- Because now as an adult, I'm mentally and emotionally broken. And coming back from
that type of lifestyle, isn't easy at all. Most girls don't. They kind of got to
stay for it once a whore always a whore. You can't turn a whore into a housewife. - [Interviewer] All right, Devon. Devon, where'd you grow up? Where are you from originally? - I am from Washington. - [Interviewer] Washington state? - Yes. - [Interviewer] And tell
me about your childhood. You had both your parents growing up? - I did have both of my parents
when I was very very small. Around three, a lot started to change. Mom dealt with a lot of big drug dealers and she eventually got into
the drug life by herself. And so dad kind of got tired of it because now it's
going from money to use. And he kind of bailed out on us a couple of times came back. The last time that we
had seen our father was on a Christmas and my
mom was having a baby. She was really, really sick. Her appendix was gonna burst. So they said that it would
be my mom or the baby, couldn't be both. My real mom passed away and
my dad wounds up in prison. So we kind of had a rough start to life. It's been really, really
hard not having my parents. So I tell a lot of the kids nowadays you need to take having parents, a parent, any parent in your life as a
royalty, because to some of us we want that really, really
bad 'cause maybe like I think maybe I wouldn't have turned out, they way I turned out. Maybe I would have took a different path. I might've been a little bit better. - [Interviewer] How old are you? - I'm 25. - [Interviewer] So life
with your grandmother. How was that? - It was fun. We were very disciplined. So I do come from a good home,
we came from a great setting. It was just hard being a good kid because we didn't go to the best schools, We went to a lot of the schools that you would locate
somewhere in the hood. - [Interviewer] In Seattle? - [Interviewer] By this
time we had already moved out to California, we got settled in and old women aren't like the ones that you
really got to look at like I role model. And so it was hard. She was strict. She kind of taught us like as we were born in like
the seventies or something which made it even more fun for us because that was something
for us to talk about. Oh, remember when you got that whooping and you did this, you did that. Like, there'd be the cases
where grandma would come and she said, "Pick a switch." And I'm looking to my grandma
like, what'd you just say? Like we weren't born in the seventies, I think you guys have something
called belts and stuff now. It was really, really good
learning from somebody that old made me really,
really was wismatic today. And for the most part
it was a good childhood but my grandma eventually got tired and she said she couldn't do it anymore. So we went to the foster system and that's when things really got rough. It became hard for me to cope with the simple thought of
not having my parents anymore. Mom being passed away and
dad being in penitentiary and knowing that he doesn't
have a chance of parole. And the simple fact that now
my grandma's giving up on us. It put me in this place where I felt like, okay I had to go find some type of love and I didn't stay in any of my
foster homes because of that. I felt like, if my grandma doesn't want me and that's my family, then why
would anybody else want me? I started to feel ugly and
unpretty, I started dressing like a boy started talking to other girls. I stopped caring, started gang-banging and running the streets and
not coming home till two three o'clock in the morning. And it was really hard for me. I mean, there's six of us altogether. So having my brothers and my
sisters, two younger siblings and then the older ones, it was like I can't look up to my brothers and my sisters because I'm
the darkest one in the family. Everybody else is like high yellow. And it was like, I was
always getting bullied. Oh, you came from the milkman and we found you behind the
dumpster and you were adopted that's why nobody likes you. And so I had a good childhood,
but it was really rough. It was hard growing up
because there's a times, yo mama, yo mama. There were things that
I took to heart a lot that really touched me emotionally. So a lot of kids didn't mess with me because I was
like really sensitive. I'm still really sensitive. The, your mama jokes and stuff it all put me in this
place where I felt like instead of being a weenie, being
soft, I'm going to be okay. You guys want hard people. I'm going to be hard. I'm
going to be a gang member. I'm going to be this. And I kind of switched
up from like that quiet in the corner kid that
played the clarinet to, okay now she's kind of blossoming. I started playing basketball. I started hanging out with the little, what do you guys call them? Like cliques. And I
started getting in trouble. I eventually landed myself at
juvenile hall for fighting. It went from fighting to
assault on a police officer from assault on a police
officer to shootings. And it just kept advancing. And I didn't catch it till
I was like 16 years old. They were like, with
the rates you're going you're going to wind
up in the penitentiary. You're gonna have a life
sentence believe it or not. Or your gonna end up dead somewhere. Oh okay, it doesn't mind me none. I get out of juvenile hall around... - [Interviewer] What's
your dad in prison for? - He's a drug dealer. My father's name is Fat Cat. He's been in jail for as
long as I can remember. I think I was like three or four last time he seen my dad. I haven't really thought too much about him lately because I
mean, I don't really know him. I know him to the point where
I know that I could look him up and find him and write him and you know maybe have a good letter
too back and forth. I don't think I would take
the chance to go see him. And I really don't respect people that go off on killing other people, just because a simple thought and
jumping gun isn't my thing. And by the stories that I've read about him and stuff, he's a
I jumped the gun type of guy. - [Interviewer] So he's in for murder? - Murder, drug dealing, soliciting women, I mean all types of things. He was a really big drug
lord back in the day and it didn't land him in the proper spot. I think about it when
I was growing up, like maybe if I be like him,
I'll get away with it. I wound up doing all
that same exact stuff. So can't really talk about him too much. - [Interviewer] Yeah. All right. So back to your story, I'm sorry. - When I was like 16, I went to YA for
assaulting a police officer and attempted murder with a deadly weapon. That kinda was my slap in
the face with reality, like, hey look, straighten up. At that time, I was pregnant
with my first daughter. I got out, instantly
when I got out, I'm like everybody goes through that
phase where they're like, okay now I'm at this age and I have these hormones that are running right now and I'm
gonna go get my issue. And at 16, I was like,
now I see more where the girls are coming from where they say, okay you need money to
do and do and do because I wanted to go party. I wanted to be part of the
crew, got out, started messing with this guy, stopped
talking to him because he had a abuse problem. And ever since I was
little, it's been like abuse emotional, sexual, physical. I don't want that, I didn't want that. So I stopped talking to him. I ran back into a boy
that I met when I was 13. They call him TZ, TZ Lee the pimp. And me and TZ were real tight. That was like my best
friend in the whole world. I would do anything for him,
including selling my body. I did every and anything
I could for him when I was with him, he's actually
the father of my kids. Lately we have not had
the best relationship but I still try so that my
daughters don't have to be like me always having the feeling like I was somebody's burden
and they didn't want me. And that's really really a bad feeling to
have growing up as a woman. It makes you feel like you don't need to care
about yourself sometimes. And it bothers me. Till now it's kind of like, I codependent on this guy to be there for me because that's
what I feel I love is even though knowing in the
back of my head with experience that's not what love is. I went to YA for shooting a cop that record fortunately got dropped so I don't have record at all because that same cop that I
went to jail for shooting at went to jail for shooting at somebody else off duty
with his on-duty gun. His wife was seen at a
Hampton with another man. She was a model and he wound up shooting at the guy in the elevator. So he went to jail, of
course no cop, no show. The judge looked at it and
she said, you're young. I wanna see what you can do if you could progress by yourself. She led me out on probation,
finished my probation got back in school, got
my high school diploma. Kind of just like
started to straighten out because I realized at that point that being a gang member,
shooting up police didn't makes me hard. It just fucked up my record,
I screwed up my record. It wasn't the excitement
that I was looking for. A lot of things people do especially people in the
street life, they do things because of the thrill
that they get out of it. And the thrill wasn't there anymore. It was like, I'm a little bit past the age where
everything that I do outside in the streets excites
me and stop exciting me. I got to the point
where I was like, bills. I'm 18 now and I have bills. And that's when the prostitution
really picked up heavy. I started doing little dates,
I'm more of a image person. So in my head I wanted to
get out of the streets. So I started going to the clubs stripping but it still didn't make anything better. Pocket wise, I got a little bit more money than you would in the streets. You're not seen as much. So that's what I was thinking of as being more so hidden
because being a prostitute or a diva or whatever you
would like to call it, you're getting money from another person for
soliciting your body. It doesn't make you feel beautiful. So the more discreet you can be about it the less people have to see you the better you will feel about it. I just kind of started to feel like, I feel a little worthless. Then the guys, they don't talk to you like as if you're a regular woman, you see the way that
they treat these girls, that they're taking your money to go spend on these other women. And it's like, why do
you treat her this way? And I'm getting treated a
whole completely opposite different way, in our heads, I would think that you'd respected us at
least a little bit a tad because I'm getting out
there and I'm selling my body not just for me, but for you. My money takes care of you too. And half the time, we're not
getting anything out of it. I mean, most of us sometimes the guys want to do it this way. Give you two cigarettes,
here's two cigarettes out of your whole entire box
and you just pay for it. Here's $5, what is the emergency? What if I get taken away to a
place where I can't come back from and I have no money to my name? So we work really hard, we bust our ass. We sell ourselves short, have no respect for ourselves to get a
little bit of nothing. - [Interviewer] You're
talking about a relationship with a pimp. - Yeah. And most of the times the pimps don't make
relationships with the girls. If it is like that then they were probably
like high school lovers. In like my case, we started
talking when we were younger and it just kind of went advanced first. He was just my friend. I didn't really like
paying too much attention. It was hi and byes and you know that guy in the middle there that's who's that? And when we turned 18 and we like really started
to talk talk, I said okay. And everybody starts, hey you know that he's a pimp. I'm like no, you guys no,
there's no way he's a pimp. Oh yeah, TZ is a pimp. 'Cause he was that boy in high school they had the truck and every girl wanted the boy in high school that had the truck because that just made
you the it of school. And it went from the it to the thing, and since he's a pimp, he
does this certain things like putting hands on you and taking your money and going
and doing what he wants to with other women that you don't realize that they do that because
they're pimps like no pimp can have just one female at all. And it was hard for me to think like that. So I'm at the point now
that I don't want a pimp. I don't really wanna prostitute anymore. I don't do it too much. Not as much as I used to
because I started to look at it like I have to respect myself. Because I do have two daughters
now and seeing how they look at me, it's amazing. Being a mom is amazing. And seeing the faces that they make with certain things that happen throughout the day, it's like wow, you never realize how weird
you are or how outgoing or smart you are until you have
little yous looking at you. Doing the same exact stuff
like wow, I'm weird as hell. These little mes are just, they're doing some weird stuff right now and seeing your little yous
and knowing, they did this but I know I did that yesterday. It shows how much they learn from you. And I don't want my girls to grow up in the life being prostitutes or thinking that a man putting hands
on you or taking money from you because you're a
prostitute is the way to live 'cause it's not. - [Interviewer] How
old are your daughters? - I have a two year old
and a three year old. And this life has literally
tore me, it's broke me. And I've looked in the
mirror a lot of times, I'm like, I wonder who I could have been if I didn't live life. I wonder who I would have been if I would've never met that certain guy. And it hurts a lot of days
it's like, I can't look in the mirror honestly, and
be like, you're beautiful. I can't look in the mirror
and say, I'm in love with myself because a
lot of days, I'm not. A lot of days I hate myself. And it's hard to tell
myself that I'm beautiful. When a man can't respect you, it's kind of like knowing your own husband
or your own boyfriend or kids dad says that you're ugly, it takes a major toll because
selling our bodies puts us in a place where we don't feel beautiful where some days we get up and
we look at the ceiling like, I don't wanna get up because
here goes another day of having someone self short
for a little bit of nothing. Like in my case right now I'm
struggling with homelessness. My kid's dad, he went to jail and he got out and he just
seemed like he changed. He just stopped caring. And it put me in a hard spot
going on my second daughter because now, thank you, at a point where I've got this daughter and I'm pregnant with my second daughter, I'm barely pushing 19
and I'm going to work, I'm trying to straighten my life out but dad wants to go hang out and party. He wants me taking trips to Vegas with these guys that he met
and doing business deals and just do whatever he
wants because he's a guy. He feels like he could do
that because he's the guy. To I'm taking the girls to
work and I'm stressed out. I'm stressed out, I'm about to blow. I mean, I don't know what to do. My belly is so far where my
stomach, I can't see my toes. What do I do, Lord? Please help me. I winded up losing the house. I make pretty good money. It's not like, not all
of us are cheap whores. Not all of us take little bits of $60. No, some of us are very high end. Some of us are, I need what I'm worth. Screw conversating,
screw debating about it, no, it's either you're gonna
get me what I asked for or you get nothing at all. My time is so I can't
have that back at all. So you're gonna pay for my
time as well as your services. I'm not gonna, oh yeah,
the okie-doke $60 here. No, I can't take that because
now I have two mouths to feed. That's expensive. That's
very, very expensive. Plus, then it comes along for some girls it's the pimp for some of us it's, hey, there's the baby daddy that he feels like since you're
a whore, I got a baby mama that's a whore, she's
gonna get it regardless at the end of the day, she's gonna have money in her pockets so she'll take care of me. Some of us have the other big kids that we have to take care
of, including ourselves. We have bills, I mean, lights, gas, trash, heating, all that costs. Life is not free at all. And it's hard when you're
only working in the streets, we don't make too much, but we do make, most of us put it towards our families. Nowadays a lot of the girls are putting it towards hair and nails,
but I for the most part put everything I can towards my kids. It's a cheap job. A cheap job it's an easy job,
but it's also a risky job because you put it in your head and there's thoughts
that one day I might get in that truck with that guy and because he's got thousands
of dollars in his hand, I'm gonna go down into his house. He says his house over here and we wind up somewhere
completely different, now there's the thoughts
on, I won't come home. Who's gonna take care of my kids. And it's been a couple of
times where I've been like, what do I do? I'm in this position? How am I get out of
this position this time? I've been hospitalized
because of certain incidents. I got this moment right
now, I'm barely coming out of the situation where
I went to the hospital. I don't remember going when I woke up, I got the how long were you in a coma? And do you remember being kidnapped? And I honestly could sit here and say that I don't remember any of that. I don't even remember barely
the day that I opened my eyes at the hospital, I asked the
hospital what happened to me? And they said, "You had a major accident but be happy that you're still alive. You're a survivor." And I ask people all the
time, like what happened? And nobody seems to be able to tell me. When I was the hospital they said, "We can't tell you due to HIPAA." From my understanding, HIPAA
is like confidentiality. And it only stands for people
if they're not the patient. So if I'm the patient,
why can't you guys tell me why are you using HIPAA against me? So even until this day, I've been out of the hospital
for about six months. I still have no idea what happened to me. So being a prostitute those are the types of
things you get yourself into. It's not like we ask for it,
but at the same time, it's not like we're trying to stop it
because we still get in the car because we see money and money means what? Bills paid, nice hair,
nice wigs, nice jewelry, the attractive guys. And I'm at the point in
life where I don't want this for myself anymore because
it scares me the thought of not coming home to my daughters, it scares me to the point where I've literally been looking
for jobs every single day 'cause I don't want that to
be the case where I go home I get dressed and I leave
to go out on this date or go to the club and work
and I don't come home. Now my daughters are at the starting phase the starting point of
what I'm going through. Mom's not there now where's the guidance? There's no more guidance. Then they're gonna start
doing stupid stuff. And I don't want my daughters to have to live that life whatsoever. Because now as an adult I'm mentally and emotionally
broken and coming back from that type of lifestyle,
isn't easy at all. Most girls don't, they kind of got a saying
for it once a whore always a whore. You can't turn a whore into a housewife. But if a woman really wants to change then she'll change and
I really wanna change. And sometimes for some of us we don't have the help that we need. We don't have support systems and it makes it really hard for us. I just lost my kids. I was lucky and fortunate
enough for their grandmother from their dad's side to go
down to the courts and get them. And it's all due to housing situations. Being a Black woman is very, very hard 'cause a lot of times people look at us and they base Us off of
the last person's mistakes. We might not get that job that we want because one they're already
intimidated because we're Black. In my case, I'm 6-2 and I'm a Black woman. So my height is my number two downfall because now they're intimidated because I looked down on them. And when you have a Black
woman, my size looking down on you, and you're this
itty-bitty little white lady in the interview, there's kind of that shaky vibe going on. A lot of times, they don't wanna hire. They're afraid that we
might steal something. They're afraid that we might
beat somebody up in the store. We're stereotyped to the fullest and it doesn't matter how good we are how proper our grammar
is, being a Black woman the life period is super hard. We have no choice sometimes but to fall back on a prostitute because of the simple fact that most
people don't want to hire us, they don't give us the
chance to be able to show what we can do in a workplace. It's instantly, she's Black. I'm okay. Oh, well, her name sounds ghetto so I don't want her in my store. She looks like she's
gonna steal something. So prostitution is basically
what we're left with. Sometimes we don't have a
choice but to go that route, it feels like it's forced on us. And I don't like feeling
like things are forced on me. And I try very, very hard. I mean, I do construction.
I'm great at what I do. But at this time I don't have
a choice but to prostitute 'cause I can't get a job. I've gotten the, you're
pretty, you're a distraction, so we can't hire you. Well, your employee's
distracted over there. I'm doing my job. So what does that have to do with me? Now I'm being stereotyped by being a woman and being a Black woman at that it's hard. And people are not understanding
that they're putting us all in positions where you can't
be mad when this person runs off and does this crazy
thing over there downtown because hey look what we're left with. You're not even giving us a chance to walk into the interview. You looking out the window and saying, she's got colored skin, I'm okay. It's not fair. And we can't teach the
younger generations to be any better than that if the people we look up to as an adult aren't doing anything to meet
the needs of us as peoples. And I know that right now, there's a lot, everybody's doing bad. Everybody is, Whites, Blacks
and Mexicans, but we're in a position where we can't
get help from the counties. We're not getting housing,
we're not getting anything. Me and my daughters were
homeless for three or four months sleeping in my expedition, while their dad was messing
around with this Mexican girl. And lying to me saying that he's at work, he's out visiting in
Redlands with his dad. And no he's out having
vacations and going on ski trips and getting married and
lying about all of it. Swearing how he's gonna be
there and how he loves us. And I lost my girls
because I was depending on somebody to be there that wasn't there. So having a support system
is a major, major factor. And most of us don't have that
coming from the gang life, the prostitution life, a
lot of our family members, dads, moms are dead in
jail or drugged out. I mean, and even us as the girls that are working the streets, a lot of us are codependent
on drugs mainly. I mean, we stay up all
night working the streets. I mean, we're catching
guys that are coming out of work at two, 3:00 AM. You wonder where your husband is, hey, he's right here. It's not a good feeling 'cause we're not trying to step on anybody's toes but we need to be to feed our families. We gotta be able to house ourselves. I mean a hotel room is 86 to a hundred and
something dollars a night. Now we're living day by
day off the little money that we're making, not
including our food, our housing trying to get into storage units to hold all of our stuff
because we do collect. We're a good collectors. All of these little expenses add up and living day by day in a hotel. I mean, weekend prices go
up to about 120 to $150. Some hotels want $200 deposits. So by the end of the day, we don't want or we
don't put a certain price in our head because at then they adds up you got $200 deposit and you
got a hundred dollar room. There's 300 right there. Now you've got food. Then you've got diapers
and you've got milk, then you've got... I mean, the expense is just never stop. So we're looking at 1500 to
pull in just to live the day. So imagine how hard we're working and all that work that we're putting in so hard for the streets we can be doing it in
actual store somewhere, trying to be better but the prostitution
is not gonna get better unless people are willing
to give us the chance to try to show them like, I can do this. People say I'm square, no, I'm not square I just had proper grammar. I learned that if you want
to get somewhere in life you have to be able to present yourself the way that you should business wise, and a lot of these girls are really ghetto and really don't care too much. And if you wanna take the opportunity you have to get the opportunity and to get them that you
have to look presentable and you have to be wanted by people that have got what you need. And it's not saying that
you want to use everybody 'cause I know a lot of these guys at the end of the day,
they probably go home like, I wonder what my wife's gonna say. 'Cause we do, we talk about it. Well, we have girl groups
to just sit there like, hey wifey, I wonder what
happened over here this day. Hey, what do you think his wife said? Do you think you're
perfused stuck to them? Like we talk about the most stupidest shit but it's things that matter. Because when we sit back,
I think about it a lot. Like, I just ruined that man's life. He went home and he smells like perfume and his wife's gonna
kick him out the house. - [Interviewer] I think he ruined his own. - Yeah, but there could be some girls will think,
it's everybody's choice. There's two in that party. So he said, "I wanna pay for some pussy." And you turn around and
say, "Hey, go pay for it. I'll take your money." Or you could be like being in about it like, I'm hurt enough so I
wouldn't want to hurt any more. Like if I went home, I went back to my room and I saw my dude
laid up with another woman I'm gonna be all broken,
I'm probably gonna throw his ass out. - [Interviewer] It's
nice that you have that little sense of responsibility. - There's respect levels. There's respect, responsibility, loyalty. I want longevity. That means you have to be
consistent in what you do. And sometimes when you're consistent you ruin people's lives. And I'm at that point in my life where I'm at rock bottom. At this moment I think I
have like $115 to my name, no bank account. I mean, I barely have enough money to manage a room for a night. My car was just messed up, why? Because I'm in the hood and I've got all these guys
over here that like me. And I don't like their ass
back because there's nothing. What am I gonna get from you? Literally, what can I gain from you? You can't give me shit, because you're in the same
place I am, stuck in a motel. So I don't see anything
happening right there. So they going to get mad and
go busting out car windows and flattening tires and
taking catalysts converters. And I'm at the point now where I near don't even have any close, why? Because the prostitution life was faster and easier and it just
seemed a whole lot better. And it sounded good,
especially how she said it. The way she looked, it was awesome. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. and that's my best life
profession I want, why? Because she looked good. You can go to DD's and
make a $10 dress look good. I mean, DD's, they make
a $10 dress look good. And they don't think
about the downfalls of it. Like, now you don't have any self respect. Other people don't respect you. Now you're putting your life on line because you're risking STDs,
AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea then now you ain't got no
respect from this lady. You can't call yourself a woman. You get all types of names and you just wind up
not being you anymore. So I'm trying my head
hardest to get out this life. It's not easy when you
don't have a support system. It's not easy when you don't have family. And especially not having a father. A king is supposed to teach
his princess which way to go, You're the spitting image of what a man in my life needs to be like,
who I'm supposed to marry. And if I don't have that then I'm looking through this
looking glass and I'm like I don't know which one to pick. 'Cause now it's looks, for
girls that don't have their dads it turns to look thing,
his shoes, his pants. How much were they? And what's he look like this way? And what's he look like that way? And that's when the bullshit
starts, you start getting into life like, oh man, I
picked this guy because he's the image of what I want
turns out to be a gang member or a child molester or
a pimp or a drug addict. And it's like, dang. Maybe if my dad was here and
I seen how he treated my mom and I seen how my mom acted afterwards that would have gave me a
sense on how to get a good guy but not having a father,
I'm like okay, shoot. I guess I just try them all. How about let's try them all? And my share, aint been the best share. 'Cause dad ran away. Now I'm stuck with my
luggage and my luggage is just so having to eat,
talk, walk, and poop. So now I've got these
friends of three people and he gets to get off squat
and diddly with just him. And it makes it really, really hard. So I tell everybody the
next dude I fuck with has to be a knowledge person. Once you mindfuck women with knowledge that is the best fuck she will ever have. And you will have her all the way. And that's why a lot of these girls are like stuck in the life because they think that the guy that they're talking to is so knowledgeable and
he's smart and he's this and he's that, when really it's not, most of that is just the gift of gabbing. Academy's best award-winning actor 'cause you're not fooling anybody. A lot of women right now are renegades because the men are very,
what's the word I'm looking for? They don't know how to communicate. They lack attention to the
women that they're working. They don't wanna do shit, but buy clothes and shoes and drugs and sit
there in the same position. Like we work really hard for you to still have
us in the same position why are you doing this? Why can't you just like,
go put me in a house? You spent 1500 on bracelet but you won't spend 1500 on a house. That's not okay with me. I'd rather be out of the life. But I need somebody to give me the chance, to show them like I have the
potential to do something else. I don't wanna be looked at like, hey that's that girl that was working on the corner over there. That's embarrassing and
a lot of days I go out with certain people. I don't even get out the car. I won't get out the car because I'm like, one out of this sort of selective few of 50 people seeing me
walking down that blade. Two out of this certain
hundred people have had a date with me, and I got bodies. That's what we call
them, we call them bodies because when you have guys, dates, tricks, whatever you want to
call them, they tally up. So we call them bodies. I got bodies and I'm not
trying to be desperate. You're up there in the counting. I don't want to be the
car that somebody is like, this car's got 200,000 miles on it, I have no need for it anymore. I want to be that one that's
like, I can go out with him and I can actually get out
the car and go in the store because you guys haven't
seen me with all these guys. His friends can't be like,
hey I fucked her already and is that good? Or is that trash? We had talked about and I
don't wanna be that girl. I wanna be the girl that's
respected and married and loved and cherished
for the rest of her life. And eventually a business owner, somebody that kids can look up to. If we wanna change, somebody has to make the start somewhere. And that means putting your foot forward and trying at least. And me in the position that I'm in, I don't even know where I'm
supposed to be starting at honestly, I don't. I mean, I've been stolen
from, even now the EED people would just continuously
taking, taking, taking. I ain't got nothing left to take. The only thing left to
take from me is my life. And we used to be like
that, it's not too good. People don't care. Most people with money really don't care because it's not them
and it's not their life. It's not their kids. So why give a shit? And then they get to feel bad afterwards. I express people a lot. 'Cause you might've been the person to save that person's life. If I come to you and say,
"Look, I need $5,000. Hey look, help me get this
car so I can get to work. Hey, look, I need this,
I'm short for my rent. The babies have no diapers." Sometimes people need
somebody to be able to come to an ask that too, that
ain't gonna judge them. And that will actually help because some of us do want to do better. But in their head is like no,
they gonna go get some weed. They're gonna go party,
they're gonna go drink. And because the last person ruined that because that's what they
did, we get judged off that. You can't judge this person off the last person's mistake because you can either be
the reason I turned around and I wrote this letter and
I killed myself because, I couldn't even get God to help me. I couldn't get this one person that, how's this person so rich and they don't even
wanna help me with $500? They can't help me with
a bucket from an auction so that I can at least
try to get to my kids. So I can at least try to get to this job. Oh, well that shows how
much people actually care. So why not? What am I here for? Then now there's no more me, and you get to have that burden like if I would only help this person, they might still be here. They might not have
been the happiest person but they were always smiling. Like me a lot of people like
Megan, you're always happy, you're always smiling. I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm not always happy and
I'm not always smiling. But when I come outside, I try to smile because I don't wanna
ruin somebody else's day because what I'm going through. But my everyday is hell, my every day is thinking the same thing, what if I never see my kids again? Why won't anybody help when
we're truly needing it? People wanna be judgmental but don't know what our lives are like on a day-to-day basis. You could be the most beautiful woman and still feel so unpretty. And in my case, that's exactly what it is. People tell me every day, how pretty I am. And I don't see it because the life that I have
to live and the simple fact of not having a support
system, neither parents, none of my brothers and sisters talk to me because I'm Black and they're White. I'm you people, is what they say. We can't help you people. I'm like wow, you really sit here and
talk to me like that and I'm your little sister,
what do you mean you people or not having friends. Sometimes people just don't
trust you because you're Black and not having that help
and not having a vehicle not having an apartment has put me in a position where I am two months away of almost losing my kids for adoption because I don't have
the means to be able to get a solid foundation
of living situation. The Lord knows I will go to
war with God, for my kids. - [Interviewer] So are
drugs a part of your life? - They are it just depends
on like where my mindset is at the time. Most of the girls do it so that they stay up because
we do work very late night. Sometimes we work from, we might go out at eight o'clock at night and we don't get back until 12 o'clock the next day because why? Daddy said you have to
have this much money when you come home and the
daddy don't get his money then you're gonna get your ass whooped. And we all know, we don't
want our ass whooped when we get home, so we're gonna stay out
and do what we have to. It don't matter if we got to walk into the restaurant and tell
the cook in the back, like, hey, you want a date. - [Interviewer] So crystal
meth is you're drug? - Yeah. - [Interviewer] And you're still working? You're still giving
your money to somebody? - No, I put all my money in my
pocket because I really feel like if I'm gonna pay you, you
have had that did something. And these guys don't do shit but sit there and talk to the homie that's in the passenger side, dick riding. And if you over there, dick
riding, you smoking my money with him, texting investors, you call it he's smoking your weed. So you smoking my weed with your homie that's broke as fuck
in the passenger side. Not doing nothing, being a pretend pimp. I feel some type of way. 'Cause you wouldn't do to get that money. I need my weed after this
because now am stressed out. - [Interviewer] You can talk
to your girl from the street? - I choose to be proper because it gets you a
little bit further in life. - [Interviewer] Yes it will. - And a lot of these girls,
they just don't want to learn. There's a very smart women. The women that I see out
here are intelligent as hell. And I look at someone and
I'm like, God damn you have so much potential what the
are you doing out here? Well, they're doing the same
thing that I'm doing out here. Trying to make a way to live. Not all of us are dumb. Not all of us are street completely. Like most of us are very, very smart. Most of us could probably be in Harvard. These women that are
out here are beautiful. Not all of us are young but they're beautiful
women with great minds, great mentalities, great ideas
that nobody wants to hear because we're just your average
Black girl from the hood. Which is a fucked up way to say it but we're not looked at like
how White women are looked at. We don't get the same respect as they do because we're from the hood. People are scared of the hood. I mean, I know people
that won't even drive through the areas I have to go through because they're afraid they
might get robbed or something. I go in a store and
the lady's like clutch, let me get my purse and
hold it tight as I can. It's like lady, just 'cause
you see a Black person you don't have to hold your... We're not gonna hurt you. It's really hard being a Black woman but I think it puts us above
strong because it's hard. And we do things that the guys have to do. So being a Black woman
and having to be the boss the jefe, I get to be the jefe today. Baby daddy's not around,
I'm the jefe, I'm the boss. - [Interviewer] What
emotion do you get the most? Depression or... - Most of the time it's depression. Because within ourselves
we no longer feel secure. We no longer feel beautiful. We no longer feel like we're lovable because we slept with so many men or because we've done this with
so many different people that other religions, other races they look at it like, you
do that then you're a whore, you're a prostitute. - [Interviewer] Regardless
of what the religious or the whatever it's got to
break your psyche after awhile, your self worth has to get beaten down. - Yeah, it beats you further than down. I mean we're below sea level. We drown and we hit rock
bottom and it keeps going. - [Interviewer] And then the drug use kind of exacerbates it. - And you see why there's a lot of women that are drugged out. - [Interviewer] It
would be hard to do this if you weren't high or drunk. - We get the cases of guys
that just don't take care of theirselves bodily wise, hygiene's off. We get the guys that are very aggressive. We get guys that wanna kidnap you. We get guys that are just
the best that we've ever met in life, but you're married
so I can't have you. And it does, it take
some major hold on you. Every day the same thing for, just imagine we've got girls
that have been doing it for the last 50 years. Still, they're old as hell but they look good
'cause Black don't crack. This lady can look as good as she wanna be but how many people do
you think she slept with? She's a prostitute. You can't really expect this
certain expectation to be met if in your head, you
know she's a prostitute and that shit take some major
toll, a major, major toll. I mean, if you were me sat back and thought about it,
like yesterday I went on a date with 23 people. That's nasty as fuck, 23
people, that's horrible. And from the outside
looking in, it's like ugh, bitch you're out here sleeping
with any and everybody. And you don't wanna be
looked at like that. So the first thing that
hits is people are looking at me this way. My image is fucked up. My parents might've seen
me down there on the blade. I went on that date and
he didn't even pay for it, he stole my money. Like he went through my purse
and took my shit and he left. There are cases where you just like, man I just lost my whole
week's worth of work because I got in the shower
while he was still there. And then you get to get
beat up when you go home because now you ain't got
no money to show for it. And you have more money than all the girls he got this today. I might've had 2,500. This nigga just stole
everything I had out of greed. And it's like, now he used to go home and that'd be a Silverado trick go inside to home cooked meal. And I got to go back out to
that street and make more money just so I can get a hotel. That's not including the
food, just the hotel. I don't get to eat til tomorrow. it's hard, and then the
kids, when you think about it like here comes to the depression crawling up my leg to kick my ass. And a lot of days I don't wanna wake up. I'll be honest. A lot of days I don't want to wake up because the thought that
placed in my head is, here's another day without
a job without any help. I don't have somebody to call to talk to about situation that I'm in. My phone bill is due, where the hell am I gonna
get my phone bill money from, that's the $60. So if I'm getting depressed
and crying over $60 just imagine how having to do this every single day will get to you. I already don't have no self respect. I can't get a guy in my life depended on it because they
all know me as a prostitute. Nobody wants to be with a
prostitute, because why? She slept with the whole town, but we don't really have a choice. So what does that leave us at? That's my main thing. - [Interviewer] Is this your lowest point. - Yeah, this has been my lowest point and it's quite frankly, it's not fun. I mean, I can be as pretty as I wanna be but pretty ain't paying the bills. I mean, pretty can pay the
bills if you go outside and you work for it, but
pretty is not paying the bills and it's hard. Right now it's like the thoughts of I might not ever see my babies again. The thoughts that I'm never gonna be able to settle down or be loved by anybody because of
what I have to do now. And that's a that's a
fucked up feeling to have, nobody should have to
feel like that at all. Can I smoke this? - [Interviewer] Sure, of course. What's the most important
lesson you've learned? - The most important lesson
that I've learned is never give up on yourself. Because when you give up on
yourself, you're ready to do and willing to do anything
just for a couple of dollars. When technically to be honest,
those dollars don't mean shit because we have nothing
behind our currency. There's no gold, there's no
diamonds, there's nothing. So technically we're working for something that was just reprinted. We're working for a piece of
paper, regular piece of paper. We're not working for anything. Technically we're working
just to be judged even more than we're already judged. I mean, it's not getting
us into apartments, it's not giving us a car. At least, a lot of us
think of it this way, if we had a car, at least
we could sleep in it. we'd have some type of security. That'll just the first step of getting a little bit
further than we are today. I got me a little bucket, a
little lemon car from the lot, that's when it's a step above, that's what makes us
feel better is knowing, I called my friend and
he said, "You know what? I wanna see you get your kids back here. It goes $500, I'm gonna
take you to the auction, you go get you a car." There was that first
little spark of enjoyment the first sign that, hey, you know I feel a little bit better. I might actually go apply for a job today. And I don't have that. So a lot of the girls do
actually come from good homes. They just don't want to be there. They don't like authority. And then there's the girls like me that have no family, no friends. Everybody wants to hate
me 'cause I'm pretty. And I'm like, hey look,
I'm average just like you. I don't put myself on a
pedestal. I'm down to earth. I'm not your everyday pretty girl. Most of the girls, you
meet look like me are like, oh my God, I'm so much better than you. And they're like way up
here on this pedestal. I'm like, hey lady, come here, come here. Let me tell you something.
Get off the pedestal. We both bleed the same blood. So I'm not better than you
and people see, she's pretty, she probably got everything. People think I'm rich, for
some odd reason people think like I'm some rich high-end
escort or something. And I'm like, no bro, no, I stay in a hotel over there, a fig. How routine possibly be stayed on fake. You've got money Meg. You've got, my street name is Megan. When you go out, you don't
want to tell these guys your real name. So you have a fake names. Oh, you're rich. You pretend to be broke. So you can have some friends. Like, no, I'm not. I'm not rich. But in order to get the dates
that we want for good money you got to pay for the good
hair and the good makeup and the good everything. And at the end, they get
stolen from you because that prostitute came in and then she left, they call it, pay and
peeping, choosing up. A lot of these hoes, choose
up, choose up, choose up. They're constantly in this
little washing machine where they get thrown around the same guys. So there's either I kill
myself or you're washed up and drugged out. And eventually most of the
time it goes to be drugged out because the girls can't
stay up at night time. - [Interviewer] Are you secretly hoping that some prince
charming, some Richard Gere comes along and saves you from this? A lot of girls have told me they are. - Secretly hoping, yeah. Expecting no, because I mean, come on prince charming just rolls up
out of nowhere into the hood like, hey girl, come on,
I'll take you with me. I'm gonna get you out of this life. Not gonna happen. I don't
get my hopes too high. - [Interviewer] And even
if it did, would you be able to accept it in the
mental state you're in now? - That's a great question
because I ask myself that a lot, like what would happen if you did get somebody to
want him to see you do better? Somebody wanted to give you the chance in hell that you've been looking for. And I'm like, well, I
don't want to ruin anybody because I'm ruined, like I'm broken. So if I go with this person,
it might just ruin us all. I've had it happen once or twice where there is a good
guy that wants to talk to me. He's like, I don't care. I'll help you until you
get back on your feet. And I'm just like, I run from it. I don't know about other women, I can only speak for
myself, but I run from it because I don't wanna break
you because I'm broken. And they're like, well, what do you mean? I don't understand. I just feel like you don't like me. No, it's not that I don't like
you it's that I don't wanna ruin the person that you
are when you're a great man because of what I'm going through. Now, if you're willing to
stick by me with all these up and down emotions, the court case for the kids and the
crazy baby daddy pimp. And if you're good with that, be my guest. But I would really
rather just try to get me together then possibly ruining somebody that's fantastic for somebody else. Hey, you might not be for me,
you might be for the next lady but I don't wanna be the
one that ruined him or he left me for the prostitute bitch. I don't wanna carry those types of titles. I want somebody to be with me because that's
what they truly want and it's a rarity to find a
prince charming that's like, I want you and all of you. Most of the times prince charming so like, yeah, I want you in all of you. But only for tonight, they make it sound to the point where, this
is what I got, I need it. And you go do that with them. And then boom, you call him the next day his phone number's
changed or come find out as a tax-free and his brother
owns the business and not him. I don't really wanna take those chances. So I try not to put my
feelings in any of this anymore but it would be a great
feel to actually get married and settled down and stay loved. That you actually can love the person and not love their pocket
or be scared of them. In my case, I'm kinda am
scared of my kid's dad. Him being a pimp he was very aggressive. He's not in the life anymore,
but I'm the woman right now the women seemed to be
the ones doing everything. So I always find myself getting up like I'm gonna make ends meet somehow some way. I'm gonna get it somehow some
and I always make it happen. I might not feel the best
at the end of the day. Sometimes you might catch me like, get the hell out of my
face, don't talk to me. Just don't talk to me.
What's wrong with her? The bitch went outside and she made the money
that she needed today but she wasn't treated like a person. Never is there a day that
we're treated like real humans? We're treated like trash. We're talked to like trash. And just because we're
prostitutes doesn't mean that we should be treated any
worse than any other person. I'm not better than anybody. But I do think the prostitutes
do deserve the chance to be able to be treated like a human. Still be told that they're beautiful, still looked at like a regular person and we get looked at with
the most nastiest looks. But if you were to step
back and think about it like these girls have no help whatsoever. They're women, so our our
vulnerability is at a high point. And guys take advantage of that. They see the okay, she's homeless and she's got her kids by
herself, I'm gonna take advantage because they know our mind
States not at the best. And I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of having to sell myself because for all these people, I might just want to save me for one guy. And you think because what I do to make ends
meet to make sure my children are fed, that I love being a prostitute. Oh, girls love being
out there. No we don't. Who wants to be cold at
three o'clock in the morning standing on a fricking
corner in high heels. Nobody, nobody at all. Nobody
that I've met at least. And we're judged so much that it's like, why should I care? Why should I give a fuck? And then that's when the, that Black woman was so rude to me. And she makes me so scared. A lot of these women are
scared of us because, bitch I'm tired of you talking about me. Like, I'm not sped off a silver spoon. My family didn't hand me down nothing. I don't got five cars and all of them just sit there
and don't get driven. They just sit there and gather dust. I don't have those royalties. I came from the hood where my
mom is, in the penitentiary. And my dad got shot and died and my brothers
don't give a fuck, they're all pimps. I come from that type of lifestyle and we don't have the royalties
that most people have. So when your fed off a silver spoon, you think completely
different, way different. And you wouldn't think the thought of, maybe I should put myself in their shoes. Maybe I should just think about what I would be doing
if I had to live their life or maybe I should step back and reanalyze what I'm about to say because this woman's a Black
woman and she's a prostitute. I think that would be
the start of a change. Is these women, 'cause
honestly quite frankly, a lot of us people think
the White and the Black, no a lot of us look up to a lot of these White
women like Sandra Bullock. I love her, oh my God. She's great. A lot of us look up to these ladies. And even though we're prostitutes and we're Black, we're still young. And we look up to those older women. The same woman that are like, I won't help you because you're Black. I won't help you because
you're a prostitute. We look up to those same people and we actually look up to them. We look at them to see
where their wisdom is. New sayings, new quotes. Another way of thinking, because
there are older generation regardless of what color they are, they're the ones teaching us. So if you taught me this,
I'm teaching them that. Kids are like sponges they absorb, they install, they
intake and they reuse it. So when it comes time to reuse if all they're hearing is, bitch fuck you. I'm gonna slap your mama,
gang bang, slap a bitch, then they're gonna be grown,
gang bang, slap a bitch. And it's just gonna keep
like recycling thing. But if one of us can
be like, you know what? I wanna change this. How about I talk a little bit more proper. How about instead of being a prostitute that's got holes everywhere
and you could see my pussy and my nipples. How about I go out there
a little more covered than the last girl. You got to try to start at somewhere try to respect yourself. That's why I kind of dress
a little bit more closed in. And then you have to think about it. You do get a little bit more money because I see what you got,
not what she got over there 'cause she's got clothes
on, everybody's different. But when it comes to the prostitution game we're kind of all one-on-one,
we're all the same. We all want better, but
we're not getting anywhere. They don't even have programs
specialized for prostitutes. There's not a lot actually
now that I think about it that helps the girls get out the life, people want us out the life,
but they're not helping us. We want out the life. I mean, we cry. Most of us are emotional, depressed wise because we don't have
shit for our families. We can't get a job cause we're Black. Mine is I can't get a job
cause I'm Black and I'm 6-2 I'm bigger than half the guys
that I'm asking for a job. It's hard. And we all want a chance. And if I get somebody to help me with that chance or
somebody to at least say that I believe in you, that'd
be a great start for me. Because I don't have a
support system period. I have me and my daughters were SAM, Sayyora, Aurora and me, SAM,
the definition altogether. And I will go to war with God for them. And I can't lose them. I won't lose them. So that means if I got to get out there and work every man in the
United States, I will do that because at least I can
say that I have my kids. And that's the only place
that I'm getting love from. I don't have a dad, I don't have mom. I kinda mind my business. It's me, myself and I, and
that makes it even more hard. - [Interviewer] All right, Devon. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I got a feeling of, we'll
do this more than once. 'Cause you have a lot on
your chest, don't you? - How do I say it, I got issues. - [Interviewer] No, I'd love
to do this more than once and I'll help you out to
at least make your week a little bit easier. - [Devon] I could use it.
