r/AmITheA**Hole For Confronting My Husband About His Problem...

g'day there guys it's rosie hubby Maggie back at it again with another episode of ah / mi v.a hall now if you love this one like I love you be sure to smash that like button and tell me what you think about it who is the a hole in this situation anyway guys I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good contents posted by user Schmid's l's titled am I the a-hole for telling my boyfriend - Gary F himself for telling me to drink my coffee in a particular way under his roof I take a long time to drink my coffee and as a result sometimes it gets cold before I finish it I don't mind cold coffee so I drink it anyway my boyfriend thinks this is disgusting he doesn't like coffee anyway he told me that he doesn't want me to drink coffee that way because it disgusts him I told him that it's me who's drinking it why should he care he insisted that it's disgusting and if I don't want you to drink a cup of coffee around the house than you don't and the good old my house my rules he compared it to him not wanting guests to smoke in his house or taking off shoes at the door however I told him that those examples are not comparable because secondhand smoke is still harmful and wearing dirty shoes in the house makes the floor dirty for everyone else's feet how I drink a cup of coffee does neither I lost my cool and told him to go F himself for being controlling am I the a-hole updates I showed in the comments and he conveniently came up with the excuse I am sorry you found it as a controlling act I said that because not being used to coffee I can smell its odor so I don't want the odor to spread around the house I've told him that it's not a matter of me seeing it that way he is being controlling and it's unacceptable he keeps asking me to explain why even though I feel like I have about a million times I said that I've explained enough and I'm not interested in talking until he takes responsibility is this real life I swear the world is going insane a day at a time not the a-hole I wish this would just fantasy not to the a-hole it's likely caught in a landslide not the a hole not the a hole has he ever heard of iced coffee why are you living with him I don't even live with him were in a long-distance relationship and this is when I stayed with him in his parents house over two weeks he's showing you hims true self believe him ding ding ding we have a winner nicely put for red flags here he dropped these trying to control how you drink your coffee is a huge red flag definitely don't give in but it'll only get worse from here what you can and can't eat what you can and can't wear who you can and can't see etc not the a-hole nice assist sprayer that didn't happen and if it did it wasn't that bad and if it was that's not a big deal and if it is it's not my fault and if it was I didn't mean it and if I did you deserved it red flag I'm sorry you found it as a controlling axe Oh Lord I've been watching too much RuPaul's Drag Race update am I the a-hole for telling my boyfriend to go eff himself for telling me how to drink my coffee onto his roof sir someone posted my boyfriend's social media page as a comment now deleted in the original post unfortunately my boyfriend still received some nasty messages which was never meant to happen regardless of who was at fault if you were the person who did this you are the a hole big time why on earth would you do that what if I was in a dangerously abusive relationship that could have put my life in danger my boyfriend even though I showed him the original post while there were six comments blamed me for this person's behavior and accused meal of allowing cyber bullying he also did not agree with any of the comments I told him I understand why he's upset and that I am upset too because I truly believed that it was completely anonymous and I did all I could to remove the comment as soon as I saw it he did not agree with any of the comments and said that I'm the one who is controlling he also said that what I did is unforgivable as well as irresponsible and reckless I said I needed to be alone to think about things after I thought about everything that happened I asked him if we could talk the next day despite what happens I felt like it would be the decent thing to talk on the phone I feel he responded pretty aggressively saying things like I am ready now don't know about tomorrow he told me to write it down as I preferred to have a mob go at him to text him tomorrow to check when he's available and that he's not at my disposal I told him to please stop being aggressive it's unreasonable to expect me to guess when he's available and that the point of asking when he's available is to appreciate he may have other things to do the next day I sent him a voice recording because I felt that he would turn aggressive on the phone I told him that I think that we are on different paths and it would be best to end this relationship apparently by that point he'd already decided to end the relationship but then said later that he was willing to give me a second chance and that his love was stronger he said that he made grave mistakes and that he feels sorry but he doesn't want to be with someone who doesn't let him be himself okay I hope that gives him the closure he needs then I had a cup of coffee edits sorry if it was unclear what I meant to say is that I broke up with him and then I enjoyed my cup of coffee in peace good job okay I'm proud of you my wife leaves her coffee until it's turned cold I call her weird in a joking way then I get the hell on with my life because her drinking coffee cold doesn't impact my life in the slightest for real our pees ex-boyfriend is a fudging crybaby yeah like if I went out of my way to change every little thing my wife does well I'd be a bloody [ __ ] but also really unhappy herpes boyfriend is gonna be fudging miserable if he fixates on crap like that despite all of the social media harassment breaking up with him is the best possible outcome it baffles me how he was unable to see that he was clearly in the wrong but still you can drink as much coffee as you want now as a friend of mine likes to say I can explain it to you but I cannot understand it for you I'm referring to the boyfriend in this case not you just so we're clear that was what I was thinking when she said he claimed to not understand her explanations of his controlling behavior I prefer to say you cannot force anyone to do anything which includes being ready to see another point of view oh that's deep seeing this post I feel Opie's ex is the typical guy who thinks he can brute force anything through his relationship and if it doesn't work he'll try to rope them back in but whatever they say after facing consequences they already showed you how they act when they feel safe yikes how did someone know his social media was it someone you know or were there somehow identifying details that you edited out by now Congrats on leaving his lame ass though no I never edited out any details no personal identifiable information I showed him what I wrote when there were only six comments and he didn't seem to have a problem with what I wrote until it got unexpected attention $50 says he posted it himself oh yeah definitely Marky ain't saying anything but you know where there's smoke there's fire that Psalm saying sheep that's all I'm saying would I be the a-hole if I took action about my husband's snoring bye noms for all I thirty six female and getting both concerned and fed up with my husband's snoring we've been married for a few years but the consistent snoring has only started over the past six months or so before then usually he would only snore if he was out drinking with his buddies all night fast-forward to now and I'm waking up about 10 times a night I've mentioned the more frequent snoring to him a few times but of course since he's not experiencing it while he's awake he just shrugs it off he's gained a bit of weight over the past three years maybe 30 to 40 pounds and I'm wondering if that's what triggered the snoring of course there's not really a good way for me to bring that up as a potential cause without seeing like a little bit of an a-hole and I know there might be other causes I absolutely love my husband to bits but I am a very grumpy person what I don't get sleep would I be the a-hole if I insisted that he visited doctor about snoring or say that we will have separate sleeping arrangements until he does so edits thank you for all the kind responses in suggestions I see I'm not the only one literally and metaphorically losing sleep over snoring I hadn't really thought about sleep apnea being a possibility for him but I have been concerned there is an underlying medical issue I'll be looking more into substantial pillars and making sure there's not some allergen that could be irritating his system in our room I'm also going to have a discussion with him and be clear that I'm coming from a place of love and concern since I know he doesn't love going to the clinic all offered to go to the doctor with him so we can see if he needs a sleep study we do have a spare bedroom so if I need to escape in there periodically I will not the a-hole do it from a place of love he might have developed sleep apnea which is a serious concern on its own even without that possibility you wouldn't be the a-hole you can't function without sleep and constantly losing sleep will have all kinds of effects on your health thank you for the information if he does have it I'd certainly want to make sure he's getting treatment sooner than later not the a-hole I'm going through a similar thing my partner can't control the snoring so we got nasal strips and neti pots to help clear out their nose and better pillows it's actually helped immensely and was cheap enough to try all of that first before jumping to going to the doctors thanks for these suggestions I'm going to do a deep cleaning in the room to be sure there aren't any potential allergens I'm not sure if he'd be willing to use a neti pot or nasal strips but I'll make the suggestion when I talk to him not the a-hole that maybe his weight if it just started I'm a snorer and two we sleep in separate rooms partly for snoring and partly we have little kids who like to cuddle and we don't have a giant bed so we split up why don't you just express how disturbing it is to you record him I didn't know how bad it was until I heard it and then suggest his sleep study don't mention his weight in your concern for him sudden snoring could actually be a real health issue and it's something he should explore or you can go to the separate rooms route and sleep peacefully that way I thought about recording him and I may end up doing that if he's hesitant to go about seeing a doctor I have been concerned that these somewhat sudden change in snoring could signal a more serious problem so this and reinforces the need to get him to a medical professional I may also retreat to the guest room on a bad night in the meantime update would I be the a-hole if I took action about my husband's snoring my previous would I be the a-hole posting was pretty quiet but I appreciated everyone who took the time to respond I'm providing an update in hopes that maybe our experience will help internet strangers also dealing with this based on the am I the a-hole feedback I sat down with my husband to share my concerns about these sudden onset of his excessive snoring I said I thought he may have developed sleep apnea which could be serious I encouraged him to go see a doctor stating that I would be willing to go with him I also said I would go to the guest room if I was unable to sleep due to the snoring after this conversation nothing really changed and it made me very frustrated there were a few times when I retreated to the guest room to try to sleep the first time I didn't lock the door and he came into the room immediately fell back asleep and snoring right in my face I was ticked and made it clear that if I was in the guest room sleeping it was because he was snoring and he was not to come in this pattern went on for a bit before everything blow up mid-april I asked him if he wanted to come for a walk with me and he said he would just a few minutes into the walk he said I was walking too fast and taking it too seriously I told him if he didn't want to walk he should just go home he did and I finished my walk fuming when I got home I said we needed to talk I told him first and foremost that I loved him to bits but I was not going to sugarcoat what I needed to say I reminded him that he used to be so active as we used to hike and run together now he had gone from being a healthy weight to overweight to obese I reminded him of the earlier conversation about sleep apnea and asked if he had looked into the causes of the condition he said he had and I said that while not all cases have the same cause many times sudden snoring can be the result of weight gain or serious problems I almost cried at this point saying I was really worried about the long-term impact on his health if things didn't change I entered the conversation by saying that I realized that the beginning of a pandemic is a bad time to try to get healthy he had listened quietly the whole time before responding or is it he thanked me for my honesty and acknowledged that he hadn't taken any of this seriously but that he wanted to although he didn't go to see a doctor he has been working out into eating well since that conversation yesterday he shared that he was down 15 pounds and his goal is to lose 20 more by the end of the summer his snoring has pretty much stopped and we are both sleeping better it wasn't easy to have those talks but I'm thrilled that he took the initiative to take care of himself and I no longer have to worry about sleeping in the spare room what an amazing outcome it's so fantastic to read that he is becoming healthier even with the lock down and the fact that the snoring has all but stopped is amazing for him and you I know I really thought that not being able to go to the gym would be an excuse but he has been on the treadmill and lifting weights at home he's a great partner and I'm so glad that this isn't causing conflict anymore people don't take weight caused sleep apnea serious enough he could die in his sleep I'm glad he's cutting the weights and is getting better it absolutely destroyed my uncle he had a small number of strokes in his 50s that his doctors attribute to severe untreated apnea and is barely able to care for himself due to these psychological side effects he's physically able bodied but he can't work can't drive and is difficult to hold a reasonable conversation with it's really awful posted by user spicy as a baguette titled am I the a-hole for not letting my sister's see her kids I 28 female obtained custody of my sister's 35 female kids nine male for female to female back in 2018 after she let them for two weeks to go on a trip red drug bender of course this was a huge transition for the kiddos they had to be moved schools and daycares and of course they couldn't see their mom anymore now the kids are doing better and definitely lead happier lives recently though my sister was released from prison and wants to see the kids again she called me begging me to have a visit with them and telling me that I could give them back because she was out of prison now I had a talk with a nine year old and he says that he doesn't want to see his mom yet and that he still hates her for leaving him alone the girls have no memories of her and the smallest one was only three months old the last time she saw her I do feel like I could have helped them foster a better relationship with her but I don't want to force the oldest into meeting her what he absolutely doesn't want to still my close family has told me that the oldest doesn't know what he's talking about and it's my fault the little ones don't remember their mother because I didn't take them to see her when she was in prison they also told me that it's my responsibility to force them to meet her even when they don't want to because that's what's best for them and they shouldn't grow up without their mother so am I the a-hole and it's I have spoken to a professional about this specifically the oldest's therapist they have advised that it should be up to him and I just want to know if I'm being a jerk to my sister also I have adopted the kids and have complete full custody of all of them not the a-hole I'm not a child psychologist but despite what your mother said it's possible that it could actually be bad for them to see their buyer mom your sister but you are definitely not an a-hole not the a-hole I am a therapist who has worked with kids in CPS families reunification and permanent foster placements slash adoption please listen to the oldest Stara pissed and your nephew he trusts you to keep him safe after all he has been through if you go against his wishes this could cause him and his sister irreparable harm your family is invested in maintaining a family units not making sure that these kids have the best care if there is any entitlement from the mum then she is not ready for a visit or anything if she is truly ready to make amends then she will wait for him to be ready and everyone's trust etc if she isn't ready to do the work or acknowledge the impact of her actions then no dice please protect them even if it means going against the rest of the family's wishes not the a-hole at all our peas job as a mother is to protect those children protecting their son means doing what's best for him and respecting his boundaries the previous mother is suffering the consequences of her actions not appease her be you are a wonderful person I have a toddler and an infant and if I also had a seven-year-old I'd likely be cray or at least more cray I'm so sorry that you're in this terrible position and so inspired by you what lucky kids those are truly and yes I know I've read that post before but I'm going over it again because there is an update am I the a-hole for not letting my sis to see her kids Sarang wasn't expecting to make an update post because I honestly wasn't expecting there to be an update to this unfortunately I'm wrong I gave my oldest two weeks to really think about whether he wanted to talk to my sister or not I figured that the decision he made at first might have been out of anger so I wanted to give him time to make such an important decision ultimately he decided that he did actually want to talk to her I have to admit I was a little bit surprised but we set up a zoom call between them anyway of course with me supervising right before the zoom call he admitted to me that he wanted to talk to her just to see if she'll say sorry she did not say sorry actually she opened with hello it's been so long I guess he ready to come home with me now and then she noticed that I was sitting there with him and almost immediately launched into accusations about alienation and how I have to give the kids back now or she'll call the police and say I kidnapped them my oldest was very obviously disgusted he asked her if she was going to apologize to him and she actually had the audacity to ask what she had to apologize for at that point he just shut off the zoom call I asked him if he was okay but he spent the rest of the afternoon in his room by himself that night he told me that he never wanted to talk to her again ever I told him that never is a long time but that we weren't going to make him talk to her if he didn't want to and we were never ever ever going to give him back to her he told me that never is a long time we told him that in this case it meant never I'm still shocked I don't know what happened to my sister she was my best friend as a kid she was almost my second mother she was sweet and caring and nice I just don't know how that all changed so fast or maybe it didn't change that fast and I just never noticed it until it was too late and I was driving four hours away at midnight to pick up three little kids one of which I didn't even know existed before then before now I honestly never considered myself as their parents even after I legally adopted them more like I was just taking care of them long-term but now I realize that those kids are my kids and they're going to be my kids for the rest of my and hopefully their lives thank you for all your help guys I hope you all have a fantastic life that is the best outlook to have and I wish you all an amazing life together you keep knocking out of the park being their mother I saw that coming as soon as she said my oldest midway through this post I was like oh she said my consciously or not she views them as hers now all my lord I just noticed I didn't even realize I said that okay I'm gonna cuddle my kiddos and cry now I'll be back in a bit smiley face I wondered if you noticed you said that I'm super happy for you and the kids not everyone is so lucky to have someone save them from a bad situation wishing you all nothing but a bright shining future together pursued by you sir King Sigma titled would I be the a-hole for asking adults to pay for themselves at my daughter's birthday party time-sensitive my daughter was born in December she has always been envious of kids who get to have summer beach slash pool parties and this year I decided that I was going to make her wish come true I found a Swim School with an indoor pool that hosts birthday parties the package for up to twenty kids in the pool was four hundred and seventy-five dollars or so I thought I added six pizzas to that so we are at five hundred and thirty five dollars at a cake party favors decorations etc and I'm looking at around seven hundred dollars for this party yesterday while I was setting up the specifics of the party with the coordinator she mentioned now three days before the party that the 20 kids included in the pool actually applies to everyone in the pool not just kids she said that if any adult goes swimming at the party over that twenty person limit that I paid for there will be a charge of ten dollars per person over the twenty people we have 19 kids coming I came in just under the 20 people so now if ten adults decide that you're going to swim with their kids that's 100 dollars out of my pocket in addition to the $700 I am already spending I didn't sign up for that this party is for the kids I don't mind paying if aren't uncle and grandparents if my daughter wants to swim but I am expected to foot the bill for any random parent that decides they want to take a dip I want to send out a notice to all the parents that responded to my evite with some party notes like wear comfortable clothes it will be 90 degrees in the pool area listed among those notes will be something like the Swim School has notified me that adults may swim with their children for an additional cost of $10 per guest I'm not trying to sound cheap here but am I the a-hole if I don't want to pay the extra for adults to swim at my daughter's birthday party my family is divided some think I should suck it up and pay for whoever wants to swim some think the party is for the kids and adults are on their own I should send a polite note my dad says I should print out a sign and hang it on a wall somewhere that it says explains that they need to pay for themselves I haven't sent out the note yet I want to gauge the reaction I get before I do anything would I be the a-hole edits here is the note I'm thinking of sending hile just a few notes regarding daughters names birthday party on this stage one the room housing the pool is kept a temperature of 90 degrees dress appropriately so you won't be too warm to life vests rafts pool noodles paddle boards etc a role provided three there will be a lifeguard on staff during the entirety of the party for the pool depth is four feet all the way around five children under three years old must be accompanied by an adults and six the swim school has informed me that adults are welcome to swim as well for a charge of $10 per adults you can pay at the front desk when you arrive if you choose to swim with your child's they will not allow more than 30 people in the pool at one time if the kids were older I think it would be reasonable to expect that none of the adults would be swimming it's a kids pool party after all but since they're so young some of the adults might only feel comfortable if they're with their child what if you politely ask how many parents play on swimming because the pool needs to know ahead of time if it's three parents just pay it if it's all 19 then you can reevaluate if you can afford it I highly highly doubt more than half the parents plan on swimming from my experience with kids parties I'd actually be surprised if all of the parents even stayed I would say not the a-hole the pool is the a-hole this has to be an issue they've had in the past quoting you the price for just the kids without telling you about the adults is crappy of them but why in the world would the pool only charge for how many kids are there it just doesn't make sense this is Opie's oversight kids require more supervision than adults by law and national standards it would honestly make perfect sense to me if someone implied to me that the cost was based on the number of children I would just assume that they would know how many adults they should expect and know that given a lower need for supervision those adults would be covered by the available lifeguards that being said I have worked at a place that maintains a pool and know a tiny bit about how those standards work I think it sounds a bit [ __ ] ish but you are the one hosting also is it normal the parents join kids parties I remember when I was being younger the parents would drop us at the party and come back later maybe add a rule the pool is for kids only you're the a-hole but a hole is actually too strong a term here sending the note wouldn't be that bad but it would in my opinion be a bad idea and in poor taste for a few reasons one you already sent out an evite without strings attached sending a follow-up notes attaching strings after people already responded is obnoxious and comes across as miserly - you should have asked for more specifics about pricing when booking the pool it seems odd to me that you just automatically assumed only children would count towards the total of 20 people using the pool the mistake in not getting this information earlier was yours so I think paying for the parents should therefore be your responsibility 3 it is entirely possible that some parents may be irritated enough about the additional strings are attaching after they've accepted the evite that they've changed their mind about attending which would only end up hurting your daughter you're doing an awesome thing for her here don't tarnish it over this for if you do charge you're likely going to have to end up chasing after at least a few people for the 10 bucks which will make things more awkward possibly strain your relationship with your kids friends parents create resentments and just plain turn into a headache that lingers for you far past the end of the party itself I know adding a couple hundred more dollars to an already high cost sucks but if you can afford to throw a big party like this in the first place I'm going to assume forgive me if I'm assuming incorrectly that your financial situation is such that you could afford the extra $200 ish without missing a mortgage payments or eating only plain rice and beans for a month or anything like that so maybe just take it as a learning experience party up the dough and take the time to carefully scrutinize charges policies etc when planning any events in the future either way I hope your kid has an awesome birthday party this is exactly the type of advice one of my close friends would provide me in fact I heard this in his voice while reading this so thank you that was a very wealthy and rational response updates would I be the a-hole for asking parents to pay for themselves at my daughter's birthday party so last week I was judged as the a-hole I took the community's advice and did not send a nerd I'm glad I followed that advice because the party turned out fantastic and the one adult went in the pool and that was because his son was three years old the pool did not charge me for that guy since his kid was three two kids who were siblings got sick and did not attend so I was at 18 people in the pool including the one adults most of the adults sat near the pool and chatted some sat in the lobby some dropped off their child and left my wife and I received a lot of compliments from the adults and kids about the pool party and also an invitation to another classmates party next weekend my sincere thanks for all the advice I think I could have caused some unnecessary strain on the relationships with the other parents and now it seems that we are in very good graces with all happy ending all these updates are like really really good stories in all honesty I think I'm gonna do a trend now where I do cover updates in an entire episode and then the normal posts are going to be in other episodes and you'll be able to spot them as you're going through them some are going to be more story posts some are going to be more hey what are you guys think in the comments tell me are there the a-hole or nots so yeah just I'm keen for that but in regards to this story you know it was a bit of an a-hole move but reddit really helps them realize that what the right choice in this situation was and I think they made the right choice I think it was bad of them they were just misguided they didn't know what they were doing but hey it worked out in the end and I'm glad that it did now it's time to hand you two out Rumaki alright guys that's all for today's episode I hope you enjoyed it if you did be sure to tell me what you thought about it down in the comments down below if you're new to the channel also don't forget to subscribe it would really help out with my channel growth and also I'll huge shout out to my channel patrons and members I just love you guys and thank you for supporting me on this journey if you guys are new to the channel and you'd like to support me links it down below for the patreon or you can click the join button next to subscribe if you'd like to become a channel member alright guys that's all for today's episode I hope you enjoyed it I hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to and I'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 29,179

Rating: 4.956192 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: j700Hyym_Lo

Length: 31min 13sec (1873 seconds)

Published: Mon May 18 2020