update to this one well I've had time to collect my thoughts I can't blame her or be mad at her for lying to me I fully understand I just get emotional and was overwhelmed truth is all that is minor compared to what's coming well bad news she had a seizure Monday and we rushed her back to ER her timetable has shifted she'll be lucky to make it through May as we're told six months is the absolute best situation but even through me it's not set through stone it's possible she won't even last that long her cancer is very aggressive and without treatment it's just everywhere now it's a matter of which tumor kills her the tumors have sprayed she's got a few small orange sizes pushing into her brain now and the large soccer ball sized one in her chair you can feel it too it's pushing her ribs out and incredibly painful the seizures are a bad sign it's about to get a whole lot worse she has lost a whole lot of energy and is in a lot of pain now she's only awake for a few hours a day that's all she can handle it's scary how fast it came over her eight days ago I thought she was fine neither of us are ready for the ends we can't even plan a farewell party because our state is locked down as for my wife she's 50/50 the seizure scared her she's finding it difficult to accept her life is over some days she's fine but other days she's crying and can't acceptance I try my best to remain strong but it's not easy I'm terrified like I've had never been before but we can't spend all day crying we're doing the best we can to make as much memories as we can before the end we have yet to tell our kids I don't know exactly how to tell them your mom is very sick and is going to heaven soon neither of us can muster the strength but we'll have to because the end is coming my youngest is immature for his age and doesn't comprehend death a daughter who was 13 understands she's perceptive and knows something is up I apologize if I came off as rude at my last post I was overwhelmed with emotions I appreciate everyone for the advice I don't think I would be returning for another update I'll probably just delete this count in a bit please don't leave it too long before telling your children I lost my mother suddenly after a battle with cancer and not knowing that my time was so short shook me up really badly please listen to this ope my mom died of cancer and I'm sorry grateful that I had the time to come to terms with her death before she actually died as well as the opportunity to take care of her a little like she always took care of me I'm sorry to be so blunt but not telling them is not going to keep their mom live any longer and it's 100% okay if you cry when you tell them your kids will take their cues on how to deal with this from you so please show them that it's safe and normal to cry to feel sad and to comfort each other as a family hold them close let them feel your love and let them know you will always be there for them and that they can ask you any questions they want show them that being strong and being emotional are not opposites good luck Opie and this is actually really upset me this story going into it I hope it helped you guys get some closure I guess reading through this one being there with me through this journey if you want me to cover more topics like this like relationship advice I saw our slash did it so I decided to make this one that's the only reason I see I see it can be a bit heavy I understand that I can understand why some people would and wouldn't wouldn't want to listen to this kind of stuff but anyway guys tell me what you thought about it I'm gonna read to that message again just know that you guys I love you today tomorrow next week and until I die now go to sleep and forget today and dream about tomorrow I love all you guys and I hope you have a safe weekend whatever you're doing and I'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 14,968

Rating: 4.9456792 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationship, r/advice, r/relationshipadvice, r/relationship_advice, relationship advice, relationshipadvice, relationship advice reddit, markee, reddit, markee reddit, markee relationship

Id: 9eTgbOPDwfY

Length: 27min 41sec (1661 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 05 2020