>> THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE.
I'M GLORIA HARMAN FROM THE PAR NORMAL RESEARCH INSTITUTE AND
THIS IS DR. ISAAC LUND, HEAD OF PARRA PSYCHOLOGY AT STANFORD.
>> NOW, WE'RE QUITE INTERESTED IN YOUR CASE AS YOUR ENCOUNTER
HAS YIELDED VERIFIABLE EVIDENCE PROVING THE EXISTENCE OF GHOSTS.
>> I MEAN THIS IS WILD. LIKE WE WERE JUST THREE BUDS
STAYING AT A HOTEL AND NOW WE SEE DEAD PEOPLE.
>> SO WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE ENTITY FIRST APPEARED?
>> I WAS IN MY ROOM AND I FELT GOOSEBUMPS AND I FELT LIKE A
GLOWING PRESENCE NEAR ME AND A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN NAMED ABIGAIL.
SHE NEEDED MY HELP TO CROSS OVER.
>> YEAH, I WAS WATCHING ANT-MAN AND THE WASP ON HOTEL TV.
JUST LIKE HIM. I FIND THE CONCEPT OF SHRINKAGE
PRETTY IRRESISTIBLE. KIND OF EXCITING TO ME.
>> THAT'S GREAT. BUT CAN WE FOCUS ON YOUR CONTACT
WITH THE SPIRIT? >> OH, YOU BET.
THAT'S WHEN I SAW A MAN ARTHUR WEARING A CRISP SUIT AND A REAL
FRIENDLY SMILE. HE TOO CLEARLY HAD UNFINISHED
BUSINESS HERE. >> AND YOU, MISS RAFFERTY.
>> WELL, A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME.
I FIRST GOT THE HUNCH SOMETHING STRANGE WAS AFOOT WHEN I YAWNED
AND A THOUSAND BEES FLEW OUT OF MY OPEN MOUTH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND DID THE ENTITY ALMOST
MATERIALIZE BEFORE YOU? >> YEAH, EXCEPT MY GHOST CRAWLED
OUT OF THE TV RING STYLE. AND THIS GUY WAS LIKE, PICTURE
DANNY DEVITO GOT HIT BY A TRAIN, RIGHT, AND HE SAYS, I'M TOBY,
LET'S GO! AND HE YANKS ME OUT OF BED.
MIND YOU, I'M WEARING MY P.J.s, XL MEN'S NO ANKLE AND T-SHIRT
TOP. SO I'M RUNNING THROUGH THE HOTEL
GIVING GUESTS A NICE VIEW OF MY FUZZY AND MY SCUZZY.
BETWEEN YOU, ME AND THE COCONUT TREE, SIR, IT'S A JUNGLE DOWN
THERE. I DON'T HAVE A LANDING FIELD SO
MUCH AS I HAVE AN ABANDONED AIRFIELD.
HEY, AN EXPERIENCED PILOT CAN LAND ANYWHERE, RIGHT?
>> DAMN STRAIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND WERE YOU TWO ALSO LED AWAY BY THESE SPIRITS?
>> YEAH, ABIGAIL TOOK MY HAND AND GENTLY GUIDED ME TO A
NURSING HOME NEARBY. IT BECAME CLEAR LIKE I WAS SOME
SORT OF MESSENGER. >> ARTHUR GUIDED ME ACROSS THE
STREET TO A CLOSED-DOWN THEATER. I GOT THE SENSE IT WAS SOMETHING
OF A HOMECOMING FOR HIM. >> WHAT?
THESE TWO ARE MAKING POTTERY WITH PATRICK SWAYZE, MEANWHILE
BEETLE JUICE GOT ME ON ONE OF THOSE BIRD SCOOTERS LOOKING FOR
HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND SHANE HIS APARTMENT AND MY NIGHTSHIRT IS
SNAPPING LIKE A SAIL IN A SIFT BREEZE SO MY FUNNEL AND BABY
TUNNEL ARE IN FULL VIEW. CARS ARE SLOWING DOWN, THEY'RE
HONKING. THEY'RE SCREAMING PUT SOME PANTS
ON. LOOK AT ME STILL STOPPING
TRAFFIC AT 27 YEARS OWED. >> YOU'RE ONLY 27?
I'M SORRY. NOW, WHAT WAS THIS UNFINISHED
BUSINESS THESE SPIRITS NEEDED YOU FOR?
>> OH, WELL ABIGAIL TAKES ME TO THE BEDSIDE OF THIS SLEEPING OLD
WOMAN. IT WAS HER DAUGHTER.
SHE SAYS, TELL HER SHE WAS RIGHT.
>> AND THEN ARTHUR GOT ON STAGE AND HE BEGAN TO SING AND DANCE,
AND SUDDENLY THE FIGURE LOOKED AS IT DID IN ITS PRIME.
IT WAS MAGICAL. LIKE WATCHING "HONEY, I SHRUNK
THE KIDS" FOR THE FIRST TIME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> ONCE AGAIN, I TAKE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.
IT MADE ALL OF THE DIFFERENCE. BECAUSE WHEN WE GOT TO SHANA'S
PLACE, TOBY SAYS IN ORDER FOR HIM TO CROSS OVER I GOT TO,
QUOTE, UPPER DECK THAT BITCH'S TOILET.
>> I'M SORRY, UPPER DECK? >> YEAH.
EVER THE GENTLEMAN TOBY EXPLAINED THAT'S WHEN YOU DO
YOUR BUSINESS IN THE TOILET TANK INSTEAD OF THE BOWL.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, I DON'T GOT TO GO.
NO TORPEDO IN THE TUBE. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, MA'AM?
>> YES. YES, I DO.
CONTINUE. >> RIGHT, RIGHT.
SO I HEAD INTO SHANA'S BATHROOM AND I CLIMB UP THERE LIKE --
PARDON ME, KIRK. YEAH, I GOT ONE FOOT OVER HERE
ON THE TP HOLDER AND THE OTHER FOOT ON THE SINK.
I'M IN A VAN DAMME SPLIT TRYING TO GET AN ASSIST FROM THE
VANITY, TRYING TO KNOCK ONE LOOSE.
AND NOT EVEN A PELLET. I'M SHAKING AND I GOT NOTHING,
MAN. MAN, I GOT NOTHING.
AFTER 30 MINUTES -- [ APPLAUSE ]
-- IT BECAME CLEAR THE GROUNDHOG WASN'T GOING TO SEE ITS SHADOW,
SO I CALLED IT. WASN'T AN IDEAL END TO THE
NIGHT, BUT AT LEAST I WANT ALONE ON MY BIRTHDAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.
HOW DID THE SPIRITS DEPART? >> WELL, MINE APPEARED ABOVE AND
I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS HEAVEN OR WHAT, BUT ABIGAIL SMILED AND
WALKED INTO IT. >> THE SAME LIGHT CAME FOR
ARTHUR. AS HE STEPPED INTO IT, I GAVE
HIM A STANDING OVATION. >> YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY RIPS MY
NIPS. BECAUSE MAN, TOBY JUST BAILED ON
ME, POOF, HE'S GONE. JUST IN TIME FOR SHANA TO GET
HOME. SO I SCOOT MYSELF OUT OF THE
WINDOW AND I'M SHIMMYING DOWN THAT DRAIN PIPE WITH MY PLEASE
HUMP AND CHEESE TRUMPET DISPLAYED FOR THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
AND I'M THINKING COLLEEN, YOU CAN'T BE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT
PUTTING YOUR BODY THROUGH THIS. PATRICK AND RYAN ARE GOING TO BE
FURIOUS. >> I'M SORRY, WHO ARE PATRICK
AND RYAN? >> THE GAY COUPLE WHOSE BABY I'M
CARRYING. I'M A SURROGATE, PAL.
>> WELL, THANK YOU. AND NOW WE'D LIKE TO TAKE YOU
FOR SOME MORE TESTS. >> YOU GOT AN ULTRA SOUND
MACHINE? BECAUSE PATRICK OR RYAN ARE
BEGGING FOR AN UPDATE.
Fuck this bit always makes me laugh.
Liev is just losing it at roughly the 5:20 mark
Mirror.
Liev Schreiber should grow that mullet he's pulling it off
I love her rhyming terms- baby tunnel and gravy funnel were killing me.
Kate McKinnon is a national treasure.