- Now at 22 years old, I've seen things, I have gone through things
and I have been places in life where a lot of people don't go. I've got a lot of life experience in these areas and I shouldn't. - [Interviewer] All right, Ronnie. Ronnie, where are you from originally? - [Ronnie] I am from Texas. - [Interviewer] What city? - [Ronnie] Fort Worth. Well, really Granbury, it's
a town outside of Fort worth, but I ran around Fort worth and it's probably one most
people would recognize. - [Interviewer] Got it. And you grew up with both parents? One parent? - Both my biological parents. - [Interviewer] How was your childhood? - I had a good childhood. It was just me and my younger brother, we're eight years apart. So when I was younger,
I grew up in West Texas and it's around the Midland-Odessa area, it's a town called Crane with a population of about 3,000 people. My school class was 75 people. So everybody knows everybody and everybody knows your business. So when I was in elementary school I was acting out, I threw fits and I had a really bad mood
swings, never with anybody else. I wasn't bad in school or anything. I had straight A's,
always top of my class, but I was also, by the
time I was in third grade, I was a little overweight. So I got bullied a lot at school and the bullying went on
for so, so, so, so long. It, it got to a point
where by middle school I didn't even want to go to school. I was yelling at my mom, they thought I was just being rebellious. I just didn't wanna go to school where people were just
gonna yell names at me. But by the time I was
13, I started cutting. And that was something that I did because I wasn't very fond of myself. I had gone through so many things by then that I just, I didn't
care much for myself, my self esteem had already plummeted before I even had a
chance to try and start. But as far back as I can remember I've always just had like
a deep hatred for myself. I just never thought I was good enough. And how come I'm five years old and I don't really like myself. I think that I'm not cool enough, I think that my cousins
think they're better than me which in fact, they didn't,
you know, I had great cousins. We always played together
but I just never thought that I was as loved and
there was no explanation that I could give myself for that. So I have, I've got scars
on my arms and my leg that went on for a
really, really long time. And sometimes it still happens today. - [Interviewer] How old are you? - I'm 22. So, and I started at 13. When I was in sixth
grade I had two friends and that slowly went down to one and then it kinda was hard because I didn't really
know who else hang out with because everybody at
that time, like I said, there's 75 kids and they've all
had their own little groups. And my friends, the two friends I had slowly started drifting apart. Again, the bullying was still there. The cutting was getting worse,
the fits were getting worse. And that is when I
stopped trying in school. The cutting by then had gotten super bad, I then been diagnosed with
depression and mood swings. When you're younger, they
don't label you as bipolar because they don't want to do that to you. It's because its a big label to have. So they put mood swings and anger issues and things like that. But by then, my dad had got a job and they were gonna do
like a six month trial to see if they liked him or not. And I told my mom and dad, "I wanna go, please, can I go with him?" So me and my dad moved to Granbury. And that was when I went to a new school and this school was just a lot bigger. And there, when I moved there, I don't remember kids
trying to make fun of me because I was Mexican and there wasn't very
many Mexicans at AMS. And they were cracking jokes saying that my dad was a gardener and they'd be like, "are you legal?" And I'm like, "what do
you mean am I legal? I was born in Texas." I wasn't on the volleyball team, so, and also again I was still chubby, so I had never been, like I never had, I hadn't at that point
had had a real friend and you know, that's really all I wanted, but at the same time I
kind of wanted to be cool and try and be popular in a way. But the efforts I was making
weren't getting me there because, you know, I didn't
wanna, I didn't know what to do. I was like trying to look
up diets on the internet and things like that,
but it just didn't help. I couldn't do it. But by the time it was October, I started to get bullied there too at AMS. And that was the first time that I really started to be suicidal. I wasn't sure what to do anymore because at that point
I really had no friends not even friends that
were rude or mean to me. It was just me. And we went down to West Texas to visit my mom and my little brother and it was my birthday. Sorry. That was the first time
that I tried to kill myself. Sorry, I don't know why I'm crying. But I remember telling my mom and dad, "I made a mistake, I don't
wanna go to that school anymore. Can I please come back?" And they wouldn't let me, because I tried out for
the school musical that AMS and even though I was
the new kid I got a part. I wasn't aware that I could sing until I went to choir class. And I remember I got bullied because I got a part in the musical. But I tried to kill myself right here. I have scars from it. So I had to go get stitches but I had to go back to
AMS, back to Granbury. And I just cried and
cried and cried and cried. And then that weekend that I had got back, a couple of days later, I
tried to commit suicide again. And I cut myself again on the same place. It's just this other one beside it. And my dad found it, found me
and he took me to the hospital and I had to go. So the first trip that
I had to the loony bin, so I got admitted to a
hospital called Millwood. And I was in there for about five days. It was one of those like
emergency crisis situations where they admit you right away. They had started putting me on pills and I didn't like the pills because they weren't really working and they kept wanting to
do more and less of this and more of that, and add this pill and then take this pill with that pill and that pill with this pill. I didn't like it. I was going to when I
would have my checkups and for my physicals and stuff they would say that I was overweight, I was borderline diabetic, that if I didn't get put
on a diet immediately I was gonna have diabetes. So I think food was like, at that point, my coping skill. Food and then cutting. And then they took out food. So I was just at that point
for a 14 year old girl, I shouldn't have been feeling like that. I just shouldn't have. And I wished that I had loved myself more. I think it would have had
a better impact on me now. I think that I was a lot
stronger than I thought I was, but because of everybody
whispering in my ear, I didn't allow myself to try. I didn't allow myself to be
someone or want to be someone because I was afraid of
what everybody else said. So after that, I did that little five days and things didn't get
better when I got out. It was the first time
I had seen my dad cry. It's the only time I've seen my dad cry. I really love my dad. I love my mom but you know they
just didn't know what to do. You have your daughter and you see that, they see me and they look
at me and I'm hurting and I won't tell them why. I won't talk to them but they
see what I'm doing to myself. And I know that even to
this day that it just, it hurts them and it
took a lot from my family because it wasn't just
me going through it. I put them through it. We all went through the storm together. But I'm thankful that I had them because I couldn't
imagine what it feels like to have parents that don't care, to have to go without because that's not something
that everybody has. Even most of my friends only
had one of their parents and then a step parent, I didn't. So moving on to ninth
grade, I was still chubby. Again, my cutting was still there. I had had, I think, two more
trips to another loony bin and it was okay, but I wasn't
really trying to talk to them or get better. By then I had gotten to a point where I was very cut off from everybody. And I would take my
anger out on my family. I would go home and I
would just throw it all, very destructive. If my mom told me no, I would throw stuff, punch the wall, slam the doors. And just because I was hurt from school. And that was when I had
stopped going to school so much my mom had to call the cops to come get me from my house and escort me to school. And she eventually got
a letter in the mail that I had to go to court for truancy. And it was just, it was crazy. Cause she was like, they said,
if she misses one more day, you're gonna have a fine and
she has all these credits that she needs to get or she's gonna fail and she's gonna to be held back. So that was when I moved to another school and it was called Premiere. And it's one of those self-paced schools where you do like packets, booklets. And I had to go there because
if not, I wasn't gonna pass. And when I got there, it was
a really laid back school and not too many people and I
started making friends there. I had one friend there
and she was really nice, and we're still friends to this day, but there was this one
guy there that I liked. And you know, there,
everybody talks to each other because you know, it's a small school and most of the people go there because they don't want
to go to the big school, just like I didn't for bullying reasons or behavioral issues. So I wouldn't say the
outcasts all go there but a couple of them do. So by then I had started liking this guy and he was a couple years older than me and we would talk and stuff. I had to go to summer school
to end up finishing my credits. So I was really surprised to see he was also in summer school. So my little 15 year old heart
was pumping, I was ready. And I remember he started sitting with me and he was being really cool. And he smoked and I had
never done drugs before. To me, that was a no-go. No drugs at all. If you did drugs, we
couldn't be friends anymore. Like, I'm sorry, I just wouldn't do it. Weird right? Now that I am here. But I remember him asking me
to go to the bathroom with him so we could roll the
joint and could smoke it. I'm all super nervous and I'm like, "Oh, I don't know, what do I do? What do I do?" And we go in there and he
says to go to the stall and I'm like, "okay". I was like, "why do I
have to go to the stall"? You know, "no one's here, we're in a totally different
part of the school. The teachers don't ever come over here." And then he's like, "just go, just go. Just in case." I'm like, "okay." And I get in there and
waiting and he's like, just hugging me and I'm like,
"are we gonna roll this? Cause we have to hurry up because we already
supposed to be at school." He's like, "it's okay,
don't worry about it." And he starts to like pull me closer and you know, I'm like okay. Cause I never really hooked up with people or never dated anybody. He went down to kiss me, so
I started kissing him back but he started to get aggressive and he wanted to grab on
my pants and unbutton. I wasn't trying to do that. So I would like push him away and he would keep pulling. So I tried to move his hands
and you know I told him you know I'm a virgin, I'm not ready. At this point, I had this in my head that I was going to wait for marriage and cause that's just
what I was raised doing. My parents both waited for each other. So that's what I thought it was. And of course I grew up
with my mom telling me, "if they really like you,
they really love you, they'll wait for you." And I kept telling him no and he just kept telling me to be quiet. No, get off of me, I
don't want to do this. You know, whatever. I don't wanna do drugs anyways. So just leave me alone. And he pushes me up against the wall and there's like a rail right there. So I hit this rail on my back and I'm like, "Hey, what are you doing?" Like "get off". And he just tells me to
shut up and he hit me. It's like right there, decked me. And I stopped, I never been hit before. And I remember just like that incident, like that feeling, like
I was like, Oh my God, you know, he's not going to stop is he? And so at that point I'm crying and I'm like, "can you please stop?" And he just wouldn't. He kept grabbing on me
and feeling up on me and kissing me and I
didn't want to kiss him. So when he kissed me on the mouth I just would sit there, you know? And he told me to get on the toilet and I didn't want to. I was starting to yell at him and I was like, "please don't". And he started hitting me
on my legs and on my side. And he, he just pushed
me down on the toilet and when I did that I
just plopped on there and I looked at him and I
remember just asking him "please don't do this" and he didn't care. He told me that if I didn't be quiet he was gonna hit me again. And that hurt. I shut down. So I just let it happen. I remember once he was done,
he left me in the bathroom and I just sat there and cried. I remember I was scared because I was bleeding and I was sore. My face was hurting from him punching me. After that I didn't have
self-esteem to begin with, like I said before and that guy just destroyed me. He took the very last bit
of self-worth that I had. I didn't have much at all, I didn't have any for him to take. And I remember them talking about me maybe wanting to testify
and I couldn't do it. The detectives were calling and calling and stopping by the house
and asking questions. And I just, I didn't
want to talk about it. I didn't wanna re-live it. Why do you think I'm popping pills? So, by then I had started, after that I started
smoking weed and I liked it. I thought, okay, this
is cool, this isn't bad. And I was like, what the heck? Why am I dumping all my friends for this? It's just weed. And I remember it was August. So I'm almost going to 10th grade. And I started losing weight
because of the pills. And because I started starving myself. I didn't wanna eat, I didn't
want to do anything like that. So I had also dyed my hair red and I felt a lot better. I started, I guess, cause I was smoking, I had a little group of friends, I had actually gotten a
boyfriend and he smoked weed. So he started getting me into smoking weed and his friend was talking
to my friend, Lacey. We'd all just hang out. It was summer, it was cool. They'd come over to my
house, we'd go to the beach and we'd be smoking. And I finally felt like I had a place. Like I had people that cared about me. So it rolls around to the
first day of sophomore year and it turns out that, that boyfriend that I had cheated on me. Oh yeah, I was destroyed. I was like, man, when is this
stuff gonna be over with? Like when, why? My school grades were done, over with. I had put zero to none of
any effort into school. I didn't care anymore. All I cared about was
hanging out with my friends, getting out of school, walking
to the park and smoking. I hadn't gotten into any
school, they wouldn't let me. I was really mad that I
couldn't get into school. So I was basically a high school dropout. Well, yeah, I am a high school
dropout and I was stupid because who drops out
in their senior year? So I had gotten this new
friend and her name's Kaykay. We're still friends to this day. But me and her have been close because we have gone
through similar things and we're both have super
strong drug addiction. She became my ride or die,
was always me and her. And we were always driving to the plugs. We were always doing drugs. And one day we had a talk
that, it was in October, if we ever got the chance to try heroin, we were going to do it. And we were going to shoot it. That's just what we said, done deal. If it ever comes around, okay, cool. And 10 minutes later, someone
calls for a ride to Fort Worth to get some heroin. And that is not coincidence. Now that I look at it,
that's not a coincidence. That's not a coincidence. You know, how do we speak something? And then there is? And we're all excited, we're ready to go and we drive and we go get it. I remember this guy had had a cast on and he had told us that he
just got out of the hospital because he got an
infection from shooting up. And I'm sitting here like, what the hell? So now I'm getting a little skeptical and we're driving over
there and we pick it up and I remember watching
him try and try and try and try to hit. And I was just like, Oh, you know what, I can't look at him because if I look I'm
going to chicken out. And so we waited till
we got back to Kaykay's so we can both do it. And I remember him, just
watching him cook it up and put it on and suck it up. And I'm like, well, you
know, and he ties my arm and he's like, are you ready? And I'm thinking, this is about to hurt. Cause when you see illegals advertised, like heroin advertised, it's
always like a needle this big when really they're just this big. And I remember I stuck my
arm out and I looked away and I remember it went in, I looked and he was like are you good? I was like, yeah. And I watched it and
he said, lift your arm. And I completely like flopped over. I wasn't Oding, I just
nodded off really hard. And I was like, yeah, guys, I'm okay. Just leave me here. I'm good. I'm good. Leave me here. And I remember the song that was playing with Hollywood Dreams/The
Comedown by post Malone. And that is my favorite song. Now I remember feeling like I was floating and everybody asked me,
what does heroin feel like? And I tell them it feels like heaven, but it always turns to hell. After a while, I remember
telling my friends you need to try this. You need to try this. So me and my close group of friends I had all started doing heroin. And I didn't know the impact that was going to have on their lives, asking them to try this. To try shooting up, just
this once, just this once. It became just this weekend. Just this week, after this, we're done. Just next month, next month. And we were all dope fiends by then. We were all getting in
trouble by our families. We weren't supposed to be
hanging out with each other because we were doing,
obviously doing bad things. I had started pawning
everything in my house. I didn't have anything then. And my parents didn't
have anything anymore. Have to go to the pawn shop
and pick everything back up. And they started hiding
everything from me. By then my family and I, we
would already have the problems because of my behavioral issues. So now I had added a drug
addiction, a super hard one. I didn't know before heroin
that I was a drug addict but that is when everything
became just full-blown for me. I tried to get away from it. And I couldn't. I ran to Colorado. I moved to Colorado and I was in the middle of the mountains, two hours away from Denver
where I had to go get it. And I was going, driving
through the snow and everything just to get it. I ended up falling in my
staircase in the apartment I had and I had sprained my wrist
and my friend found me in there and I was unconscious and I had been admitted to the hospital and I lost my job
because of my drug abuse. And I came back to Texas. I went back to Texas and I
started smoking a lot of crack. Loved crack. Definitely loved crack. But it's not the best thing
to do, but it was fun. Me and my friend had a
good time all the time. It was fun to have someone to
go along with you to do that because drug addition
becomes an isolating thing. By then, it was just, I didn't care. I just wanted to get high. I started dating my drug dealer. He was 27 and I was 19 at that point. And then my friend, Kaykay went to jail. So I had nobody. It was just me by myself. And nobody wanted to hang out with me because I was a needle junkie. Then, by the time, after that
I had started abusing meth really, really bad and this was 2017. I started abusing it really bad. And I stayed up for 12 days. I had little naps in between, but I was seeing shit,
I was hearing things. I was just what the heck? By this time I'd already
been to rehab 11 times. Who goes to rehab 11 times? Nobody, but my parents of course sent me. I had to go, I had to go,
I had to go, I had to go. I hated rehab. I thought it was the stupidest thing. I thought it was fake. I just hated everybody. I just wanted to do drugs and I wanted everybody to leave me alone. And I ended up getting arrested because Cara had gotten out on bond or Kaykay got out on bond. We went and on November 25th I got arrested at Wal-Mart for stealing. And I was yelling at people in there cause I was skitzing so hard. I was like, I was looking
at these people like, "if you're gonna talk
shit, tell it to my face." Like, what am I doing? And I stole a phone, I stole
a bunch of other extra stuff. And I was walking out the door and this big, big security
guard, like this big, runs and he scoops me up. And so he picks me up and
I'm like, "what the fuck?" And he puts me in this back
room and they searched me and they send me to jail and I am so high. They found the phone, I
think like a candy bar, some headphones and speaker
and then a dove of cocaine. So I went to jail. My mom tried to, I called my mom, she didn't want to get me out. The reason she didn't want to get me out was because I had gotten
into a dangerous situation with some people that
I shouldn't have been hanging out with and I'm
not gonna go too into detail about that but just
because it's not something that needs to be talked about. But so my mom thought me being in jail they were protecting,
she was protecting me. People had like, hacked into
my phone and things like that and were watching me and stuff like that. So it was kind of, it was scary. So she left me in there for that reason. And also because I needed to sober up and that was when I started withdrawing. And I was like, Oh my God, like in jail, they don't care about
you unless you're dying. Then they'll probably, maybe
give you an ibuprofen, maybe. But after that I got out of jail and I was like, I signed for probation. I I could do time served or probation but at 19 I didn't want to be a felon. So I signed for probation and not even a month after
being in jail, I got pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant
until four months afterwards. By then I had already
started doing heroin again. I did heroin three hours
after I got out of jail. Only three. And I started abusing heroin
hard and cocaine hard. Again and again. And by the time I found
out I was pregnant, I was already physically dependent. The doctors told me that
if I stopped immediately there's a chance that my
baby's not gonna make it. And I always thought I was
going to have an abortion. I swore up and down,
If I ever get pregnant it's abort mission, no matter what. But when I saw him, he was in there, he was moving around and looked like that with their little arms
and I heard his heartbeat. I couldn't do it. And my son today is 11 months and he is the best thing
that has ever happened to me. I ended up signing for the felony cause I went to jail four more times for a probation violation. But I got into rehab. When I finally found help
I got put on methadone because I didn't want to lose him. And a lot of people talk shit on me because I got on that medication. And when he was born he
was addicted to methadone and they had a wean him. I got a lot of disrespect for it but my son was born not breathing. So I thought, I felt something was wrong in the operation room later. They gave me a C-section
cause he just got stuck. And I knew, I felt death,
but I thought it was me. I thought I was dying
and I was okay with dying because I knew my son was going
to be okay with my parents. When I finally got to see
him he was covered with tubes and couldn't touch him because
he would, he was scared. They had to bring him back. He was like shocked. And I remember spending every single day at all hours of the day in that NICU. I slept there in the waiting room. And it was the hardest thing
I've ever had to watch. And I promised myself, I would never, ever, ever touch heroin again. Cause my son didn't deserve that. He didn't ask for that. I was so scared because I told my mom, I'm not gonna be able to do this, mom. I'm not, I can't raise him. I can't can't take care of me. Can't even take care of myself. And I tried so hard and I ended up relapsing two months later in March. I had six months clean. I never tried to get clean before. I was doing good. I got a new car. I had my son, my family trusted me to do what I wanted, when I wanted as long as I came back,
I went to an AA meetings. I did all that. And I really just took care of my son. And I really love being a mom. By then they were gonna take my son. They told them, they told my
mom, they had to take him. He had to be removed. And it was either me
be at my parents' house or my son be at my parents' house. So I left. I was dating a man, he was older than me. He's was 43 and he had money and I manipulated him into giving me a lot of money for drugs and
I had way too much drug money. I just went off the wall. I went on the run for a while, got picked up by bounty
hunters and things like that. So I got out of jail in August. I signed for the felony
and the misdemeanor and I got tired of using. I had been in a relationship, me and Sam, when we broke up, I broke
up with him for another guy. The guy I was dating was a heroin addict who also liked to shoot
up heroin and cocaine. I really, I really loved this guy. I still do. We broke up this past,
we broke up in October. But he he really changed a lot for me. My perspective on things. He was my best friend. I loved talking to him,
just being with him. We lived together and he
showed so much love for my son. And he wanted me to do better and I just kept doing drugs
and he kept telling me, you gotta stop, you gotta
stop, you gotta stop. Because he wanted me to get my son back. One day, we had gotten
in a really bad argument because it really isn't important, but he had started hitting me. Not really every day. Not like that, it was just like little, why are you doing that? Don't do that. But this time it was really heavy. He poured a Gatorade bottle on my head like called me all these
mean names and spit on me and tried to kick me. He wouldn't hit my face, but I was already trying to go down. I was just begging him to please stop. You can't hurt somebody like
this when you love them. And he went and he got his gun and I just remember begging,
please stop, I just prayed. Because I didn't know he
had done cocaine then. And when he does cocaine,
he is really angry. I just prayed to God. Please not today. I had my son's out there. But after that we broke up, I ended up moving in with his plug. Because he told me that
I was a nasty bitch and I told him I bet you're
plug doesn't think so. And I ended up moving in with his plug. He was really nice to me. They treated me like they
know me my whole life. They helped me out. He never once tried to sleep with me. I never slept with him. They took me out for my
birthday to a casino, they took me out to the club. I had a lot of fun there. But it was down the street
from my ex-boyfriend. So that was starting problems
and I wanted to get clean. So of course I called my ex, the one that the 43 year
old and he had ended up moving here to LA to get
away from me, he says. But I called him, asked
him to get me some help, if he could get me into
rehab, he said, yes. I get here and I don't
bring any heroin with me, no type of opiates, no
suboxone, no nothing. Cause I'm like ready to do it. And I got here and oh hell
no, I was not ready to do it. When I started kicking I was just like, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So I went out to find it and I knew, you know what,
maybe ask a homeless guy. He'll get it for me, right? He's gotta know. And he did. He got it for me and I was
doing that and I'm still living, I was living on Hollywood Boulevard. And the guy ended up kicking me out because he knew I was using drugs. And I was like, whatever,
I'll come over here. I had no idea what Skid Row was. I didn't know how bad it was and I ended up living
over here on seventh. And I just, I was like,
okay, well I'm homeless. It was okay. There's a bunch of other
homeless people, right? And I was like, he'll
take me back eventually. He still hasn't. It was just ridiculous. I didn't want a relationship with him and that's what he
thought it was gonna be. So being here has been really hard. I've only been on the
streets for three weeks and I ended up being kidnapped because the people I trusted, the guy, the person I was
living with in the tent, he let me stay there with
this girl that I liked. And he set me up. He got paid. I don't know how much, probably
not a lot, couple of bucks. And this man abducted me. Lied to me, he said, he
going, we're waiting, we're just gonna park. I sat down and he was
like "close the door". And I was like, "Oh, I'm good". And ended up just driving off. And I'm like, "wait, where are we going? What are we doing?" And he's like, "no, we're good, we're gonna stay in this neighborhood." We ended up, in the beginning it was cool, I had my stuff, he had his stuff. I was like, okay, cool,
we were just talking. It wasn't that bad. And I was like, "sorry
I was a bitch to you. I'm sorry. I don't trust people out here." Well, we ended up going to a hotel and he says he's gonna bring me back. Never brings me back. I have no idea where we are. There's no phone in the hotel room. There's no wifi. But you know, I told him in the beginning I'm not having sex with you. I'm not a prostitute. I don't do that kind of stuff. I don't have sex for money or drugs and he did not give a fuck about that. He tried to play that card. "I really liked you, I really liked you. I want to be with you, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah." And he ended up taking advantage of me. And I was scared because nobody knew where I was out here on these streets. If I don't make it, what
if I just don't call? My mom doesn't know where I am. I only have one person out here who keeps in contact with my parents, not even really contact,
but my parents can call. Cause he lives in Hollywood. And I remember just thinking,
if something happens to me, my parents are never gonna know. My son's never gonna know what happened or where I am. I'm still on heroin. I've used a lot of meth lately. Cause there's not cocaine. I know there's cocaine out here somewhere. I just haven't found it. That is why I'm super, super skinny. And I have clamps on
the back of my shorts. - [Interviewer] What do you do for money? - For money, I do boosting. which is a thing that a
lot of people do out here. But really, if I'm
being completely honest, I really just have been
blessed in a lot of ways. So it's a lot of people who care for me who have helped provide me with shelter. That's made sure that I'm not sick. Who have made sure that I
eat and just watch for me. I don't think that everybody gets that because I've seen some girls
who are out here by themselves, I thank God every day for those things. Because every hard time that
I've gone through my life God has put someone in my path to help me. Whether it's the detox nurse in jail, somebody that is at the store
or another homeless person. So I think that all in
all, I wanna go home. But I'm not allowed to right
now because my son is there. As of today, I have contacted my mom, I've made plans to go home and go to rehab so that I can get my son because this is not for me. This is the place where people come and they get comfortable
living the way that they are because they have drugs, you know? And here it's easy to be homeless not easy, but you know,
it's more comfortable because there's a whole
bunch of other people. I want something for myself. I don't have again, my self
esteem right now sucks. I don't, I hate just every
bit of what I'm doing and what I've done. I don't want to be, I don't
want to be this person. I want to be a mom. I want to take care of my son. I want to be, I want to
make my parents proud. I want to make myself proud. So I'm not gonna stay here anymore. I'm not going to do it. And I know everybody
says that, but I'm not. I'm not going to be like everybody. I'm going to just, I'm gonna change. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want to be in and out of jail. I don't want to be on the streets because the streets, you
hear it all the time, the streets are dangerous, but when you actually live on them, it's a whole different story. So that's me. - [Interviewer] Good
luck with your recovery and getting back to your son.
Well that was really sad.... damn man.
Soft White Underbelly is a great channel but I can usually only stomach like a couple interviews a day. Some of that shit is rough to hear. The recurring guests also give some insight into how people's lives progress or get worse. The one that was the hardest was Sharky after he had his eye busted out. Then no interviews after that... I sometimes wonder what happened to that dude.
I hope the people being interviewed are getting some compensation for sharing their stories.
I ended up watching this whole thing. This is sad but super raw and honest in a way I wasn't suspecting. There's even an update video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaNWGsOF6NA