r/Cursedcomments | oh god oh no

cashier at taco shop i hope all this food isn't just for you me it's for my family whom i've also eaten [Music] how's it going ladies and gentlemen welcome back to mk i'm your host robin the one with the bad skin and today we're going to be taking a look at our slash cursed comments let's get in there and see just how cursed they can really get we ask 18 year olds to make huge decisions about their career and financial future when a month ago they had to ask to go to the bathroom just give them a pee bottle good training for a warehouse job at amazon you're darn right it is naked stories living with the world's biggest testicles all right imagine crashing a car into the ocean and you just get dragged through the depths of the abyss by your own balls what you think they're that dense no they've got more buoyancy than that he'll float up like a buoy with those this jesus statue looks like benedict cumberbatch as dr strange satan i've come to bargain no no really the joke is funny but that legitimately looks like a benadryl cucumber snatch statue and it's kind of freaking me out putting dairy milk in your morning coffee is sexist i'll start adding bull's milk for equality i swear to god i don't believe in many conspiracies but i genuinely think pita is run by some kind of meat industry giants that are there to make vegans and vegetarians seem like evil psychotic freaks because you know pita is run by evil psychotic freaks they kill people's pets for the love of god wiping your butt feels more like checking if your butt is clean than actually cleaning your butt if it comes back brown keep reaching around if it comes back white your butthole's all right if it comes back red you got pounded in bed that's true if it comes back blue what the hell did you even do if it comes back black reach again for your crack if it comes back green that is quite obscene man you could do these forever i want a bunch of people in the comments to come up with their own this is only as dark as you make it hey kids scream until daddy stops oh my god i thought it said cream not scream death is never the end your existence truly ends the moment everyone forgets about you this is why you commit war crimes oh yeah there you go never think you're worthless i have no purpose in life i'm useless god bless whoever filled this oh man i was so thirsty surprise twist it was come gross if you ever really do feel worthless though go into a best buy to their gift card section and check out the skype gift cards this was the last photo of prince philip taken before the announcement of his passing on april 19th wow the taxidermist did an amazing job that's a fairly old photo so no i do not believe that was the last photo taken of him look the man was 8 000 years old there were plenty of photos taken of him where he looked like a ghoul from detroit shut the [ __ ] up or i'll write your name in a mogus i'll do it so a sus death note that's actually a cute little thought i hate it but it's pretty well written pain is when your vibrator dies at the worst time get a man yeah those die too they do sometimes they die quicker they've all got horrible habits whereas a vibrator just sits somewhere until you need it again also you think a man can do what a vibrator can paul paul come on you know that actually reminds me that movie zoom with tim allen he could move his finger incredibly fast like a vibrator could he do that with his pee pee what can you say during sex but also at a family dinner i want to be between mom and grandma oh robert downey senior filmmaker actor and father of robert downey jr dead at 85. isn't rdj working on a documentary about his father i remember hearing him talk about it on the smartless podcast i guess we all know how it ends bro spoilers real downy blurst manhunt police launch manhunt after attempted abduction of a boy in east london today i kidnap one of my fans and some of my best friends will try to hunt me down before i kill him oh dream fact of the day infants can only see red pov of a baby being tickled [Laughter] so you're telling me that babies are always on double01 health i don't know why i said double 01 health that doesn't really add up yeah pretty much that becomes more and more obvious when you start dropping them if you added in my ass to the title of the last song you listened to what would it be boys from oklahoma in my ass ah my college years elaborate please no no no i said slay the dragon not lay the dragon damn how long has it been since he's seen the child that dragon looks like it wants round two i'd be okay with that she's pretty and fertile good combination what the [ __ ] now this reminds me my first crush ever was the dragon from shrek well that's awkward the saddest part about self-driving cars will be the times people die mid-trip and then your dinner guests or pizza guy will arrive dead well that's more food for the same price asks her out no and then he told me he likes me lmao well you gotta take your shot the old saying about dating goes those who hesitate masturbate if pain means bread in french then i own the whole bakery oh good game bloodborne oh assless armor chaps everything's hard when you play this game everything would you rather change genders every time you sneeze or never be able to tell the difference between a baby and a muffin i'll change genders because i don't want to accidentally eat muffins yeah that's true i did that once not exactly my best tuesday at what age did you lose your virginity lost it on my 16th birthday pretty solid gift not gonna lie yeah family always does give the best gifts how do i properly get rid of a life-size sex doll i bought a 1 000 plus dollar sex doll which weighs almost 100 pounds and has a metal skeleton and silicone outside it's like 5 foot 3 and very realistic anyone have an answer on how to dispose of this thing by myself quietly and without anyone seeing me thanks does it not break apart into pieces at all i'd imagine throwing it out would be a lot easier if it could go part by part i said it was a sex doll you're thinking of a real person ah octopuses i just watched that one cats have dominated the internet for far too long and it's past time that octopuses take their turn well in some specific parts of the internet seven-year-old me when the teacher tells me to sit with a girl oman 14 year old me when the teacher tells me to sit with a girl yeah man after impregnating her iran world war ii pilot flies again need any help up there bob yes in which direction is japan bob no no no we took care of that a long time ago alright look they paid for it with anime plan a plan b plan c what a waste of a healthy pair of kidneys oh that's true i'll never get over plan b being quite possibly the most perfectly named thing in human history the double jump is strangely common in video games considering it has no basis in reality whatsoever wait y'all can't double jump some of us haven't unlocked that feature yet which is weird i thought it was supposed to unlock after 10 kills i'm past 20 and i still can't depends on what you're killing boars you're not going to get it you got to go for the higher targets my brother just woke up at 2 am and tried to kill me and my family my brother's getting arrested he choked the 1v4 hey is this uh is this is this real american airlines plane duct taped to her seat the airline said she tried to open the door mid-flight kinky she's never going to be able to fly again hope she feels good this is how we turned on our computers in the 2000s i still do this does anyone else lick the button afterwards uh yeah you're supposed to keep it clean it's just like with my old trackball mouse i used to pop that thing out and suckle on it for an hour to make sure it was nice and squeaky why do men live less than women meanwhile men is trying to mate farmers have more sex than you studies say farmers have more sex than any other profession porn stars farmers when you ask for someone's name you're essentially asking them what noise you should make to get their attention the universal sound is a moan you'll get everyone's attention works extra well at funerals man people get real weird at funerals courage a brain for you scarecrow and for you tin man a heart and to you lion i give the gift of courage how come i don't get a new organ check again oh yeah wait where's dorothy you think those organs came out of thin air friend giant pandas are officially no longer endangered looks like panda's back on the menu boys trying to work out how i want england to lose in what way what's the best way penalties interrupted by the news of the queen's death oh dude i know it's long over at this point but that would have been so much dirt in the wound the attitudes of women and fish towards me are too varied and complex to be accurately described on a hat well they both reject my sexual offerings i've bought my 16 year old daughter an audi car and she's complaining that i didn't buy her a tesla model s should i return the car or tell her to wait until next year i'd return the audi not get the tesla and refuse to give her a car at all tell her that she'll have to get a job and work for the car because of that rotten attitude return the kid and keep the car for yourself experts say world war three may happen online kim jong-un is now playing rocket league xi jinping now playing plague inc i say his name right i probably didn't say his name right either way that guy patrick that ain't a fishing rod that's true he's not holding it in his hand my face is out of the frame i have an idea oh it's cute clever croc indeed perfect position to chomp down on that giraffe's neck and death roll the sucker blurst manicure okay hear me out scratching your balls with these i don't know about that a tick tock was circulating claiming that turmeric powder baths helped remove fleas and people tried it turns out it does work but it also dyes your cat yellow never been a big fan of cats but with the right seasoning where can you legally be naked vermont you can't publicly undress but if you leave your house naked you can walk around totally nude and it's not breaking any laws my state's weird but you still have to put on a shirt and shoes if you want to be served food at any private establishment that requires such formalities only as shirt and shoes the sun clearly does not mention pants or underwear but i usually lay down a strip of teepee on the seat so i don't leave any rust stains if the meal makes me gassy i try to maintain some level of class and decency for all you mountain climbers out there climbs up and takes a few good slurps while i piss on the wall [Laughter] think of the smartest person you know what's the dumbest thing they've ever done my dad is a software engineer and pretty smart when my twin and i were about seven he was the only one home with us when he started coughing up blood except he didn't tell anyone and decided to just wait for my mom to get home instead of getting someone else to look after us and going to the hospital my mom was so pissed when she got home and he casually mentioned that he was coughing up blood turns out he had bronchopneumonia and had to spend a couple of weeks in the hospital even had to have his heart stopped and started again he almost died because he decided coughing up blood wasn't an emergency even had to have his heart stopped and started again he truly was a software guy he is right every naked person turns me out yeah we've seen you before shower head and then you spray all over their face if you're sleeping send me your dreams if you're laughing send me your smile if you're eating send me a bite if you're drinking send me a sip if you're crying send me your tears i love you i'm on a toilet please advise if you're pooping i'll squeeze you like a near empty toothpaste too thanks son what it's his stepson oh gotcha hey strip club djs what do you have to tell us well i'm not a dj but here's my best dj strip club story when we were 17 we used to go to one strip club in san francisco that didn't card at the door one night we were sitting there when a group of cops walked in we immediately thought it was a raid and we were going to get arrested nope they were followed by two emts who went straight to the back room five minutes later they came out with a man on a stretcher who definitely looked dead head lawled to the side oxygen mask on clearly just had a heart attack or something everyone in the club is completely silent music off no dancers on stage as we watch this man get wheeled out who just died in the worst way possible we're sitting there looking at our feet when the dj comes onto the mic and says that's right the lap dances are that good and drops the music oh boy i'm gonna piss in the trash can and see where that gets me every single horrible torture method you can imagine has most likely been thought of and done to someone before and that's just sad inject molten lava into your anus op said torture not pleasure i do spend a lot of time sneaking around reddit superman is with us look at his face of trauma probably spends his time on rule 34. man if rule 34 traumatizes you i don't know how the hell we're gonna help you listen to crazy frog axel f with me and will end up like this this is a hundred percent real i try it with my dad and it worked just like the image there's a reason i am always listening to axolf by crazy frog you could tell me this was from the new batman movie right before his parents get mugged and i'd believe you same vibes will that guy just shave his whole head come on if you could eat one food from any animated movie what would it be mine is the eggs from shrek daphne's ass from scooby-doo scooby's ass wait from scooby doo right it shows me the way me gets a boner my girlfriend you did you just get a boner can't you control that thing also me you do not command it you are simply its humble guide but this is a funeral what they dress the body up real nice put makeup on it what am i not supposed to notice me says a joke the popular guy repeats it out loud my crush oh my god that's so funny points at me he said it first my crush for no reason suddenly it's not funny at all bruh screw her you're friends with the king screw her dad to assert dominance no i want to screw the king no one ever does that screw phone wars wide can or high can hi because it fits in my ass better wide because i like a challenge look i don't care about any of that i just care hey coke when are you going to make a flared base for your cans that way i can stop losing cans of coke up my ass blurst diamond bend 10 inches now now and on that oh so glorious note we've come to the end of another video folks before we get going though let's take a look at this fan art king mk you dang right although we all kings here always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed today's video consider dropping a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well make sure to get yourself subscribed and click that bell icon and if you're feeling super generous why not check out my links in the description down below and until next time i'll be seeing you

Channel: EmKay

Views: 575,365

Rating: 4.9683738 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: FfLH9fPnpr0

Length: 15min 8sec (908 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 05 2021