>>> HIYA, YOU'RE WATCHING
IRELAND ONE. THE ONLY TELEVISION ON THE TELE
NOT CONTROLLED BY THE BLEEDING BRITISH.
NEXT UP, IT'S OUR NUMBER ONE DATING SHOW.
>> "KISS ME, I'M IRISH!" >> HIYA, WELCOME TO "KISS ME I'M
IRISH." TODAY ONE FELLA WILL CHOOSE
BETWEEN THREE IRISH ROSES TO SEE WHICH ONE SMELLS THE SWEETEST.
LET'S MEET OUR DANNY BOY. >> I'M CALLED NIALL, I'M FROM
DANGLE. MY FAVORITE FOOD IS GRAY.
MY CLAIM TO FAME IS THAT I ONCE PUNCHED BONO IN THE BACK OF THE
HEAD. AT LEAST I THINK IT WAS BONO.
>> WELL, BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
WHAT KIND OF GIRL ARE YOU HOPING TO MEET?
>> NOT TO BE TOO PICKY, BUT A GIRL I SUPPOSE.
UNMARRIED. >> WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK, WE HAVE
THREE OF THEM BEHIND THAT WALL THERE.
EACH ONE IS BEAUTIFUL AS THEIR SKIN IS BRIGHT RED UNDER THEIR
MAKE-UP. LET'S MEET THEM.
>> I'M EILEEN, I'M A GOOD CATHOLIC GIRL, WHICH MEANS I
LOVE GOD AND GOD HATES ME. BECAUSE I'M THINKING IMPURE
THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU. >> HI, I'M MOLLY, I'M IRISH
AMERICAN, BUT I LIVE OVER HERE BECAUSE I'M STUDYING STONES.
AND IF YOU FOLLOW THIS RAINBOW, YOU MIGHT GET A POT OF GOLD.
>> I'VE GOT 35 SUSPICIOUS FRECKLES ON MY BODY.
I'M LOOKING FOR A GUY TO CHECK THE ONES I CAN'T SEE.
>> I HAVE A COUSIN FROM -- O' CONNOR!
>> AY, THAT'S ME! >> IS IT NOW?
WHAT ARE THE CHANCES? >> COUSINS, SOUNDS LIKE MY
CHANCES JUST GOT BETTER. >> WHAT DO YOU SAY, NIALL.
FIRST IMPRESSION OF THE GIRLS? >> WELL, NUMBER THREE IS MY
COUSIN. SHE'S DEFINITELY OFF TO AN EARLY
LEAD. >> WHAT?
>> BUT CORN TEST ANTS ONE AND TWO, I'M OPEN TO LEARNING MORE
ABOUT YOU. >> SEEMS LIKE THERE'S SOME
COMPETITION. NIALL, WHAT'S YOUR FIRST
QUESTION? >> WELL, CALL ME OLD FASHIONED,
BUT I LIKE A GIRL WHO KNOWS HER WAY AROUND THE KITCHEN.
NUMBER THREE, WHAT WOULD YOU MAKE ME FOR SUPPER?
>> WAIT, THE COUSIN IS STILL PLAYING?
>> THAT'S EASY, I'D MAKE OUR NANA'S FAMOUS POACHED PIE.
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED IT AS A KID.
>> GREAT ANSWER. >> I'M SORRY, BUT THIS IS
RIDICULOUS. >> I KNOW, RIGHT, LIKE WHAT IS
GOING ON. >> SHE HAS GOT A LEG UP ON US.
THEY'RE COUSINS, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH THAT.
>> OKAY, THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.
>> SETTLE DOWN, PLENTY OF BACHELORS ON THE SHOW.
HAVE PICKED A GIRL THAT ARE NONCOUSINS.
>> TRUST ME, CONTESTANT ONE AND TWO, YOU'RE BOTH STILL VERY MUCH
STILL IN THE GAME. >> WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT
QUESTION, CONTESTANT ONE, WHERE WOULD YOU TAKE ME ON A FIRST
DATE? >> THAT'S EASY MANY I'D TAKE YOU
TO MY FAVORITE PUB IN DOLAN, WHERE THE DRINKS ARE FREE AND WE
CAN STAY PAST CLOSE. BECAUSE I KNOW THE OWNER, HE'S
ME DAD. >> I KNOW THE OWNER TOO, HE'S MY
UNCLE. >> EILEEN, IT'S ME, YOUR COUSIN
NIALL. >> COUSIN NIALL.
>> ST. JOHN'S GHOST, THE GAME JUST GOT A LOT MORE COMPETITIVE.
>> MORE COMPETITIVE? YOU'RE RELATED, THE GAME SHOULD
BE OVER. >> I'M AFRAID YOU'RE IN A TOUGH
SPOT, MOLLY. VERY RARELY DOES THE BACHELOR
PICK THE NON-COUSIN WHEN THERE ARE TWO COUSINS IN THE RUNNING.
ALL RIGHT, YOU LUCKY BOY. NEXT QUESTION ABOUT
>> LADIES, WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF ROMANTIC EVENING?
LET'S START WITH CONTESTANT NUMBER TWO.
>> I GUESS DINNER WITH A GUY WHO ISN'T RELATED TO ME?
>> PICKY, PICKY. HOW ABOUT YOU CONTESTANT NUMBER
ONE? >> MY IDEA OF A ROMANTIC EVENING
WOULD BE WEDDINGS, FUNERALS AND HOLY COMMUNIONS, BECAUSE THAT'S
WHEN I GET TO SEE YOU MANY. [ AUDIENCE AAS ]
>> THE AUDIENCE LIKES THAT? >> WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE HERE, YOU
DON'T LOVE YOUR FAMILY? >> CONTESTANT NUMBER THREE, YOUR
TURN. WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF A ROMANTIC
EVENING? >> I THINK YOU REMEMBER THREE
GOOD FRIDAYS AGO IN THE ALLEY BEHIND THE FISH MONGERS.
>> OH, THAT I DO, THAT I DO. >> EWW, SO YOU ALREADY HOOKED UP
WITH YOUR COUSIN? >> CALM DOWN, WE DIDN'T HAVE
SEX. WE JUST HAD SEX, WE DIDN'T GET
MARRIED OR NOTHING. >> IS THIS IS A KNOWN THING?
LIKE IS THIS COMMON HERE? AREN'T YOU GUYS WORRIED ABOUT
DEFORMITIES FROM INBREEDING. >> WHAT, LIKE BIRD BONES, LIKE
SOFT SKULL. STRAWBERRY NOSE.
TICK-TAC TEETH. BROWN BLOOD.
ONE BIG TOE. GREAT ADVICE, BUT YOU'RE ABOUT
500 YEARS TOO LATE. >> THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS HAD A
CRUSH ON HIM, HE'S GOT IT GOING ON UP HERE.
>> OKAY. I'M GOING TO STAY, BUT ONLY
BECAUSE I'M MORBIDLY CURIOUS ABOUT WHO'S GOING TO WIN.
♪♪♪ >> THAT SONG MEANS FATHER
MICHAEL IS COMING IN TO HEAR CONFESSIONS.
IT'S TIME FOR US TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
I'M AIDAN KILLKENNY AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I'm Northern Irish and this is just... I have no words really. But what the fuck are those accents?
I watched it to the end, do I win a fiver?
This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Feckin hell.
The Americans have a somewhat questionable history with Northern Ireland.
The video is not available in my region. What the fuck, SNL?
I thought it was funny. Sure its accuracy may be shit, but I'm a Russian, people don't exactly know us too well either, so I don't expect the humour to be well researched. This is SNL, not a news organisation.
Oh, and for people who say those accents are bad, please, the so-called 'Russian' spoken in movies half the time is incomprehensible to me. And the accents stink. And that's in actual movies. Accents aren't that easy, I don't expect Irish shows to have good American Southern accents in their shows any more than I expect the reverse.
It's still funny. SNL has been doing pretty good stuff recently since Trump got elected, especially. Shame that was how they had to improve themselves...
This is what I come here for