-Hello and welcome to the 77th
annual "Golden Globe Awards," live from
the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles.
[ Cheers and applause ] I'm Ricky Gervais.
Thank you. You'll be pleased to know
this is the last time I'm hosting these awards,
so I don't care anymore. I'm joking. I never did. NBC clearly don't care either --
fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired
from the Oscars because of some offensive
tweets. Hello? Lucky for me,
the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and they've no idea
what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig
by fax. So let's go out with a bang. Let's have a laugh at your
expense, shall we? Remember, they're just jokes. We're all gonna die soon, and there's no sequel, so, yeah. Remember that. But you all look lovely
all dolled up. You came here in your limos. I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made
by Felicity Huffman. [ Laughter, audience groans ]
No, shush. It's her daughter
I feel sorry for. Okay? That must be the most
embarrassing thing that's ever happened to her. And her dad was in "Wild Hogs." So, lots of big celebrities
here tonight -- I mean, legends, icons, yeah? This table alone -- Al Pacino,
Robert DeNiro... [ Cheers and applause ] ...Baby Yoda. Oh. Oh, that --
That's Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you, man.
Don't have me whacked. But tonight isn't just about the
people in front of the camera. In this room
are some of the most important TV and film executives
in the world, people from every background. But they all have one thing
in common -- They're all terrified
of Ronan Farrow. He's coming for ya.
He's coming for ya. Look, talking
of all you perverts, it was a big year
for pedophile movies. "Surviving R. Kelly,"
"Leaving Neverland," "Two Popes." [ Chuckles ] [ Laughter, audience groans ]
Shut up. Shut up. I don't care. I don't care. Many talented people of color were snubbed
in major categories. Unfortunately, there's nothing
we can do about that. The Hollywood Foreign press
are all very, very racist. So....
[ Laughter ] Fifth time. So... We were going to do
an "In Memoriam" this year, but when I saw the list
of people that had died, it wasn't diverse enough. No. It was mostly white people,
and I thought, nah, not on my watch. No. Maybe next year. Let's --
Let's see what happens. No one cares about
movies anymore. No one goes to cinema. No one really watches
network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me
coming out, going, "Well done, Netflix.
You win everything. Good night." But no, no, we got
to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch
the entire first season of "After Life"
instead of watching this show. That's a show about a man
who wants to kill himself because his wife dies of cancer, and it's still more fun
than this. Okay? Spoiler alert,
season two is on the way, so in the end, he obviously
didn't kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. [ Scattered laughter, groaning ]
Shut up. I know he's your friend,
but I don't care. [ Laughter ] You had to make
your own way here in your own plane, didn't ya? Right. But seriously,
most films are awful, lazy, remakes, sequels. I've heard a rumor
that there might be a sequel to "Sophie's Choice." I mean, that would just be
Meryl Streep going, "Well,
it's gotta be this one then." [ Laughter ] All the best actors have jumped
to Netflix and HBO, you know? And the actors who just
do Hollywood movies now do fantasy-adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes
and really tight costumes. Their job isn't acting anymore. It's going to the gym twice a
day and taking steroids, really. Have we got an award
for most ripped junky? No. No point,
we'd know who'd win that. Martin Scorsese,
the greatest living director, made the news
for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said they're not real cinema and they remind him
of theme parks. I agree. Although I don't know
what he's doing hanging around theme parks. He's not big enough to go
on the rides, is he? He's tiny. Right? "The Irishman" was amazing. It was amazing.
[ Cheers and applause ] It was.
Matter of fact, it was great. Long, but amazing. It wasn't the only epic movie. "Once Upon a Time...
in Hollywood," nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio
attended the premiere, and by the end,
his date was too old for him. [ Laughter ] Even Prince Andrew was like,
"Come on, Leo, mate, you know? You're nearly 50-some." The world got to see
James Corden as a fat pussy. [ Laughter, audience groans ] He was also in the movie "Cats."
But no one saw that. And the reviews, oh, shocking. I saw one that said, "This is the worst thing
to happen to cats since dogs." Right? But Dame Judi Dench defended
the film saying it was the role
she was born to play because she --
I can't do this next joke. [ Laughter ] Because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down
on the carpet, lifting her leg,
and licking her... [ Laughter ] [ Coughs ]
Fur ball. Fur ball. She's old-school. [ Sighs ] It's the last time. Who cares? Ahh. Apple roared into the TV game
with "The Morning Show," a superb drama, yeah...
[ Cheers and applause ] ...a superb drama about
the importance of dignity and doing the right thing made by a company that runs
sweatshops in China. So, well, you say you're woke, but the companies you work for,
I mean, unbelievable -- Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started
a streaming service, you'd call your agent,
wouldn't ya? So if you do win
an award tonight, don't use it as a platform
to make a political speech. You're in no position to lecture
the public about anything. You know nothing
about the real world. Most of you spent less time
in school than Greta Thunberg. So if you win, right, come up,
accept your little award, thank your agent and your god,
and... So...
[ Cheers and applause ] It's already three hours long. [ Sighs ] Right, let's do the first award.
The first award? [ Laughter ] The first award
is for Best Actor in a Television Series,
Musical or Comedy. To present the award are a
couple of actors off the telly. What can I say? Jennifer Aniston
and Reese Witherspoon.
Golden Globes hired him specifically to do this. They know ratings aren't the same anymore so they got Gervais to come out, do this shtick (which is hypocritical because he does the same thing he accuses the rest of the people of doing, even making speeches about the same thing) and they knew it would get them more traffic, more up votes, more likes, more retweets and more money.
Everyone's talking about Apple TV, everyone's talking about Golden Globes, folks are scrambling to find bigger clips online because of this, which is then giving them a ton of extra traffic on their related videos involving the golden globes.
He danced the dance they paid him for and profited off of it while folks can applaud his wokeness while the world refuses to change.
Well done, Golden Globes.
Rick Gervais is an offensive comedian, it’s his whole shtick. Compared to previous years he hosted, I feel like he kind of pulled his punches.
Actor stands infront of other actors and tells them that actors are the cause of all problems.
He's still a PETA supporter. A few 10 year old jokes from 4chan won't change that.
unavailable vid
"You can't order your steak rare and then get angry when it comes to you bloody."
That was fucking beautiful
He tore them a new asshole and it was hilarious to watch them clutch their pearls