Ricky Gervais Golden Globes 2016 Full Intro

just shut up you dusting pill-popping sexual deviants come I want to do this monologue and then go into hiding okay not even Sean Penn on find me snitch ho and welcome to the 73rd annual Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel with all these rich beautiful celebrities having the time of their lives there so no one spoils that yeah we're that cuz I'm gonna try and be nice your global mega stars with amazing talent most of you a few of you just married well you know who you are we all do we all do we're live on NBC and it's right the NBC hosts this award show because they're the only network who are truly fair and impartial and that's because they're the only network with zero nominations so nothing in the forum tonight they don't care who they don't care obviously but as I say I'm going to be nice tonight I've changed not as much as Bruce Jenner obviously now Caitlyn Jenner of course why here's she's had she became a role model for trans people everywhere showing great bravery in breaking down barriers in destroying stereotypes she didn't do a lot for women drivers you can tell everything and you know at the same time anyway so I'm going to be nice guy and I'll tell you why the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press just told me if I sign the offensive or crass or resort to innuendo he's going to come out here and personally pull me off so that's an offer I couldn't refuse yes yes that is the level an old man pulling me off again at least Jeffrey Tambor didn't in a dress what a year he's had ah what an actor what role every day he has to park all that women's clothes and the hair and makeup and let people film it that takes balls so I don't know how he does it I really don't I've seen these balls they're huge and long either be tucked him in the bra does nothing when you push him out the back and let him hang out like a bulldog no one knows I love Jeffrey Tambor I don't know if that's because he steps by actor or because he reminds me of my nan one Hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away the fear of being made fun of as if film stars to stay away from the chance of winning a golden blow particular film company is already paid for so what's happened this last year in this crazy business we called show the excellent spotlight has been nominated yeah the the Catholic Church are furious about the film as it exposes the fact that 5% of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood and she received yeah overwhelming support from people everywhere there were marches on the street nurses and factory workers saying how the how can a 25 year old live on 52 million this is but there were plumbers around the logo poor girls are ugly well so but joking aside of course women should be displayed the same as men for doing the same job and I'd like to say now that I'm getting paid exactly the same as Tina and Amy did last year now I know there was two of them but it's not my fault if they want to share the money is it that's their stupid Bowl is funny because it's true the Hollywood Foreign Press deemed the Martian a comedy and even nominated it and hence Matt Damon is here tonight so that worked a treat to be fair the Martian was a lot funnier than pixels but then again so was Schindler's List it's just a film all female remakes are the big thing there's a female remake of ghostbusters there's going to be a female remake of Ocean's eleven and this is brilliant for the studios as they get guaranteed box office results and they don't have to spend too much money on the cast so sure I don't care listen if you do win tonight remember that no one cares about that award as much as you do okay don't get emotional it's embarrassing okay that award is no offense worthless it's a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you I've got three I've got three golden birds myself so I can set ones a doorstop when I use to hit burgers with and when I keep by the bed two doesn't know why it's my time I won it fair and square it's just the right shape and size it's nothing yeah so to be clear that was a joke about me shoving golden globes that I've won up my ass and they asked me the host four times let's do the show shall we on a serious note the Golden Globes are about excellence to win one you have to do something amazing neither of our first two presenters have won a golden bow I don't know what they're doing here really I don't choose the guests please welcome the fantastic Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill

Channel: Patri

Views: 2,754,402

Keywords: Golden Globes 2016, Ricky Gervais

Id: jJ2vDeDgEGk

Length: 7min 42sec (462 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 10 2016