r/Choosingbeggars "I Only Date Handsome Millionaires"

welcome to r slash choosing beggar where a choosing beggar tries to find true love believe it or not this next post came from a craigslist ad i'm looking for an easy low pressure full-time job i'm a young professional in search of an easy job i want to find a full time position that isn't fast paced and not commission based i have an eye for detail and i like to take my time with everything i do however i can bust some stuff out quick if i'm in the zone i have many talents and i'm physically fit but i don't wish to find a very physical job i have strong customer service and some sales experience and i can be very personable when i choose to i can work as part of a team or individually but i prefer to be left alone i have a lot of energy and i have a hard time sitting still i like to think out problems and creative solutions to them it's important to me that the people i work for are good people with a conscience lastly i need to make annually over 46 thousand dollars i mean on the one hand i feel like i can't really begrudge this guy because he kind of wants the same thing that everyone wants an easy low pressure job where you don't have to deal with customers or other employees sounds awesome however how on earth could this guy think this was actually a good job posting like every single line of this post just screams lazy and unreliable and on top of all that extremely stupid most people who are lazy at least have the good sense to pretend that they're not lazy when they try to get a job this guy's just like nah i'm super lazy and i don't really like working so hard so give me money hello is your brand new nintendo switch bundle still for sale for 300 yes it's still for sale are you interested yes but 300 is a little bit too much i was thinking more like 100 cash uh no it's brand new and sealed it comes with two games which are also sealed you can buy a switch with no games at the store for more than this price not even including taxes all i have is a hundred bucks take it or leave it i already said no it's brand new sealed okay but what if you remove the plastic from it and sell it to me for a hundred dollars since it won't be new anymore down in the comments i'm gonna read this post from boba fetts hey you know that brand new car on your lots why don't you drive it twice around the block and sell it to me used our next reddit post is from eduardo previously i was living in a house of four people i had lived there the longest and i'd say about 70 of the common area things were mine the silverware one of the couches the plate wear cookware and appliances were pretty much mostly mine my roommates were always allowed to bring their own stuff but most didn't since it was already provided when i announced that i was moving two of my roommates realized that a lot of the house was going too so they got ready for my departure then came our fourth roommate will the choosing beggar will's not a bad guy but he's cheap after i announced that i was going to be leaving he asked if i was going to be taking my things i told him of course i was i didn't want to rebuy things then what he said next really threw me for a loop he asked me why i would take my things to my new place i said because they're mine he then asked me why i would do that when they would be left with nothing i told him that's not really my problem these things are mine and i'm entitled to take them with me he tried saying that since he washed and took care of these items he had a claim to them too i honestly couldn't believe what he was saying i said would i have a claim to your car if i paid for some of the gas or washed it that shut em up after i moved all my stuff out my two other roommates found out just how much of a choosing beggar he was in order to replace what was mine they split up the missing items between each person fairly so that no one had to break the bank for example one person would buy a set of plates while another would buy pans of equivalent value the only thing that will bought was cups on this next post op owns an app hi can i help you yes please why do you have to pay just to get photos of your kids i think that should change in the future it costs hundreds of pounds a month to keep this website online and it costs even more to store photographs alongside other data the price for a subscription is 99 cents per month which i don't think is unreasonable i think it should change it's only a photo plus not everyone is rich enough to pay 99 cents a month are you a teacher yes why so am i and this website is not a charity i never said that it was you're asking for something that costs me money to be free for you to access it should be now bye and how do you propose that i fund it if it's free for everyone whatever bye on this next post op is a bridesmaid for her friend's wedding welcome to my bridal party i'm so excited to marry the man of my dreams as you know this is going to be a very different wedding we're hoping to hold the wedding outside and please understand that december is generally a cold month but in oklahoma it's usually sunny and around 70 degrees just a few things to ask i hand picked all the dresses and bridesmaids that will be there and they'll all be size 8. so if you're not a size 8 i recommend hitting the gym no offense to anyone but i've had this plan since i was in diapers and i want it perfect your nails need to be cut short and uncolored your hair needs to be shoulder length and straightened so if your hair is short get extensions no fake tans as you may have noticed my bestie blank is in the maid of honor and is just going to be a guest if you don't know why just ask we have an understanding we also want no kids at the ceremony except for my flower girl but she'll only be present to throw flowers then her parents are taking her home i'm sorry if this seems like a lot of demands but this is my special day and i just wanted to be like i pictured please be respectful and we'll have an awesome time one last thing i'll be sending my venmo and cash app to the ones who haven't paid the 500 donation towards my honeymoon in hawaii i love you guys and i can't wait to be a wifey wait wait wait hold on a second 70 degrees in oklahoma in december that doesn't sound right didn't texas just have like a huge snowstorm and texas is south of oklahoma do i have any oklahoma fans out there because if so let me know down in the comments does 70 degrees in december sound right to you because it doesn't sound right to me it's probably more likely that this woman is just completely delusional you really expect your bridal party to hit the gym and pay you just for the privilege of standing around for a couple of hours it's not even an optional donation anyways it's a mandatory donation well choosing becker look on the bright side if you don't get enough money that you can afford a trip to hawaii you can always honeymoon in the hot tropical land of oklahoma seeking female roommate rent is 450 a month in wicker park i don't really need a roommate but i would like a girl to live here don't worry about being messy or whatever i have a cleaning lady come twice a month drinking is fine no smoking because i just quit you can do whatever drugs you want in your room if they're good you need to share i'm a professional and i'm barely even here i'm a guy in good shape 27 years old i have everything tv stereo food processor crock pot good knives all you need is a bid and bedroom furniture rent is 450 bucks including utilities if you're an average looking girl meaning 6 out of 10. each point up towards 10 you can subtract a hundred bucks so if you're a seven your rent is 350 if you're a 10 you only pay 50 dollars the same thing goes if it's the other way if you're a one or something be ready to fork over 950 a month i will obviously be the judge oh and the rent can change month to month so if you sit around and eat doritos with french onion dip every day and gain 30 pounds you better be ready to fork over some dollars how great of a person you are and your personality will have no bearing on your score by the way no parties you can't have a lot of guests over unless you're a 7 or above and your guests are equal or better females good luck wow ladies you hear that he has everything a tv a stereo a food processor a crock pot and good knives like how is that a flex also ladies isn't it kind of a red flag that this guy's talking about how great his knives are in a post asking for a single female to live with him like for real who mentions their knives hello nice to meet you i'm single totally normal and i have great knives you've been connected because you both like anime i'm looking for a girlfriend it's mandatory that you watch anime or something so we can actually have decent conversations i don't like therapy religion black lives matter lgbt people who go to college cutters people with an eating disorder bipolar people liberals people with depression judgmental people anti-social people and any other person who looks for reasons to be anti-social send your skype invite so we can talk on voice or i'm going to block and report you insult me once and you're out of my life this is not a troll download kik and skype to add me send your skype or you're blocked and reported i do not read dms girls 18 and older only don't talk to me unless you're up for meeting in real life final warning no skype equals effing blocked and reported i don't give a about anything else 18 or older only message me to insult and block me and i'm reporting you anything you say to me is going to be used against you my kick username is foresee me [Laughter] stranger has disconnected wow alright there is a lot to go through here so first off it really is a shame that this guy doesn't like therapy because he could really use some and he doesn't like judgmental people but he spins literally the entire post judging other people he doesn't like anti-social people or people who look for reasons to be anti-social then he sends this message to young girls with like four or five different threats and curse words and oh my god who's really the anti-social person here dude i think we can summarize this post as tell me that you're gonna die a virgin without telling me that you're gonna die a virgin this next post is a screenshot from our female dating strategy alright so this is a post from an angry woman so normally i would use a funny voice for this post but it's really long and i don't want to lose my voice talking like karen all the time this user says unapologetically my list for men is as follows 1. must have completed and graduated with a bachelor's degree or higher at least one year ago i just ghosted a man after finding out that he graduated december with his master's degree 2. must make 100 000 or more either with a job or via a business no exceptions three must be six foot one or taller no exceptions four if there's an age gap it must be no greater than five years no exceptions five he must have a completely intact hairline and all of his teeth no exceptions six he must work out regularly and have a visible six pack i will not date fat guys seven he must be free of drugs alcohol and tobacco no exceptions 8. he must be childless at the time of matching no exceptions 9. he must have never ever participated in the armed forces or the related fields i swipe left on all veterans i ghost block and delete any man that i match with who later reveals that he served in the army in any capacity the same applies for cops firefighters emts guards or other related professions the same applies to relevant departments dod fbi cia dhs dos etc there are no exceptions to this if he served for even one minute he is ghosted 10. he must not have access to firearms or weapons if i see a gun in his profile i swipe left if we match and he later reveals that he hunts or shoots for sport i block ignore ghost and delete him no exceptions 11. no misogynistic men men who use insole language in their profiles are low effort profiles 12. he must be within 15 miles of where i live or there's no deal i'm not waiting more than 10 minutes for a man to pick me up some exceptions 13. he must not be religious i'm not giving up my sundays or eating any weird stuff or sacrificing anything to any god or traveling on a pilgrimage anywhere or doing any weird ritualistic stuff ever no exceptions 14. he must be handsome no exceptions down in the comments ditch digger girl says exactly what i was thinking so the guy she ghosted because he got his masters in december doesn't that mean that he's had his bachelor for at least a year which counts i like to imagine that she actually found the one guy in the world who meets her every criterion and she tossed him away because she's just that stupid and like the crazy thing is guys like this do exist i mean there are handsome six-pack rich just amazing guys but those types of guys date instagram models because they can't i have to wonder do you think that this girl is an instagram model also down in the comments emperor 42 did the math and i'm not going to read his entire post because it's pretty long so i'm going to summarize so first of all he's just going to assume that opie lives in new york city because it's one of the highest populated cities in the world so it gives her the most chances that leaves op with a pool of 4 million men and after cutting out all the guys under 18 that leaves her with about 3.2 million after you cut out all the military firefighter emt and whatnot that's about 135 000 people so we're now down to 2.95 million men next he drops the age range to 20 to 34 and he cuts out all the gay guys so he estimates maybe 700 000 guys at this point only 14 of american men are six foot one or taller so that drops it to about 98 000 people only 38 of people have a bachelor's degree so that cuts it down to 37 000 tall educated dudes only about 20 of men work out daily in the us so that's about 7 400 tall educated bros who are also ripped by the age of 35 40 of men will experience invisible hair loss so we're down to 4 500. smokers make up 9 of new yorkers so we're down to 3 600. after cutting out drugs and alcohol you're down to 1 480 straight age higher beings about 20 percent of people own firearms so let's cut it down to 1200. about 27 of people are religious which brings us down to just 320 people once we factor in guys who make a hundred thousand dollars a year that's only 22 percent of men so that leaves us with 70 rich heracles running around the city but wait there's more she's talking about meeting men through dating apps and unfortunately only about 32 percent of men use dating apps so we're down to about 20 possible guys this user ends his equation by saying finally let's account for the fact that most men don't put a lot of effort into their profiles and we're left with one rich educated straight age athlete with no baggage no religious affiliation no history in public service single dude who is so amazing that he probably got his master's degree last epping december so op good luck you're really gonna need it i'm a 25 year old single mother looking for a future partner i'm latina 5'4 curvy smart and super funny i haven't had good luck with finding men and i'm looking for a flat earther partner who's ready to settle down requirements your body count can't be higher than one so we can be equal can't be younger than 21 you must live in texas no e dating you must not have an ex-girlfriend who's prettier than me you must be hard-working and an expert in chaka chaka you have to be super smart not overweight you must be super attractive you can't have small lips no buff people you can't talk back you must do whatever i say you will never look at other girls at all you can't be super clingy you have to be jealous but not too jealous you can't have many friends of the opposite sex you must not watch x-rated videos and most importantly you must be a flat earther i don't like arguing she's right she is super funny because this post is a joke and i love the part about how she wants someone who's super smart and she thinks that she's super smart but she's a flat earther well good luck lady i really feel like today's video has a lot of lonely desperate delusional people in it like i don't understand where people get off having such insane standards when the person who's making the demands is just average that was our slash choosing beggars and if you like this content check out my patreon where i publish extra episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 701,499

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosingbeggars, beggar, r/choosingbeggars, choosing beggar, choosing

Id: jd6wPf3Rznk

Length: 18min 9sec (1089 seconds)

Published: Mon May 31 2021