Ron White - Swallowing a $2,000 Tooth - This Is Not Happening

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I was uh working most of my gigs for the Funny Bone Comedy Club and uh I was a prominent headliner for them in 1996 and uh making about two grand a week and they would fly me to the gigs and I wasn't playing my taxes so it even felt like I was making more money than I was and uh live living pretty good and and uh so the uh the guy that owned that chain of clubs realized that uh I was working 42 weeks a year for him so he didn't have to pay me that much money cuz what the else would I do you know where am I going to go get those kind of gigs you know because I don't know and so he cuts my pay from uh two grand an air to 1500 and uh flat and uh I told him to go eat a steaming bow of okay cut to uh years later Blue Collar Comedy Tour happens we sell 10 million albums uh I start touring I play Radio City Music Hall I I'm you know just things I never even dreamed of I from a little dirt town in Northwest Texas and uh I'm on my tour bus it's late at night and I'm driving back to Atlanta and Wednesday night when I get back to Atlanta where I have a house and uh I'm going to be the auctioneer at this huge charity event and a tuxedo uh call the East Lake foundation so that's my big charity of the year so it's a big deal I do it every year and I'm real drunk in my bus Which happens all we get what we call bused up in that bus and where your only goal is to stay sober enough to make it to where your bunk is and uh and I've barely done it and underneath my bed on the bunk there's a drawer that's refrigerated and I can get water and uh I've just had a bunch of dental work done and all these are crowned on the front of my teeth and uh and uh so and one of them had been loose and it had fallen off and it was this one right here that bad boy right there and I stuck it back on with a piece of toilet paper in there and it had been on there for quite a while it stuck on and and and it looked great look my teeth look great none of them are real none of this shit's real none of them not one thinking this is real and uh so I'm gulping down this water drunk on my bus late at night and the tooth comes off and I swallow it and uh and I understand the ramifications of this the second that it happens cuz we live here too and the dentist that did it in Beverly Hills that tooth cost $2,000 and I need it for Wednesday night and I know where it is so I go on to the internet what do you do if you swallow a tooth well it says take laxatives which I figured that was part of it and [ __ ] in a trash can and then mull around in the trash can until you find your tooth now I literally have a 10th grade high school education but still I thought strainer [ __ ] in a strainer take the strainer over the sink and like your panning for go just run water over the turd and let it dissolve and whatever's left is left but you're not going to miss this turd right so I take everything I'm doing these liquid things I'm doing everything CU I got to get this tooth got to come out by Wednesday because I need it so bad and uh and and it's really going bad and I I I take I'm eating a lot of food I'm trying to shovel this stuff out any want to hear the rest of the story that's gross I know I know it is and and I'm actually holding a strainer underneath my butt [ __ ] in it trying to find this precious piece of porcelain but then I find at the store this thing where it's a it's a strainer but it has these things that you can pull out and put it on a pot or a pot and so now I'm hooked up right so I I can put I can put this thing down then put the lid down and I don't have to hold this thing between my legs to [ __ ] my tooth into my bucket right so now I'm way more high-tech than I used to be and it's day two and I'm like oh my God come on Wednesday come on and I really I was so sick of it the only thing that start kept me going is I started to pretending that that was Nancy Grace's mouth and cuz if you just thought you know I'm just [ __ ] in Nancy Grace's mouth and you can keep going you know you can keep going for a little while day three turd nice turd we catch in the strainer bucket high-tech take it over rining it off last chance from romance right here my gig is in 4 hours and there's the tooth I found the tooth and I put it in the dishwasher you think I was just going to shove it back in my mouth and I we go down there and the gig was postponed to the next night I was like anyway there's my story thanks a lot guys

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 183,225

Keywords: Ron White, Ron White comedy, This Is Not Happening, stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, true story, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up, tooth, teeth, dentist, drinking, blue collar comedy, Ron White Joe Rogan, Ron White Joe Rogan Experience, JRE, Ron White JRE, Ron White stand up comedy, Ron White full special, ron white tater salad, ron white stand up, ron white plane crash

Id: oEc0UjgqtlI

Length: 5min 56sec (356 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 30 2023