r/Askreddit What's The Craziest Crime Someone In Your Family Committed?

welcome to our slash ask reddit where we answer the question what's the craziest crime that you or somebody in your family has committed our first reply is from data collect my friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that still had the keys in it he turned it on and obviously didn't know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scooby part go up and down a bit before the cops came they actually let him go too or an extra flash from funky grandma my sister-in-law worked on a ski hill one week there was a promotion by a company where they would blow up those big inflatables like those big gorillas you see in car lots she had seen them blow them up and deflate them for days so she knew what the deflated ones looked like one day she was leaving work and one of those deflated mascot thingies was right behind her car my sister-in-law has never stolen anything in her entire life but at that moment she decided out of the blue that she wanted that blow up so she plopped it in the back of her car and drove home when i came to visit a couple of weeks later she was freaking out about it she asked me if i wanted it just to get the evidence out of her house that's the story of how i came to own a two-story high inflatable cow and then opie includes a picture of it and yeah sure enough it's a two-story high inflatable cow or an extra pledge from duke of doosberry my dad's older brother came home from the war in vietnam to find that his wife had been cheating on him with his best friend he locked them both in the friend's house and burned it down with them still inside of it he held the firefighters off with a rifle until he was sure that they couldn't be saved then he shot himself this was before i was born but i've seen some newspaper clippings about it man we're only three posts into this thread and this has gotten really dark really fast our next replies from crash kg my dad brought in a banana tree to the us from his home village in kerala he literally walked through customs with a tree in a pot in his arms the customs lady asked him what he was thinking and he just replied that the banana tree was from his mother's garden the custom lady must have thought my dad was crazy but she just let him walk right through we still have that tree and its offspring and then beneath that lollipop luxury adds the customs lady said this is crazy and your dad replied no this is bananas our next reply from is stoner i'm flexpass it's not a bad crime or anything but it was illegal at the time so in germany up until a few years ago we still had a general drive for the army and a generation ago it was very hard to get out of it my uncle was a hardcore pacifist so going to the army wasn't an option for him but being accepted as a conscientious objector at the time basically required you to be a devout christian and use the bible as an argument for why you couldn't kill another human and my uncle was also an atheist he couldn't realistically object he didn't want to go to the army and he didn't want to go to jail either so he waited he got sent his draft notice past the physical and got a letter telling him to report to such and such location under sergeant y he wrote back a reply on rose-colored paper scented with perfume about how much he was looking forward to serving under the strong leadership of sergeant y promising to obey every one of his orders and that he can't wait to experience life in the barracks together with so many strong and muscular men he was declared unfit for server shortly after you always hear about people playing the gay card or the black card or whatever but this guy actually wrote a card about how gay he was it was a literal gay card or an extra pledge from propeller goblin my dad when he was much younger and infinitely more stupid regularly used to drunk drive with his friends it was the early 70s and no one really cared to hear him speak about it now he can't believe how stupid he was one night he and his friends were out drinking they heard there was a party going on at a pub across town and decided to hit over on the way they went past a large club with a queue of people waiting to get in my dad decided to show off a bit and pull a skid he miscalculated hit a curb and flipped the car sliding down the road on his roof the car stops they get out and run for it to the cheers of the people standing in the line they take the bus back home and immediately call the police to report the car was stolen the police knew what happened but couldn't prove anything one thing i'd like to point out about this post is that in addition to whatever car crimes op may have committed he actually escalated the crime to insurance fraud because when he claimed that the thieves stole it that basically means that the insurance company has to pay for his mistake our next replies from derpington my cousin got busted robbing a bank and was sentenced to jail he proceeded to break out of jail with his cellmate and went on the run fast forward a few months and he's living in a hotel room with a cellmate the cellmate orders the pizza to the room bad idea the delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police they get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison my cousin had a wife and a kid who got into a nasty coke habit we don't bring him up anymore our next reply from eli chan this was a couple of generations back early 20th century and there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt so one of her male friends dressed up in an easter bunny outfit put a bat in a giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it he got away with it but i'm pretty sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day that this guy's liver finally gave out i don't get it why dress up as a bunny this just seems like felony assault and battery with extra steps was it to disguise the fact that he was actually assaulting him with a really dangerous weapon like people were watching and they thought oh look that cute bunny is hitting another man with a foam carrot that's so adorable meanwhile the drunk guy is like lying in a pool of his own blood slowly dying our next reply is from fly girl my grandfather's father was a mean abusive hateful drunk who had come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work he tried to set the house on fire with his wife and 13 kids inside twice one day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking pot shots at them with a rifle my grandpa his brother and his older sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him my grandpa's sister got there first and shot him to death she was never charged with a crime due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great-grandfather was a mean abusive person and had it coming beneath that people are skeptical of op's post and sure enough op posts a picture of a newspaper clipping daughter kills father of 15. a 16 year old girl returned to her home here yesterday afternoon from her high school and killed her father with a 12 gauge shotgun the man 46 died instantly when he was shot in the face the daughter blank was charged with murder and then released to the custody of an uncle the slain man was the father of 15 children 11 of whom resided home state police said the man had returned home after having been drinking and that the shooting followed an argument what the argument was about wasn't revealed the coroner said the victim had been under treatment at blank hospital last year for a mental disorder and alcoholism the body is at such and such funeral home man it really makes you think how much of a disgusting human being do you have to be to have three of your own siblings plan to murder you and then your own daughter shoots you in the face with a shotgun i'm gonna guess that one was a closed casket service for an extra pledge from leaking lego my dad's side of the family grew up as new hampshire hicks my grandfather was stabbed in two different bar fights and burned down an entire country club because he thought they were too stuck up he was never caught and went on to earn a bronze and silver star in the korean war but unfortunately lost his leg too our next reply is from frick you freaker i worked in a movie theater when back to the future was originally released we used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and resell them to the next group coming in the old theater was massive sad about 600 people we probably made about fifteen thousand dollars between the two of us in a month or so adjusted for inflation that was about thirty seven thousand dollars we were the richest high school kids in our town our next reply is from abq mac when i was a young teen the boys from the neighborhood and i loved playing pinball and video games at our local bowling alley the problem was we didn't have enough money to enjoy our new addiction we decided to do something about that little problem we started with a very rudimentary system we actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple of times before the string would break or the tape would give out this worked fairly well but we wanted and needed more our next plan was a little more professional we somehow concocted a scheme to make quarters a few lessons in science class had actually stuck and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine into thinking that whatever was that we made our quarters with was an actual quarters we ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice we use led for a couple of reasons a couple of the guys had a father who was an avid hunter he even reloaded his own shotgun shells because of this he had a burner set up in his shop to melt down lead another reason is that lead isn't magnetic science we made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters but where to get more lead one of us came up with the brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead carrying screwdrivers and pliers we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers we would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars using the tools we brought we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble we were in business soon our production line was up and running we would melt lead pour it into our mold cool it and then move on to finishing our new quarter the finishing process was crude but effective we would snip off the burr where the lead was poured then file down the edge making sure it stayed mostly round using steel wool and a polishing cloth we would then shine the quarters now came the trial run we went to the bowling alley with a few of our quarters to see if our harebrained scheme would actually work and they went and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played success we intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters we were thrilled we could play video games anytime we wanted every day after school you'd find us at the bowling alley happily playing our games but our downfall was soon to come we never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines it literally never crossed our early teenage minds we just knew we were having a blast one fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual we started playing games and soon some men approached us they started questioning us and accusing us we were scared to death one of the guys yelled run and we took off as fast as we could we made it to the doors and down the steps we went we all lived on the same cul-de-sac and that's the direction we hit it running as fast as we could we briefly split up the men that were chasing us only followed one of the kids he made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door from there our crime spree ended a few days later i was in class when i was called to the office when i got there my father was sitting with a man i'd never seen before he was wearing a black suit with a black tie i had to go before the principal my father and a member of the united states secret service although they take the counterfeiting of u.s currency very seriously they understood that it was just a bunch of knucklehead kids making quarters to play video games he actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters he also said that they had recovered over 75 dollars in fake quarters we had made and used over 300 quarters we had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed on our juvenile records it was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charges would be expunged luckily for me i learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life and that fellow redditors is how i was charged with counterfeiting us currency if that doesn't define the meaning of a crazy crime i don't know what would and then beneath that we had this interesting story from coldiron76 you're lucky you were juveniles i witnessed a counterfeit 10 bill passed one time so i had to go to court in case it went to trial the feds offered them 10 years take it or leave it no idea what the max sentence would have been this was back in 2001. those guys there were two of them were probably in their early 20s they got busted because the clerk at the gas station was a graphic design major and recognized that it was printed and not legit then the one guy that had come in stood there and argued with him to give him back the fake bill when it started getting loud i paid closer attention and witnessed what was going on i also left and followed him down the road from a distance while on the phone with the police and told them what turns they were taking in their license plate the cops told me to back off that they had them and then three or four cruisers just came off side streets and converged on them i guess they took the deal because i was dismissed jeez 10 years in prison over a fake 10 bill i had no idea counterfeit money was taken that seriously i mean i know counterfeiting money is a pretty serious crime but a decade for 10 bucks my god our next replies from joker's smile my mom's father was a vietnam vet he married my grandma he met while in germany adopted her oldest son and they had three daughters he physically emotionally and sexually abused all of them when they were toddlers he'd wake them up at 5am for physical training like basic training for adults when they walked into a room he was in he'd throw knives at them to check their reflexes when my aunt graduated high school she moved out and he lost his mind he kept trying to convince her to move back in and eventually convince her to come home to talk about it that day she was sitting on the couch and told him she would never come back so he pulled a gun and shot her three times once in the hand as she was trying to block her heart once in the stomach as she stood up and once in her butt as she turned to run then he walked to his back bedroom and shot himself twice once in the heart and once in the head i wasn't alive but i read the newspaper article and it was horrible side note my family was really messed up because my grandma would take us grandkids to his gravesite and tell us what a great man he was also my aunt survived opie goes on to explain she did survive but the bullet that went into her stomach damaged her uterus so she had lots of miscarriages in her life she managed to have one kid but she went through hell to have him our next replies from sweetleaf my husband's dad killed a guy who his then-girlfriend was cheating on him with he was supposed to serve a life term but he got out because of a clerical error he did manual labor on a local park and apparently the guys who helped were supposed to get a reduced sentence however he wasn't supposed to also my husband's half-brother killed his business partner he would have gotten away with it however he moved the body when he found out that construction was gonna start on the burial site and what were they gonna build there a prison he's currently serving a life sentence my husband has never met his half-brother he also has two half-sisters from the same dad who are law-abiding citizens and then beneath that awesomeness replies two half-sisters that didn't get caught our next replies from brayman my aunt had a boyfriend let's call him mike he was always the life of the party everyone loved him he was always holding my arm from behind and kissing her neck a little too much public display of affection but hey they were happy turns out mike was abusive like very abusive physically and mentally the neck kissing was him whispering in her ear berating my aunt from making a fool of herself dancing my grandfather found out about the abuse my grandfather went over to mike's place knocked on the door and when mike answered my grandfather put a gun to his head and said if i find out you ever touch my daughter again i'll effing kill you well a few weeks later my aunt shows up with a black eye and her arm in a sling it was mike mike was found dead on the roof of an apartment building the following weekend we all have zero doubt it was my grandfather's doing since he was a successful lawyer i'm sure he had connections who could help my grandfather never mentioned it he simply said oh what a shame when he found out he never admitted to anything but as far as i'm aware there wasn't enough crime scene evidence found to charge him with a crime well he did warn him that was our slash ask reddit and if you like this content check out my patreon where i publish extra episodes also hit that subscribe 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Channel: rSlash

Views: 399,184

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Id: 32x4lBAkWG4

Length: 17min 0sec (1020 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 23 2021