The Weirdest Dating Show On TV (The Bachelor)

Cheers hi I'm Jarvis and reality TV has jumped the shark today we're talking about one of the most strangely popular shows on television The Bachelor I feel like every new season of The Bachelor is an event and a lot of my friends are talking about it a lot of my co-workers it usually I just tune it out but this year I decided to finally take a ride on the hype train despite the fact that everywhere I've never actually watched an episode of The Bachelor but I've seen a bunch of reality TV so how different could it be well it's definitely worse than I thought but let's be honest I'm really only making this video so that I have someone to talk to about The Bachelor so go ahead and follow me on instagram and twitter at jarvis please for those not familiar the bachelor is a marriage program where 30 random suitors are picked by television producers to be married to an unemployed man with a handful of roses in a dream and because no one really wants to get married to someone they've known for the nine weeks it takes to shoot a season the showed us becomes about getting a bunch of Instagram followers I read an article that says that the last Bachelorette spent max 60 hours with the person she ended up proposing to so my read is that winning The Bachelor is like losing because if you do really well there's also a chance that you'll star in the next season of The Bachelorette which is the same show with the roles reversed or bachelor in paradise which is a spin-off show with former bachelor and bachelorette contestants where they try to leave their wounded hearts behind as they take another shot at finding love it's just about fucking the show has gone on for 23 seasons which is entirely too long and stars a man named Colton who looks like if Roy from the office had a Chris Pratt glow up as for what Colton does that makes him so appealing he's described as an ex-nfl player which when I looked into it is technically true but he didn't really play in games and his other main attribute is that he's a virgin and they won't stop talking about it I have not dated a virgin since I was 12 I am a virgin I am the first a virgin bachelor you could lose your virginity this week now I'm no stranger to reality TV which is an oxymoron I grew up on the real world which eventually led me to the pantheon of reality TV shows including but not limited to Flavor of Love and it's crazy to me that a show starring a man like this is weirder than a show where 20 women compete for the love of a retired 50 year old rapper who wears a clock around his neck but I digress now I just watched Tara's house I'm sure that Colton is like a 3-dimensional person but on The Bachelor he's been distilled into hot plus football plus virgin and the contestants are also distilled into one dimension like beauty queen or hot latina from Miami or girl who faked an Australian accent so nice to meet you nice to meet you you got a nice accent where're you from um the accent it's Australian I was hoping that you're kind of a sucker for accents I'm not really Australian but you have to do what you can to stand out what and I used the term contestants to remind you that this is a contest where you win a marriage you know like the Middle Ages I watched the three-hour premiere of The Bachelor this weekend it's yeah which takes place inside of a watch party for itself excited bachelor fans are headed into the biggest viewing party in bachelor history everybody is here to see what will happen on Colton's dramatic journey and whether he just might lose something along the way like it like his coat or maybe maybe it's wallet maybe he loses his wallet maybe he loses this cool oh his virginity yeah okay I'm not gonna spend too much time of the live show element but it's mostly people talking about how hot Colton is I'm excited for him and I think he's hot and weirdly a bunch of couples getting engaged and then they introduce a few of the girls based on their one dimension and it's very uncomfortable I'm not a virgin but sex is a big deal so what was the bachelor and that user virgin is super appealing to me it's super appealing that he's a virgin whether or not this guy's a virgin is none of my business but for that to be like an appealing aspect is a little bit weird Colton I hope you're ready for a Latina Hannah because Alabama Hannah is ready see little does she know that she is not the only person from Alabama named Hannah on this season of The Bachelor hi my name is Katy I'm 26 years old and I'm from the East Coast I came to LA because I wanted to dance I love dancing and I'm sure that she's a great dancer but the way that this is edited makes it look like a local news story this local dancer is helping senior citizens pick up their dancing feet hi I'm Timmy Burnett I'm 23 years old and I'm a hot dog and for Colton so quirky my friends and family would describe me as super bubbly and outgoing little sassy country girls I don't mind get my hands dirty and having fun I've never had a serious relationship that escalated quickly my mom she had to go to federal prison what is happening she's there because of embezzlement I mean she does have the most badass backstory I'm Colin Underwood I'm 26 and I never expected and could be the next Bachelor he was on the last season of The Bachelorette Colton I'm sorry take him on it say goodbye see I don't know why he keeps treating it like he didn't try to become the bachelor what's it like being announced The Bachelor for me was there was a little bit unexpected but it was something that I was so grateful for it's not like Hagrid came to his door and was like you're the bachelor Colton now it's time for for Colton to meet the girls all 30 of them one by one I guess there's so many of the girls if they have to do something extremely cringy to be remembered so I have not dated a virgin since I was 12 what what a strange thing to say I am super nervous right now I am too so many butterflies um no I literally have butterflies nice thank you I've popped your cherry despite our best efforts they do continue to talk about virginity I'm sure until the end of the season cuz that's like the main plot point didn't even look like a cherry it was a good like a strawberry at best also that is the most violent metaphor for popping a cherry I've ever seen and then there's my personal favorites it's a sloth yes this girl is in character is a sloth for the whole episode and it's amazing oh my god what is happening oh she's a soft because she likes to take things slow you know cuz Colton's a virgin I guess like as long as you make a memorable first impression it doesn't matter if it's like extremely weird what are you got here my last time is McNutt McNutt yes love so my friend sirs remember me my name is McNutt so remember me with these nuts these notes the accent it's Australian I was hoping that you're kind of a sucker for accents I'm not really Australian but you have to do what you can to stand out what oh the accent it's Australian me I'm a liar it's like a like a reverse Iggy Azalea anyway late to get back to the show so because nothing interesting actually happens in the show they're forced to manufacture drama in conflict with like clever editing and having all the contestants overreacts to basically every situation the most mundane and normal of situations get turned into like dramatic plot points in The Bachelor oh they're wearing the same dress I think I was looking at that same dress online and I almost bought it I think that I didn't it oh god can you imagine if I also was wearing that dress I can't who do you think is gonna be the first person to grab him oh my god you think the slope is there take your time this Loft is just still in the costume he's definitely hot on TV but in person so on there's definitely like arranged by the producers right like he was the producer came over and was like hey hey talk about how hot Colton is like that's not that would be such a boring topic of discussion also people are pretending that they've like never seen the show before yeah that's kind of the thing I'm very hopeful that standing in this room tonight is my wife and that's so exciting to be beside this is so weird I bet like no bachelor is with the girl who won the show okay so it turns out there's exactly one but he went on to star in worst cooks in America celebrity edition three so pretty big deal then the bachelor meets the girls for what must be the most boring first dates of all time so tell me a little bit about you I don't really know much like where you from I'm from Colorado I grew up I have a great family awesome dogs this is a lot for you I'm sorry yeah do you member my name I feel bad for this guy it's do you remember my name what you don't you don't remember all 30 names of the people you met an hour ago no wonder you're a virgin no help me out the nuts this is the girl who introduced herself by giving him a bag of nuts to remember her by which I think she's just now realizing is a terrible mnemonic because it doesn't help with anything other than be nut aspect of her day oh McNutt mcnutt's McNutt no they didn't you just reminded him of your full name my heart's like my chest and I'm not my head story with me my mom do when you're born or anything we take three deep breaths ready 1 2 3 three okay your heart being a little slower actually yes I said it actually is yes oh my god what did you do my my heartbeat is slowing down am I about to die are you a witch the first impression rose goes down on the table and I can just feel the mood in the room getting more and more intense one of the few rules of this very loosely defined competition is the first impression rose now it's a big deal because if the bachelor gives a girl the first impression rose it doesn't matter whatsoever well that puts the pressure on oh it's real serious now now things have been a little too easy for the girls thus far so it's about time for the episode's biggest conflict the fact that a girl is talking to Colton too much this girl is obviously supposed to be the villain of the episode because she brought a dog I should keep shitting on everybody in confessional I personally don't feel like there's competition these girls they're just like beautiful statues there's not much substance to them and dramatic music plays every time she's on screen you mind if I interrupt um sure it seems like at any point one of these girls can just interrupt the conversation that the bachelors having with another girl and be like can I steal you for a minute it's my turn now I've never had to fight for somebody's attention before but I think this is our moments like connect and ideally fall in love yeah you and everybody else here are there rules around this like what's stopping her from just interrupting literally every conversation that he's having when she doesn't get what you want I guess it would be really annoying and you would get kicked off the show or you would be faint you would become famous for being a villain who's who's really pining after the unemployed guy captain's big move is to talk to Colton not one not two not three not four wait no yeah four times she talks to him four times and people are really upset about it and he said fourth time's the charm four times that's unheard of I want that girl to react to like everything the Dow dropped by 200 points that's unheard of sorry to break up the party but it is that time about time for our first rose ceremony now nearly two and a half hours in it's time for the rose ceremony the rose ceremony is the famous segment of The Bachelor where the bachelors like on girlfriend or please take this rose and continue to live in my sex mansion y'all look so beautiful it's at this point that all the girls that we forgot about from the beginning of the episode get really upset because not only were they edited out of the episode but they're probably going home I don't feel like I really got the time I need it I have no idea who this great will you accept this rose I totally forgot about accent girl she wasn't in the episode at all this clip went super viral on Twitter and it's a prime example of how the bachelor was able to drum up attention and intrigue about absolutely nothing yes she doesn't have her accent anymore so it must not have been that interesting all right last rest is gonna go to Katherine hasn't been chosen so this would be the moment to do the dramatic thing and give captain the rose yes Catherine will you accept this rose and keep stirring up shit I don't actually like you but the producers do so it's good for the show it's hard when you know that you it's morning how long have they been shooting for let's celebrate the fact that these people are gone they do exit interviews with the girls who are going home which end up being the most like part about the show it's hard like it's hard to get rejected guys welcome home there's having a party in the background well she's like crying so now the episode is over but they need to tease the whole season so they put together this teaser trailer full of like vague one-liners that could be about anything this information changes everything and a loose narrative that makes you think something is going to happen that almost certainly doesn't happen they really try to make jumping over that fends look really dramatic and dangerous for a pro athlete so the show is really interesting to me because it seems like no one really enjoys the show itself they enjoy taking part in the spectacle of like the train wreck and and the show itself is like very very self-aware and kind of leans in to the like fake reality show element from what I understand the producers like arranged conversations to happen which is why everybody's like talking about Colton's all the time when they cut away and then there's like reshoots where they I got a completely separate day dress somebody up in the same like hair and makeup and wardrobe and pretend it's from the same day and then there's like the editing where they like take reaction shots and apply them to different situations creatively or add overlay sounds that you know don't make sense in that context just to introduce more more drama and like leave the viewer through this like storyline and everybody's like okay with that they like expect it it seems like people are like metagaming The Bachelor like they're but like they're acting like villains because they know that will get them more screentime and ultimately just trying to like to grow their own personal brand there's a very active fan community and like in San Francisco there's like bars that screen the show and people like to come and watch it together someone on the subreddit made an interactive like data visualization of the growth rate of people's like social media following because you know the endgame here is to advertise some sort of like appetite suppressant lollipop or something overall I think the show is actually pretty interesting even though it's a total dumpster fire if you want to join me in the schadenfreude definitely follow me on Instagram and Twitter add Jarvis thanks to Adam abdicate Valencia Yosh Teresa Maya Maldonado Franky's go Lika I have no idea if I'm saying those right well I messed up the last one on purpose if you want me to butcher your name send me a message on Instagram or Twitter or subscribe hit the battle leave a comment anything you want really I did a few this time because I've been gone for a while so thanks for for welcoming me back I hope I'm gonna go now I Mitch

Channel: Jarvis Johnson

Views: 1,538,018

Keywords: jarvis, jarvis johnson, comedy, reaction, the bachelor, the bachelor 23, colton underwood, bachelor recap, bachelor recap ellen, commentary video, the bachelorette, reality tv, chris harrison, bachelor in paradise, the worst bachelor, coltons virginity, virgin bachelor, the bachelor 23 spoilers, worst channel on youtube, danny gonzalez, love island, hannah b, bachelorette, luke p

Id: Xj2VAqyVHgY

Length: 17min 51sec (1071 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 23 2019