Nobody tells you this about giving birth!

women who have given birth want something no one told you about it and wish you had known people tend to leave out the fact that you will bleed a lot after giving birth take your heaviest period times 20. it hurts to pee afterwards but if you lean forward on the toilet then the pee goes away from the most painful areas also try and time your pain relief around trips to the toilet or other strenuous activities that you have the worst month-long period of your life after giving birth i read books took child birth classes and had no idea not a nice surprise sometimes there are no contractions if you have back labor it's just omigod my incidents want extreme pain for several hours instead of getting a little break between the contractions that was your swell to experience natural birth one when you're pushing the nurse or doctor will push the skin around where the head is coming out to try and help the baby get out it was really distracting two you might shake uncontrollably after giving birth for a little while it's completely normal three the first time you go to the bathroom after giving birth the nurse will come with you and change your pad for you and show you how to use the squirt bottle while you pee so it stings less 4. it will sting when you pee for a little while especially if you needed stitches five when you are pushing your baby out there will be zillions of people in your room you won't care six you also won't care if slash when you poop scheduled c-section one you will be brought to the room by yourself at first so they can prep you two they may start opening you up before the person you brought with you is allowed in they will be able to see everything if they so choose tell them not to look three they still have to push the baby out and need to press on your chest to do so you won't be able to breathe very well while they do so four you can hear everything the doctors are saying they needed to make my incision bigger because of my son's gigantic head and they needed an extra doctor in the room because he was huge 11 pounds 2 ounces and 2 days early but we didn't know that until after all we knew is that they were frantically calling an extra doctor in the room and frantically asking for extra scissors there was a lot of commotion down there and it freaked my fiance and i out big time five the worst part about the section is the first time you stand up i was on axes and the pain still took my breath away that's all i can think of sofalol your uterus continues to contract after delivery to get back down to pre-prego size it's pretty painful worse than menstrual cramps and breastfeeding really kicks the contractions into high gear after you give birth there is this wonder rice pack pad sanitary napkin you get to use it will be the most wonderful thing you have ever felt you may also be afraid to have a bowel movement after labor you won't want to push again you don't have to labor while laying down if you don't get an epidural you can walk squat and labor on hands and knees let gravity help don't think you are confined to the bed if you think getting a c-section is the easy way out it's not it's major abdominal surgery and your recovery time will be much longer you are also more at risk for complications and infection i spent two weeks in hospital after my first with a raging infection that could have prevented me from being able to have more children birth can be dramatic and or completely freak your mental health up between the circumstances of the experience and your hormones after the fact you can literally go from being a human being that loves life and wants that baby and loves it fiercely to a human being that hates the child you gave birth to has ptsd wants to die or feels a call of the void that's way way way more strong than average has irrational thoughts struggles to function like can't get out of bed doesn't care what happens anymore doesn't want to wake up kind of can't function makes you terrified to ever trust a medical professional again a lot of people treat birth and everything after likes it's the ultimate test of womanhood with any action that prioritizes mom's health as selfish bullcrap ppd is no joke trauma is a thing hormones suck all bodies are different ffs please don't try to power through it get help get support don't wait and please don't be that [ __ ] that tells someone it can't be that bad or all babies are hard if you really don't slash can't understand the situation actually just don't say that stuff it's not productive at all maybe lead with how can i help your vag is going to look like a nightmare after don't look at it or touch it put ice packs and medicine on it but don't investigate i repeat do not investigate you'll just keep yourself up at night fretting over what happens if it never goes back to normal but if you do choose to look no that it won't look like your labia just lost the title fight forever how wet everything can get if your water breaks and you have a slow leak there'll be fluid at home in the car in the waiting slash tredge area in your room in the hallway in the bathroom combined with all the blood loss and peeing yourself and it's almost like a slip and slide trying to get around they gave me a big chuck pad to put between my legs but it was kind of pointless because it wouldn't stay up unless you held it after i got home at least two or three nights later i would wake up or whenever the baby woke up drenched in sweat like i felt i was out in the rain soaking wet i had to look it up it would be nice to know that our bodies dump all the extra water that we no longer need i thought something was wrong with me thank baby jesus i did not experience this i knew you could tear so i took steps to prevent it but i did not know you could tear literally all the way from the front to the back and need reconstructive surgery happened to my cousin that the epidural is the most incredible invention of modern medicine i thought it would maybe dull the pain but it literally took all of the pain away like i went from six centimeters in pain at nine of ten to being able to peacefully read a book while labor continued also when they injected the liquid into my spine it felt like a waterfall of cool water running down my back it was cool overall i rate the epidural at ten tenths i'm currently pregnant with my second and plan to have another prolapse and hemorrhoids your pelvic floor is freaked sneeze pee is still a thing i hired a personal trainer to help me lose weight and get stronger working out has really really really helped strengthen my pelvic floor and lessen my prolapse apparently some doctors are really excited when they see a good placenta well a compliment is a compliment i guess as my mom said to me we have 10 pounders take the ep when offered and pain relief is why anyone in this family went back four round two four generations of women giving birth to 10 pound babies not diabetes giant tall people jeans the first time you get up after a c-section is hell absolutely hurts so bad and your incision takes weeks to heal if not months being awake during your c-section and you feel all the tugging and pulling inside you a lot of women throw up i have a vomit phobia and was not aware of this until about a month before i was due luckily there are drugs you can take that help i managed to avoid throwing up with a lot of drugs also the pain wasn't as gradual as i was expecting i went from this is fine to this is not fine make it stop in maybe half an hour but then you have to wait before they can get you set up with an epidural so it's hard to avoid that not okay period entirely labor and delivery nurse here there is no shame in using medications to make the process easier especially epidurals natural birth is a beautiful thing but not always the best thing be flexible things will come up that you didn't anticipate know your odd slash gym use friends slash family slash mommy blogs to refer you to a good doctor midwife they can be nice and charming in the office and a totally different person in the hospital don't tell your friends and family to come visit until after you've given birth and recovered i've seen couples invite their entire family in social circle come see them when they are exhausted in pain and trying to breastfeed their new baby they are trying to perform for their guests instead of resting and bonding with the baby bonus prepare for more crap slash blood slash bodily fluids than you've ever seen in your life i'm in the uk and had a c-section birth a couple of years ago and i'm six months pregnant with my second the bits i didn't know beforehand were all straight after the birth and not during the tea and hot buttered toast i got to eat afterwards was one of the most delicious meals i have ever eaten the postpartum bleeding goes on four weeks the first poop after a c-section feels like a total victory the first shower afterwards also felt brilliant never ever miss the timing of any painkillers you are advised to take doctors and nurses will come by frequently and check you and your baby over for all sorts of things i was in hospital two nights and your baby is totally your responsibility as soon as they arrive the midwives helped out with nappy changes when i still couldn't feel my legs but as soon as i could stand slash walk that was it as my baby wouldn't sleep much at the start i did manage to get them to have her for two one-hour periods which ended up meaning i only got three hours sleep in three days and i felt horrific things got much better when i got home my husband wasn't allowed to stay in hospital overnight so that feeling of crushing solo responsibility was difficult to adjust to one more thing to note all the mums i know none of us have had a straightforward natural birth i did nct classes and of the eight couples which participated four of the mums ended up with c-sections and at least two of the others needed assisted births forcepctc these were higher than the stats we were told about during the classes i'm a dad so i hope i can chime in first bad things can happen i wasn't prepared for what could happen in a dilemma during my daughter's birth first her head got stuck on my wife's pelvis it was difficult to get unstuck and when she came out her head looked like a damn tetris piece i didn't say anything but the nurse obviously knew i was concerned and assured me it would pop right back to normal i thanked her but all i could think was frickin how then and i'd give the doctor credit for not freaking out but apparently during the labor my wife's cervix tour that's a thing that can happen and just because the baby is out doesn't mean it's over the placenta and all the other lady group has to come out so she had to push a little more well that little more push that she gave sent a literal spray of blood out of her back i'm talking like a pressurized tank of 500 liters of blood it looked like an adam villain had been massacred in that delivery room the doctor handled it without freaking out though and did it in a way that we weren't even aware what was happening she played it off like oh we are just about done sit back and enjoy the baby while i've got your hood open just gonna change this oil and get out of your way come to find out we were very close to needing a blood transfusion my wife was shivering because of the loss of blood and was exhausted she had burst blood vessels in her eyes the doctor was absolutely amazing but i was not prepared for something like this to happen and i'm glad i wasn't because i had prepared myself i would have been freaking out so my best advice is to trust your doctor they are so so much better at this crap than you can even imagine if you're pregnant watch a few episodes of one born every minute the uk version with your partner it can be graphic but will also show you different things you can expect blood fluid etc and more importantly can start conversations about what you want slash don't want your partner to do in certain situations as you're seeing it all play out for you warning if the music starts seeming sad or things don't seem to be going to plan in the particular birth you're watching change to a different episode some very few of the episodes feature some tragedies and for some reason they don't put a warning on those episodes the nurse will help you up out of the bed to take you to the bathroom you will be all over them you can't drink any water while you're in labor apparently everyone i've talked to knew this but me 13 hours later i had the best cup of water i've ever had in my life i might be surrounded by [ __ ] but a lot of people came to visit and started talking about sids don't hold back on telling them that's fricked up and a stop people don't realize how insensitive they are is anyone else reading this with a growing sense of utter disgust that the media expects women to be up and about and losing that baby weight just weeks after giving birth frick that it hurts like your body is being split in two hurts a mate of mine got pregnant two weeks before me and gave birth for a week before me she told me that labor was an absolute breeze until she crowned and then it kind of hurt a bit but then it was all over with yeah i love the girl but i think she was born without functioning pain receptors my labor was 27 hours long and i felt everything it was the worst experience of my entire life i had no painkillers even when i begged for them apparently i was too far gone i trusted my midwifery team they do it for a living i did it for a day but damn it hurt at the end of the day i got my son who is pretty freaking awesome but i'm not doing it ever again anyway my advice is prepare you can breath and meditate and center yourself all you want but they call it labor for a reason it is worth it but you will work for it i gave birth three days ago and i wish i had known how heart-wrenching it would feel to not be able to hold my baby it was supposed to be a low-risk delivery but little fellow got his shoulder stuck about seven hours later he had a seizure and was whisked to niku where he remains until probably next week no more seizures as yet but not being able to hold him feed him or comfort him is almost as bad and not knowing why this happened i feel like we are missing precious moments with him even though i know he's in the best place i had known about ppd and the baby blues but it was honestly sickening to me how sad i was after getting home from the hospital i had wanted a baby for so long finally had him and then just hated it i felt like what did i do why did i do this it was a shock i had thought about just leaving which was absurd eventually it went away and i enjoyed my little boy i mean at the time to though i did love being a mom because i constantly checked on him took pics and all that but the depression you get can be surprising considering how badly i wanted to be a mom and then i'm like i wish i was anywhere but with him he is almost four and i'm so happy seeing him after a full day of work is probably the best feeling in the world to me i just wish i had prepared myself point more mentally and for those challenging first week slash months random strangers were going to be feeling me up from the inside to see how dilated i was every couple hours after a while you stop caring epidurals can have side effects for me it was intense itching that made me nearly lose my mind i spent a solid hour begging my partner to scratch my feet but i couldn't feel them being scratched it was the most sadistic torture imaginable also don't skip the freaking chapter about c-sections thinking that won't happen to me because then it freaking will i haven't given birth yet but a lot of people don't realize they can start their period almost immediately after giving birth so in addition to the drainage you will naturally have you can rest out your cycle which also means you can soon get pregnant again so birth control slash protection is a must if you don't want another child right away also a lot of people see tv shows and think the doctor is in the room with you the whole time not true at all your nurse will be there the whole time and she calls the doctor when you get super close to delivery so he shows up for the game-winning touchdown lol i hear you're probably going to poop during the delivery sometime in the next six months you will lose a lot of hair an incredible amount giving birth is like any traumatic event and can trigger hair loss several months down the road at one point i spent so much time trying to remove my hair off my baby it was gross i couldn't dress him in terry on as is anymore fyi it does all grow back eventually there's a condition called graves disease that can happen it can be triggered after pregnancy estimates or it's around two percent of the population pregnancy can strip the brain of a lot of critical building blocks so vitamins and such are important for the mother as well as the child graves basically wrecks your thyroid which is the master gland for directing other glands to produce hormones when the thyroid ceases to function it's exactly as bad as you could imagine hyper means too much of everything is predicted hypo means too little graves can produce both effects in unpredictable cycles you might feel like a sloth and sleep too much or too little or you might have tons of energy but with lots of uncontrollable rage treatment can be drugs for the rest of your life or if that doesn't work surgery if you have trouble bouncing back after a year get your thyroid checked my wife and i went through this and we are stronger for it but it was hell you will be given a uterine massage mmv but it hurt more than labor itself and i had a natural birth with a 24 plus hour labor so much pain ima hoids4life sorry hubs no more backdoor fun for you don't look at your vag in the first week i used a mirror to check it out it was a swollen bulbous freaking nightmare vision don't feel obligated to perform sexually with the month after not and not bjs if you want to go for it but that's your decision any dude who can't step up to go without for a couple weeks while his woman recovers from the major traumatic life-changing medical procedure that is producing a new human is a freaking joke and needs to lube up and take care of himself on that note delivery is a major life-changing and potentially traumatic experience even when everything goes right that's okay be on the lookout for postpartum depression educate yourself and demand good treatment from nurses if they don't help you with pain management or follow your plan call your doctor my nurse denied me an epidural until my doc ordered it she was all like you can do it i know you can and i was like bish i know i can i don't freaking want to discuss your birth plan with your dog so you're on the same page and can work together sometimes things go sideways and you can't have the birth you wished for but a good doc will work with you you will lose all of your dignity and will not care one bit and also the underwear they give you disposable stretchy elastic type are honestly the most comfortable thing you can ever wear labor and pushing can go go very quickly you hear a lot about being in labor all night and pushing for hours i only had to push twice it was kind of surreal and i was a little disassociated from the whole experience because there's so much hype and build up and then it was just over i'm glad i wasn't in pain for hours but i wish i had known fast and furious was a possibility not sure if this was posted but my wife and i were told about the husband's stitching to make sure it didn't happen apparently when if a woman tears from labor and the doctor stitches her back up there are some doctors apparently a fair amount who had an additional stitch called the husband stitch to try and make her tight again for the husband it's insanely fricked up our doctor didn't fall into that category so we didn't have to deal with it but we know of people who did the fact that you're never smelled like a slaughterhouse after it was very off-putting that your partner will see you as the most kick-ass amazonian warrior earth mother ever to grace the universe i've was down at the business end of both my daughter's deliveries and i can safely say that i have never loved my wife as much as when i saw her just after giving birth to our kids regardless of how you may feel afterwards to someone you will be the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world that after birth you can pass large clots when i say large i mean large my first shower after a nurse found me crying in the shower because i thought i was dying because a baseball-sized clot came out she told me that was normal it looked like i gave birth to a bloody jellyfish contractions felt like period cramps and that very few people have their water break randomly also that people will just touch you in the process of giving birth or do things without telling you it's a bit scary having to ask what happened or why this is like this afterwards 30 hours of back labor that ended in execution later i would tell you it's so much worse than expected i hear it's not that bad from some women but i'm convinced that's the hormones dulling the memories so they'll have another i eventually did get the epidural but even that was crap because not having any feeling in my lower half for several hours was panic inducing you don't get to eat real food until you talk your body into releasing waste after the birth either so in addition to being exhausted in pain and confused about this new life you suddenly have latched painfully to your nipples you're hangry and all that bull crap about how breastfeeding is not supposed to hurt if you're doing it right i don't know what sort of nipple calluses these women had going in but the first two weeks were crap and my child had perfect latch and my nipples were ideal for breastfeeding according to the nurse i had a v back vagal birth after cesarean vagal birth is way easier you can get up within an hour and have a shower you can bond with your baby although to be fair i almost died the first time around home birth sound dreamy but i was a healthy 23 years old with no complications and if it hadn't been for my doctor listening when i said something wasn't right i would not be here pre-eclampsia is a [ __ ] that it feels like you're about to take the biggest crap of your life i felt so embarrassed that i had to take a crap in that moment i had no idea the big crap was my daughter that it would be indescribably painful and i can see why some women die in childbirth afterwards you are bleeding and sore and exhausted and yeah i just don't recommend it saying that i've done it three times what an idiot as a guy you moms are metal laugh i know i'm a man husband but i really wish someone would have prepared me for the enormous amount of liquid that shotgunned out between my wife's legs and all over the delivery room with our first one i was seriously confused when the doctor came in and began laying what looked to be tarps everywhere and adorned what i can only describe as a giant smock and face shield it all made sense after though i didn't do any classes or anything maybe i would have known this if i had but breastfeeding is not easy i always thought you just whip out a boob put it in my baby's face and voila you're breastfeeding so not true for everyone my first kid oh i couldn't get to latch right so this german woman came in told me i had perfect nipples and had to show me like four different ways to hold the baby before we finally managed to get it right it also hurt a lot to breastfeed my nipples ended up sore chapped and bleeding every time i fed him i cried the whole time you know how beauty is like pissing razor blades it felt like this kid was sucking out razor blades covered in bleach and it hurt so god and much i quit breastfeeding after three weeks my second same issue but after about six months or so it got better and i breastfed for 18 months i also didn't know that there are doctors who will truly make you feel like you don't deserve to have a kid if you don't breastfeed they didn't care how much pain i was in they just made me feel like if i loved my baby i would suffer through it i moved to a new state when my kiddo was three weeks old and at the first appointment the doc asked if i breastfed i said no apologized and burst into tears that doctor was infuriated at the one who had been so horrible to me about breastfeeding at a time when you're already lost and confused and hormonal the last thing any woman needs is a doctor telling her she isn't a good enough mother sometimes you don't bond with the baby right away it doesn't make you a bad mom try feeding try skin to skin try singing to the baby etc if the lack of bonding continues it can be a sign of postpartum depression so talk to your doctor just being concerned about lack of bonding means you love the baby so give yourself some slack mostly it was stuff after the baby was out i didn't know ppd could express itself as extreme anger issues i would cry a lot too but mostly i just became a screaming monster for several months while hormones desperately tried to get their crap together i still feel bad for how much yelling my husband put up with for a while there hormones also made me insanely paranoid i couldn't sleep even when i got the baby down because i was convinced he was going to die i'd say they're crying hanging off the side of his crib it wasn't great and nobody told me how long it takes to get back to normal i'm a year and a half out and i'm just now fully feeling normal again it's nuts what pushing a kid out does to your body on a more life that it note the extreme hair loss was unexpected lol i was so sad watching my glorious pregnant hair literally go down the drain it's okay my kid had a hormone-related hair loss at the same time so we were in that one together both our hair came back lol amar ldrp nurse myself something i knew already medically and professionally but didn't know until i had my child as how horribly real trauma is this can really mess you up however to any expecting women reading this it is unlikely your experience will be as traumatic as mine was and i didn't even have a worst case scenario and for so many of you this will be a normal level painful and also wonderful experience you can do this to those of you who experience trauma please prioritize your care you can and you will get through this to those of you who struggle afterward with the event not happening the way you planned this wasn't my issue but a lot of women struggle with reconciling what actually happened with their idealized idea of birth giving birth a certain way vaguely c-section natural epidurally tc etc etc is not what makes you a mother or an amazing woman slash parent raising good people is the act of giving birth a certain romanticized way is not brag worthy you are a parent now the hard stuff is just beginning the most bragworthy thing you will ever do is raise this little person to be kind to be decent to be respectful of different types of people to be a hard-working person of integrity and grit keep your eye on the real goal here you can do this [Music] [Music] you

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Id: uCXi3p3eHvo

Length: 29min 40sec (1780 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 03 2020