*The House by Vivek Abhishek* [CIVVIE]
Welcome to the Dungeon, kids,
it's your old pal, Civvie, back again with a Halloween spectacular,
a "spook-tacular", another vampire game after the last one
which was… uh… From Dusk Till Dawn? Is that right? Yeah! [CLARENCE WILSON]
Stop busting my balls! [CIVVIE]
Yeah, it's not that bad though. It's this game I got for the price
of a sliver of kidney on Steam, Nosferatu: The Wrath of Malachi. And man… I… I don't care for it. The badness of this game
is hotly contested on the Internet. On the one hand, I see people saying
that it's a charmingly spooky jank-fest, or a charmingly janky spook-fest, and on the other end,
I see people with functioning frontal lobes. I kid, if you like this game,
more power to you, but you're wrong, and bad,
and I'm gonna tell you why. It's important.
Because of the algorithm. [AX3]
CV-11, the algorithm requires engagement. [CIVVIE]
That's right, so people in the comments can argue
about this game and how it's not really bad! Hit that like button, or the dislike button,
it doesn't matter, a click is a click, so even though I genuinely
hated my time with this game… [AX3]
CV-11, the algorithm requires engagement. [CIVVIE]
I hope you kids are happy, your eyeballs are funding my misery, and the misery
of hundreds, maybe thousands of people down here. Anyway, Nosferatu: The Wrath of Malachi
is about James Patterson, who is a crime novelist known for such titles
as Along Came a Spider which you might remember
is that movie where Morgan Freeman… Oh, no wait. Nosferatu: The Wrath of Malachi is about
James Patterson, an Olympic fencing competitor, thank god, if I had to do another video
on a writer going to a creepy place I'd just upload a copy of
The Shining and be done with it. It's 1912 and James is going to his sister
Rebecca's wedding at Castle Malachi. His whole family is gonna be there, it's gonna be a great big ho-down
at Castle Ominous Biblical Reference, and the developers of this game, Idol FX,
are going hard into survival horror, all the way back in 2003. Let's see, Idol FX, what else
have they done that I might have- OH GOD NO! [DRAKE'S MASTER]
Are we going to fail? [CIVVIE]
Drake of the 99 Dragons
is… pain… suffering… and was re-released on Steam in 2018 and Civvie, well,
Civvie bought himself a copy thinking it would be good fodder
for his YouTube review show and then… I can't… I can't get through
the second level I… I just can't… [AX3]
The algorithm, CV-11. [CIVVIE]
I know… [AX3]
The algorithm requires engagement. [CIVVIE]
I know… [AX3]
The algorithm requires… [NARRATOR]
On a misty October night
in the Transylvanian mountains, you arrive to join your family and
some of their closest friends at Castle Malachi, where your sister Rebecca is to be wed
to the son of the wealthy Romanian count. [CIVVIE]
Yeah? What's his name?
Utarefson? Get it?
Cause it's Nosferatu backw- [Civvie reading] "Press TAB to view
the family photo album." Right from the start,
you can tell something's wrong. Behind you,
there's a door with crucifixes nailed to it, that's your safe room,
where you'll have to gather the family. It's got all their belongings since the bellhops
in this place apparently suck at their job. Their trunks all have
their names on them. When you press TAB, it shows you pictures
of everyone you have to find and rescue. All I'm saying is that
there's a lot of people here and mathematically, some of them
aren't gonna make it out of the vampire castle. Grandfather looks like
he should be fine though, he's packing. Oh, I found Aunt Sophie's trunk. Your trunk is in the courtyard though. You get your cane sword and yeah, this isn't
the original resolution for this game because it was made before people thought
we'd be using widescreen monitors in the future, and since I was able
to find patches to fix this, the game obviously has enough of a following
for people to enjoy it and do some upgrades. It's one of those games where you have to open
the settings separately from the game executable, which is my favorite thing,
I love doing it, the game menu only
lets you rebind the controls. I'm not sure how well the YouTube audience
can see this because of the compression, but check out the film grain effect over everything
which looks kinda cool on this fog and nothing else. I wanna say that I had high expectations
for this game for a while but that's just not true. As soon as I picked up the cane sword
and started walking around I knew. Oh, yeah! *Thriller by Michael Jackson*
♫ The foulest stench is in the air,
the jank of two-thousand-and-three years! ♫ Is that head-bob nauseating?
Absolutely. The footsteps may be weirdly off-tempo
but at least we won't attract the worm. The swinging sword…
the… choppy… animation! I know Nosferatu was shot
in 18 frames per second but I feel like this might be
a little too faithful to the source material. *window crash and male screaming* [FATHER AVILLE]
Ah! James! The pain! I can't take it much longer.
Please, bring Dr. Amersfield. [CIVVIE]
Okay, so the place where the film
grain effect would be the most important, during your silent-movie-like inter-title cards… you're just gonna not animate that? The tiny text is
because I'm running it in 1080. The professional defenestrator is Father Aville,
who is on my list, okay, that was easy, [Civvie reading] Yeah, okay, Father Aville wants me to go get him
the Doctor, who is in the castle somewhere, a useful person to have in 1912,
who knows when you might need some radium water? Your first encounter with an enemy is gonna mirror
many of your later encounters with enemies. Scary music starts to play and a monster
appears out of fucking nowhere. The cross doesn't work
because this is a dog. It might look like a normal dog
but with a trained eye, you can see the mark of evil, the thing that your character doesn't have
that this dog does, frame interpolation! I'm sorry,
that is just so goddamn jank… Katie, you know what time it is! [BEETLEJUICE]
It's showtime. Nice fucking model! *honk honk* [CIVVIE]
Survival horror means
that your character isn't a superhero, represented best in this game by the stamina meter,
which I'm gonna mark down as: "thing that works on paper
in a survival horror game" "but is an immersion-destroying hassle
and constant annoyance." When you're running, it goes into the red.
When you're walking, it gets to the halfway point, only when you're standing
completely still does it go down. The game is fairly open-ended which is why I was able to encounter
a real vampire within the first five minutes. I've gotta find the key
to the East Wing to get the doc. So I venture into a crypt, which,
yeah, this is exactly what I should expect. I haven't gotten a wooden stake yet,
and I have to give the game credit because these vampires that are hiding in coffins
can be swiftly dealt with if you're carrying a wooden stake. There's a delay between the coffin
opening and the vampire waking up. Which I didn't know at first,
for a couple of reasons. *beast roaring* *creepy music* Obviously, big tittied goth
vampire girl is distracting, but when the coffin opens,
I hear that sound, which sounds
like a monster alert sound… *beast roaring* because it is. He was chilling out
above the entrance to the room. The vampire does rise from the coffin, and does attack,
and yeah, I fuck it up a bit, I'm new to the game, but the cross can be effective…
against vampires. Not whatever these are. Yeah, that guy was shooting me. But it's okay, I re-load my save,
and persevere. Obviously I'm hurt,
I should look for some health. Here we have the small health pack,
and here we have the large health pack. *L'Amour est un Oiseau Rebelle
from Carmen by Georges Bizet* Oh!…
*L'Amour est un Oiseau Rebelle
from Carmen by Georges Bizet* *L'Amour est un Oiseau Rebelle
from Carmen by Georges Bizet* It's gonna be one of those, huh?
*L'Amour est un Oiseau Rebelle
from Carmen by Georges Bizet* So I'm still looking for that key,
and I've been in most of the other accessible rooms, they look almost randomly placed… with chests in them that either have health or
bullets and gunpowder for this flintlock I picked up. Not as slow to load as you'd think, it… No, wait,
just one goddamn minute, I already… Oh no, that vampire is different
so this room is different, right? It is a bit different because this guy
gets stuck in the rafters for a while. And this vampire wants to hide in the corner.
You see this? The cross works. I'm gonna say the graphical glitch with the light here
is because I changed the aspect ratio and field of view so that's probably my fault. BEGONE DEMON!
YOU SHALL CLIP AMONG THE LIVING NO MORE! You know what?
I didn't even need to go through all of that. The East Wing key was in this room here,
right at the start, along with a wooden stake. Still it's damn weird, isn't it?
The way everything is laid out… it reminds me of… *The Nightmare and Dawn by Bernard Hermann* Wait, wait, Katie, go back.
*The Nightmare and Dawn by Bernard Hermann* *The Nightmare and Dawn by Bernard Hermann* Farther.
*The Nightmare and Dawn by Bernard Hermann* *The Nightmare and Dawn by Bernard Hermann* Oh god. Oh my god! Surprise! It's a rogue-like!
Procedural. Generation. In a spooky FPS game. In 2003. Oh, yeah, it's fucked. Not every area of the game
is procedurally generated. Just inside, the East Wing,
West Wing, and the Main Castle. Most of the rooms are boxy
and filled with the same useless crap, making navigation kind of difficult. It gets more obvious as the game goes on
that this is happening. Enemies are also placed randomly,
spawn out of nowhere, and I would need to be really engrossed
in this game for it to scare me but it mostly just annoys me because all of the seams
of this stitched-together nightmare are so visible. I'm not PewDiePie, all right? [PEWDIEPIE]
Oh! *surprised* *scared like a little pussy* Oh. Fuck, they scared the penis out of me. [CIVVIE]
It is just so jank that I can't,
for a second, take it seriously, even when I see a cool room like this. This moody, atmospheric hallway with the way
that the moonlight pours in through the windows. Then it's followed by this room: *monster jumps out of portal* *monster jumps out of portal* Well, my shot missed,
fine, I'll take it, I GUESS, but getting killed when the enemy
didn't even go into its attack state? [GORDON RAMSAY]
It's fucking raw. [CIVVIE]
Okay, I've closed the door on that portal room,
I don't wanna fuck around with that, what's- *another portal room* Okay, we gotta find a way
to deal with these portals. Of course, you know,
you whack the portal with a sword, not the portal frame, the portal,
you hit it with a sword and it closes. That's Capstone rules and I can't abide it. But if you wanna kill a shadow,
you gotta use the cross. Do you see that there?
That's a dead shadow. Looks like I've picked up another flintlock. Now, in most games,
that means more ammo, but in this game, you actually pick up
another gun and you can use it. You can hold a bunch of the flintlocks in your inventory
and swap between them instead of stopping to reload. And that's a cool idea!
That's a good thing, implemented well. Because reloading the flintlock takes time. Oh, yeah, a revolver,
which you'll get later. Funny thing though,
the game has "realistic" reloading, which means that if you've got the revolver,
and you press the Reload key, it dumps all your ammo out from the revolver
and you lose it, it's gone forever! For some reason, you can also do this
with the flintlocks even though it's muzzle-loaded… you're dumping powder and a bullet
and replacing it, I don't… Fine! I've finally found Doctor Amersfield, who asks me if I've found Aunt Emelie,
Aunt Sophie, Uncle Andrew, or Gregory yet, and that's a big no. "I must succeed or else they'll be slain!" The Doc can heal your wounds, so he's one
of the more important people you have to rescue. And escort. Back.
Through the castle. To the starting area. *a long, disappointed sigh* You mean I get to lead helpless, vulnerable, janky AI
controlled NPCs through a procedurally generated maze of similar-looking rooms
while monsters spawn at random? Well, shit, if I'd known that,
I would have refunded the game immediately! Fine, I'll re-load and save him. [DR. AMERSFIELD]
Get us out of here, James! [DR. AMERSFIELD]
Get us out of here, James! [DR. AMERSFIELD]
Defend us, James! [CIVVIE]
So I lead him out of the castle… And I lead him back to the injured priest… [FATHER AVILLE]
Oh, James!
Please get me out of this unholy bastion! [CIVVIE]
The priest sealed the entrance
to a vampire's crypt under the East Wing, which I can get into by finding a scroll
in a chest taken by a vampire succubus. [FATHER AVILLE]
Oh, okay, I'll wait right here! [DR. AMERSFIELD]
Don't leave me here amongst the damned! [CIVVIE]
That is… certainly an idle animation. *honk honk* You have to lead both
of them back to the safe room. If you don't, the Doc can't heal you
and you won't get what's in the luggage which… we'll get to some of the things in those,
don't you worry, they're extra special. I got the key to the East Tower somewhere… Katie, roll the footage back so I can… Oh, yeah I see it, I was distracted
by the shadow vampires, who attacked me in this room
where they can't get up this little ledge so they can't really attack me, in this weird procgen room that's got beds in it
so obviously it's a barracks of some kind… with a pit in the middle… Listen, I'm saying that
maybe procedural generation wasn't the best idea and
it doesn't add very much to the game. I found a musket, which is, fine? I don't see the point of it
when I have like four flintlock pistols. At the top of this tower
is our first boss vampire. The bosses get introduced with cutscenes. The cross seems to be working and his inability to get over
this waist-high wall certainly helps me out. Let's try the classic stake-in-the-heart, I must have missed, be right back,
I'm gonna grab another. Okay. *shooting a bat* Yeah, cool. Vampire boss isn't dead yet, I have to go down through
a hole in the roof to the attic where he's chilling out in his coffin. Beautiful. "I've slain the Desmodoo-ay vampire!" "He was the right hand of the Count." "He has been slain once and for all
and can never return to the realm of the living." He has passed on.
He has ceased to be! This is an ex-vampire! [H4MM3R]
NO PYTHON. *electrodes* [CIVVIE]
"Now you have to return to the roof
and rescue Aunt Sophie!" "If she is still alive…" [AUNT SOPHIE]
Sweet lord! A pleasant surprise! I'd almost given up! [CIVVIE trying a British accent]
Oh, yes, hello Aunt Sophie,
dreadful wedding so far! Spot of bother, though,
forgot to save your dog! [normal]
I go back to the safe room with her
and get the chalice I missed earlier, this is… I'm not gonna lie,
the chalice is a super-weapon. See, you use your crucifix to sanctify
some water, fill the chalice, and… Yeah… good. Now that I've got the Garrison key,
I can go save Uncle Andrew. [British accent again]
'ello, old chap!
Nasty business with these vampires, eh? [normal]
You think my accent is bad?
You just wait. [UNCLE ANDREW
with an exaggerated British accent]
Ooooohhh, helloooooo James,
glad to see you, good old chap! Let's get out of here! [CIVVIE]
I find Uncle Andrew and Aunt Emelie. [UNCLE ANDREW]
If you're sure about this, old man,
I'll wait here. *bell chime*
You go first old chap…
and I'll watch your back! [CIVVIE]
"It is half past eleven.
Midnight is closing in." That means the monsters
are gonna get worse, their power grows at midnight, I'm told. Better get these people
out of here before then. [AUNT EMELIE]
If you're sure about this… [UNCLE ANDREW]
You go first, old chap! [AUNT EMELIE] - I'll stick around until you're back.
[UNCLE ANDREW] - I'll watch your back! [CIVVIE]
Come on, this place is a little confusing
to navigate but- OH FUCK YOU, GAME! Cool! *Quake's jump sound* A fun thing about this game is that with
the random spawns and procedural generation, people I have to rescue can be in different places
when I go back to load a save! [AUNT EMELIE]
I'll follow you anywhere, James! [CIVVIE]
Oh, well. Come on, Aunt Emelie,
we're almost to the… We got Build engine'd by a door! OH, AMAZING! THAT SHIT HITS ME LIKE
CHINA WHITE, KIDS, OH YEAH! I rescue Aunt Emelie, wander around for a while
trying to find out where I have to go until I find an elevator that takes me to a tower,
which means it's vampire boss time again! *bat chirping* *succubus screeches* Come on, Greg, I have to lead you
over these precarious ledges. Greg? Good. Okay, magic scroll opened the door
to this crypt so I can stake this succubus. She has the key to the West Wing.
Let's go! Once you get into the West Wing, you realize that each wing
has kind of like a theme going on, and the similarity of the rooms
seems to get worse as the game goes on. The floors in the West Wing and the Main Castle
are numbered to help with this issue since you've got to get a handful
of keys to open these doors. The enemies are getting stronger. This gargoyle in particular takes forever
to bring down and he shows up everywhere. I find Mrs. Patterson who needs to tell me this
while being mauled by a zombie dog… Looks like we've got ANOTHER vampire succubus
who's gonna sacrifice my brother upstairs. [MRS. PATTERSON] [CIVVIE]
Whuh? You… Whah? [AX3]
CV-11… the algorithm…
requires… a sacrifice… *The Secret Within by Darren Curtis* [AX3]
CV-11… the algorithm…
requires… a sacrifice…
*The Secret Within* *The Secret Within* …a sacrifice…
…a sacrifice…
*The Secret Within* [demonic distortion]
A SACRIFICE. [CIVVIE]
She gives you some garlic which will repel
vampires but only for six minutes. I have to get the key to the top floor
of the West Wing, which is in this pit with this Foul Beast,
who is really, really stupid and who I can hit with
some holy water and then shoot. I go upstairs to pinpoint the moment the game
convinced me that I was never gonna be scared by it, which is when this vampire succubus
was roundhouse kicking me. I go to save my brother and Grandpa Frank… Uh… Grandpa Frank is here too… wait… [reading with sinister voice] Back to Grandpa, he says that if I get him out,
he's got a "fearsome gun" in his trunk that I can have. What'chu packin', Grandpa Frank? "Thanks for rescuing me, Grandson.
Its easy to see your 'ancestry'?" That sounds a little weird, man… "Take the machine gun from my trunk." Machine gun?! This is just magical. I've been picking up machine gun ammo
this whole time and I never ran out. I never ran out! What absolute madman decided,
"Fuck it, give the player a machine gun?" And even if I hadn't rescued Grandpa,
I picked up Lord Belmore in the Main Castle pretty soon afterwards,
who has a master key to all the family trunks! And I get body armor!
And some of those bags have potions in them! A potion of regeneration,
a potion of haste, a potion for stamina, and yeah, I take all of them
and they only last six minutes, but for that six minutes,
I'm an unstoppable freight train of death. You're thinking maybe wait until the end
to use them on the boss or something, nah, we won't need that. I will say that this game did scare me once. And that was when I rescued Angelica.
She only has garlic in her trunk, so… It's not really that important.
But also… *dark revelation music* *thunder*
*dark revelation music* *honk honk* Ughhh… From this point on, it's about saving
every surviving family member, who are the ones left in the Main Castle area, the darkest, most confusing, most irritatingly
copy-pasted maze of corridors yet. You've got darkness, redness,
red darkness, bits of wall that aren't properly aligned
so they give you a peak out into the void, and at the top of the Main Castle
are two levers you can't pull until dawn, which is almost five hours away. You don't have to wait that long. As soon as you rescue the last person alive, in this case,
my brother Wilfred, who I forgot about earlier. I untie him and… [WILFRED]
Attack! *Civvie bursts out laughing* [CIVVIE]
Good try, bro. Now that we've rescued everyone,
the game fast-forwards to dawn so I can hit those levers and save- *dark music* *stab*
*dark music* *dark music* Nevermind. The Count looks… a lot like
Max Shrek's count in the original movie, best model in the game. I'll just uh… hit a couple of levers? I fail to do this in
the right order the first time. [NARRATOR]
Your head is pounding with the screams
of a thousand tortured souls, sacrificed through the ages
to Malachi's glory. Before dying,
you realize that you are the final sacrifice required to complete
the resurrection of Malachi. This is your final thought as you lose your identity
to become one with this ultimate evil. The Wrath of Malachi is cast upon the world,
and you are the one that has unleashed it! [CIVVIE]
So… I kinda fucked up and ended
the world by not stopping The Count, I didn't realize how bad things were going to get since
most of the monsters I was dealing with were weak to lead. I pull the levers correctly, lead The Count
into a beam of light and he disappears. "My sister is dead and there is
nothing I can do to change that." It's always going to happen,
no stopping it, no matter how you play. But if I fall down this hole then I find Malachi…
and he gets resurrected anyway! I guess he gets stronger with
the more of your family that die… But, you know… Just to be sure… [NARRATOR]
As the evil Malachi falls, defeated,
you are overcome with emotion. Your sister is dead, but the world is saved from
an evil greater than you could ever have imagined. Although you may not appreciate it now,
you have fought and won as a true hero. [CIVVIE]
That's it.
That's the good ending. We've won. I'm wondering if I should have done
the spookier game after the jank game for October and… Man, I don't know. There are people who love this game. If anything, Nosferatu proves that
hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a motherfucking Vickers! *credit music*
What's with the no python line?
Yaaaaasfaratu
Big tiddie vampire gfs in catsuits
The part with the "wait till you hear his accent" had me in stitches.
You know what's better than an escort mission in a game?
Howsabout a fucking DOZEN more? Eat everything on your plate even if it's shiiiiiit.