Phil In The Blanks #21 - Ron White

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here's my goal I want people to actually get to know you because they know you through your comedy but they don't know you the way I know you okay all right what are we gonna do doc how we gonna let him know we're gonna strip you down emotionally okay good you know that's what I thought was gonna happen I almost didn't do it yeah this guy's sent me up I'm gonna end up in rehab that's what this is an intervention run okay that makes sense that's so many different levels you have no idea now people know you but there's a lot of stuff they don't know about you I think they should know so I just want to give them a little background do people know you're from Fritch I have quite frankly I don't know what they know doc but I am from a very very small dusty town north of Amarillo called Fritsch Texas Fritsch is north of Amarillo huh see I never knew that I thought fritsch was in South Texas now now no North all this time I've known you I didn't know it was north of a real home yeah yeah 60 miles north-northeast of Amarillo that's basically Oklahoma yeah it gets cold up there people in Texas don't like to be from Oklahoma which is weird cuz there's nothing but a river exactly that separates them they're the exact same people but well 60 miles north of Amarillo is Oklahoma yeah it almost is pampas up there Borger is the town I was born in I'm a small small but don't you get to Hobart isn't that Oklahoma in the Panhandle you're right below the Panhandle right there right in the Panhandle right in the middle of it yeah okay Wow so how many people are there now that you're going well they you know I always thought the number was around 700 because they were just a grain elevator and a streetlight and there was a Quonset hut grocery store called Paige's grocery store where my mother worked and as a very very small child I would sit at her feet and my mother was really really really pretty and she was the cashier and the only usually the only person there and I would set at her feet while she checked out people at the grocery store and as a little kid my favorite thing in the world to eat with those little pickled sausages that came in a little jar oh yeah but we couldn't afford them so I would ask my mother if I could just go look at them and she'll go okay you can just go look at him but you're not gonna get any till Christmas I'm like okay and I would literally as that's one of my earliest memories is going over to the Isle where those sausages were and just just taking a look yes taking a look I'm not asking for it I'm just saying there it is and I knew that I would get a little jar of them you know it at Christmas of pickled sausage eggs sausages so how long would you go stare at these as long as it you know there was nothing else to do so once you quit staring at the sausages you were out of things to do in fridge Texas that's a pretty slow town run well you're staring at sausages in the Quonset hut market let me tell you what happened they dug a dam the lake called Lake Meredith and and so Fritz was gonna become a boomtown so Piggly Wiggly with their fancy electric doors comes into town and runs pages grocery store and my mother a little bit out of business the dam won't hold water Piggly Wiggly leaves and we got no food there's no food there's no food there's no water there's rattlesnakes and stickers and gulches and so Piggly Wiggly wiggled wiggled and we and pages was gone oh so my dad worked at a refinery phillips petroleum refinery in Sanford in Fritch Sanford was kind of a joint combination yeah that helps was based in Bartlesville Bartlesville Oklahoma but there's also Phillips Texas right which is where the refinery was and that was about just outside of Borger about 15 miles from where we lived so how long were in fritz before you got out I as I was old enough to get some shoes I walked out on my own about six I think yeah my family my dad's family lived in Borger or in Phillips Texas right literally their address was one front street so that was the closest house to the refinery and they were so much fun that I couldn't believe it if we were going to over to my cousin's house aunt Lena and uncle Josh and and then I had a cousin exactly my age one a little older went a little younger and they were just fun they would have when we were all kids they had built these little trails and they had all kind the different size of tricycles first right so we always had things to do and that turned into bicycles was turned into motorcycles which turned into these things called river buggies that my uncle who was a mechanic would build and then you go down the Canadian River in these things and and you just scare you to death yeah and it was just enormous amounts of fun and the food was always great and always you know barbecued chicken out on the grill and I went to high school in Deer Park Texas but I think the important thing is where did I go to junior high same place now the the mascot for the Deer Park High School team were the Deer Park deer scary clever the junior high team were the fawn the Deer Park fawns so I was part of the fighting thawne a wobbly leg barely moving creature and other teams just had so much fun they would have these big banners it said beat Bambi like how hard is that to do and and because our self-esteem was so low because of our name and mascot it was easy to beat us you know we didn't even wanna those really strike fear in anybody you know it's the fawns are coming right now that we were scared of the Owls and that's terrible I know I was horrible who came up with that you know I guess they did you know I guess the deer and then you're their junior team is gonna have to be the fawn I'm like call us anything else you know even the horn fingers anything was yeah at least they had horns on them so you got out and went into the Navy right I did how are we in the Navy hi you know we shouldn't even bring up these kind of numbers yes they don't really add up too much I was I was I was not very good at being in the Navy because I just had this mouth that was not you know to to being in the services oh and it and I also had a little bit of a penchant towards my own habits that I had when I was young I was pretty rowdy yeah and so I was in for about eighteen months and three days and I was discharged from the naval drug rehabilitation center in Miramar California with an honorable discharge under medical conditions honorable discharge yeah now so and I've tried to make up with that for how bad a sailor I was you know trying to do service since then did you ever get on the water yeah I was stationed at Pearl Harbor oh so you actually got on a boat yeah I was on USS conserver which was a salvage ship and I found that not very long ago because the people from the conserver figured out who I was and then they came out to some shows and like three or four guys in in Vegas and they told me that they had to spend $100,000 on the conserver to sink it that it couldn't get far enough away from the pier hundreds from power so they had to spend some money on it to get it out there and sing it well to have not been very big on the service you sure spend a lot of time taking care of people in the service I know I'm jumping ahead but you've been given a patriot award you've spent time helping the guys in the service you've given back to them you've spent a lot of time taking care of people that are serving their country well once you go to Walter Reed your perspective changes it does change does isn't that so I was talking to a guy who was holding his two-year-old daughter and the only lamb he had left and I went outside and cried like a baby and I thought well there's got to be now I'm you know invested there's got to be or I can do I've got to be able to use this platform that I have to at least do something good you know so I was always focused on PTSD because I've had some very very close friends that have their kids just completely off themselves and I've also seen people I've also seen the awareness of what's available for help help yeah so yeah that's always been a big part of my push yeah but you've done a lot with wounded warriors and those guys that have just had it tough so you might not have liked it when you were there but you sure have made up for it since that's for sure yeah I'm better at the how better at this part that was it that part yeah yeah no kidding so everybody always wants to know when somebody is that the absolute top of their profession all humility aside you have to admit you're on the shortlist of the best comedians on the globe when did you decide that's what you wanted to do in 1986 they built a comedy club between where I lived and where I worked called the funny bone comedy club in Arlington Texas and I was at a I was a window sales when I sold windows and doors and guy that I worked with a guy named Sam Bartholomew went to the first open mic night and he came to work the next day and said Ron you're funnier than these guys and you should go do this and so I wrote four minutes a rip snortin comedy and had audition and in with nobody with the manager of the club and a couple of waitstaff they were there that early and I remember I got a lot laughs because one of my big jokes was my wife said these pants make me look big and I said now I'm pretty sure it's that fat and which has been hacked a million times but it was a really original piece of comedy 30 years ago and and I just remember one of the waitresses who was just walking by just laughed out loud and I'm like boom there's a laugh right there I got a laugh so even then I only did it because I thought it would be fun I never thought you know when you're from fritsch Texas or even Deer Park Texas they don't really talk a lot about the arts on career day yeah they really don't they from where I was sitting and from my dad's point of view the best thing I could possibly end up being is a left-handed heliox welder right well I was already right-handed so that cuts my pay in half because those guys work in teams the right-handed that guy once does one side but it's like a left-handed box or a pitcher not very many of them so if you're a left-handed Helio arc pipe welder especially if you can do it underwater you can make a pretty good living right and so that was you know I'm like well if I can get over this right handedness and uh you know so my breath hold my breath for a long time I got quite a future yeah and my dad's and my dad always said you know the best money is in construction and even in Houston back then I'd look at those guys scrapers I go oh those guys do yeah I think if somebody else got to be doing something besides uh welding yeah and so I was a pipe fitters helper for a while and and I was pretty good at that and but I never really became him so what was the first time you got paid for doing comedy did you get paid for that in 86 I don't think it was 86 because I've been September 1786 so I'm just over 32 years into it now yeah so it probably would have been around February or March of the next year I got paid to do this place called Corky's in Killeen Texas which is where Fort Fort who it is oh yeah so Corky's was really one of the funniest things I ever said I said then because I was setting up a joke and I mentioned there were 40,000 men stationed at Fort Hood which there is and this really well-dressed drunk lady hollered that everyone I was a bad and I said boy you know it seems like after about thirty nine thousand times you started to go maybe it's me I need to read a book you know and so I think I made $40 or something for that couple of days or maybe it was more than that maybe it was $80 for the maybe was 40 a night I don't really remember yeah but it was still I was you know I was getting paid for doing something that I consider to be just fine but you had another job I still had still selling doors and windows would you make selling doors and windows this is like 87 I mean I would I would probably make 500 to $600 a week so that 80 meant something to me what I would do and this is brilliant and I know you'll agree is I would invent stage time so I would go to a restaurant say you guys should have a Comedy Competition here and first prize is dinner for two then I would only tell comics that I knew I was funnier than because I needed that dinner for two yes I wanted to win so I wouldn't invite anybody that was any good it was all be really crummy comics and me who was a little less crummy ER than those guys are just to get a just to get a meal but I kind of understood early on that the key to stage time was being a good host really didn't matter how funny you are because the other two guys are gonna take care of that and I could be as funny as I could be but they really liked it if you were slick and made it look like show business if you memorize the announcements if you knew everybody's name if you knew what was coming up and you didn't have think that what you were saying is a comic was all that important but if you made it look like it was a you know show business like a professional show then they had a tendency to rehire you for that reason so what I concentrated on early was just being a really good host for those other two guys as well as doing my little 10 minutes or 15 minutes or whatever I was up to at the time so there are four clubs in Dallas at the time there was a funny bone in Arlington which is where I started there was one in Fort Worth and then there was an M to improv in Dallas so early early on I was working every week six nights a week nine shows as an opening act so I had a pretty unlimited amount of stage time and then open mic night I would do on the other night yeah so how much money were you making then so you're doing two six nights a week yeah $200 extra a week 200 a week yeah for doing nine shows yeah it's not a windfall it's not a windfall but but the thing is I loved it IRS wasn't following you around they really weren't and they they should have been then that so as that moved on and I started making a little bit of money you know and I started featuring in clubs I actually did this thing opening for Sam Kinison do you know this story well I don't know I know Sam Kinison but tell me the story because I might know it everybody else doesn't know it right well Kennison was coming to town to play the Dallas County Convention Theater which is a two thousand seater Carl labove was his regular opening act who was also a very good comedian and but he was always in rehab or his wife was and they had come to town to do a makeup show so he'd already canceled at once and but La Valle was in rehab or wherever he was so the night of the show they called and said they called the improv and said hey we need somebody to open the show and they go well it's running like guys pretty funny and they're like fine there doesn't even matter who you know we just need somebody to fill some time they'll probably blew them off stage anyway and still Sam gets out there so I go down there and it's me and Al Jarreau Mundo who you oh and and and Laurie my first wife my son's mom we're back there and we have a little six-pack of beer in a little Styrofoam nice chest and bill Kennison Sam's brother was his road manager at the time Sam's not there so backstage at a comedy club there's nobody there right it's not like a band you know there's nobody in the show and so bill comes and explains to me that a lot of times Sam's opening act is the sacrificial lamb so right you're gonna go out there they just want to see him he's at the peak of his career they're gonna start screaming at you and it's but just do your time just do it we need you to do 15 minutes and I think I had 13 I'm like well I could stretch it into 15 or something that'll be fine and well I go out there I've never played in front of more than 300 people ever so there's 2,000 people and I do the first punch line and kaboom it works and I just feel the big way but laughter over me and I'm like oh this is fun dude the second punch line boom never had a set like it before at that point and was just killing and I looked over and it was kind of like you remember the Buddy Holly story when they were playing the Apollo and that guy couldn't believe that they weren't eating it and he kept looking around the corner what this guy's doing fine so I really had an unbelievably good set and but I ran out of material and Sam still wasn't there and Bill was going whatever there come on that I got nothing you know you can't run out of material you can't go up there winging it as a young comic so I came off well Sam's still not there so I'm back in the you know back in my dressing room smoking to join drinking a beer celebrating my good fortune you know that I got to have such a good set and and 20 minutes go by Sam still not there the two thousand people out there waiting on him and I don't even know if I can tell this whole story but I will so when Sam shows up now there's 20 people backstage because limo is pull up yeah Sam's live in the my life you know right he would party until the money ran out and they'd come out and make some more money and the party like crazy and so he shows up well even though there's two thousand people waiting on him he first sends his bodyguard to come get me and Sam was always a Comics comic I always treated comics really really well and not anybody else really but other comics he was always empathetic towards them and a good guy and so Sam had a dressing suite so there's about 15 people in the first room they got a lobster trays and all the kind of stuff and they're all eating that stuff and he was that back in the back part of that dressing suite in the other room it was just him and what I can only say assume was a hooker because she looked like a hooker and she was a hooker and and Sam was doing cocaine so he had a big vial of cocaine he's banging it on the table he's gonna rock up it's stuck I mean he's just working on it trying to get it out of there Sam had a bit of a drug problem and he he looked at me and he goes heard you killed him cowboy and I said yeah Sam was a great it's a great crowd you're gonna love him and he's banging on a little you finally gets the rock out of the cocaine thing and he looks at me he goes how about a cup of coffee and I'm like huh alright I'll do a bluff with Sam Kinison whatever so he makes these rails a little bitty one for me a big one for him then he fakes a heart attack falls on the floor starts convulsing nobody buys it but me because they've all been around him you know and so I'm about to start sucking face with this guy trying to bring my comedy hero back to life and then he just jumps up off the ground he's kind of like Belushi in that he was overweight but he very very nimble you know he could do a hand flip and stuff and and then he goes I'll show you how to do this and he goes out just annihilates this crowd and afterwards there were people that owns the funny bone chain which 21 clubs the time to punchline own 6 clubs they were there laughs stop had four or five so they've gotten together and said well we can offer we could put you on the road as a middle act making 500 bucks a week but what they said was when I got out there they go I had these Devils on devil angel thing going and one shoulder they're going Ryan let's go have dinner and talk about your career on the other shoulders Kennison going how about we just take the limousines out some tissue box like why don't I see you guys later this week I'm gonna go run with Kenneth of the night and so you know a really really memorable fun night with one of my comedy heroes and and then I worked with him again right before he died and I was a headliner in a comedy club and he was coming in to do some warm-up sets and he didn't remember me and which is you know [Music] probable anyway and and but he looked really bad and I was supposed to do ten minutes and he was supposed to do the rest of it well I did an hour in ten minutes and he still wasn't there and so when he showed up really wasted cookie crumbs all or whatever was all over his shirt wearing sunglasses horrible set and he was doing to that night and we were already a whole set behind and he was getting ready for a big show he just hadn't been doing any sense he didn't have any chops at all and any and he died like a month a month or so or two months I don't remember exactly but right after that he was an amazing talent though wasn't it crazy crazy talented when he was on he was just he's as long as it good as it gets he reminds me a lot of John Daly who I play a little golf with these days just how much unbelievable raw talent that guy has and you know just uh just been still to this day John's a great guy but boy he's a party machine kinnison would just get crowds so Jack they would be wild well I you know I look at comics at comedy all comics in two categories bridge builders and then people that walk across those bridges so the bridge builders are very rare and what the reason say I considered him a builder was because he taught us they a crowd can genuinely not like you and you can still make them laugh instead of who was the guy that always made fun of everybody and came remember his name but anyway his was all pretend meanness Sam's was genuine meanness yeah and but he could still kill the crowd with it so even though they found him genuinely disgusting you know you you could be honest you could be that honest and still and still make a crowd laugh hard so did you go on the road for 500 a week yeah you got back with those guys and you didn't yeah yeah yeah I got my I got all my day so they could work me 48 weeks a year between them and so I went out on the road you know mostly with Alex Roy mundo because he was the opening act and we would either getting my Nissan truck which had a bench vinyl seat they would Bend you over the steering wheel after about 50 miles and we would drive 800 miles uh-huh and I would may he would make 50 bucks a night and I was making like a hundred a night and and then we would do one-nighters and then on the weekend you'd do a bigger a little bit bigger place and yeah still make that little bit of money but at some point you gave it up and went to Mexico though started making pottery was that before or after this laughter by the time that got there I was a headliner in comedy clubs and it had about three years into and I was headlining comedy clubs and then I would make between $1,200 and a thousand twelve hundred dollars a week so you know then I kind of moved up to headliner and making a little more money like fifteen or eighteen hundred dollars a week which is more than most of my friends were making and then the funny bone chain figured out that I didn't have I was all my eggs were in their basket and so they decided to cut my pay by a third take away my airfare and and I remember distinctly telling them to go eat a steaming bowl of which was so much fun to say right I still lost all that work and yeah yeah so I had a girlfriend that was making pottery and I decided to move to Mexico and and and start making pottery it may start making pottery so so my my product was heavy and fragile so yeah that's a bad combination combination dog was horrible it was horrible so we would you know every time we would show up in pieces and but the the company called valve arrow pottery in Reynosa Mexico is still open today so I did that until blue collar and when blue collars started this blows buy a lot of time but but when blue collar started for me to be a part of that I had to move out of Mexico because nobody could find me nobody could call me and they needed me to be available but how did they find you to do blue collar well I doubt because I was still working with Jeff on the weekends I would fly to I would drive across to from Marino's to the McHale and catch a plane to Houston catch plane to Atlanta take the train to peace treaty cab get on Jeff's jet go do a Friday somewhere Saturday somewhere and then come back to Mexico so the first time I ever heard about blue collar we were on our bait way back from this gig the kings of comedy was doing amazing numbers with with Hughley and Bernie Mac and Steve Harvey and who else but they were doing gigantic numbers they were doing basketball arenas and stuff so you know they were Georgia Dome yeah right yeah so Jeff said you know what we're gonna do is we're gonna combine Bill engvall's tour which was a guy named Craig Hawksley was opening for for Bill and I was opening for Jeff we're gonna put those two things together and make this big tour and my comment was you don't need for comics I didn't know what the Kings of Comedy were doing you know you don't need for comics to do a show and he's like well Ron if you just listen and so he kind of explained it to me and he goes if you play your cards right you'll be part of this and I remember I said why don't I just give you my cards you play them and let me be part of it you know so so that's that's when things really started to change we were you know we went from yeah me working in a comedy club to doing eight to ten thousand all the way up to 20,000 people a night and because that was you and Jeff and Bill and then in Craig Hawksley but it changed to Larry the Cable Guy because he was really good but he was on some kind of medication that wouldn't let him shut up and he would be just in Jeff's ear talking about well I paid for this cab and nobody's giving me the money back and just like I'm trying to pee dude and I'm like you just can't do that to him you got to give the guy some space now he's the biggest comic in the world at the time you know Jeff there's no more comedy obviously Cosby and Pryor combined and nobody can touch it nor will they ever probably because there's so many options for comedy now and so they knew Larry the Cable Guy from Atlanta spring training baseball down in Florida where he lived and run so him and Vic Henley and in Larry the Cable Guy knew each other from there so he brought they they brought in Dan Whitney of course is his name and that was a great call because that really gave kind of a counterbalance to me and then and and great substance to the show the fans just absolutely ate it alive I know all for you guys and everyone is just a superstar talent and it worked I mean right of way immediate success right right so you go then from getting cut from 1,200 a week and no airfare to doing this and then all of a sudden now it's Millions well not for me I was a hired hand so for Jeff it was Millions Jeff owned it blue collar one and but I was making I think 1,500 a show and we were doing I was like I've probably breeding at five grand a week which is way more than 13-hundred flat right so and and that was kind of an average now with blue collar came out it sold 4 million copies right at the time the biggest selling comedy album but it's behind you might be a redneck which was which is still the biggest selling comedy I'm of all time just right and now all of a sudden four million copies of his sell 40 million people are watching it it's getting passed around to everybody it's a phenomenon a genuine phenomenon before the internet was gigantic or any of those things and literally I couldn't go into a Walmart without getting mobbed and so blue collar kind of came to an end we got back together to do those other two we didn't tour together that whole time but we did for three years and then Warner Brothers said that they were going to turn it into a movie I'm like well that sounds good right that's their they've committed to you know put it in theaters and and they did and it didn't do well in theaters and but it just did so well it's TVD you know long was already set up they decided they didn't want to go 12 million in debt in advertising before they just went to this Walmart thing and made a bunch of money yeah and so and that worked they had dolls of us I had my own doll which I didn't think look like me at all but when I got it I was actually here in town and I went down to the bar and I was waiting on my manager and I got it out of my bag and the bartender goes oh you have a dollar yourself well I guess it does look like me because that got nailed it so so then kind of the big thing for me was I had never gone out on my own in big venues and so I wanted to go play this little 900 C theater and my manager at the time said you're not ready you should go back until you selling out clubs and then go into that and I'm like well that's only 900 seat there's 1,700 seats in this club throughout the week you know when so why don't we try to go you'll be lucky to sell out one it sold out nine and I was making ten thousand a pop so that made that weekend I made ninety thousand dollars which is more than I made last year and so then we thought well let's put another one on sale sold out in two minutes why the State Theater in Minneapolis Minnesota and we sold net well now the managers minutes two minutes have two minutes after we put it on sale you could not buy a ticket on Ticketmaster and so we sold out a bunch of those and so then I kind of went from you know from making five thousand a week to three hundred and fifty thousand a week to a half a million I think my record back then was like 650 selling out big venues twice a night so this was in a short period of time though once it clicked once it clicked it would just happen just like that Yeah right that was an overnight success take me through that what do you say to yourself when that happens the following people can kiss my rich family was the list it wasn't that long but it was a and it wasn't very exclusive but it was the way I felt you know it was fame and fortune you know what happened to you yeah well you were already doing well before all this but it was all of a sudden I could have you know whatever I wanted it was it was and it was you know pretty perplexing for me and but you know I'm like I want that that's mine those two cars are mine that plane that's mine now that bus give me that budget put it over there it's right over there next to the plane I actually had a the my jet which I still have and in a black bus a black limousine and a black thing called up what was it a Ford Lincoln Blackwood there's a pickup truck with a wooden vinyl there's a wooden trunk area it was really cool they didn't make very many of them and I had them all lined up on the tarmac next to the plane taking pictures of it I was drinking like a fish smoking pot like there was no tomorrow no that was yesterday wrong right I know I know I know I know I know no no no I'm much calmer now yeah yeah but it was you know it was everything that I'd never even really considered you know I really never sat around thinking that any of this kind of stuff would happen to me even though it happened to Jeff when he was standing right next to me I never sat around thinking about that I like being a club comic and I like being Jeff's opening act anyway I kind of consider myself as Willie Nelson's harmonica player I would sit there and play harmonica for Foxworthy for the rest of my life yeah and make a good living and let him do all the work and pay for the jet fuel and because not once did he go well this time you're gonna need to put gas in the play okay so you're sending heavy fragile pottery out of Mexico to Texas for God knows why right I'm sure that was really big profit to sell pottery pieces up here and then you're working for $5,000 a week which is good that's $20,000 a month right right so at that point you think you're doing pretty well right I mean that's a quarter million bucks a year oh yeah and I and that's what it was - I remember telling Jeff I said like I'm on pace to make a quarter of a million dollars this year which is more money than I ever dreamed up right and and I think that year ended up making 14 million so you're targeting 250 and you make 14 million dollars were you a gracious winner no I don't think so you know Jeff whenever he first got a copy of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour he called me and said come get it I want you to watch it and he hands it to me and he goes this is gonna make you rich and famous and I want you to be nice to everybody and I said give me that what is it I I you know I I but I I wouldn't say that I was I was I was humbled by it I couldn't believe it I mean playing Radio City Music Hall that was you know instead of the uncle Funky's chuckle hut and Cincinnati yeah a little different there and and that's a long way from fringe a long way from Fritz Texas that's a long way from French have New Yorkers yeah lined up out there to come in and listen to you yeah in fact that we the first time I played Radio City we out we held the record for the least amount of money ever spent on a sellout we spent nineteen hundred dollars to sell it out in New York which is a poster yeah that's a poster that's honest to god that's posters in those glass that's it things out there that's it that's it and so and I also had the flu so bad I should have cancelled the show and I was sick as a dog and I'd never even walked in the building before the first time I ever saw you know that stage you've been in there oh yeah that stage sometimes has 130 people on it airfield and I was so sick I looked at that microphone I'm like I'm gonna have to set up a base camp that microphone just to get over there and they they knew I was sick and they they you know they gave me a standing ovation on the way to the microphone just to make it look like I was walking faster and and but it was beyond my wildest dreams yeah I never sat around thinking on that level I never would have been brokenhearted if it wouldn't have happened because I didn't expect it to happen but do you ever now and along the way have you taken the time to really sit back and reflect and say wow this is my life I'm doing this now my tendency is the more thing because I can do it it's not that big a deal that's more of my opinion then if I can do it it's not it's not worth much I really don't sit around patting myself on the back sometimes I do I mean I have a billboard on sunset right now have you seen it I have seen that's pretty fancy you know there's a few people in this town they wish they had a billboard on sunset with their picture and their name on it yeah right and a Netflix special yeah and so you know I always kind of have a tendency to discount my accomplishments why I don't know you're the doctor you tell me why why do i dis count these things I I just thought you know I just always have I was kind of raised with a pretty low opinion of myself and I was always told I was stupid I had attention deficit disorder I couldn't do regular schoolwork I didn't graduate from high school I don't have a formal education and so I always just you know kind of had a fairly low opinion of myself I've bought it you know enough here I was in slow classes because I couldn't rewrite and you know some things I couldn't do it you know but you know you're smart you can't tell me you don't know you're small I know I'm yeah well I'm not you smart I'm me smart there's a lot of difference between me and you know and and we do have a few things in common but how smart we are is not one yeah you do three shows a day that are unscripted an hour long a piece you know I write a show every three and a half years and able to hawk it for a little bit of money yeah right a little bit of money yeah I got it you know Oprah told me one time she said your biggest problem is you make it look really easy people are gonna think this is really easy because you make it look really easy and you have such a easy delivery style people can look at that and say you know easiest it's kind of stumbled up there she I know that at 38 minutes and 20 seconds you know you're supposed to be on this beat right now right here you have timing you do callbacks and you know exactly where you're supposed to be when and I know you worked hard to put that together yeah I do I learned how to do that my uncle was a Baptist preacher dr. Charles Pollard is his name still alive lives in Farmington New Mexico I go see him every time my plane gets anywhere near Farmington I pop in to see uncle Charlie well a couple of summers I lived with uncle Charlie and and I loved going to church because he was fun he was a funnest church ever you know he had a great youth group and we went one time we went on this choir tour and a broken-down bus and we went all over the place and and the story he still loves to tell is I was the youngest person in the choir and and and literally I got $3.50 every meal to spend anyway I wanted to so I eat chili and french fries every meal because I nobody was telling me what to do I was on the road as it as an act you know yeah but their favorite story I had a line and the in the in the show and it was brother Fred he was choir director whose country is this anyway this is my country so that was the whole that was my whole thing well we're playing a Baptist Church in Dallas we were touring with this group and and I got I was so nervous and I said brother Fred and I couldn't remember my line just saved my life and I said where we parked the bus their country and they and they all still howl about me saying where'd we park the bike and think anything else to say but I didn't know where we parked the bus and we came up with something I did I came I was a joke yeah I didn't choke and and everybody knew start that song no matter what Ron does right but I learned how to I like to watch him preach pace rhythm timing I literally sat there and learned a craft didn't even know I was learning it just sat there watching my uncle and I still you know alive and my relatives will tell you that I have his pace rhythm and timing yeah you have a signature style you have a signature rhythm you have a signature delivery right and you recognize that nobody else does it the way you do it nobody works slower than me yeah I'm trying to stretch it out so I don't have to write so much but ya know what I do I mean I I know what I'm good at and and I and I know what I'm not good at you know I'm not as prolific as some comics are and that I don't put out a special every year you know like you know Brogan and you know these guys that are all my peers seemed to put out material quicker I let it sit on the vine for a while and make sure that what I'm putting out is something I'm really really proud of you say that you hold low self-esteem and all but all of those guys that you're talking about and I know these guys I know Foxworthy I know Engel I know Larry the Cable Guy I know Joe Rogan they all know we're friends and every one of them respects you immensely and you know that because you know them you know they respect you what do you how do you explain that that mr. low self-esteem of my career as I know that I'm that my peers hold me in esteem yes they do so Chris Rock says the nicest things about me I know Chris and they all hold you in high esteem they all know we're friends they can't figure that out well nobody can figure that out doc I gotta try to explain its people I use you as an example a lot no I mean people seriously they'll say well you know my husband this or my friend that and I always say look you don't have to love everything about somebody to love them I said I don't drink I haven't had a drink in 50 years I said one of my best friends that I love like a brother drinks like a fish smokes dope every day and I love him like a brother I don't have to love everything he does to love him I don't have a lot of friends that don't drink either doc exactly but I really like this guy I really like this guy well I don't think you know I don't think people I think people don't know how funny you are you know then and how much what a fun hanging out that's kind of what I get from the relationship and it's also nice to be around somebody that does not want a thing from you you know so yeah well we do have a good time have we ever been together we didn't have a good time never you're right all we want is each other's company we just hang out and have a good time and you have a great time with Jay Jay's one of your best friends my son Jay yeah he loves you like a brother as well right who Rogen stole for me by the way you know better words I really resent that but every day and I were really really really really good friends and then he moves up there by Rogen and Rogen and Hogan's wife and his wife have kids the same age there's a raveling sending me pictures together and neither one of them have on shirts I'm like what the hell's going on over here ya know just like he's having an affair with another commander now I don't like that that you could you could have picked picked a singer you know it's gotta be a comic J yeah come on you know he loves you you guys always find a way to get together somehow right yeah and we always laugh hysterically and have a great time you know he and I are both you know and as well as you we're all busy man you know well we all work really really really hard and but when we do get together it's as much fun as that gonna have yeah we find a way to intersect that's for sure a lot of your comedy comes from your life I guess that's true of every comedian right you've talked about experiences I do but it's not a newscast right so what I ultimately say may not be true at all but it stems from something my only goal is to make you laugh as hard as you can physically laugh for as long as I'm onstage that's my goal it's not that you walk away smarter because you certainly won't [Music] obviously what I want you to do is walk away with your face hurt yeah and so that's my only goal so you know when when I say something onstage it may or may not be true you know but some of the stories they're like well as you know the dr. Phil story which is true probably yeah you were there that's probably outside that they call me tater salad that's the second most famous bit that I do and I didn't do it on stage until you came out to see me in Vegas I'd quit doing it and you asked me to do it because you and the other people involved and they yeah it's the end of victims yeah the other victims were there and so I kind of went back and watched it a couple times and then I started doing I forgot you know that album really didn't sell that well and a lot of times when I have two thousand people in a room there will be you know twelve hundred people that have never heard it right and so I just started closing with it again and and I know the last show that I did I closed with it again it's just such a fun story yeah well I was there when you did it I was kind of to the side and nobody knew I was there and the audience is in the floor oh yeah that's a that's a piece they they just loved including Mary Pat right all right we changed the name to protect the innocent yes we did so we'll let her be Mary Pat but she was just dying if you haven't heard that story you can find it on YouTube you can find it everywhere right that was a great story like you're talking about tater salad and in there you said I had the right but not the ability to remain silent did that come from your life for it is that something you wrote and made up it's something I realized about myself yeah there are times I could shut up and I just don't shut up I've always been extremely confrontational and that is not always served me well you know there are a lot of situations I could walk away from that I don't and and it's just something I realized about myself that I I could shut up but I just don't how many times have you been married now come on I don't know if it caught it if you count that tall girl but Jennifer Donna I don't remember her name but somebody there was somebody just I've only been married twice actually married that was actually married right as I was married to my son's a mother who's still a dear dear friend of mine yeah I was married to her for 12 years and she had my child and when we got a divorce she got a dryer and we had a washer and a dryer you got the washer I got the washer she got a dryer and and so the next woman I was married our three and a half years no kids and she got four and a quarter million in cash and whatever she could steal and is she the one that took the gazebo how do you even know about that well I know about it because I was with you when they called you and told you she took the gazebo that's right how do you take a gazebo he said if this thing is set in two feet of concrete she hired a cherry picker to go over the top of my 12,000 square-foot house yank this thing out of the ground and then she bought a house right around the corner just to irritate me and then she had this cherry picker bouncing down the road with his gazebo and just plopped it down in her backyard and they still talked about it at the river club all the time it's the funniest thing anybody's ever seen then she came and just stole this thing out of it now it was illegal as it could be I got the house but she stole the gazebo and just planted in her backyard took the foundation with it yeah yeah the concrete apparently this cherry picker was strong enough to yank the concrete out of the ground and just take it over they dug some holes plopped it right back down and she had this the gazebo and I ended up just calling the company that did that and said just make me another one I'm not going back to court we were on the front nine at bel-air when they called you and told you she took your gazebo and I don't think I've ever seen you speechless right now I'm rarely touched my gazebo my gazebo I didn't realize it was gone at first it wasn't even a big I mean it was a regular just a four-post thing that was custom made they're actually two of them I'm glad you didn't get them both but I just had another one made and just like it now is that the divorce where you got the cops called on you at your deposition because you were in I think Santa Monica and you were talking to her lawyer and they called the cops on you because he felt threatened and this was right after that lawyer was getting shot at by the tree which was in Santa money and I laughed so hard well needless to say I didn't like my divorce lawyer or hers I didn't like mine any more or less than I hated hers the really funny thing was this guy's he's dead that's the funny part John Mayer was the guy's name and so I had these I had the little French bulldogs I still have one but I had Gertie with me and Gertie was just a puppy and so he had the top two floors this big huge building biggest most powerful divorce lawyer in Georgia the reason I know that is I tried to hire him and she already had because she's waste smarter than me and so I come in with that dog on a leash and he's got this big foghorn leghorn wow I can't get that dog what are you talking about oh you can't have a dog in here and I'm like when we do time to a bumper the person that was supposed to watch him got hung up in traffic so I got the dog so there was a balcony there in a matching set of rooms where his office was on the other side so we couldn't get that door open for whatever reason he goes well you can put him out on the patio and in my outside of my office so we're going through his office and and gurdy just hunches up takes a peek right in his office I walked away from that third like that was not my dog and and I just thought it was okay go get him gertie go get it just take a big Oh Stan she dumped and although I know his secretary cleaned it up and I sent her flowers that day for for cleaning up my dogs but I still thought it was hilarious and I don't know if you know this or not but when I found out he died I still had his office number in my phone and my wife said ever the woman I was with at the time so I was a prick for doing this but it's as soon as I found out he died I called his office and I said I'd like to speak to John Mayhew please and the lady goes well I'm very sorry to tell you but mr. Mayhew passed away I said oh okay and I call it right back and said I'd like to speak to John Mayhew please she goes I just told you mr. Mayhew passed away I said I know I just like hearing you say it and my my lives like you're a prick and like he's lucky I don't know where he's buried I'll show you oh I'll show it to you well she took your gazebo so she sure did you got a right right I sure did and those lawyers between them got a million three in the middle of that divorce really yeah million million of your tax dollars yeah and you couldn't have settled that no because I remember you telling him in the deposition you asked him if he saw that video of that lawyer getting shot at and backing out behind the tree did you remember telling him that I thought it was a funniest thing I've ever seen in my life and yeah and he said yeah I saw it and you said yeah I've watched it about 15 times and it gets funnier every that's when he called the cops right he did you call the cops I said I was violent or whatever and I know that was just a ploy to drag it out for another couple hundred thousand dollars and I don't think I threatened him or anything no I just thought it was funny I mean have you seen it it's pretty funny if you don't like lawyers in it so how old's your son now Marshall is 28 years old 28 yeah man 28 we've been knowing each other a long time now I know it's he was a very young man now I tell you something that a lot of a lot of people know that I had joint custody of him when he was two and a half years old so literally it's time for me to go on the road and they're like here you go and like wait a minute I don't know what to do this this is a baby yeah that's your baby I'm like okay I got a car seat I'm traveling around in a van I'm like Oh put you right there you're gonna need food I guess and so I would take him to these comedy clubs and I just walk up to a waitress and I go could you just hold him for about 45 minutes be on stage and and I just uh you don't give him any beer anything he likes beer but don't give it to him and so that's you know that's his early life you know was me and him sleeping in that van and coli member one time he was so cold that I had to put the toothpaste in my armpit to get it warm enough to squeeze any toothpaste out of it we're outside of Omaha Nebraska out of the road and and you know he was he was a gamer you know he yeah he never complained about it you know he just liked to go and and I don't know and then when he was five I moved to Mexico so Lori was like putting him on a plane we're going over to the third world country and what what is today I was an extremely dangerous town but back then it wasn't quite so bad and and so that's where he learned how to speak Spanish and and you know we lived in a very humble little house and I had no money at all and there one time I took him to a water park and I didn't have enough money for me to go so so I had to go in and pull clothes and and just watch him play because I didn't have the other 14 now right and I mean a broke broke if I ever told you that tomato story no my mother when she lived in Buda Texas the land that she lived on was a peach orchard at one time and then a cattle farm and she grew the most amazing tomatoes that you could just eat it over a sink like an apple they were so good and people waited for him all year Foxworthy bugged me where's your mother's tomatoes I'm like they're coming in they're coming in you'll get yours so I've gone out on the road for a couple of weeks and and you know every month I'm I made I already owed everybody you know so I didn't have any money and so I come back into McAllen I go to the post office they bring out a big soggy box well I know mother sent me the tomatoes and I was out of town and I know what's in it and I tell them to throw it away so now I get in line or go to Mexico I'm exhausted been on the road for you know a long long long day and and the phone rings and not very many people knew that number in Mexico there's my mother and she goes well did you get your tomatoes and I go mother I've been out on the road so I when I got back the tomatoes were all she goes well at least you got the hundred dollars I get back in my car drive back across the u.s. border go to the post office crawl in the dumpster and rummage around in that thing till I found that box ripped it open got that hundred dollars how you felt yeah I found that hundred dollars and I needed it to I went out to eat had a couple of drinks so yeah I guys oh so that's where I was financially I would crawl into a dumpster I would go to another country crawl into a dumpster to get a hundred bucks to get under bucks right yeah that's a guy that needs $100 right there yeah as a psychologist I gotta ask as a father did you have the sex talk with your son I did how'd that go well it was it was pretty interesting you know I I'm guessing this was short it was pretty short you know I can't remember exactly what it was that I said but I remember afterwards he goes well what about condoms I'm like yeah don't yeah use those I mean I left that part out of it it was like you know but I really don't remember too much about the conversation what's he doing now well he works for Matt tequila company right some doing tastings and stuff like that around Austin and then your tequila company is he said setting up a shameless plug number want akela the best tequila in the world taters tequila calm I'm sorry I missed that taters tequila calm and we'll send it straight to your house okay and the name was number one jua n okay I just missed it that first time so ever against doc I appreciate it at least I'm honest it's a shameless plug right right how's it taste well you know me I'm a drinker I come from 25 years of scotch and I that smells good I know it's crazy delicious yeah I'm not a drinker but I love the taste stuff but I just don't drink oh yeah yeah I gotta say that does taste good why don't we just get him a glass to stop couldn't your fingers in my tikki hello if it's good to kilo to kill everything oh yeah it does it keeps me healthy yeah that does taste but it you know did this move the thing about tequila is it's a stimulant instead of a depressant it's the only alcohol that is all other alcohols are depressants and so I would drink a lot of scotch and it'll late at night I would start to get morose which makes nobody horny right no woman's ever said let me just slip out of these panties while you talk about your tax problems you know you know woman this doesn't happen doesn't happen doesn't happen but that's why I took HeLa you know people want to dance and party and Men screw so you know who didn't who doesn't like that yeah would you consider yourself a mama's boy yeah absolutely a mama's boy totally a mamma's yeah people wouldn't know that about you but I know that's a loaded question I'm right it's true yeah now mom's doing great she was down in Cocoa Florida now and you know 84 years old and she still likes to get hammered and Gamble so I don't know where I come from your mother is a trip I got to tell you your mother is smart sharp as a tack and a lot of fun to be around yes I mean I've been around her quite a bit yeah I think she likes me oh she loves you okay well cuz you big girl or whenever she comes to town yeah you know you she's got unlimited access to the dr. Phil mansion the show that but she's easy to be nice to okay she's not my mom's great you have to tell this story and I'm reminiscing stories that I know but this is the only woman I've ever known that had a houseguest that talked too much and she put her to sleep now you gotta tell now so you don't have to fill in the name all right well we've taken who we call the mothers to Catalina Island there was my mother and a significant others mother and my mother liked to drink and the other woman like to jabber and I mean would jabber and jabber and jabber in jabber well we we went to bed and they stayed up and the next morning we wake up and the other mother who I loved the death to this day she was still asleep and this woman woke up a crack of dawn every day and started making me his and stuff and we wake up at 10:00 and she's still asleep I'm like well guess it's the Saltaire we're in Catalina you know and and she's your salt air is doing her good 11 o'clock runs her at why we wanted it she's sleeping like a baby this sleeping snoring and 12 o'clock runs by and she's still asleep and I start looking at my mother and mother what did you do if I put an ambien in her sandwich but you did what well she wouldn't hush and I didn't think she ever was going to hush either and she said let's have a sandwich and she went to the potty and we'll I just put a ambien at their inner sandwich and and what you can't use your prescription drugs to knock other people out mom well I didn't really know how long she was gonna be asleep but I sure needed fur to hush and what she did hush you know yeah she sure did it was nice - did she crush it up or what did she do uh yeah she's that's what she said she said she broke it under a glass and split just to see if she could get her to take a little this woman's lady yeah why can a woman say well I never have gotten over that now and I hate that story but she knows it's true it sure makes me careful what I eat around her I can tell you that I either keep my mouth shut from talking or eating either one she's dangerous yes she is dangerous dangerous Wow does it bother her that you drink and smoke dope no doesn't bother her in the least my drinking is is whatever it is you know the marijuana is prescribed to me by a physician for a reason because it helps me you know it helps me not do other things and hell you know it did really balances me out and and so you know there's just there there is a big big big medical use for marijuana I know you've always argued this point with me but well it helps you with anxiety right with anxiety and what makes you anxious if you start running out of marijuana right I mean I know that you always like that punch line what oh it's true I know it's true I get bums when I run out of weed and but and there's a reason for that so you know I don't like to take Valium and I don't like to take saying I don't like to take pills I don't like pills I don't like uppers or downers so the marijuana and also low doses of psilocybin which is also an amazing amazing treatment for depression I don't know what you've heard about psilocybin as far as the treatment for depression have you heard much about that your word for it you don't even have to you know you can read about it it's they're given and they're not even low doses they're high doses we get these people tripping balls on mushrooms under they're in the right environment and it resets them and it's gonna be a big thing coming up you've got a medical marijuana card but you got arrested in Florida with a medical marijuana card yeah did you show them the card oh yeah they care well it wasn't issued and Florida and they don't give medical marijuana I mean I've been party in Florida for years I didn't even know they had lost it look to me like everybody run amok down there and and I'll run amuck with you I run the kind of amok with you and the these two pilots that I fired called there's a if you have you know if you if you have a software called fly to where you can flop all the way any plane anywhere it goes oh yeah and so they'd flap follow my plane around and before I'd land they'd call the police until it was a drug plane so I'm on the plane by myself I've got two shows in Fort Pierce Florida and we land and I'm looking out the window and there is a SWAT team out there with dogs and I mean everything and I'm like well I wonder what's going on well it was me it was going on so they get me off the plane and they tell me what's happened well I uh I know exactly what happened I know these two dads have called the police and told them that this was a plane now I had they they searched the plane and determined that it's not a drug plan right and the cops that were there knew that you know they knew me they were fans and and and so the dogs came off the plane and they go now the dog needs to sniff that bag and I'm like rope and so I had 7/8 of a gram 7/8 of a gram not a gram of marijuana which I considered to be out of pot that when I have 7/8 of a gram I'm looking for wheat and the this whoever was the sheriff or whatever they had dude at the station says bring him in arrest him for it and so they handcuff me and put me in the back of this cop car and they're like apologizing like mr.wai you're gonna hate us but we have to do this because this guy said we had to do it so they take me to jail and so I had I used to get five thousand a night in cash every night and so I've been on the road for a little while so I had thirty five thousand dollars in this bag that I carry on me that had the seven eighths of a gram so they're like going we need to we need to count this money and like all right well let's get out of this stupid idiot he's going one-mississippi two-mississippi and like no you can't do it that way just count it off count off 100 of them that's $10,000 there's another pop teaching this not a count I'm teaching him how to count money he doesn't know how to count money and so meanwhile cut to the venue there's a sold-out venue I just show that night in the night after think of a 1700 people and they're just keeping them updated they're like well they just moved him to county jail but he's gonna be yeah not one person left that show started two hours late you're clearly not one person left the ridiculous of them literally they drove by three meth labs and a dead hooker just to get to that 7/8 of a gram of marijuana and and and it was so ludicrous that it spiked everything it spiked ticket sales shirt sales book sales everything spiked because it was such a ridiculous waste of manpower they were waiting for you outside the jail some of your fans were waiting for you right with a bass sign that said free taters and and and and I was in such a big hurry I should have stopped and taken a picture of it I didn't and I really regret that you know that would be a great picture right that would have been the t-shirt instead of the mug shot which was very good very good now but next time I came to that town I sold out of five shows and I mean it and the cop that said bring him in in the newspaper said he may not have had very much very many drugs with him but how do we know how much he did have well how do we know I didn't murder 50 people look what the kind of statement is that I had what I had dude it was nothing before that I had a little more than nothing so it was their great PR agents right that as it turns out a spiked as it turns out when you're not doing a show you're not a scheduled day you go to comedy clubs right like here in LA you'll go down to the comedy club or something I'll do three sets a night really town I'll do the The Improv Laugh Factory Comedy Store and sometimes I'll do three sets at the Comedy Store so sometimes just five sets a night why do you do it and what is it you're working on and what drives you to do that that's a lot of fun you know it's a lot of fun it's where I get a chance to interact with my peers and and I like being a part of the comedy community wherever I'm at you know so I spend you know quite a bit of time you know down at the store that's really my hang is the store more than the other two and and it just gives me a chance to be a comedian you know if you want to be a comedian all you got to do is go be a comedian but you got to go do that you know you got to go be a comedian and so I go down there and just hang out and be part of the community you know do you work on new material this is where I work on Newman that's where you try break in yeah not that I won't try something in a big broom I will but that's where I do the you know the front of the of the work but also the Comedy Store the lineup is so good that you better be on your a-game or you'll go up there and eat it you know they're gonna be following Joe Rogan and you're be following bill burr and you're gonna be following Sarah Silverman and you know all these amazing comedians are there because we all got to do the same thing you know we need those rooms which is why I still have a place here is so I can go down there I'm a you know about to spend six months you know rewriting this show and so I'll need that I'll need those stages to do it I just got to ask you you always said it's lonely at the top and you're doing big venues big business big intensity do you miss any of those five hundred dollar a night club era that you went through well they pay me thirty-five dollars here yes oh yeah irony yeah yeah you know I still do comedy clubs you know when I'm in Austin I'll do the open mic night or create something somewhere else because I still need the stage time I've got to stay on stage all the time it's like being a horn player you want to be one of the top horn players in the country you better blow that thing every day because you know you'll start to lose your chops you know so if I want to stay really really sharp on stage you know I do a lot of sets and I still do 110 cities a year in big venues and then another you know ten or twelve sets a week you know when I'm not working you say you need to be on stage all the time some of that's to keep sharp but do you have a need to be on stage I could no more give it up that I could give up any other advice that I have really yeah it's just you know it's like you quit in the dr. Phil show you could have done it a few years ago but you didn't know you know at the energy transfer that goes between somebody that's in front of 3,000 people to you just that energy that you get from that attention is is measurable and it's addictive you know that's why some people stick around too long you know yeah and I worry about that too you know I don't want to stick around until I'm irrelevant and the fans will let me know right now my fan base is within 15 years of my age you know give or take and aim quite frankly they're dying like flies and so I need to build it up on the other end with some younger viewers and I think that's what Netflix will do for me but you know right now I'm 61 my health is good I have no intention of stopping you know until something stops me I won't quit doing it I don't I don't imagine if you weren't doing this what would you do I'd be a regional marijuana distributor in the state of Texas where it's profitable yeah I don't know you know I've done it for so long I mean over half my life you know I've done stand-up comedy so I can no more think about what I might do or what I might have done I guarantee it would have paid less whatever it was you know we're not a I always kind of knew that I did have a job with no top into it it was one of those jobs that you could probably won't but you could make all the money that you ever dreamed of you know so I knew it I always knew that there wasn't a top into it because I saw what happened to Jeff and when he moved into a house that looks like a college you know and our remember one time we were he was building his house but he'd always be built his brothers house first right next door big ass house big colorada looking kind of a craftsman thank orgeous home and and so Larry the Cable Guy Dan Whitney and I were looking at his house that he was building and and I told him I said this is as unobtainable as the moon and Dan waiting he goes no it ain't we're on a Blue Collar Comedy Tour let's be a big thing in the world you're not being half the process being sick you know and again you know I was wrong and he was right so it wasn't as unobtainable as the moon it was just improbable and it happened anyway are you happy I'm you know I'm happy I love my life you know I have a couple of beautiful homes you know as far as the women in my life goes it's never gone all that great but who knows what the future has in store as far as that goes but you know I love my you know I love my job and I love where I'm at with it and I have really really really good friends even though I've lost a couple you know I've still got some really good friends and and so you know people I can go to for you know really really solid advice you and John Paul DeJoria and Jay who I tell everything to and because you know you're your son's smart as it can be and and and then you've always been protective of me and I remember when we went diving and they came in Highlands and I was in the water and I wasn't as prolific a diver as you guys were you kept your eyes on me the entire time just making sure I didn't touch something that stung or anything right in front of me going up so they wanted you to come back with all your appendages alright because it would have looked bad on you yeah so you know that I've got those things and my mom and my son is wonderful and and I live eight miles from him he lives in Austin - in a house I was able to buy him and now his mother was a little argumentative said you know I don't think you should I don't know should you buy him a you know at $350,000 house 28 years old and I'm like well he was there you know through all of it so why don't I give him something before all these women take it off and let it let it let me watch him enjoy this success you know and and and bump his lifestyle up a little bit and he still works every day so and he always has to and he never tells anybody that I'm his dad ever he never ever plays that card ever when he was in high school I went to pick him up and he was working at a Gamestop or something in Charlotte North Carolina and I walked in there and all these kids that he works with freaked out they're like he's your dad you're run what's what and and so I we were driving away I said you never told him I was your dad and he goes well what do you think we do sit around and play guess who my father is no that's not what we do dad we sell video games and so it's nothing he's ever talked about much and and you know and he loves me and the other day I maybe in the other day made me a year ago I don't know but he goes he goes you know what makes you a great comedian I had no idea you thought I was a great comedian no idea really yeah so what did it feel like to hear that from him emotional yeah even to say it did you tell him it meant something to you yeah what'd you tell him I told him I didn't know and he's really into big EULA you know he's into some you know if you you know regal is a great comic and but he had never really said anything about about my stuff and yeah so I'm in a lot yeah would you talk about saying you don't have the greatest self-worth or self-esteem what is your currency how do you determine how you feel about you I know that's a you know a psychologist question there when I wasn't exactly ready for I know I'm a good guy and I know that I'm a good friend and I know I'm somebody that you can count on and I know if I say I'm gonna be somewhere I'm gonna be there and if I say I'll help you I'll help you and and you can count on me and I know that's one of my best qualities mm-hmm so I hunt myself really more about my lack of education than anything really yeah and although it hasn't slowed me down one single bit you know I I kind of wish that more things were in place that I could have you know finished high school or you know something like that because there are a lot of things that you know you just didn't up not knowing now my mind is also not cluttered with a bunch of shit I don't care about yeah and it really hasn't mattered one single bed and I would have never been an account in any way but I have an accountant on my payroll that takes care of all this money and and does all these things that I really don't know that much about so and then you know when I run into big questions you know I have some really good really really smart friends that have nothing to gain from me other than to give me solid you know solid advice so you know I get around it but I die sometimes I have those regrets why do you think we turned out to be such good friends for so long a period of time because we both come from nothing and we're basically from within 100 miles you know of each other born in the exact same region but I know that you also lived in you know cars and had nothing and and and we're faced with all the same even more to limits than me you know because I did have a fairly stable home although my parents divorce but you know it was fairly stable until I was 17 you know here wasn't but that and that you know we're all other than the fact that you don't drink or smoke we you know you're really right down my alley as far as friends goes you're just one of those guys that can crack me up and I feel comfortable around - you know - comfortable enough to do this you know yeah well you know I would have answered it exactly the same way because people would look and see the differences but the similarities are amazing in terms of experiences I mean we both grew up pretty meager beginnings we both grew up in the same part of the country we both persevered against the odds right we beat the odds beat them to death the fact that you and I are sitting here in Hollywood California paramount studios right with dr. Phil written on every wall on the place it is a really very billboard by the way yeah it'll be going away a little quicker than your wall signed the will I mean the fact that we're fortunate enough to have the lifestyles that we have and do the things that we do if somebody had told me this sitting back in Yukon Oklahoma or mundi Texas or whatever I thought no no no no not me that's for other people that's not for me right we certainly have that in common yeah we do and both of us have sons that we want to do well and they've done well yeah it's hard sometimes it's kind of like I have a friend I ask him sometimes how's your marriage he says great subject to immediate collapse alright and people you say how you've always doing you know when they were in like junior high in high school and I always thought great when I left this morning right you have no idea when you get home what's gonna be like but you know to get them through Marshall being 28 and Jay and Jordan being grown-up having gotten him through nobody killed in a car wreck nobody having you know huge drug problems alcohol problems disastrous decisions in their lives you know that's pretty fortunate that we've come through that way it is but that's why I was asking you if you ever take time to sit back and say I appreciate this and you say it must not be that big a deal if you've done it right that just bum fuzzles me no no well you know I got in last night and I flew here on my plane and went to my multi-million dollar house and Beverly Hills and walked out on the deck overlooking from downtown to the ocean and sometimes I'm able to Pat myself on the back and go this is your house I've been on that deck I've looked at that view that's like you woke up in a movie I know I know it is and sometimes I'm able to Pat myself on the back and go well you know it's amazing what you've done I mean do you know many shows you've done to stand on that deck I mean do you realize how many jokes you've told him any nights you've been on stage till 11:00 11:30 gotten on a bus driven all night gotten up I still do it in order to stand on that deck right I mean nobody gave you know now they know and I didn't I mean I I did earn it and I did the work and it never felt like work either you know so it was what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it and and you know I always I've always been nervous that it would stop right so that's why I've always worked so hard that's I used to do 145 cities a year that's four to five cities a week every week yeah until I realized I was killing everybody including myself and it wasn't gonna you know wasn't gonna end and I was already wealthy and so I dialed it back to 110 yeah and which is all slack still at all still sounds like a lot of cities to a lot of people but it's still vibrant and I still don't take for granted what I have you know I still understand that I need to you know to my fans deserve for me to do the work to deliver that quality of show that keeps them coming back so I've always done that you've never mailed it in no I don't I mean when you step out there they get a hundred percent of what you have to give because I've seen you time and time again and sometimes you feel good sometimes you don't feel good but I mean when you step onto that stage they're gonna get a hundred percent of what you got to give yeah I'm gonna go beat him in the face yeah and so and that's just too much fun yeah and I also when I were before I walk on stage and I don't drink before I go to the show and so I'll have my first drink of the day right before the show starts I'll turn on some really loud Allman Brothers and I know what's gonna happen right because they're my fans they paid to see me I have a show they've never seen you don't have to win them over they came to see they came to see me and I'm just gonna go beat them in the face and they're sitting there with their faces out waiting for me to beat that face and so I know what's gonna happen I mean I know it's gonna be good I know it's gonna be a fun experience for them and I know it's gonna be exhilarating for me and it's what I live for and at the end of the night you're exactly right I get on a get on my tour bus and with usually with some really good friends of mine that are either my opening acts for doing my bi piece for driving the bus for my road manager and then we head to the next city and then we usually wake up at a golf course and I just crawl off the bus it was like I was FedExed you know it takes no effort at all to travel on a bus that's the best thing in the world and I love the bus you know you cuz there's no airports no hotels I stay on the bus they all have rooms when we go somewhere but as we get to town they all get off of it but but that's where I stay and that's my home and it's stocked with all my stuff so I don't have to you know lug luggage around or golf clubs or anything that buzz is completely stocked with everything I need and so it's just a way station that you know I like seeing it coming because I know that it's got everything I need on it yeah my friends and look you've got a cave on wheels it's the man cave on wheels is exactly what it is any regrets when you look back not one single regret I don't think I can't think of anything that I could have done different or would have done different it was all just a series of events that got me where I am today and I pedaled the bike as hard as I could pedal the bike and and this is where it got me so I had no idea that it would ever happen never sat around thinking about it but you know when when people ask me for advice I tell them keep pedaling the bike whatever Mike you're on just keep pedaling it see where it goes if it ended tomorrow was it worth the run absolutely every minute of it it's been exhilarating doc exhilarating the highs from the live performances outweigh the lows of divorce or you know or whatever I've been through and and you know I I but not one single regret not I can't think of anything I could have done done different that would have gotten me further that's for sure so if you knew then what you know now you would have still taken this trip because the crapshoot was so big that you know that's true and you really have to be when people say I'm thinking about starting doing stand-up I'm like well you better want to do it for fun which I did yeah I did it because I thought it was fun and so you know all it at all over a period of time it all worked out to this but what are the odds of that happened you know so but but I know I can't think of one thing I would have done then I could have done different that it would have made it well it's lightning in a bottle right and what's the chance of getting lightning in a bottle twice right now if you were starting this over what are the chance that this would happen I'd look at it I'd be exhausted yeah you know I was I was in my 20s when I started this late 20s and now I'm 61 so you know I would I can't imagine that it could have worked out any better any other way as far as my career goes and or error as far as my relationship with my son or my mother and and my friends you know and that's that's what matters to me your road manager for so long was Steve yeah and I know you still miss him and I got to know him well in fact I knew him right up til the end had been to see him and right you came to the hospital and spent some time with him yep and all do you think he had any regrets we met over six years old when we were six years old our houses were right next to each other my bedroom was right across from his bedroom so we stayed up till all hours of the morning talking out the window for the last ten years of his life or eleven years of his life he was my road manager so we spent and then we were literally that's when we were doing 145 cities we were together every day he did everything for me he had no ulterior motive other than to make my life better and I had no ulterior motive than to make his life better so we got to play some badass golf courses and and see things and tour and and become friends that were completely inseparable and I lost him you lost him you you know I don't know if I ever told you in detail but I did go see him some toward the end and you know when that comes back it comes back with a vengeance for people who don't know he had a very aggressive form of cancer and you know he can go into remission when it comes back he comes back with a vengeance it's a juggernaut there's no stopping it and he knew that yeah he knew it before he started losing his faculties about it his mother died at the same thing bring the answer you know I asked him kind of the same question if he had any regrets or if he had had done anything different and he said the last 10 years or so of my life he said Ron has taken me on the ride of a lifetime he said who gets to do this who gets to do this he said this is gonna end soon I know it if I'd had known 10 years ago this was going to end now I wouldn't have changed a day of what we've done that's a pretty good testament yeah that's a pretty good testament yeah he was amazing so when you say you're a good friend that's a pretty good test for a guy that's on his deathbed saying I spent the last 10 years with Ron white and if I had known 10 years ago it was my last 10 years I would have spent every day of it with him yeah you know and he's something that you know I can't replace you know Steve Jay actually flew out for the funeral and you know cuz he knew I was in you know a wreck and any knew that he can make it better by coming out and just taking over yeah and setting the whole thing up I didn't know he was coming you know I'm in my office in tears Jay shows up and just takes it all over you know takes it all off my shoulders which is a you know something you just don't expect you know for people to care that much about you that they would fly across the country and and be there don't to lean on you know when you need it the most well proud to say about J he's a lot of things but Fairweather friend is not one of it no no he's not a fair-weather friend when I have the clouds of brewing he's right there giving me advice here's what we should do Ron and you know he's honest and smart and and you know I'm lucky lucky to have him man you as genuinely true buds and well you need to know we feel exactly the same way I'm a pretty good judge of horseflesh so when you start saying yeah you know um not that much I don't have that greatest self-esteem that's kind of an insult to me cuz I'm a pretty good judge of horseflesh yeah and I hold you in very high esteem Thank You doc I'll hold you in high esteem thank you for doing this thank you

Info

Channel: Dr. Phil

Views: 451,783

Rating: 4.8222485 out of 5

Keywords: dr.phil, Series, Phil, Show, Self, News, McGraw, Daytime, Help, drphil, Illness, Doctors, Talk, Host, dr., Psychologist, Mental, Tv, Mustache, Dr Phil Show, Dr. Phil Show, dr. phil, dr phil full episodes, Therapy, Self matters, philintheblanks, in, the, blanks, podcast, Analysis, of, murder, Analysis of murder, RON WHITE, ron, white, American, Stand-Up, Comedian, Stand-Up Comedian, stand, up, Blue, Collar, Comedy, Tour, Blue Collar Comedy Tour, comic

Id: MfHWJaNJC74

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 96min 7sec (5767 seconds)

Published: Tue May 28 2019

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