More Disturbing Anonymous Confessions - confessions (Part 101)

warning this content may be upsetting or disturbing to some audiences i nearly was a school shooter the most shocking confessions by anonymous people who watch radio tts i wish that there was something wrong with me i have never purposely hurt myself or lied for attention but i always think about doing it i get no positive attention from my parents which has caused me to become so reserved and quiet that i will never ask for help i've grown spiteful towards people who get pity and especially those who ask for pity i know that people don't ask to be this way but i just can't stop the resentment from growing inside of me my life is hard too i feel so unloved too but my case is not severe enough for anyone to care i always care about other people but no one cares about me i just want to be loved and if i physically hurt myself i'll get the love that i keep longing for i emotionally catfish terrible people in my spare time and ruin their reputations to the point of no return it started when i was in high school i had grown up in an abusive environment and i wanted to make sure that that would never happen to anyone so i figured that if i could ruin the reputations of possibly abusive bad people they would never be able to socially recover and because of that they wouldn't have the power to abuse anyone i've done this a couple of times now my first target was a pedo i was and still am very youthful looking very short and skinny so i was able to get past any of their suspicions for them to start showing their true colors almost instantly i was able to lower their defenses through praise and emotionally connecting with them enough for them to message me all sorts of messed up messages photos etc they even gave me a general area of where they lived once i had enough information on them and knew everyone they were associated with i would release all of the information into a cohesive list with dates and times of the messages and waited for more victims to speak up because in these sorts of situations there was always more victims and then i would watch as the closer friends of said target let the targets family and employers know of what was going on essentially stripping this target of any influence and nowadays since every piece of information is on the internet forever it will always follow the target no matter where in the world they are the best part is that the way that i did things that first time my target didn't even blame me they came back to me to try and fix their mistakes and repent i let them because i knew they would go back to their old behavior instantly i would then show the target's former friends how they tried to contact me and how once given the chance went back to their old ways sealing the target's fate i've graduated from high school and now i'm free from my abusive household i am currently around the end of another target social downfall and i couldn't be happier it's my best personal secret i haven't decided to share with all of you for as long as i can remember i've always enjoyed watching women get hurt usually it's a woman i'm attracted to in a movie show etc and i sit there rooting for her to get attacked or injured in some capacity i would say the most recent example i can think of as nico robin in one piece seeing her being attacked and or heard in any way is immensely satisfying for me and i don't exactly know why but i just can't shake it it's gotten to the point where i will literally search for clips of these women being hurt for over an hour just for the sense of weird pleasure or satisfaction i get out of it i don't know why it happens but it freaks me out sometimes that while other people are cheering for the plot i'm silently cheering for a heroine to get battered i'm sexually attracted to horses i've never had sex with one nor have i ever been close enough to even touch one but yeah i'm a zoophile it started when i was younger probably middle school i had unsupervised access to the internet and i was curious about whatever new phrase i learned so i googled bestiality of course google gives you a definition of the word as well as how illegal it is but i wanted to see how women could actually commit bestiality i was turned on i started looking for more videos until i found entire sights of women having intercourse with stallions i have mixed feelings about this fetish since in the videos the horses exhibit little to no reaction at being touched down there it's hard for me to agree whether it's actually abuse but either way nothing gets me off quite like it i think i'll take this secret to the grave my current girlfriend has almost no limits sexually but i think this would be too far even for her i hope this will remain anonymous and i really do need to share as the issue at hand has me believing i'm the lowest grade of human in existence i'm a 30 year old woman who is married and has children i have a long list of issues emotional and psychological mainly the confession is that if i wish to or need to please myself i have to watch certain pee it has to be related to heated touching an older person with a young female nothing at all to do with cp scenario or role play should include a female from 19 to 25 years old with an authoritative figure such as step parent or grandparents it just is the only way i can provoke the intense quick finish i seek the problem doesn't only lie there you see as a child between ages 3 to 10 i believe i was sexually molested by both mom and stepfather i never really realized what mom made me do or did to me was wrong and i never forgot it was just memories that stayed in my mind but no emotional attachment came along with them though with stepfather to the day i'm afraid to be in the same room with him alone if you are wondering yes i spoke out about his abuse to mother and all siblings but was literally ignored or told don't speak of that so with that background you can imagine how disgusting i feel after my release it's not always i watch this type of pee once a month maybe but it kills me to realize that there might be something really messed up with me i feel i should also mention my oldest daughter is not my husband's child but he has raised her since she was two so in both their eyes there is no talk of being stepfather and stepdaughter i know he cares the same for her as my other boys but i still never could trust anyone with any of my children i could never tell him the p secret because it's hard to explain that the previous mention role play turns me on yet any other vulgar or any other type of p sends me to an awkward place in my emotions and shuts me down mentally i know it doesn't make sense but if anyone out there can make sense give me advice because i want to fix my brain's wiring 11 years ago when i was 25 i was in a horrible relationship with a 39 year old guy in the beginning i was not interested at all in guy because the age difference no physical attraction plus i still loved my ex-boyfriend who moved to a different state guy was a serial cheater and liar guy had three daughters with his wife who lived in their home country i knew all about it but i was younger now even with no self-esteem he swore that he fell in love with me i think it was true for many reasons we lived a few good moments but like you all know cheaters never change guy was so persistent about his love for me i was also jobless and almost homeless at the time so he helped me out with some cash i never asked for it i started a relationship with him because i needed to get on my feet again and he was willing to help i'm not a lazy person i was having a difficult time in my life where many bad situations happened at the same time we started to have sex and i got pregnant after the plan b pill finally failed i immediately thought about abortion i was not ready to be a mother and i was not happy with the idea of having a baby with guy anyway my family friends and guy convinced me to keep the baby that an abortion was so wrong and god sent it to my life for a reason and all that [ __ ] 15 weeks into the pregnancy my doctor finds something abnormal in the ultrasound my baby comes with birth defects and he or she was not going to live a normal life i decided to end the pregnancy with the excuse of how unfair it is to bring a disabled child to this world and how guilty and selfish i would feel if i brought a person to suffer discrimination and a harder life i will admit that it was a painful decision to make because part of me was getting happy about having the baby looking back now that abortion was the best decision in my life i am living a great life engaged with the love of my life an amazing loyal man who treats me with love and respect i get along incredibly well with all his family i don't have a child in common with guy so i will never have to see that betrayer again i probably couldn't have experienced any of this happiness if this child was here i have a gynecologist fetish i have never been to one but the thought of one arouses me it's weird and gross and i've never been more ashamed of anything in my life almost all of the adult content i watch is gynecologist related things and i prefer the more realistic ones it's a fetish but it's also a phobia i have severe anxiety at even the thought of a gynecologist or even a doctor but somehow the thoughts also turn me on the sad part is i know how and why this started when i was little i was taken to a doctor because of endocrine issues i'm talking nine years old not old enough for anything like this and the doctor had to touch my genitals as part of the examination i didn't understand what was going on and it caused a lot of trauma for me i now can't go to doctors or ever go to a gynecologist because of this i may have caused a co-worker to miscarry years ago i was working in fast food as a hobby i got into mixing loose tea and coming up with my own recipes for herbal tea as most people are aware lots of herbs are supposed to be good for treating different things i enjoyed studying the different kinds and flavors but i never took the medicine side of it all that seriously however i did have one recipe that i used to help me sleep that i enjoyed very much one of my co-workers had just announced that she was pregnant it was very early in the pregnancy but she mentioned having a hard time falling asleep of course i offered her some of my special herbal tea and advised her to brew it strong for best effect i had up until now assumed that any perceived benefit was purely a placebo but i thought whatever if it helps her sleep then why would that matter i was so wrong the next day she complimented me on how well the tea worked over the next two days she used it every night on the third morning i came in to find her crying she had miscarried the night before she didn't know why and was just wrought i later researched the ingredients for the tea individually and discovered that two of the three are known to cause uterine contractions in some women and are not advisable to take if pregnant i can't prove she lost her baby because of me but i can't shake the thought that it might have been my fault i regularly daydream about destroying my face i come from a toxic household with one parent being very cruel and shallow and the other one agreeing with her every word regardless of the truth and validity of the things she says i have the misfortune of looking like the more toxic parent it disgusts me to a point where i can't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to puke i've said multiple times that i might get plastic surgery to change it but in truth i'd have no problem with my face if i didn't look so much like a younger version of them the worst part i used to be a very pretty child to the point where people would stop me to ask to take my picture and have become average looking at best so not only do i have to deal with going from pretty enough to get away with murder to average it best but that average appearance bears resemblance to someone i genuinely hate i usually cope by day dreaming of destroying my face with a pair of scissors or something or just bearing no resemblance to anything human anymore just so i don't have to deal with being told that i look like her i feel like a nazi now i know i'm going to get hated on because of this but let me say this first i am a black man so it would be odd for me to support something like fascism but i just have this feeling of need for authority and need to make the world free of any bad thought like people who do selfish things and people who hate on a certain religion so i feel like we should exterminate or re-educate these peoples by any means you can call me racist and that's okay i understand what i'm getting myself into with this confession but i just had to say this somewhere i killed my brother basically in 2012 my girlfriend and i went to a beach in a location i went to because i had a conference we decided to bring my younger brother along as he couldn't stay home with my mother as she had a business trip we spent most of our time there on a beach that was pretty undiscovered by tourists well on one of these days we were on the beach my brother got swept out to sea by a rip current and was pronounced dead by the police i was too busy making out with my girlfriend to notice and i regret this deeply after this happened i knew my mother blamed me for it as did my younger sister who was my younger brother's twin i started to drink and became suicidal my girlfriend broke up with me and left me for another guy she couldn't deal with me anymore i went to rehab for six months and i'm doing amazing now but i think about this a lot and how easily i could have prevented my brother's death i nearly was a school shooter at the age of 12. i have always been a little bit different when i was around eight i was hyperactive and also had anger issues when people teased me in our school we had many [ __ ] and i got bullied from the third grade on kids would beat me but only if they teased me and i was the first to beat because of that i got in a lot of trouble my parents knew there was something wrong and told my teacher about the bullying but she was friends with the mom of the kid who bullied me the most so that didn't help either the school psychologist recognized what's going on and what happened was not a joke as i was a pretty intelligent kid and had the best grades of my class so they staged that i'm highly intelligent they made me change the school and jump the fourth grade the thing is i lived in a village and there everyone would know that i changed school because i was bullied in the new class i had no friends but i wasn't bullied then in middle school i found some friends but they were outsiders as well our village was filled with bad people many guys in my age would later become criminals and were drug dealers even in middle school in my country middle school goes to 10th grade and then you graduate my teacher also hated me and sent me to a psychologist more than one time and said i would have many mental disorders since i was 10 i was in a shooting club and i was a pretty good shooter around that time i also became interested in horror movies when that wasn't a thrill it was watching videos on youtube of people dying i lost my sense for reality i became fascinated with school shooters like eric harris or roman steinhauser i wanted to be a school shooter as well my father had a gun in our basement and i started collecting ammunition at my shooting club only one bullet at the time so no one would notice when i was 13 i was at an absolute low was depressed and planned a school shooting but what happened i fell in love with a girl it was the first time i had a real crush on someone and for a brief moment it pulled me out of my misery and even after i lost my interest in her my life went up it almost seemed that everybody liked me when i turned 14. no one bullied me at that point and i still don't know why i graduated and i'm now in college have good graded and a wonderful girlfriend i kept the two first bullets that i stole and every time i feel sad i look at the bullets and think how much worse my life was and that i should look up i like the taste of my own menstrual blood i wouldn't go out of my way to drink it however if i'm inserting a tampon i'll always lick my fingers after doing so also i have a fascination with my period clots i have very heavy flows so usually my clots are big when i'm switching out a tampon or pad sometimes i play with them a little before throwing them into the toilet i don't think it's as big of a deal as some make it out to be i would describe it like picking your nose and eating it but i guess since it came out of my vagina it's a bigger deal haha i almost killed a group of people when i was a kid growing up i lived in a bad neighborhood a lot of gang violence people killing others drugs being sold women being assaulted in the streets the police basically gave up on this area and would arrive late to every call just so they wouldn't deal with it most of the time a big gang was known to have their hideouts at an old building it only had one way of entry i was probably nine at the time and i hated this place the fact that they would threaten anyone who they came in contact with even my family i wanted to shut them up so i went around the whole neighborhood stole a few things mainly gas that i would empty out into a smaller canister one night they had a party where they all got high or drunk i chained the only entry up and poured gas into the only windows near the doors i stood a good distance away with a trail of leather fluid and struck a match i ran away and then it hit me i can't let this happen i ran all the way to the nearest house and asked them to call the fire department this was before cell phones were common the fire department shows up like five minutes later i could hear people screaming from the building they managed to stop the fire no one died some people had some second degrees burns and some smoke inhalation it came out on the news everyone that was pulled out of the fire was arrested that neighborhood is much better now they turned that burn building into a small park the gangs either all left were were caught by police thanks for listening to radio tts and special thanks for submitting your stories hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell for more content that is not censored by reddit mods click the right box for the confessions playlist find the confession submission form linked in the comments below

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Id: 5A6pJhiCbls

Length: 17min 33sec (1053 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 03 2020