Golden Globes 2012 - Ricky Gervais Opening Monologue

live from the star-filled international ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel welcome to the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards and now your host for the evening ladies and gentlemen Ricky Gervais Oh so where was I um nervous don't be this isn't about you right hello I'm Ricky device and welcome to the 69th annual Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles voted for by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association tonight you get Britain's biggest comedian hosting the world's second biggest award show on America's third biggest Network so is it for its fourth for any of you don't know the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars but without all that esteem the Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton basically what bit louder bit trashy bit drunker and more easily bought um allegedly nothing's been proved but ah who needs viscous not me I'm not Eddie Murphy he walked out on him he said no and good for him but when the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you you know you're in trouble I love Eddie Murphy love's dress doesn't he um versatile is versatile now he is bit of trivia for you actually Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie the help and that brilliant they were brilliant I can't believe they're not here or maybe they are they're masters of disguise they could be now the Hollywood Foreign Press have warned me they're fine so any of you or any of them or offend any viewers or caused any controversy whatsoever they'll definitely invite me back next year as well they actually gave me a list of rules I'm going to ignore them but I thought it'd be good to read them out okay this is real okay no profanity that's fine I've got a huge vocabulary no nudity see that's a shame because I've got a huge vocabulary um but a tiny penis no that's true doesn't matter I don't care it works don't worry about it it's fine it's fine I don't damn it no smut or innuendo and I'm not to libel anyone and I mustn't mention Mel Gibson this year not his private life is politics his recent films and especially not Jodie Foster's beaver um I haven't seen it myself I've spoken to a lot of guys here they haven't seen either but that doesn't mean it's not any good sorry um I don't care um it's been an amazing year in show business it's not all been good news what's with all the divorces what's going on I mean Arnold and Maria JLo and Mark Antony Ashton and Demi Kim Kardashian and some guy no one had ever remember he wasn't he wasn't around long 72 days a marriage that lasted 72 days I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches other celebrity scandal Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test what a waste of a test that would have been no he's not the father the only way that he could be impregnated a girl was if he'd borrowed one of Martha Stewart's old turkey basters open white and it's been a big year for women in film bridesmaids one of my favorite comedies of the year yeah the girls finally prove that they can be as raunchy as the men farting burping cursing performing wild sex acts even pooping in the sink I actually heard for a search the cast spent the weekend with Dame Helen Mirren she's dreadful honestly you don't you don't see a lot of because she's got good PR but she's off the rails but the golden globes aren't just about movies it also celebrates the best in TV as well new shows like the amazing homeland which is just it's amazing and and returning shows like Boardwalk Empire I love that show it's great it's for those it's about a load of immigrants who came to America about 100 years ago and they got involved in bribery and corruption and they worked their way up into high society but enough about the Hollywood Foreign Press I'm joking I love them and they're good sports for inviting me back and what I didn't know what they do an awful lot for charity and their nonprofit organization just like NBC so thank you get on with it this time last year our first presenter was the biggest movie star on the planet but I insulted his film The Tourist causing his career to plummet so far that he was forced to work with me on my new show life's too short which premieres on HBO on February 19th please welcome the man who will wear literally anything timber and tells him to Johnny Depp just for I want to ask you a question it's real you can have some just checking yeah and be honest where are you on recreational drugs I'm joking no that's not the question how we will know the answer um have you ready I guess so have you seen the tourists yet I know boy he's fun

Channel: J.D. Funari

Views: 6,393,656

Rating: 4.8699918 out of 5

Keywords: ricky, gervais, golden, globes, 2012, opening, monologue, jokes, mel, gibson, eddie, murphy, norbit, the help, jodie, foster, the beaver, arnold, schwarzenegger, justin, bieber, kim, kardashian, helen, mirren, bridesmaids, george, clooney, britain, hollywood, oscars, johnny, depp, tourist, tim, burton, globe, awards, nbc

Id: YQrMGlIE79M

Length: 7min 22sec (442 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 15 2012