- Hey, oz, how'd you
get to the game, today? - They a good team,
great team, 100%. - Yep, and what'd you have
for dinner last night? - 100% of 100%.
- 100%, yeah, you did. Of course, 100% or
whatever 100% was. You know what? Can you just do me a favor and
tell me one specific thing, like just one actual original
observation that you had about today's game,
the game that you won, almost single handedly! Do you think that
you can do that, Oz? - Oh, 100%. - Oh, God damn it! (upbeat beatbox music) (upbeat jazz music) - Welcome back to the
Morty Jefferson Show. I'm Morty Jefferson. We're here today
continuing our conversation with unbelievable mega
superstar, Young Bid'ness. Now, Young Bid'ness,
I gotta tell you, we've been tiptoeing around
a particular subject all day, and I think it's
time to broach it. You've separated recently
with your actress girlfriend, Tina Bouquet. - No, Mort.
- And everybody wants to know. What's--
- Mort, we ain't gonna talk about that. I'm not here to talk about that. - I understand. I just want to hear
your side of the story. - You don't want to hear.
- I just want to-- - I told y'all (beep)
- in your music, Young Bid'ness,
- we wasn't gonna talk about, Morty.
- You do a lot of autobiographical songs,
- I'm trying to talk about the music. and lots of people understand that you're talking about your own personal experiences.
- See, Mort, Mort. - Your fans would like to knows what's going on with you
- How many times I need to-- and Tina.
- Why, why, nah, the fans don't want to know!
- That's all. - That's you wanna know!
- We just want to clarify. - You wanna know! - All I wanna do, all I wanna do is--
- You want clarification? - I want to hear your
side of the story! - You want it? I'll give you my
side of the story! - I want your side of the story! - Interview's over,
how about that? Interview's over! - Please, Young Bid'ness
- Done! - There's no need
for the interview to be over, Young Bid'ness.
- Interviews over! - Young Bid'ness.
- All y'all (beep). - Young Bid'ness, there's
no need for the language or any of this. We can just sit down and talk. - All y'all, I told y'all (beep) I wasn't gonna talk about that. - Do you want talk
about the album? Because I'd be more than
happy to talk about the album. This is the C-word.
- Mort. - It looks like it's well
on its way to going platinum or CD.
- (beep), get the (beep) away
from me, (beep). - Louis, Louis. Well on it way to
going platinum, we
can talk about this. It's kind of a (beep) album, wouldn't you say?
- This (beep) is tucked in here.
- The album's fine with me. You wanna talk about the album? We can talk about the album. How about the Tanks of Truth? Tanks of Truth,
is that a treatise on the conflict with ISIS? I mean, what, what,
talk to me about this. What, Young Bid'ness, please, I'm begging you.
- How y'all-- - Just sit down, take a deep
breath, and let's discuss. - No! - Let's discuss the album. - It's done, Mort! It's done! (microphone rustles in clothing) - Okay, Young. - So, you brought this
on yourself, Mort! - Young Bid'ness, I
would really like-- - You brought it on
yourself, though! - Young Bid'ness,
Young Bid'ness, I would really love
it if you had a seat, and we could just talk
together about anything, anything you want. I won't mention
Tina's name again. Young business.
- How the (beep). - [Mort] Youthful of commerce. - Where does it go to? - Louis, help him. - No, get the (beep), get the (beep) off me, Louis! - Louis, go leave it be. You're exacerbating
the situation. - [Young] This
(beep) attached to. - It's probably coming over-- - It's just a lot of slack. - The cord is blending in
with the color of the carpet. Okay, I just think
that, Young Bid'ness, - No, it's this one. - why don't you
drop the mic cable - Goes there.
- and have a seat? This is what we used to call
back in the army, a FUBAR. - See, now I just.
- Okay, let me just tell you what's going on.
- No, don't get involved. You see?
- We have to get you out of here. Amy, please, can we just get-- - Why is it? - Listen here,
- No, don't. - if you let go of it, - (beep). - here, let me get in the. - Don't get in it. Don't, see.
- I'm trying to get around the back.
- Yo, don't step on my jacket! Oh, $1,500 jacket, bitch! - Where is it?
- Get-- - You know, why do we have
black cords and a black carpet? - All right, will you (beep), I told y'all I wasn't
gonna do, Louis. I swear to (beep) God. - We're gonna take care of it. Just stay put. - Just get, now you got-- - Now I seem to have
gotten myself tangled in. - Don't, you ain't,
get off of me. - Can I, may I help you? - Don't touch the jacket. - I'm sorry, I'm trying, look, okay.
- Let me get this. Raise your knee. - There's one end right here.
- You gotta get, now. - Hold on, I got a Bursitis. You know what? Here, here's what
we're gonna do. - No.
- Okay, have a seat here. Put your fanny in here.
- I'm not-- Don't say fanny. - Right there.
- Don't. - There you go.
- How do you do, you do it when
you do this every, don't, you ain't
taking the pants off. - Nicole, God damn it. Where is Jerry? - This is some
(beep) right here. - Same sound guy for 27 years - What is wrong with you?
- and he vanishes into thin air.
- Aight, aight, aigh, aight! - No, it's fine.
- Nicole, for God's sake. - All right, Louis, Louis. - Hold that, don't do
anything but hold that. - Okay, no, no. You gotta put, no (beep),
you gotta take the, no, you can't take pants
off over the shoes! You can't take the pants
off over the shoes! Louis, Louis, get your
white (beep) out the (beep). You ain't helping nobody. - What is wrong with you?
- Vanishes into thin air. - Aight, aight, aight.
- I'm taking the shoes off. - Okay, left one first. All right, well
(beep) do whatever you
(beep) you want then. (beep) fine. - Thank you one, two. - Thank you! I told y'all I wasn't go
talk about that (beep). (mic thuds) - We'll be right back
with Alec Baldwin. (dramatic orchestra music) - Welcome back. We're here talking with
all-star shooting guard, Charlie Sanders, about
his amazing career. Now, Charlie, you grew up
in a tough neighborhood, didn't you? - That's right. Drugs, violence, my whole life
I had to deal with adversity. - And that continued when
you went on to the pros? - That's right. You know, fines,
injuries, everything. No matter how big a star I am, I'm always gonna be
dealing with adversity. - Adversity Johnson,
what's your take on this? - I don't know, girl. I just like (beep) with him. - Ah, come on, Adversity. - Deal with me, dog! (chuckles) (adversity smacks Charlie) I said deal with me! - Always, wherever we go. Come on, no, don't. Don't drink my water. Don't drink my water. Adversity, leave me some. Leave me a sip. Leave me a sip. Damn, come on, man. (adversity smacks charlie) - Deal with me! (chuckles) - He doesn't, I'm sorry. No, he doesn't pick
up social cues. What, here he-- (both yell) - Deal with me! - Titty twister, titty twister! Come on!
- Are you okay? - No! - I am here with
Ozamataz Buckshank, the rookie outta
Stanford University, who is undoubtedly the
MVP of today's game with an interception that
he runs back for a touchdown in the last 30 seconds
of the contest. Ozamataz, can you walk
us through what happened on that last play? It was amazing. - Yeah, we knew we had to
go out there, give 100%. We executed, it just
went our way today. - And was the quarterback
giving you any clues today, Oz. It looked like you knew that
ball was gonna be there. What was happening? - Knew we wanted to have
some fun, you know, execute, play one quarter at a
time, give 100%, 100%. - Okay, okay. You know, let's talk
about last week's game. You guys lost a heartbreaker. Give me your state of
mind then versus now. - Wanted to do play by play, give it 100%
execution-wise, execute. - Okay, you know what? I'm gonna ask you something
completely different that's not about football. Look at me, Oz. Just look at me for a second. I'm gonna ask you a question. Right here, that-a-boy. So you and your
wife recently had, right here, stay with me. You and your wife
recently had twins, okay? How does it feel
to be a new dad? - You know, we wanted to
stay as a team, execute, give 100% play by play. - Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna, I'm gonna
do a little test right now. Hey, Oz, how'd you
get to the game today? - They a good team,
great team, 100%. - Yep, and what'd you have
for dinner last night? - 100% of 100%.
- 100%, yeah, you did. Of course, 100% of
whatever 100% was. You know what? Can you just do me a favor and
tell me one specific thing, like just one actual original
observation that you had about today's game,
the game that you won almost single handedly? Do you think that
you can do that, Oz? - Oh, 100%. - Oh God damn it! - What do we do? They told us at the station to
come down here and fill time, but there's no story here. - In this neighborhood,
there's always a story. Here, give me the name
of a mythical creature. - Mythical? I don't--
- Trust me. - I don't know. A pegasus.
- Pegasus, perfect. Just roll, watch, and learn. - But they can stay in
my house if they want to. - Hi, there, Rick
Nicholsby, Channel Six News. We've had reports of
a pegasus in the area. Has anybody seen
anything like that? - Yeah, man, I seen the pegasus. I seen it every day. - I seen'd it too, man. We both seen that pegasus, dog. - Yeah, I saw it with
my own two eyes, man! That horse had a big old
snake head on top of it! - Oh, man, ain't got
no snake head, fool! Hey, that horse had
some big wings, man! - Yeah, yeah!
- For flying (beep), man! - Yeah, that horse had
big old wings, man, like two sets of wings, yeah? Y'all see the pegasus? (group talks over each other) - [Reporter] Curiosity has
brought out large crowds to see the alleged pegasus in this south
Lennox neighborhood. - Oh, look, there it is. - I'm gonna find it, break it, and then ride it to
the pegasus treasure. - [Reporter] Residents
say the creature resembles this amateur sketch. - Kicked the (beep) out my car. The city's gotta pay
for that (beep) too. I ain't got no coverage
for no pegasus, bitch. - He land at my roof, man! Look at my roof, man! He busted it up! He busted the whole
thing up, man! Yeah, he been sitting
up there everyday! - [Reporter] while many
revel in the possibility of seeing the winged horse,
others are not so welcoming. - I just know this
neighborhood would be better if that pegasus is put down. - I tell you this, God ain't
putting no wings on no horse. - Now see, if this was
a white neighborhood, animal control would be up
in here with a pegasus trap. - That's right! They can't take our pegasus! This is our pegasus! - Yeah, pegasus
up in this (beep)! - Hey, man, why you
interrupting me? I'm trying to talk
about the pegasus! - Hey, man, (beep) you! - Hey, don't be
disrespecting pegasus. - I love pegasus. (upbeat theme music)
(crowd yelling) - Yes, we're here live on
the scene in South Lennox where riots have broken out
over the alleged appearance of a flying horse. - What a mind blowing finish
to an incredible game tonight with Charlie Sanders
winning the game in, literally, the last second,
unbelievable, truly spectacular. Charlie Sanders,
how does it feel? - Hey, y'all, I wanna say
something to everybody watching! Yo, you can do anything! Anything's possible! The world is yours! - So Charlie, did you think
that that game was gonna end that way tonight? - Yo, there are no
limits, all right? You could swim
across the Atlantic! You can jump real high
and touch the moon! - Fantastic, Charlie Sanders
fresh off of his victory and just feel like he's
ready to touch the moon. - I can fly! Anybody can fly! If you believe in yourself
the way I believed in myself tonight, you will fly! - And what's next for Charlie
Sanders and the orange-- - Kids, you can actually fly! - No, no, not literally, folks. - Yes, literally,
kids, young kids, I want you to go up on
your roofs right now! - Wait, what? - Fly into the night sky! People will see you flying,
and then you can do anything! You can do anything! - Okay, well, we just
wanna remind the kids, of course, you cannot
actually fly, kids. - Yo, screw that
negativity, man! Hey, boys and girls
ages eight through 12, yo, don't let nobody ever
tell you what you can and cannot do. All the preteen children out
there, listen to my voice! You are immortal! - Okay, well,
obviously we understand that Charlie is super
excited right now and that no one is actually
immortal, nobody at all. - Hey, kids, you can
turn yourself into a car and have a friend drive
you onto the freeway! - Okay, no, well, that's
just a metaphor, kids. - It's not. - Just a metaphor.
- You still have the power of childish innocence. Get a friend on your
back and make a b-line for the next ramp to
the freeway, y'all! - Okay, don't do it.
- To the freeway! - He's speaking
figuratively, folks! - No, once you get there,
ain't nothing figurative about this! You will turn into a robot. - First and foremost, I just
wanna say to the 12 families who lost children, I'm sorry. My statements were
irresponsible. I have subsequently looked
up the terms, literally and metaphorically, and
found that, whereas, I was not incorrect,
they did not mean what I thought they had meant. - This is the fight
everybody's been waiting for, but when I get Andre
in the ring, man, it's gonna be cruel and quick, because this gonna be like
one, two, one, two, boom, and you out. - Man, (beep) you,
Claudius Lewis. I'm gonna (beep) you
right in the ass. Yeah, I'm gonna bend you
over and (beep) you right in the (beep). - All right, you
know what? (laughs) Andre, he like to be trying to
get into his opponents heads by say crazy stuff. He ain't gonna get into my head. He ain't gonna get into my head. - No, I'm not gonna
get in your head. I'm gonna get in your
(beep) just like I said, just right up in there in that
tiny little minuscule (beep) of yours. This is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna take you
to a nice high-fancy, highfalutin restaurant, and
I'm gonna buy you things, wine and dine you, and
we're gonna find some things that we have in common, and
then they're gonna become inside jokes to us, and
then we're just gonna laugh about them in the taxi
all the way to your house, where I'm gonna
(beep) you in the ass. - Oh, okay. Now, just me personally,
I've never, you know, I ain't never seen Andre
take it that far before, but whatever. - Yeah, whatever, I'll
tell you whatever, whatever I'm finally gonna
finally feel comfortable taking you out to dinner parties,
and then all of our friends who are also couples, they're
just gonna laugh at us, because we're that couple
that holds hands all the time. Let me tell you
something, Claudius. We love each other so very much, that no matter how tired I am, no matter how much (beep)
I've dealt with over the day, I'm just gonna
leave it at the door when I (beep) you in the ass. - Okay, you know what, man? It's time for you to stop
all that nonsense right now. All right? Did he just say he was gonna
take me to dinner parties? - He did say dinner parties. - Gonna snuggle on
the couch every night. I'm gonna let you
pick the movie, even though you
always pick the movie, and I'm gonna take you out
for a walk on the beach and the moonlight's gonna
bounce off of your scalp, and I'm just gonna
kiss you so tenderly while the waves break
and then right there, right then, I'm gonna
(beep) in the sandy (beep). - All right, it's time for
you to shut your fool mouth! - Is it, is it time?
- Yes, it is time! - Is it time, Claudius?
- It's time for you to shut your mouth!
- I'll tell you what. We gonna spend the
golden year together. - Oh yeah?
- Yeah! Yeah, I'm gonna
support you all the way through your run
through city council! Yeah, that's right, and
you're gonna be tired and exhausted and overworked, but we're still gonna find
your energy to go antiquing on the weekend, - Oh, yeah?
- and then you're gonna be on your death bed, and you're
gonna be sitting there, and you're gonna be dying, and I'm gonna be right beside
you, and I'm gonna be crying, and right at that moment,
when you cross over from this world into the next, I'm gonna (beep)
you in the (beep). - Oh, man, I wish you'd try. - Oh, you do? - I wish that you
would try, man. - Then your wish
is (beep) granted. (playful jazz music)
(laughing) no, I love the village
as much as the next guy, but I'm telling you, if we continue to
self-segregate ourselves, the entire gay community
is gonna continue to be margarinized. I was just saying this to
Claudius the other night right after I (beep)
him in the ass. - Yeah, he did, he did. - Anyway, enough politics. Cheers, everyone. - [Group] Cheers. (upbeat theme music) - Rick Nickelsby reporting
live from a gruesome scene. A cult known as QET or
Quest for Eternal Truth has apparently taken their
own live in a mass suicide. Police confirmed that
cyanide-laced cherry
Koolaid was also on the premises. Excuse me. Hi, Rick Nickelsby, Channel Six. Hi, are you two from
the neighborhood? - Yes.
- No. - No.
- Yes. (both mumble) - Okay, were you two members
of the cult that lived here? - The cult? What cult?
- What? - Was this a cult right here? - I had no idea this was a cult.
- No way. Although, I will
say the term, cult, is a little judgemental, - I would say the
same thing, yeah. - not knowing the full doctrine. - Well, apparently they believed that there was a
spaceship waiting for
them behind the moon. - Okay, well, you know, that still is really possible.
- Not completely crazy. - I mean it's possible, right? I mean, who knows
what is out there in the universe.
- Anything could be behind the moon. - Okay, well, it appears they
killed themselves in order to board the ship. - Right, and that's
where we disagreed with them right
there, or would have. We would've disagreed with
them had we been there on our departure day,
their departure day, their departure day, which is
the day that they did this. I mean, that's what you could
call it if you wanted to, but I ain't in no cult. - No, I mean, what I
always wondered is how, or am starting to wonder
since you brought this to our attention, if there
was a spaceship in the sky, why wouldn't it just
beam us up, beam them up. - Right, just beam them up. Why can't you just
beam them up alive. Why you gotta be dead
to get beamed up? You know what, I've been
saying that for weeks, for seconds, for seconds, because you, Rick Nickelsby,
you told us that, you know, and that's how I knew, because 15 seconds ago,
- 15 seconds ago. - you said it. I didn't know anything about
it until you had said it, because I ain't in no cult. - Okay, well, then why
would someone join a cult? - Compelling leaders.
- Charismatic leader. - You know, like a compelling-- - Taco Tuesday. - Taco Tuesday.
- Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday.
- Taco Tuesday. I mean, hypothetically, they
could've had tacos on Tuesday, which would've been a draw. - I mean, I would've
been a plus. - Okay, so this is a tragic
day for this community and for the members of the
Quest for Earthly Truth. I'm Rick Nickelsby reporting-- (ominous howling) - [Man In Blue Jacket] Whoa. - You see?
- Yep. - You see?
- Uh-hu, everybody jumped the gun! We're ready!
(beams ringing) - And that's what
we're here to say is that we are the new
black panther party! - [Reporter] What's The
biggest problem facing the movement? - Well, you know, we
supposed to be in this era of so-called post-racial harmony
with all people in America, but us blacks are being
murdered all over the place, and we get the same treatment
time and time again! We're not even
second-class citizens! We third-class! Stand up black America and
declare to white America that we aren't gonna
take this no more, okay? - [Reporter] Why come
out now and say this? - You know what? You had 400 years to
get it right, America, but you don't know how to
treat your people, all people! It's time to stand up! It's time to take back! It's time for us to fight back, and we won't take your
phony words anymore! We're not gonna do it! We want concrete results! You know, you hear what
we're saying to you, United States of America? What are you supposed to do when the whole
world is watching, and no one is saying anything? We will not be silent! - [Reporter] Okay, you sir, anything you wanted to say? - Oh me? No, I'm good. (upbeat rock music) (women screaming) - Hey, what up, Y'all? Welcome back to HCL. We are in Hollywood. I got the answers,
and the answers this morning is Mother Majesty. Thank you for being
here, Mother Majesty. - Thank you for
having me. (chuckles) - Yeah, now, before the
break, we heard your song, Shenominon, from the new
hit album, Girl Army. - Oh. - Yeah. - That's right. Well, thank you
so much, Scratch. You know, this whole
album is about girls and empowering girls
and you know, kind of, just showing girls they can
be strong and powerful and do what they wanna do and not what the media says
they need to do. (girls scream)
- All right, all right. That's deep, that's deep. Now, we got some
young females here who have some questions for you. Is that okay? - Oh, it's always okay.
- All right. - It's always okay.
- All right, here we go. - I always wanna
hear my girl army. - Hi, Majesty, It is
so cool to meet you. - Thank you so much. I think you're beautiful
just like that. - Yeah, so, okay. Last week, I took your advice
from your song, Get Some, and I flaunted it
till he wanted it, but I ended up losing
my virginity to a guy that I don't know. - You see it is time for girls to take back their
power nowadays, because it's your body,
and it's your mind, and you should use that to
feel sexy and empowered. (girls scream) - Okay, yeah, but
now I'm pregnant. - Miracles, next question. (girls scream) - Hi, hi, your majesty. I'm Cassie. I think your album rocks. - Thank you so much, Cassie. I think you should
never change your skin. - Okay, so in your song,
Friday Night Freak Down, - Thank you so much, Cassie. - you say, "Bend it
over, touch the ground, "he'll ride you like
his merry go round." - Yes, I do. - Is that about butt sex? - What it's about, Cassie,
is us reclaiming our bodies as women, because, you
know, for a long time, being sexy was about
being sexy for a man, but this is about being
sexy for yourself. - But I've got
herpes in my butt. - Okay, let's change
tracks for a second. We gonna go to commercial. When we come back,
Mother Majesty is going to unfurl her new song. What is it about? - Oh, okay, it's
kind of a love song, and it's about finding strength after having your heart broken. - All right, we gonna
go to commercial. When we come back,
Mother Majesty with, Who Got Next on
This Blackberry Pie. (upbeat pop music)
(girls scream) - Here's your dress
room, your majesty. - Thank you so much. (Mother sighs) (erie string music) That's right, girls,
being overly sexual and being strong
are the same thing. It's the same thing. (chuckles) It's the same thing.
(laughs menacingly) Girl power! (coughs) God, I'm allergic
to this makeup. (burps) Now, why
would I have burped? That's weird. (upbeat beatbox music)
