Funny Things To Say Right Before Anesthesia Kicks In (Reddit Stories r/AskReddit)

what would be a funny thing to say to a surgeon before anesthesia kicks in five seconds later I had to get some surgery that involved cutting open my head right before they gassed me I said I should warn you there's a spooky skeleton in there the last thing I remember is his response of I'll try to look out for that doot-doot I had broken my wrist and was being put under to have four pins inserted they gave me my anesthesia through an eyes I felt coldness spreading up my arm and across my chest the nurse asked how I was doing and I said this must be what dying feels like I heard her say oh my god then I was out throw I actually have a relevant story that happened recently as I was getting ready to go under they were placing a device in my mouth to keep me from biting down on the scope they were going to use for the endoscopy think medical bull gag but too hard plastic ring instead of a ball as the gal was placing it and I asked wait what's the safe word I heard a good amount of laughing as the world turned to black this is amazing my dad was in the middle of a surgery repairing some pretty nasty damage on his wrist after a skiing accident he was under heavy anesthesia but the surgeons were having serious trouble with the screws in his wrist which apparently jarred him around enough to wake up he noticed their struggles and managed to say righty-tighty lefty-loosey then he passed back out ha I'm told that when I was out having one of my fingers patched up and another reattached after a table saw accident I asked the surgeon if the drill he was using to put screws in my hand wizardy wall tore a Ryobi but once it tool man always a two-man how do you keep a surgeon in suspense I had just woken up after having my shoulder worked on I was in and out of consciousness for a bit and just generally freaking wacked out I guess I shifted in the bed and move the blankets a bit and exposed myself as the nurse came in she smiled and moved the blankets back I apparently told the nurse you saw mine do I get to see yours my wife was in the chair next to the bed I remember thinking the nurse was smoking hot I woke up and she told me she was flattered I have no idea what I said before going under for wisdom teeth the doctors said I might feel funny they push the drugs and asked if I felt any different my butthole and only my butthole began to itch like crazy and it was hot not warm hot like I just hate peppers with my ass I told them my butthole is a Ching like crazy the assistant was really bad at holding back a laugh the doc resisted mightily but he too succumbed to my newly discovered butthole emotions they actually gave me some kind of drug that had the exact same effect when I had surgery they warned me prior though and I kind of laughed it off until it actually happened as the anesthesiologist was putting me under he just said I'd start to feel sleepy soon I asked him aren't I supposed to be counting back from 100 or something he replied I don't know I must have skipped that class being an anesthesiologist must be awesome as you can always get the last word in I was being put under for a wisdom tooth extraction a few years back and it was the first time I've ever had anesthesia they use injection method rather than gas so they told me to watch the fluids going in so I could gauge when I'd feel sleepy I had this idea that I would say something like oh no doc I've lost my eyesight or something else preposterous before I could collect my thoughts I just immediately blurted welshing EEE my voice progressively getting lower and passed out last time I went under as I started to fade I said you're gonna have to drive I'm flicked up probably came out you're gonna have a drive I'm foo like douhua method acting I like it just before I blacked out the anesthetist said to me this is the stuff that killed Michael Jackson waking from anesthesia one time I heard someone say his blood pressure is a little high then I mumbled that'd be the anaesthetists assistants fault they then kinda startled asked quickly why is that becoming slightly more coherent I continued with she's really hot they all laughed and said he'll be fine and released from theater for full lot of white people in here me after being sedated for a colonoscopy this is even funnier if you're also white so after my dad had a triple bypass and was just waking up and they had removed the breathing tube I was in the room with him I said something along the lines of everything went perfect with your surgery dad no problems my dad in his drug haze said that is because I am a perfect specimen of the human male and it couldn't have gone any other way nurses were cracking up when I got my wisdom teeth removed doctor all right so you feeling that sedative yet me yet a little bit I bet I can stay awake though how long can people usually fight it doctor not long good night me black out I remember laughing when I woke up because that was the last thing I remember if something goes wrong and I go into a coma don't you dare frickin cut my coma beard yes mam my surgeon told me to think of a happy place then he asked me where it was The Simpsons kicked in and I told him it was the happiest place on earth to honor I didn't stay awake long enough to see if he got the reference Tahiti it's a magical place I swear to God if I wake up as Robocop if I don't make it through this tell my wife I want her to be buried alive with me if I don't make it through this tell my wife I said hello they had a thing checking my heart and it fell off and it flatlined I told them goddammit who killed me quick we're losing me I tend to get massive erections while under anesthesia but it's fine just tape it down if it gets in the way apparently that's actually a thing the blood flow is actually usually stopped by a muscle and when that muscle relaxants the blood flow increases and causes so the anesthetic relaxes this muscle this also explains the random boners he gets in algebra in high school while you were bored Yeol M know if you see my phone in there I am getting my butthole operated on at the end of the year save when I got my wisdom teeth out the dentist's office was right next to a funeral home I told the guy that if anything went horribly wrong they could just take me next door mother and doctor were not amused as they were pushing the drugs they asked me to count backwards from 10 all I could say was no the room erupted in laughter and I was out freaking make me doc I had to have Apple a little sister removed from my ass crack and can remember giggling like a madman because I asked the entire operating room so who drew the short straw and as to shave my ass when I had my wisdom teeth removed and was given general anaesthetic I apparently said if this is what being on drugs is like sign me up he went and told on me to my mother I actually did the same thing before both of mine I managed to get out I'll see you in the future doc or something either way once the drugs kicked in I didn't care that's heavy I asked for a tummy tuck while being wheeled in for a bowel resection I said while you're cutting it open just cut some off then when I was done my surgery it's still pretty messed up on drugs I asked if I was skinny and then cried when my doctor told me he didn't give me a tummy tuck same doctor different procedure terribly inappropriate joke had to have a colonoscopy so they gave me some medication where I was awake but like it was weird anyways I was feeling silly and told him first time doing anal on camera and I'm not even getting paid I asked for a tummy tuck after both of my c-sections doc gave me the same answer each time I make it work I don't make it pretty right before I went under to have surgery on my septum I was about to start counting backwards before they put the mask on does anyone need anything while I'm out the last thing I remember was an old room full of people hysterically laughing I'm gonna need to get surgery so I can use this a buddy of mine was having surgery done and went through several who would write as he passed out the other way around I was cracking jokes with the nurses and anesthesiologists before a big surgery and everyone was laughing anesthesiologists turns to me and says well it's not fair that you're the only one not on anything and then hit me with anesthesia and I was out I said to my doctor during my wisdom teeth extraction doc don't start I'm still awake to which he said we are already done those drugs are legit for the record my wife does not like it in the butt because I said this before my surgery my wife is little nurse who works at the hospital I was in I don't remember saying this but her co-workers remember it too the surgeon and nurse I just want you both to know good look we're all counting on you surely you can't be serious patient knock knock medical staff who's there patient nobody medical staff nobody who classic exit pre-op narcho post-op polo my twin owes me big-time for this one surgeon mine too I told them that I had input this morning and that if I crap on them it's their fault for scheduling the surgery at 6:00 a.m. then I passed out last time I went under started to feel a sort of paralysis and couldn't move me whoa did you give me something nurse yes relax and don't fight it me okay that you should sell this stuff in the gift shop everybody laughs surgeon are you okay me yeah but I'm disappointed there's no cake surgeon laughing on the recovery nodes right give the patient cake next thing I know I'm waking up in recovery with a slice of chocolate cake on the table next to me my wife went to the dentist last weekend after several shots of numbing she sang to him I can't feel my face when I'm with you till a dentist's credit without batting an eyelid he replied in full voice cause I numbed it you mean last weekend I will use the top comments in my surgery tomorrow we gotta make ups comment the top comment that way he confuses the surgeon when my appendix bursts I was being wheeled in and as the doc was getting ready and I was about to pass out he said geez this is rusty and held up a scalpel I could tell he was joking and off I went to sleep when I woke up he came to check on me and the first thing he said was have you seen my watch i crap you not he was a very funny man and it really helped calm me down in a situation where I nearly died when I was 15 I discovered that I could pull my foreskin back behind my penis head needless to say my foreskin was so tight I opted for circumcision my doctor dr. lense was the funniest dude I've ever met told me my dong was gonna look like Frank an penis for a month or two but it's cool anyways I am in the or on Christmas Eve and I feel the anesthesia starting to kick in and before dr. lense walks out I shout slurred doc please just take care of the little guy and he stops turns around vows to me and says as if he were my own I laughed once then passed out I was being wheeled into emergency abdominal surgery once and my girlfriend was with me we're rolling down the hall and they have the masks out to put me under and I pause and say to her don't let them touch my doll the nurse smirked a little and they put the mask on me in somewhat of a panicked fashion I pulled the mask off stared up at my girlfriend and with full weight and seriousness told her they can look at it but no touching I heard the doctor laughing as the gas kicked in this is particularly funny because they most certainly did touch your dong with long surgeries under general anaesthetic you need a catheter so you don't leak all over the sterile field sorry similar I had some kidney stones and they had to go up there to unblock my parts if you know what I'm as I was waking up from anesthesia I apparently asked how many people saw my peepee a few minutes later as I was a little more coherent I asked the nurse what's the craziest thing she heard from someone waking up from anesthesia her answer how many people saw my peepee good times there is another sky Walker you have been visited by the enamored koalas comments low and happy to get a relationship as good as that of the koalas if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Studios

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, meme awards, story, stories, anesthesia, doctor, funny thing to say, Before Anesthesia Kicks In

Id: 2ghOEzmv8DY

Length: 13min 27sec (807 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 30 2019