r/maliciouscompliance | How I manipulated a Lawyer in Court

hey everybody my name is steven and welcome back to the story time channel without wasting any time let's get into our stories of the day in which i manipulate a lawyer into letting me recite a lawyer joke in open court and into the trial transcript this is long but i hope it's worth the trip in the late 1990s i was a teacher and a girl in one of my classes began stalking me we had her charged and eventually the case came to trial the story is long and complicated and maybe i'll write it out someday at any rate i live in a small town so her lawyer and i knew one another he was a dick and i guess he thought i was one too because we didn't get along very well our kids attended the same daycare and our wives worked together so it was often very tense in social situations i spent a day on the stand being questioned by the prosecutor then faced cross-examination as i said the story is complicated but a big part of the case had to do with certain assignments the girl had done well in my classes and her interpretation of the corrections and comments i made on them for example this girl had very advanced vocabulary for her age but when she didn't really know what she was talking about she'd throw a bunch of big words at me thinking it sounded impressive my comment was something to the effect of i don't see enough of you which her lawyer tried to claim was evidence that i was encouraging her so he was questioning me on each and every assignment i had ever given out in the classes this girl had taken from me she kept all the marked assignments and zeroed in on one in particular it was a satire assignment modeled on jonathan swift's a modest proposal and the students were to make their own outrageous suggestion for a social problem this girl had misunderstood what satire meant and just went for something gruesome and violent something like cutting off the feet of skateboarders to teach them a lesson in court the lawyer suggested that i was encouraging her to reveal her dark violent fantasies i said it was a satire assignment and she clearly didn't understand it the rest of the exchange went something like this ella's lawyer m is me i put it to you that you were the one who suggested she writes this holds up essay no as i said the assignment was supposed to be a satirical suggestion that's not what she did come now when you gave the assignment out you knew you would get some strange essays back didn't you no we spent two classes reading and critiquing the original modest proposal and we spent another class discussing satire so you're saying when you handed out the assignment you didn't think they'd misunderstand i thought they might so you didn't say anything to head that off yes i gave examples what do you mean examples when we talked about satire i give examples of different kinds of satirical writing like what stories plays poems and even jokes did you read all these things with them no the stories and plays i summarized then i shared a couple of jokes do you remember any of them maybe one what was the joke me long pause as if recollecting do you know why researchers are using lawyers instead of rats for experiments because there are more lawyers than rats the researchers don't get attached to them like they do the rats and there are just some things you can't get a rat to do the judge prosecutor court reporter and several police officers watching all laughed out loud the judge had to call a brief recess to restore order we still see each other every now and then i always smile and wave lawyers can really inspire a lot of very sharp comedy what about you guys do you know any lawyer jokes if you do share them in the chat because i'd love to read them i did exactly what my floor manager wanted me to so a little bit of backstory a while back i was in a wheelchair my legs were so painful i wasn't able to stand on them and i had pain attacks at night which would last for hours on end doctors couldn't figure out what the heck was wrong with me until i got even sicker i started not being able to hold in food only liquids when i went to a specialist and did a blood test it turned out i had a gluten intolerance celiac disease when i stopped eating gluten i was able to walk within a few months turned out i have another disease affiliated with celiac disease called gluten neuropathy it means that when i ingest gluten my nerves are affected to this day when i eat gluten the pain returns and i have a really hard time walking now i work at a company as a help desk employee i help people having technical issues with their internet so to say due to the ongoing virus we work at home every other week last week was a week i was supposed to work at the office so i have told everyone who needed to know about my affliction i also told them about my trouble walking when i ingested something i shouldn't have so last week i ate something containing gluten i cannot for the life of me figure out what it was but it was as clear as day the night before i had to go to work i went to bed with a lot of pain and i knew it would get worse the following day i told my partner i would ask to stay at home if i had a lot of trouble walking the next day came around and it happened like i thought it would i was in so much pain i needed my walking stick to get around so around 8 am i called my floor manager and told him and asked if i could work at home he told me a lot of people wanted to work at home for the most stupid reasons and told me i should come to the office so i did instead of calling in sick i mustered up all my strength took some heavy pain meds with me and started my journey to the office now normally it takes me about half an hour but because i had a harder time walking than my grand grand it took me more than an hour to get there i arrived at the office 15 minutes late and ran into the floor manager when i was taking my things out of my locker at this point i should tell you how i looked at that time white as a sheet hair in a messy bun shaking from pain and leaning heavily on my walking stick the pain was so bad i was wincing and almost couldn't stand my floor manager was floored he took one look at me and his mouth fell open wide he muttered something about not knowing it would be this bad and talking about my other colleagues and how they asked to work at home for small things how we had to treat everyone equally etc i worked a full day colleagues watching over me getting me everything i need and taking awesome care of me i heard one of them say how ashamed my floor manager was about making me come to work and how his response was everything i hoped for needless to say he told me whenever this would happen again i would have no trouble calling in to work at home i could have called in sick but my belief is that they had to learn the hard way or this would have happened again in the future i know it's probably not as epic as some stories on here but i just wanted to share make you enjoy the same pain-filled joy i had when i saw his face when he looked at me it was the best thing ever thankfully this is a manager that upon seeing you in this condition did feel that shame because i've read enough of these stories to know that there's plenty of managers that don't feel shame over basically anything involving their employees keep that travel policy strict several years ago i worked for a government contractor and traveled extensively usually it was for meetings in god forsaken places but sometimes it was somewhere cool or to spend time on a ship sometimes both for one such ship ride i was to board an aircraft carrier in japan sailed to guam and get a flight from the ship to the island before flying home if you've never been a non-essential passenger on an aircraft carrier you don't get a departure time when you're planning your trip you get a departure window of several days and you only get to know for sure the day before your flight so i knew a range of dates that i might arrive on guam the plan was to book a hotel for all four nights and until we knew we were flying the next day to just push the reservation back before the deadline once we had the date we would move our flights home to the next day to only spend one night in a hotel my boss made his reservation at days in while we discussed this plan in his office he said it was the only hotel on our travel site that was within the per diem limit so i should book soon by the time i was at my desk the last room was gone and the only hotel available through our corporate travel site was a junior presidential suite at a pricey beach resort that ran somewhere around fourteen hundred dollars per night i looked around budget travel sites and direct booking with a few hotels but there were a major fleet exercise happening around the island and hotels were packed there were even rumors that they would set up tents on unused airstrips to house all the marines coming in i told our travel department all of this and proposed that if i book an airbnb with a caveat that i would have to pay for all four nights even if i only stayed for one but that it would still be a thousand dollars cheaper than one night at the only hotel available my proposal was raised to the head of the travel department who wrote back rather aggressively that if i booked an airbnb i would only be reimbursed for the night i actually stayed there and that it would not be reimbursed at all if i booked the expensive hotel my instructions were to call our travel office when i landed and they would find whatever was available that a room within the per diem rate would surely become available fast forward to landing in guam first call i made was to change to the next possible flight home but i had missed the last one of the day so i called the travel office of course with my luck the person who answered was new and by new i mean she had started while i was on the ship she looks it up and says there are no rooms available i told her i was pretty sure there was one room available and she replied well yes but it's way over the per diem rate i explained everything and told her to ask the head of her department that he knew the situation after a long hold she came back and said that i had a couple options i could search around by myself for an airbnb that was within per diem see if my boss would let me stay in his room on a cot or she could book the suite and i would be reimbursed in full so on my expense report i made a special note that i had no transportation expense to get to the airport in guam because my hotel room came with a private car the only fallout was that they got very picky about my expense reports for a while i was a pretty by the book business traveler so it usually wasn't an issue but one time a hotel i booked was one cent per night over the per diem limit so they rejected my entire expense report i filled out a new one it was a terrible online system so i couldn't just edit the old one explaining that i would pay the excess out of pocket in line with policy i also forwarded the rejection email to my boss cc'ing the head of travel and asking which budget code i should charge for the half hour it took to rectify this 4 cent mistake you don't need to know my hourly rate to know that it cost the company substantially more than 4 cents he gave me his managerial budget and funny enough they stopped questioning my expenses after that that's incredibly frustrating that because they screwed up or are not willing to work with you at all then they start giving you a hard time after all this for sense that's just silly well you did want your fries extra crispy i work at a popular fast food place that shares the name of a certain famous blue hedgehog one night me and a co-worker were closing up when the timer on the deep fryer went off my co-worker turned off the timer but didn't take the fries that were in the fryer out of the oil i asked him why and he proceeded to tell me about the lady who ordered them apparently she came frequently and only ordered fries and every single time she would be rude and send them back claiming they were not crispy enough so my co-worker and i decided that they would most definitely be crispy i looked at the clock we closed in ten minutes perfect nine minutes to close the fries are in the fryer five minutes to close those bad boys are still cooking three minutes to close the fries have turned a reddish brown one minute to close my co-worker takes the fries out of the oil and i package them up i break one open and there isn't even any potato left inside they were like rocks we send the fries out to the lady shut off the equipment locked the doors and turned out the lights my co-worker and i are hysterically laughing picturing her driving home in her car crunch crotching on some rock hard fries even my manager was laughing the best part is that if she came back to complain no one would be there because we had already closed up and went home hopefully she liked her extra crispy fries fast food employees aren't exactly paid enough to deal with these karens who are constantly complaining about stuff so i think if you consistently put yourself in a situation where you can be made an enemy at a fast food place don't be surprised to have some stuff pop up against you don't check my emails bless me reddit for i have sinned first time poster backstory i work for the small company and i'm friends with the owner he's been overseas for almost a year and i'm pretty much dealing with all the office work i just message him whenever something important comes into the company emails when the virus said we were all furloughed due to him being still stuck overseas but i still checked the company's emails from time to time and did a little office work pro bono because he's our friend and landlord also it's nothing difficult so an important email comes in a court case the company is being asked to witness about and of course i message him as usual days go by without him even reading it so i give him a bigger and remind him that i can only help him if he reads his freaking correspondence he messages back saying leave the emails alone i can't afford to pay you until i get back might just be me but i didn't like his tone did i mention i've been doing it for free cue malicious compliance an email popped in that very same day today asking to confirm that we want to cancel our employee health insurance plans this is something my boss has been on my butt about for months again mainly because it takes days for him to reply to a simple query don't want me checking company emails fine enjoy paying an additional two to three months health insurance i'm not sure if there's any kind of messy area with the law when it comes to people working even though they're furloughed so maybe the boss is saying that so abruptly or jarringly because they just can't legally say yes keep working if they do it opens them up to a bunch of liability that being said they shouldn't have ignored the concerns expressed and with that being said that's all the stories we have for today so what i want to know at this point is which of these stories was the most interesting to you today and why let me know in the comments below and thank you all so much for watching and listening to the storytime channel if you haven't yet please consider subscribing and don't forget to turn notifications on so you'll never miss an upcoming video thank you all again for watching and listening to the storytime channel

Channel: Storytime

Views: 55,988

Rating: 4.9255714 out of 5

Keywords: storytime, story time, life stories, r/maliciouscompliance, r/idontworkherelady, r/entitledparents, r/entitled parents, entitled parents, maliciouscompliance, malicious compliance, prorevenge, r/prorevenge, r/pro revenge, reddit stories, funny reddit stories

Id: ea9VJCYI4Y8

Length: 15min 47sec (947 seconds)

Published: Tue May 12 2020