- Hello And welcome back to my personalized internet home page. - [Woman] Wow. - Don't forget to sign
my digital guest book by clicking the big red button below. - Do it! - It might currently say
something stupid, like subscribe (ominous music) but that's a bug. Today we're talking about 'Sexy Beasts,' which is a new Netflix show but it's also a very
unnatural thing for me to say, Sexy Beasts, Sexy Beasts, Sexy Beasts. I feel like I should say
it with like an accent of some kind, Sexy Beast. (host laughing) Anyways, Sexy Beast is a new entry into the long running pantheon of Netflix's dating shows with a twist. Joining the ranks of hot
Netflix hits like dating but you can't have sex, - [Crowd] Aw! - Dating, but instead of seeing a person, you see a pulsating blue wall, (crowd gasping) is Netflix's hot new show dating
but with a different face. - [Crowd] Huh? - I'm making it sound like everybody has a different human face
which would be horrifying. More specifically, everyone
has the faces of beasts, of beasts, I have to say it like that. Even that feels wrong
because like the definition of beast is very loose on this show. Like is a witch a beast? Is a statue man a beast? I guess, but like sometimes
people are cute pandas and other times people are boily trolls and I just don't think
those two extremes should be under the same umbrella. So 'Sexy Beasts' on Netflix
is actually based on a show with the same name, not gonna say it, that aired on BBC Three, Scott Kramer, friend of the homepage, he did a video about the original British
version of this show. So you should watch
that and he also told me to make this video. So thanks, Scott. - I wanna get married, I wanna have babies before I'm like 26, do you have health insurance? - [Narrator] Welcome to the
strangest blind date ever. - Hoping to say goodbye
to superficial dating, real life singles sport
elaborate makeup and prosthetics to put true blind date
chemistry to the test. So I get that these shows are gonna shit on traditional dating and dating apps but could you maybe give us
something that we can try? Most of us aren't gonna make it onto a Netflix dating
show in our lifetimes and I don't wanna know what's
gonna happen if I show up to a regular date in a demon mask. So how has the date? I don't know. This guy was an absolute beast. Oh fuck yeah, that's sick.
(upbeat rock music) No, like he was an absolute beast. He was a monster with
like horns and stuff. - Hey, how you doing? Dam. - How are you? - How you doing? - [Narrator] Could you fall in love with someone based on personality alone? - Could you fall in
love with someone based on personality alone? What a fantastic question that the this show does not address. They're just wearing masks. 'Love is Blind' was a much better test of this and it was stupid. - What is your ideal woman? - Personality, for me, is everything. - Ass first, personality second. - Fantastic point, Mr. Beaver. Pretty much the only thing you cannot see on the show is someones face and you can still see their
eyes and stuff. You know. - There's inter-species
relationships happening on my grounds. I won't stand for it. - Side note, I hate the rhino guy and, but I will be talking about him later. Don't you worry your little head. Even right now, the
trailer is sitting at a, you know, a healthy,
like to dislike ratio, you know, and they got pretty
ratioed on every social media, even the ratio between the Sexy Beast to the human is not great. So it was ratios all around. So I think people are not a fan. I have taken it upon myself
to watch the whole show. It's only six episodes that
are 20 minutes long each but I did it. So, you're welcome. So first off, I thought the
show was going to be more like, 'Love is blind,' where
there's like dates happening, but then there's also some
stuff happening outside of the dates but no, this show is more like a MTVs 'Next' type of formula where it's very isolated. A person starts out at
the beginning, they decide who they wanna go on a second date with at the end and that's that. Every episode we're introduced to a beast who's gonna go on dates
with three other beasts and then they do like a basic bar date with like the three beasts and then one of them gets eliminated
and then after that, there's, you know, a more in-depth date with the remaining two beasts and then the beast picks whichever beasts that they wanna beast with and then they take off their beast masks and then they are revealed to be normal, regular, everyday models. Everyone on the show is a model and they're all very attractive. So, the types of people range from I'm a professional dancer slash model to like I'm a professional
athlete slash model and so like, yeah, there's a bit of a mix. Side note, we should use the
word eliminated more often. It makes me feel like
a cool super villain. Excuse me, we have too many chairs at our table could one
of them be eliminated? I don't wanna spoil the whole show for people who actually
wanna watch it and, you know, maybe you'll decide to do that. I was entertained. I also have horrible taste
but I was entertained. So I'm gonna talk about
one episode in particular and kind of pull in the context from the show as a whole
while I'm doing that. The episode that I despised
the most is episode five which opens with a
dolphin girl named Nina. So this is just a full-on
BoJack Horseman episode. You know, I bet they avoided
horse masks for, well, I guess horse masks are already a meme but there's no horses in this because they're all in hollywoo. Anyway, sex Tina aquafina is looking for love and she has to
choose between a scarecrow, a mantis and a rhino
and right off the bat, it doesn't seem like
it's a fair competition. The scarecrow man has stitched cheeks and that just feels too uncanny to me. It feels too real. - I have two secret weapons when dating, there's a country boy charm and my smile. - [Narrator] Well without- - And I'm sure his smile is great but it's hard to appreciate it when his mouth is sewn together, and my smile. I am grossed out by this as well as whatever is going on
with his chinny chin, chin, I guess he's supposed to be
a burlap sack man, I guess. I don't wanna think about this guy anymore and neither did Nina. So he was eliminated. - Dustin. - And now this brings me
back to my earlier point. What is a beast? What is a beast? Because when it gets
too close to humanoid, I start to get grossed out. Rhino man here is fine. Mantis guy looks nasty but
he's definitely not human. - This is not a problem. But in some of these episodes, there's people like this girl who's has exposed bone and blood. I don't even know what
she's supposed to be. What I know for sure is
that she's way harder to look at than cute wolf guy. Who's a good boy? Hey, look, I'm not
attracted to beasts, okay? I'm just saying that some of them are easier to look at than others. The worst one in the
entire season is this girl. What did this poor girl do
to deserve this costume? She's not a beast by my calculations. She's just an unfortunately faced lady with a permanent frown, spoiler alert, she is eliminated first and it probably has something
to do with her boily face. So please remind me again how this is different
than superficial dating? We're also introduced to the
typical snarky Netflix narrator who's trying to tell jokes all the time. - I'm looking for the big epic romance. - [Narrator] Nothing says epic more than three guys in one afternoon. - Okay? A few times in the show, they give hints that not only is it just
like two dates maximum that you go on with the
person that wins the show but both the dates happen on the same day which
really just makes me want to see a show where they're in makeup for like a whole couple
of months, you know? You could call it 'Love Zoo,' you could have a tagline that's like, this summer, love is on the
loose or something like that. Come on, Netflix. Do it. In addition to scarecrow
chin, there's also mantis man. He's a model that loves nightlife. - [Narrator] So why are you
here and not off raving? - One day my partying will
have to slow down or even stop. - One day the partying stops? Say it ain't so mantis man. And finally, finally, there's
rhino dude and he sucks. - [Narrator] Mick, a holistic
health practitioner from LA. - I am the techno prince, warrior, poet, monkey man, spiritual cowboy on the hero's journey to
liberate humankind, yeah. - Oh my God. I'm gonna, just, a lot of the rest of this video is just gonna
be me showing you clips of rhino man and just saying
how much I don't like him. So I do wanna say as a disclaimer, that I, it's the case for all my videos and I don't always say it
explicitly and I maybe should. When we're talking about these shows, we don't know these people. We're commenting on their actions, we're commenting on the
character of the show. There's, you know, selective
editing that happens. People's full stories aren't being told, they're not in control
of their own narrative. So keep that in mind while
I shit on rhino dude. - [Narrator] Any ideas to
help you actively find love? - Sex Kung Fu. - [Narrator] I'm sorry, what? - Chinese philosophy with
sexual energy meditation. - Do you love him? I don't know what sex Kung Fu
is and I never wanna find out, but going just by how he talks
about it, I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna hear him talk about it. - We all have a bit of
sex Kung Fu come in us, that's for sure. - Mick, Mick the rhino man. The dates themselves are super boring. They talk about stuff like how they used to be shy in the past. - I grew up very shy. - So did I. - But now are no longer
shy and in fact are so confident that they apply
to be on Netflix dating shows. - No, I'm crazy. - But rhino guy is confident in like ways that make my skin crawl. - But then there's also another side of me that I'm like super energetic. - Totally. - So it's like a balance, you know? - You gotta have the Yin
but then the Yang too. - I Just, I don't, I
can't put it into words. It's just, it's just too much. - He is very in tune with himself and- - What was he starting to do there? Was he like starting to dance? You gotta have the Yin
and then the Yang too. - Really like that. - And to my dismay, sex Tina
aquafina Nina is into it. - What did the elephant
say to the naked man? - I don't know, what did he say? - How can you breathe
with that small thing? - His Wiener. (host fake laughing) - So after the first dates,
they do a little check-in with the contestants and
see how they're feeling. You know we gotta check in on rhino guy. - I mean, it's totally up to her but I was vibing really much so. - Really much so. Those words don't even
make sense in that order. So with the first dates out of the way, it's time for the eliminations and Mr. chin sack is
immediately eliminated, like I said but it's also
the first time you see this mansion that they hang out in for like just the eliminations. It seems like a place that
you would have a series where you had people living in the house but just using it for these random eliminations
seems like so pointless. So one nice thing about the old mansion is that they have a painting of
the main beast in this case, Nina, that makes her look
like a Victorian ghost and so that's pretty cool,
but that's an aside. It's time for the second date. Dominic is first. So we're at least spared the
rhino man for a little while. - I wouldn't say I have tactics to win. - Well I would say that I
have tactics not to lose. Another complaint with the show is that the dates don't always seem fair. For example, Dominic
goes on a bowling date which is fine, but Mick gets to go on a horse drawn carriage, which of these is more romantic? Bowling obviously. But this happens a lot in the show. There's always one date
that's way more romantic than the other. Maybe Nina got to choose
but we're not told that as the audience, there's always like a weirdly
platonic date in there. So you kinda, it feels
like the odds are stacked. My favorite part of the
bowling date though, is when Nina gets the idea
that she wants to slide down. - You know what I always wanted to do? Slide down the bowling alley. - I don't know where she
got the idea, and maybe from like a cartoon, maybe from that old Disney
Channel original movie, Alley Cats Strike, I don't know. Did that happen in that movie? Who's to say? - You actually want me to
slide down a bowling alley? - Yeah, what's wrong with that? Like balls go down, so
like we can go down too. - So, the problem with that argument is that balls go down the lane
because they are balls, they're spherical and so they don't, they can slide, they can,
you know, skid, you know, if you're putting like English
on the ball or whatever, but as a human being, I
feel like you should be able to tell this by looking at this lane that you're not gonna
be able to slide on the, let's just watch it. - That was Poor. - I love the guy in the background that's, the fuck does this guy think he's doing? Does he think he's gonna slide? - [Mantis] Dolphin, she's really cool. - She got a little bit of a slide. She got a little bit of a slide. You know, I take it back, I take it back. It was a great idea. Now it's rhino time. - I'm that white rhino. I'm a rare find. You're not gonna wanna say no to this. - No, I wanna say no to this. Can I say no to this? No. So they go on this horse
drawn carriage ride around the city or the countryside. I don't even know where they are but most of the stuff that Mick
says, I don't understand. - How does it feel to have nothing but your heart speaking for you right now? It's kinda liberating, right? - What does that mean? What does he mean by that? Does he know that Nina the dolphin only has her heart
speaking for her right now? - I think you're getting
some good chemistry there. - I just don't understand
why everything he says has to linger like that. I think we had some good chemistry there. - This date, it's
straight out of my dreams. - You know, in a way,
I do kinda understand where she's coming from because
sometimes you do have dreams where you're like, I was a dolphin and he was a rhino and we were
in a horse drawn carriage. It was very strange, you
know, like that kinda dream. That's the kinda dream
that this date is out of, not like a fairy tale. So then, and this is the
case in both of the dates, after they do the activity, they go have conversation over drinks. So just when you think things are normal, like they're just having a
normal, like, date over drinks, Mick suggests they meditate. - Give me your hand, let's meditate. - Ah, which is like, in what
universe do you break out into meditation on a date? Basically a first date. - Breathing in through our
nose or our snout, hold. - Has anyone ever done that? I've never done that and I've been on my fair share of first dates. - Exhaling all the way out with a sigh. (rhino man sighing) - The fuck is going on? That's not a sigh Mick. I'm not sure if he's meditating
or like this is an exorcism. (rhino man exhaling) - Just some nice breathing in
and breathing out can settle all that good chi and get us
in that state of lovey dovey. - Why does he dance? Why does he dance when
he's doing everything? Maybe I've just never been
in that state of lovey dovey. So then it's time for the decision and so everyone goes back
to the useless mansion that has no use and
Nina chooses the beast. She chooses her beast. I'm yawning. (host choking) Sorry, that was, I was getting, I was balancing my good chi. - Hi guys, how's it going? - Good but tense, stakes are high, babe. - Why is he calling her babe? They met today. Of course Mick wins and of
course he bows when he wins, because that is Micks way. So then it's time for the reveals and I'm just gonna show Nina and Nick because I don't wanna spoil everything in this episode and there's lots of stuff that you haven't seen. So, but I do, you know,
it's time for Nina's reveal. - [Narrator] This is the real Nina. (upbeat techno music) Incredible. She looks so much better
without a massive blow hole. - Okay, of course, she's gorgeous. - [Narrator] Flying skywards. (gentle upbeat music) - Hi. - Oh, there's our culturally
appropriate king, Namaste. - You're hot, I was not expecting this- - God has been kind to you too, baby. - It just, ah, he's like playing a Matthew
McConaughey character. God has been kind to you, baby. - I'm happy with what she looks likes and so right now I can feel my
heart just, ah, opening. - Somebody gets this man a medic, his heart is opening. There's been a horrible accident on this set of 'Sexy Beasts.' I think I have to be done with this. I have to be done. - I honestly was a little shy because I felt like he was like stranger. - I mean, yeah, he still is a stranger. Again, you met today. - I liked the animal. - I got plenty of that, baby. I might be wrapped in a
pretty spiritual cowboy but I am a beast. - Why does he talk like that? What is going on? He's shimmying? Okay, okay. That's the Sexy Beast show. Again, you know, there's still more to see there if you wanna, you know, watch it yourself but at
your own risk of course. I wasn't the biggest fan but
I did watch the whole thing. So I think that says a
lot about me as a person. The makeup is really good. The team behind the
original BBC show came back for the Netflix show,
they did a great job. The show itself, I can't really say I myself
am not a spiritual cowboy, so I just couldn't be an honest judge of it but that's the video, baby. Thanks to and I genuinely have no idea how to pronounce this
so please correct me. Dao Dieu Vi, I definitely said that wrong. My apologies but thank you for watching all my videos
on Jarvis Johnson Pro. For those of you who don't know, Jarvis Johnson Pro is my YouTube channel for gaming videos where I play with the baddies like Danny Gonzalez and Curtis Connor and Gus Johnson and Nick is Not Green and Elsie Fisher and Sven Johnson and who am I leaving out? Chris Melberger. I also stream on twitch.tv/jarvisjohnson. Nobody's watching this,
nobody's watching this at all. In fact, if you're watching this, send me a message that says ca-flimflam, 'cause I bet you're not
watching this right now, okay? And that's a threat.
