Ricky Gervais Golden Globes Mono-Open for 2010-2011-2012

ladies and gentlemen Ricky Gervais [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello hello and welcome to the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards live from Los Angeles I'm Ricky Gervais thank you you you probably know me as the creator of The Office no you don't do you you think Steve Carell did you know oh he's brilliant is the Steve Carell he's amazing as the bumbling office manager where does he get his ideas from [Laughter] let's pay hundreds of millions of dollars and put you in every movie if you can't be bothered to go to the cinema to see Steve in action then just watching might be Thursday here on NBC or if you think that particular version of the show as jump the shark a little bit sort of similar forums the same then watch the original Friday's swim that's been available so just just just 12 episodes in a special quality not quantity that's what counts oh yeah so go and get that and I will be making the most of this opportunity I'm not used to these sort of viewing figures let's face it Knorr NBC so on a serious note just looking at all the faces here reminds me of some of the great work that's been done this year by cosmetic surgeons you all look great on a little bit of work done about cheek implants they put them there which is annoying and ayah I've had a penis reduction just got the one now and it is very tiny but sir my hands so well I'm holding it looks pretty big and this face it I usually am holding it the other shelves doing that now instead of this to be honest for this it is an honor to be here in a room full of what I consider to be the most important people on the planet because they're just they're just better than ordinary people aren't they that's know that we all know that imagine a world without actors oh god it doesn't bear thinking about imagine if I ever went on strike Oh what would we did you couldn't replace them you couldn't replace them with any other profession lawyers or doctors can you imagine a real surgeon doing what Hugh Laurie does in house it would be pathetic he'd be all over the place I don't know where do I stand how does my American accent what what's my lines you know Hugh with the aid of coaches stuff can eventually learn his lines while saving lives he's a genius how could you replace Kiefer Sutherland in 24 I'd love to see a real anti-terrorist agent try and defuse a bomb in a busy train station in one hour some of those scenes by the way where Kiefer grabs on and beats him to a pulp they weren't even in the script the director just said keep rolling we're working but actors aren't just loved here in Hollywood they are loved the world over because they're recognizable you can be anyone you could be in the third world okay and you'll get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better okay you could be a little a little child a little asian child with no possessions and no money but you get you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think mummy Oh thank you let's get on with it before NBC replaced me with Jay Leno well it's going well isn't it we've had we've seen some worthy winners and some not so worthy ones let's go no I'm not gonna mention him now am I I'll be doing that on my blog Ricky Gervais is calm I've had thousands of emails over the past few days saying yoy was the invention of lying not nominated I don't know I just don't know maybe the D media win the wart that's out Tuesday at Walmart [Applause] so gone by that one thing that can't be bought is a golden blow officially [Applause] I'm not gonna do this again anyway [Applause] but if you were to buy one the mantasy would be Phillip Burke the next category contains a couple of legends one of which was already seen Sir Paul McCartney fellow Brits oh good luck to him I shouldn't be biased but we actually came over on the same flight I didn't get to speak to him because I was up the front in first class and he was behind me in coach saving money he spent an awful lot last year I don't think we have to feel too sorry for him he's doing all right oh we think the serious fit now the Golden Globes is shown all over the world it is oblivious to color or creed it doesn't just celebrate talent it celebrates difference it crushes prejudice and stereotype one stereotype I hate is that all Irishmen are just drunk sweary hellraisers please welcome Colin Farrell [Applause] this next category is a bit of a downer to be honest it's for writing we will know writers get way too much credit in Hollywood and that's due to the generosity of actors sometimes mentioning them I mean but what would writers do without actors I don't want to keep going on about actors but they're the most important ones okay it's not the words you say it's how good you look when you're saying them but everyone knows that and that the great thing about actors is they want to keep moving forward they're chameleons ever-changing and leaving the past behind please welcome Rachel off friends and that bloke from 300 [Applause] hello calm down calm down we're on the home straight the next presenter is an award-winning actress with special powers in Die Another Day she used her powers of seduction to win over James Bond in x-men she used her powers to control the elements in Catwoman she used the power of being able to wash herself all over and she's the poor for behind-the-ear it's brilliant how you doing tis about a couple I'm not real idea listen up I've haven't offended anyone I didn't mean it's not my fault there's a lot of powerful people here so if I said hey it's honestly I like a dream as much the next man unless the next man is now Gibson [Applause] all right [Applause] the next presenter is not only one of Hollywood's best actors he's also one of the coolest men in the world I've got a bad word to say about him mostly because he's got arms as big as my legs please welcome the amazing Mickey Rourke well that's it we've got about eight seconds so thank you so much well done to all the winners and if I could have one wish it would be peace on earth no can I change that I want everyone to watch the Ricky Gervais show on HBO's and now your host for the evening ladies and gentlemen Ricky Gervais [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you hello and hello welcome to the 68th Annual Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles it's gonna be a night of partying and heavy drinking as Charlie Sheen calls it breakfast Wow whoa so let's get this straight what he did was he he picked up a porn star paid her to have dinner with him introduced her to his ex-wife as you do went to hotel got drunk got naked trashed the place while she was locked in the cupboard and that was a Monday what what did he do New Year's Eve anyway welcome the Golden Globes is celebration of the best in TV and movies over the last year voted for by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association it was a big year for 3d movies Toy Story Despicable Me Tron seems like everything this year was 3-dimensional except the characters in The Tourist I feel bad about that joke all right no no I tell you why I'm jumping on the bandwagon because I haven't even seen the tourist who has no it must be good because it's nominated so shut up okay and I'd like to quash this ridiculous rumor going round that the only reason the tourist was nominated was so the Hollywood Foreign Press could hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie that is that is rubbish that is not the only reason they also accepted bribes let's [Applause] no all that happened was some of them were taken to see cher in concert how the hell is that a bribe really do you wanna go to see cher no why not cuz it's not 1975 there were a lot of big films that didn't get nominated this year nothing for Sex in the City - no I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster what great job girls we know how old you are I saw one of you in an episode of bonanza [Applause] also not nominated I love you Philip Morris Jim Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor to heterosexual actors pretending to be gay so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists then probably my lawyers helped me with a wording of that joke they're not here okay there's been some great new TV drama this year like Boardwalk Empire and The Walking Dead so talking of The Walking Dead congratulations to Hugh Hefner who was getting married at the age of 84 to 24-year old beauty Crystal Harris when she was asked why she was marrying him she said because he lied about his age he told me it was 94 oh come on don't worry hold out and just just don't look at it when you touch it ask them [Applause] a warden one of the biggest events in TV this year was the finale of lost one of my favorites and all the questions were answered yeah I have to say though it was quite a complicated finale I'm not sure I totally understood it all but from what I can make out I'm pretty sure the fat one at them all I think should we get on with it our first presenter is beautiful talented and Jewish apparently Mel Gibson told me that he's obsessed please welcome Scarlett Johansson [Applause] like pac-man okay you know our next presenter from such films as Hudson Hawk look who's talking mercury rising color of night Fifth Element hearts war please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad Bruce Willis next up Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press that's nothing I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in whose messy please welcome eva longoria that's my favorite film of the year the creator of Facebook of course Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly worth seven billion dollars had the mill was causing the one that got away the net the next two presenters are funny charming and down-to-earth he's Alec from the rock she's just Jenny from the block if the block in question is that one on Rodeo Drive between cartier and Prada please welcome Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez alright I love this next presenter he's so called he's the star of Iron Man two girls and a guy Wonder Boys sorry these porn films what Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Bowfinger really the Academy come on he has done all those films but many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail please welcome Robert Downey jr. okay the next presenter is a true Hollywood icon in ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time he has shown as extraordinary acting versatility he has played a boxer and Rambo please welcome Sylvester Stallone our next presenters are two of the funniest people in America she stole the show on Saturday Night Live then went on to create write and styler own show 30 rock he was a job in actor career not going that well if I'm being totally honest who who got his big break when I cast him in a remake of a show that I created called the office he's now leaving that show and killing a cash cow for both of us please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey and the ungrateful Steve [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back now our next presenters are young and thin with the hair and teeth they're lovely to look at which is just as well because they're presenting the Award for Best Foreign Language Film a category that no one in America cares about please welcome Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson okay what can I say about our next two presenters the first is an actor producer writer and director whose movies have grossed over three and a half billion dollars at the box office he's won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in such films as Philadelphia Forrest Gump castaway Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan the other is Tim Allen [Music] [Applause] hello and welcome back the next presenter is the national treasure Miss Congeniality herself this down-to-earth girl next door first stole our hearts as a bus driver and then as a railway fare collector now of course she wouldn't be seen dead on public transport because the she just said to me backstage poor people are gross and they smell bad please welcome Sandra Bullock thank you very much that's about it well done justice there Thanks that everyone in the room being good sports thanks to NBC thanks to Hollywood Foreign Press thank you for watching at home and thank you to God for making me an atheist thank you live from the star-filled international ballroom of the Beverly Hilton Hotel welcome to the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards and now your host for the evening ladies and gentlemen Ricky Gervais [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] Oh so where was I nervous don't be this isn't about you right hello I'm Ricky duvets and welcome to the 69th and your Golden Globe Awards live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles voted for by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association tonight you get Britain's biggest comedian hosting the world's second biggest award show on America's third biggest network so is it for is for for any of you don't know the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars but without all that esteem the Golden Globes - the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is - Kate Middleton basically well bit louder bit trashy bit drunker and more easily bought allegedly nothing's been proved but who needs discus not me I'm not Eddie Murphy he walked out on him he said no and good for him but when the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you you know you're in trouble I love Eddie Murphy love's dress doesn't he um versatile is versatile now he is bit of trivia for you actually Eddie Murphy and Adam Sandler between them played all the parts in the movie the help and that brilliant they were brilliant I can't believe they're not here or maybe they are they're masters of disguise they could be now the Hollywood Foreign Press have warned me that if I saw any of you or any of them or offend any viewers or caused any controversy whatsoever they'll definitely invite me back next year as well they actually gave me a list of rules I'm going to ignore them but I thought it would be good to read them out okay this is real okay no profanity that's fine I've got a huge vocabulary no nudity see that's a shame because I've got a huge vocabulary but a tiny penis No doesn't matter I don't care it works don't worry about it it's fine it's fine I don't know smut or innuendo and I'm not too liable anyone and I mustn't mention Mel Gibson this year not his private life is politics his recent films and especially not Jodie Foster's beaver I haven't seen it myself [Applause] I've spoken to a lot of guys here they haven't seen it either but that doesn't mean it's not any good sorry I don't care it's been an amazing year in show business it's not all been good news what's with all the divorces what's going on I mean Arnold and Maria JLo and Mark Antony Ashton and to me Kim Kardashian and some guy no one had ever remember he wasn't he wasn't around long 72 days a marriage that lasted 72 days I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches other celebrity scandal Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test what a waste of a test that would have been no he's not the father the only way that he could have impregnated a girl was if he'd borrowed one of Martha Stewart's old turkey basters open white it's been a big year for women in film bridesmaids one of my favorite comedies of the year yeah the girls finally prove that they can be as wrong as the men farting burping cursing performing wild sex acts even pooping in the sink I actually heard for a search the cast spent the weekend with Dame Helen Mirren she's dreadful honestly you don't you don't see a lot of because she's got good PR but she's off the rails but the golden globes aren't just about movies it also celebrates the best in TV as well new shows like the amazing homeland which is justing it's amazing and returning shows like Boardwalk Empire I love that show it's great it's it's about a load of immigrants who came to America about a hundred years ago and they got involved in bribery and corruption and they worked their way up into high society but enough about the Hollywood Foreign Press I'm joking I love them and they're good sports for inviting me back and what I didn't know what they do an awful lot for charity and their nonprofit organization just like NBC so thank should we get on with it this time last year our first presenter was the biggest movie star on the planet but I insulted his film the tourists causing his career to plummet so far that he was forced to work with me on my new show life's too short which premieres on HBO on February please welcome the man who will wear literally anything timber and tells him to Johnny dare [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] just before I want to ask you a question it's real you can have some just checking yeah and be honest are you on recreational drugs I'm joking no that's not the question and we all know the answer have you ready I guess have you seen the tourists yet [Applause] No boy he's fun

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Views: 5,488,331

Rating: 4.8285165 out of 5

Keywords: Ricky Gervais, golden globe, pingotv, Oscar Host

Id: 9A-hzOx7XHQ

Length: 27min 44sec (1664 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 13 2016