r/Facepalm | oh no...

i don't know who carly ray jepson is of course you wouldn't you're you're a car you don't have sentience hey i just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe girl i'm not a girl stop hitting on me i hate little did the animated caricature know that the car truly did wish to be hit on like this if you cry every time [Music] hello my bum-tastic palmers welcome back to mk the jackie is back with a nice little snack that is his butt crack and today we are enjoying a bit of face palming goodness so stop trying to comprehend what the hell i just said then when i was introducing myself and let's get into the video richard branson's space flight cost about 1.5 billion instead he could have given every american one million dollars hashtag taxa rash you are a living example as to why we should focus on the education system before we start giving you a ton of money 400 million divided by 328 million americans equals 1.28 million for each and every american oh god we're at this again this will stimulate the economy and it is our money anyways so technically this would only really supply about what 400 328 or so people but uh somewhere around that stupid statistic uh we literally just create another one why do ball earthists deny the existence of water mountains i'm almost scared to ask but what's a water mountain water mountains are what ships disappear behind in the sea bull earthers are just too stupid to recognize them or acknowledge them so they claim it's evidence of a ball earth okay going uh do you have any evidence of these water mountains have you ever seen a ship disappear water mountain that is not how evidence works why are there no night museums there are three movies explaining what happens at night to the museums well clearly it eludes me why don't they give movies more obvious names i want to know what is happening on the night at the museum so i know what is happening in the museums at night why not just call it that museum in the night easy done there are 21 million penguins in antarctica and the population of ireland is 6.6 million so if all of the penguins in antarctica decided to invade ireland each person would have to fight off over three million penguins comes to a point where half the facepalm posts are just people who are terrible at math samsung's smartphone 263 pounds selling my phone can't show it because i used it to take pictures it's exactly this long this wide yeah we're talking about your phone yeah right your phone okay is pink panther a lion say that again but slower i don't get he's the pink panther okay but is he a lion mack angel light of my life he's a panther is that a kind of lion no it's a freaking panther i just googled they are not pink and lions are meanwhile on yes this was searched on the internet should i pee on my dog to show dominance the idea of walking up to your dog and urinating on it as a sign of dominance while it makes logical sense in your mind it's generally a myth and won't work as intended dogs use urination as a way to assert dominance within a territory but this doesn't include doing it on a pack member well you didn't mention any bad side effects so plus-sized women admit they aren't attracted to ugh overweight men hold on how come the women get to be plus-sized but the men are overweight because reality is painful to realize socialism is concur the only thing that can solve black poverty is black capitalist harm capital is ain't solved why people's poverty the freaking's gonna do for us it'll make you equally as poverty so therefore equality and therefore racism fixed yay done good job capitalism wins you could have all this junky unhealthy little bit of food or you could have all these freshly made deliciously sourced managerial meals great now do a price comparison what go on compare the prices between these two diets you implying you don't have enough money any company that touted their frontline workers as heroes during the pandemic but refused to give them a permanent raise should be fined for false advertising they gained an increase in profit by betraying their employees as essential and important but gave them none of it ooh shots fired pew pew pew meanwhile in christians against dinosaurs what they're still fighting i think you guys have won there's no more dinosaurs but there's still a lot of christians so so if dinosaur bones have been kept untouched for millions of years underground and are in such great condition why do museums need plaster and wires to keep them together did the dinosaurs also need plaster and wire your bones wouldn't stick together on form if your flesh was gone do you have proof of that claim oh sure give me a leg just found out white people exist oh i just found out asian people exist oh oh that's racist so our local children's hospital recently redecorated but i'm not too sure they really thought things out oh no we did we are not a good hospital this is the best way to cover our tracks damn it birmingham loving you is sometimes hard to handle there is literally one place that is inappropriate to remember this woman and you found it we're honoring rosa parks by putting her on the butt of a bush i guess you could say this bus has an honorable booty indian school had wrong heisenberg pick as scientist and why google search is to blame no i feel like this is one of those moments where it is genuinely human error to blame like come on just google the first name as well it's not that hard hey first 10 people to post their social security number gets one thousand dollars in an autographed donald trump rookie card and look at him go wow oh all those possible scams do you know how to spell stupid y-o-u welcome to the sliding door company we realize our irony i mean look no look they do slide they just they slide at an angle just you know when you open these just make sure you're steady sideways so you know there's a sliding door that way dad please when using the stairs stay to the right when going up say to the left when going down this will keep people from running into each other oh i can see where you were going with this and i can see where it is going to go we are raising 1 000 pounds for prince george oh my the ocean is thirsty very unfortunate timing on sky sports black lives matter more than italian so buy our coffee why is everyone mad at us why every spanish person i know got an uncle named tio are y'all gonna tell him or y'all want me to yes um we speak english here nobody knows what the freak you saying this is our slash turkey though well gobble gobble to you sir i still don't know what they're saying why do straight people get to get pregnant for free but gay couples have to pay to have a kid this is horrible this is homophobic are you freaking dumb i imagine this person makes their way to heaven and like walks the steps to god themselves and fights them off like cradle style you will give us gay men a womb microwave a penny for one minute to get a mini coin hey thanks a lot dog wow wow wow wow don't worry just call the fire department and hey if you want to boost your phone signal chuck your phone in the oven for a bit it's a great new upgrade that they've just put into the phones fluoride there is poison in the tap water you can trust my knowledge about it cause i deal with poison in myself all the time the poison of course being my own sick mental health the cigarettes just help me deal with it yeah but you feel a bit guilty now for making fun of me for smoking a cigarette huh you selfish butthole this farmer finds that paying higher wages attracts a local workforce well done news journalists at abc brisbane and well done to you farmer gosh this is just like solving the da vinci code of common sense white american men are terrorists who was the first country on planet earth to ban slavery that's right america and who fought and died to do that right white american men you are wrong portuguese mexico british empire there's something obscenely american about refusing a vaccine that millions around the world are desperate to get hate my interpretation of george dickey's voice well that's why i'm on fiverr earth half day and half night as seen from spacey i wonder how cool it would be if someone was in the middle of these halves whoever is in the middle of the day and i must be thinking this is crazy what do i have to do to live right in the division between night and day right in the middle of that life look how crazy it is i think it's pretty gross people breastfeed it's not milk it's body fluids might as well feed your little ones your pee we have bottles and formula that's meant to feed your baby stop giving your body fluid a classy name by calling it milk it's not milk milk comes from cows it's almost like saying almonds make milk idiots everywhere well what do you expect when you live in a house of mirrors let's say you're a cocaine dealer and you kind of look like one a little bit oh wow he's literally a university professor but hey don't let that stop you from being a racist mate oh a spectacular performance by you for watching today's video i'll admit i didn't have much faith in you but your determination has managed to prove me otherwise and so i submit to you sir i am now your bottom provided you make sure you like this video and subscribe and make sure you have the notification bell clicked for all the latest videos when they come out adhere to these rules three and i am your willing servant for any desire you have that are consensual and platonic as always if you have more time on your hands why not check out some more videos on the channel we have stuff coming out on the daily for you so you're never bored you're always distracted that's right procrastination's fun when we get to benefit of it anyway my name has been jack i have loved the time i've had with you today it has been an absolute blast and i look forward to doing it again with you soon for now though goodbye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 615,272

Rating: 4.9473729 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: zwkyQUS-1uc

Length: 10min 56sec (656 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 06 2021