[Griffin] Wow, that was a, hey, oh, uh, ooh. (laughing) [Justin] This is going good. (spooky music) [Griffin] I think no matter what, we got to finish this. We gotta finish the fight today with Hungry Face Gil. 'Cause I'll be honest with you, Juice, tired of looking at him. [Griffin] Love him--
[Justin] Yeah. [Justin] Tired of looking at him, love to put him in the bed. [Griffin] Every bit of text in the game, pass it through like 70 different translation filters. [Justin] No, no, it explains it right below, look. T, this is a rating. Dark Souls 3 is rated T for teen. What is happening Griffin? [Griffin] I'm ascending into heaven. God, he's like the, he's like the nanny in Muppet Babies. Like you can't see his face. (laughing) [Justin] Get up big boy! [Griffin] I killed you! Yay! I did it! I did kill you! I kind of want to keep playing this. [Justin] I think we're gonna beat Dark Souls 3 with Hungry Face Gil. This is where I'm feeling, I'm enjoying this adventure way too much. [Griffin] Okay. So let's just beat the game, let's speed run it. [Justin] Let's beat the game. [Griffin] Let's just beat the game, I don't know that it's gonna be possible with a roll quite so heavy. Where's all the baddy guys? Are there no bad guys, whoa. What did I, what did I do? [Justin] Do you remember what you did? [Griffin] Hey, Justin, what did I do? Did I make 'em ding dang invisible? We may need to go back to the old drawing board, this is gonna be not possible. (laughing) Let me just get through here. I guess we'll just run. Well that big rat's not invisible. Dead as hell. Oh, they, they are, there they all are. [Justin] The bad boys? [Griffin] The bad boys, the bad boys are back in town. I think actually one of these little... One of these little turtle boys is, is it you? [Justin] No. [Griffin] Not you. I, I wouldn't, I would never call you a turtle boy, Justin. Have I made the game too easy? [Justin] Huh. Well, that's interesting, speak on that. [Griffin] Well, I can do that and make things be dead. And also I'm a sort of demigod-esque in terms of how much just sheer stabbing I can sustain. [Justin] Right, my understanding was that we were trying to beat the game. So if that's-- [Griffin] Daig Night Night Shopping Mall. [Justin] There's the M. Night Shopping Mall. (laughing) [Griffin] Let me rest, let me rest. Okay, jokes on you. Jokes on y'all. [Justin] Come on. Let him play. [Griffin] Let him play, ref. Okay, so no w they're gone. (laughing) It's so important that you consolidate your debt. Oh holy fucking shit. [Justin] They're having an orgy! [Griffin] Oh my God, I feel like we've just wandered backstage at Dark Souls 3. (laughing) [Justin] Get out of here! These are our Snickers and small sandwiches! [Griffin] Oh no. Yeah, let's raid crafty. Holy shit. [Justin] Damn dude. [Griffin] Damn dude, this sucks ass, bud. Well, we may as well just, I'm gonna press the reset button-- [Justin] No, you're fine! Fight your way out! [Griffin] There's just no way. I don't think any of these guys are on my side necessarily. [Justin] That is one thing you could try is try to turn some. (laughing) Food loss! The food loss is actually just helping me in this scenario. Okay, so now we know that that room-- [Justin] That's your, that's your white whale, or rather if Moby Dick was about him trying to avoid the whale at all costs. [Griffin] Or if he was trying to avoid 6,000 small whales. (laughing) [Justin] That would have been a better book because you coulda had more times where he killed a whale. You know what I mean? [Griffin] Yeah, sure. [Justin] The progression loop would have been better on Moby Dick. [Griffin] So see, now they kinda know me, and they know what I'm, what they can do to me. (groaning) Wait, I think that's an Estus Flask shard up there. Let me just grab that. Okay, I did forget for a second there that the loot is randomized. So those were just some pants. (laughing) That's a dead end, and that's never been more appropriately named. [Justin] Yeah, you can get away from this. This is just another scrape for looping the turd. (laughing) Another exciting, exciting adventure. [Griffin] I think there is a bonfire down here. Thank you. [Justin] I feel like you haven't eliminated a lot of bosses. [Griffin] No, I guess we could have, who do we have? We got the big stink tree, he's pretty close. [Justin] I think Elden, Elden Ring is gonna be like this. [Griffin] Oh nah, nah, probably not good. The name sounds kind of, Dark Souls sounds like fuck yeah. It sounds like dangerous and cool. Elden Ring. Hey, put on the Elden Ring, my liege. (laughing) Oh, here's a bunch of-- [Justin] Oh yeah! [Griffin] A bunch of, let me scoot on this loot. Got a green flower. Got a the Good club!
(laughing) [Justin] That you now have to use! [Griffin] Oh fuck. Oh, the Good club is a heavy one, huh? (laughing) I didn't think there was anything below slow rolls. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you, I'll tell you the issue, Juice. (laughing) [Justin] Have you diagnosed it? [Griffin] My poise is rather low, so I just go down like a sack of shit. I need in the building. Excuse me. Excuse me, friends. Ooh. Oh, they didn't like that, did they? See, Daddy can make choke points too, huh? [Justin] Yeah, this is good. This you could whittle this down. [Griffin] Let's go two handed. Let's go two handed. [Justin] You can't let him through though, that is something for this-- [Griffin] Oh, you can't let them get in there. [Justin] For this strat. [Griffin] And then I'll get that stupid bird cage to block the way for me, excellent. [Justin] Perfect. [Griffin] Textbook. [Justin] Classic Griff. Your Good club is sticking out of your Bad shield. (laughing) [Griffin] Not entirely sure how to get to the stink tree from here. Oh wait, is this it? Oh yeah, this is it. I think this is a two phase battle, but I'm wondering how the game reconciles that if I just like ushered the smack down in. (whining) [Justin] Hey, Griff? You probably are gonna want to scoot away from the big tree. Let him do his dirty work. Oh gross. [Griffin] Fuck! (laughing) [Justin] Good night! [Griffin] He didn't even get a chance to explode the floor. Oh, there he goes. (laughing) Let me rest, let me rest, let me rest, rest, rest. Oh, I haven't even lit it yet. That would've have been quite terrible. I'm gonna die here. I may have, I may have actually soft locked the game, Juice, 'cause there's no way that I'm going to be able to travel fast enough. [Justin] Well, there is one thing you could do Griffin. [Griffin] Yes? [Justin] Kill them all. [Griffin] Yeah. Juice, you don't seem to understand. I could spend the 35 minutes required to kill every bad guy in this entire area. But then as soon as I sit down at that fire, to try and go away they're gonna come back. I've may have just rendered the game unbeatable. Which is a real ding dang shame. [Justin] I'm not giving up here. We've already started recording [Griffin] Immigration, right? [Justin] Ah yeah! [Griffin] Okay, Jesus Christ, that was scary. Hey man, you playing Dark Souls? Oh fuck! (laughing) [Justin] Not like this. Holy shit! [Griffin] Oh no, oh no. Yes, bud! Fuck 'em up, bud! (yelling) Ah shit! [Justin] Griffin, Griffin, come on, okay. More important than beating the game is that you get these two giant monsters to fight! [Griffin] Yes, baby, Pacific Rim 3, this time we made it good again. (laughing) [Justin] Whoever wins, we lose! Get him! [Griffin] But we also win 'cause it looks so badass. I don't think they're-- [Justin] Hell yeah! Yes! Griffin this rules! [Griffin] They killed each other! [Justin] Yes! This is the best! What a victory! [Griffin] Now to claim my prize. [Both] Fun car vehicles. [Griffin] This does look like it could be fun. [Justin] It's not a car though. There's no way around that. [Griffin] Let's see, what do you think his life is like? [Justin] Is this another boss, it looks very imposing. [Griffin] No. Here's an NPC. Find a hidden box, hurry, say it fast, say it faster! Nope. You took too long. All right, here comes my road dog. Guys. All right, my road dog, Siegfried, is really gonna have his work cut out for him. Ha ha! (yelling) (laughing) [Justin] Get to work. [Griffin] Go, Siegfried, do it. You dumb piece of shit! (laughing) Oh, I bet his loot was cool. Or actually it was probably some dumb shit because it's all randomized and I keep forgetting. So there's a big mini boss down here. Op. Game? Didn't like it, he said no. He said, I go to sleep now. Thanks for playing. (laughing) [Justin] I hope you've enjoyed Dark Souls. (electronic music) [Griffin] So, here's my worry, Juice, is that there's a wall of sin down here that when we cross that plane, it is going to make the video game end again. [Justin] Okay. [Griffin] We'll go slow. Maybe we can trick the game. I'm worried that there's something in that room that is so foul, so, so putrid, that it has corrupted the very game code itself. Oh wait, is that it? What is that? That's just two sad men. That's it. Okay, there was a mini boss in here, but the video game decided it should just be two sad men, okay. (laughing) Hey, what am I wearing, 'cause I look really foolish. [Justin] I think it's kind of nice. It looks like a, a robe that you stole from a bad hotel. [Griffin] Hey, is this dress blue and on fire or is it black and gold? You remember him, the dress? [Justin] Pretty good. [Griffin] We loved, we love-- [Justin] Order! [Griffin] We love the dress. Oh. Oh, well that's gonna curse us. So there's the curse monster. [Justin] We can't be cursed. [Griffin] And there's the boss of the level. This is the Crystal Sage, excellent, excellent. Wow, that motherfucker hit hard, huh? (laughing) And the game go away. (laughing) And the game go away. [Justin] He did hit hard. [Griffin] The game, he, he hit so hard that the game went away. (laughing) [Griffin] NPC stat modifier, HP. That's all good, we love that. I think that's it. Oh, and aggression mod. We're gonna turn that on. Okay. Let's get back into the game. Okay, we're gonna try this again. Okay, so we've done something quite bad. I don't know if the issue is visual in nature, but if it is, having everybody be barrels should be good. Or possibly, it's that the game can't render a lot of folks at the same time. So maybe it is a question of just having to clear them out. [Justin] I have actually a very dumb idea for you. [Griffin] Oh fuck, oh wow. That almost was it. [Justin] Is that the boss again? You wanna hear my idea? [Griffin] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Justin] Turn the visual quality down to shit. [Griffin] Oh interesting. Oh, yeah, 'cause it does, it did do it again. [Justin] So here's what I'm saying.
[Griffin] Yeah, yeah- [Justin] We turn the visual, just a bunch of blocks. [Griffin] Okay. [Justin] Turn this shit into Thomas was Alone. (laughing) [Griffin] It's already not very high, the graphics, but we will turn it down to 800 by 600. [Justin] There we go. [Griffin] That seems very little. Can I stretch that? (laughing) I'm just gonna leave it like that, and we'll see. 'Cause I'll be honest with you. [Justin] Clayton can get that in post. [Griffin] Clayton can fix that. And I'll be honest with you, Justin, I already know this isn't gonna fucking work. So we won't be leaving it like this for a long time. [Justin] Look at the little fucking NES style logo at the bottom. (laughing) Behold, the power of Stadia. This is being beamed directly into his computer from a data center in Indonesia. You couldn't even tell. It looks precisely like as if he was playing on his home computer. [Griffin] Oh, we got pretty far that time. Okay. [Justin] I feel like it's getting less. I feel like it's getting shorter the times where the game's- (laughing) operational. (laughing) [Griffin] All right, we're gonna go somewhere else. Fuck these woods. Dink. Stupid. I killed him just by dropping my big ass on him. (laughing) He was like, let me come up that ladder. And I just fucking dropped it on him, and he died from just the force, the sheer force of my butt cheeks. Oh, shh. I don't. Hey, what was that terrible wing that just kinda, hey, what's that? He's cool though. That dude, I'm always talking about how the Ice Knight is like solid. Weapon, no. Oh, now I did get a Lacey ass. (laughing) Why did I get a Lacey ass? (groaning) [Justin] Oh, this one... [Griffin] This one needs to go back in the oven. Lacey ass, I do actually kind of enjoy. [Justin] Look at that sword, it looks cool. [Griffin] It does look cool. [Justin] Looks like a web for the hilt, it's cool. [Griffin] Yeah, it looks like a, like a sword that Spiderman might use. [Justin] A spider sword. I bet he has had that before. [Griffin] I bet they gave Spiderman a sword at some point. [Justin] Kick-ass. [Griffin] I bet it looked fucking cool. [Justin] Yeah, absolutely. [Griffin] I bet he used it to kill Dr. Octopus. [Justin] Buried it through his diseased heart. [Griffin] Just stabbed him, right. I kinda like the difficulty where it's at now. Cause I do need, see that sucks. [Justin] Fucking hell.
[Griffin] Right? Juice, I literally, I've beaten Dark Souls a few times now. I do not remember what that, what that giant wing was. It's gone now, whatever it was. [Justin] Yeah, what a mystery. Oh yeah! [Griffin] We like that, we sit down. We just got a lot of souls. I don't know why. I imagine the big, nope. He back. [Justin] Nope, there's the wing. Whoa, look. Okay, where's it coming from? [Griffin] Where's it coming from, how can we hurt it? [Justin] Is it out there? [Griffin] I don't know, we'll find out. [Justin] Aw, there we go. Is this a boss you have previously ignored? [Griffin] Too late. I for real, don't remember who this, ew goodness. [Justin] You found me, the hidden boss. [Griffin] He's so wet. (laughing) We've all got a girlfriend in Asel. [Justin] Yeah, she's real. She's from Asel. [Griffin] I'm not gonna say anymore about her though. I'm genuinely worried that he could kill me. What a weird little pervert boss. (laughing) Oh geez, well that was almost... Oh, that one took two hits, Juice, it's getting scary out here. Was that not the... Uh...
(orchestral music) Dark Souls, Dark Souls? [Justin] He can't be dead, that was too fast. [Griffin] Dark Souls, Dark Souls, we killed him. Dark Souls, listen, I really need you to-- [Justin] There's no one else to kill, Dark Souls. [Griffin] Hey, Dark Souls, I'm about to pass away. (laughing) Okay, so we can just kinda... (laughing) Keep chugging that and maybe we'll outlive the toxin, but Dark Souls, I do need you to put the boss in the boss arena if I'm going to progress through you. [Justin] Well, you killed him didn't you? [Griffin] Oh, we did kill him, we did kill him. Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. I'm gonna quit and reload. Maybe that'll make him come back. We, this may be actually the fatal soft lock, Juice, 'cause I don't know that I can get out of this. Yeah. Let's, I guess let's just do it again. No, he's not, he got nervous and scared. [Justin] Okay. (laughing) [Griffin] Oh, you know what I could do? [Justin] What? [Griffin] I can maybe turn my speed up so fucking much that the game has no choice but to let me through that door. (laughing) (electronic music) This is my only chance. (laughing) We need to go faster, I guess. Is he out there, maybe? (laughing) Let me the fuck through! [Justin] Is he up, can you hit him with a arrow? Oh, this is unpleasant to see, I'm going to close my eyes. [Griffin] I don't have anything else I don't think that can restore my health, nope. Tragic. Shit. I'm not gonna take that L on the chin. Cloud doods. (laughing) My new goal is not to beat Dark Souls, it is to unlock cloud doods. Wow, that was a, oh shit. Hey, uh, ooh... (laughing) [Justin] This is going good. (laughing) [Griffin] Little steps, little baby steps. I think we went this way. Yeah, and we went in here. Oh, well we do need to call the lifts. Not gonna do that. Sha-ah-ah-ah. Okay, so the game's gonna... Fuck! This sucks so bad! We were on a really good streak there I feel like. [Justin] It was a good streak of the game running. [Griffin] What's wrong, Justin? [Justin] Nothing. I'm just, I'm excited to see that for those final credits and finally beat the game Dark Souls. [Griffin] I feel like we've done quite a, quite a bit of a skip here by just-- [Justin] Yeah, no, this is a great hack. Great skip, great strat. (laughing) (Griffin vocalizing) [Justin] Hey! [Griffin] Hey, bud. [Justin] That health bar didn't go down again. I don't like to see that. [Griffin] You hate to see that hate to see that. [Justin] Hate to see that. Don't know why it's not- [Justin] -registering
[Griffin] Don't know why I didn't do it. [Justin] That it's the same guy. [Griffin] All right. But now we're not poisoned, are we? All right I'm gonna try and do 20, which is twice as fast as I'm going now. (laughing) That'll almost certainly... [Justin] Do you not know how any of this works? Why would it let you penetrate solid wall? [Griffin] Because I will be going so fucking fast, Justin. Three, two... (laughing) Three, two, one, blast off. Shit. (laughing) Gotta line up the shot a little bit better than that. Three, two, one, blast off. (laughing) [Justin] Come on! [Justin] Let him play!
[Griffin] Let him play, ref! [Griffin] Can I change it so that all the enemies multiply their health times zero? If my, if my thesis is correct, if we multiply all the enemies health times zero, then they should just instantly die as soon as they spawn, right? Doesn't that feel right? [Justin] Yeah. [Griffin] Doesn't that feel like it should work? [Justin] It tastes right to me. [Griffin] No, didn't work, okay. Is he hiding outside of... There's no way I'm gonna hit that. Oh shit, yeah! Got it in one, baby. Figuring it out. Can I multiply their health by a factor so small that it reduces it to less than one and then it rounds it down? [Justin] Scientifically speaking, I don't think so. [Griffin] I'm gonna get poisoned again, and then it's all fucking moot anyway. Ugh, this game fucking sucks shit! [Justin] Why did they make it so hard? [Griffin] So my thinking is that there is a secret second Ivory King or whatever the fuck his name is. We gotta find him. I do suspect he is behind the door. So far away, that in fact he is not aggroing and attacking us, which by the way, this is now the final boss of Dark Souls 3. I don't think we're gonna get much farther than this in this video. And again, I do not want to look at Gil much longer than I already have been forced to. [Justin] What are you theorizing is happening? 'Cause we are definitely seeing a guy. [Griffin] I don't think his health would appear if he wasn't spawning, right? [Justin] Right. [Griffin] So he's spawning, but where in the world is he? [Justin] But you kill him, we see him, you kill him. [Griffin] I kill one of him. Here's my worry is that that little crystal guy is-- The other boss? Is what the other boss is supposed to be. I have done too much to this game, I fear. All right, do your-- [Justin] So wait, wait, wait, okay, the health isn't dropping. The health isn't dropping. So that's not Desire King Oshiros. (laughing) [Griffin] No, that's what I'm saying, this is a pretender, he's about to do a second form though. Okay, so that didn't fucking work. All right, new idea. If this, if this idea doesn't work, then that's just, we may have to call it quits. Well, hold on, let me take a little peek maybe outside of the region. [Justin] Giant Face Gil activate! (electronic music) [Justin] Now, you need to switch to first person mode. [Griffin] You think? [Justin] Yeah, switch to first person mode and then you can really get the lay of the land. [Griffin] Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, that's gotta be something, right? (laughing) [Justin] What? (laughing) [Griffin] This is only 10 times. We can make him so big. Oh wait, okay. When I change my body, my weapon size doesn't change. Okay, okay. So that's definitely-- [Justin] Okay, that's the one. [Griffin] New. Look at my little fucking, look at my chode of a rapier! (laughing) [Justin] So the idea is we'll make the weapon so big that it can hit anything. (laughing) We're gonna make a sword big enough to kill God. (laughing) (electronic music) (laughing) [Justin] What is he compensating for? (laughing) [Griffin] He's not below us. If he was below us, he would fall through the box and die, yeah? [Justin] You're right, okay, yes. Are you swinging right now? [Griffin] Yeah, I'm swinging it pretty good, Juice. [Justin] I think increase, Griff. I think increase the player size by a factor of 10. [Griffin] Wherever he is, he's in a place we can no longer find him. So we are just gonna have to make the sword even fucking bigger. (laughing) [Justin] No, Griffin! [Griffin] No, we'll make the sword, no, Justin, we're gonna make the sword much bigger. (laughing) Right now we're holding a rapier that is a hundred times bigger than it's supposed to be. [Justin] Mhm. [Griffin] If we juice that to 500, the geometry of this blade will be as such that it should strike the entire map. [Justin] Impossible to not kill him. (electronic music) [Griffin] This is a big sword. [Justin] Okay, we're, now this is a big sword. (laughing) This is a big sword. [Griffin] This is a big sword, we are inside the sword. [Justin] You've made Gil's body go away. [Griffin] And I don't even know how we do that. This is my terrible telescope that I use to find shit head bosses. (laughing) [Justin] Are we pretty confident that the damage model is like scales to, like the hit boxes scale to-- [Griffin] If I could resize the enemies, then I could make the shit head King be so big. I, I'm, I'm starting to worry he doesn't exist. [Justin] I mean, if this, if this sword didn't kill him. [Griffin] I'm just gonna turn this up to like a 1,000. (electronic music) [Griffin] We can kind of get a little bit of air, can't we? Going 1,000 times faster than we're supposed to, if we hit a ramp, we get, we get some vert on that. [Justin] This is getting sad, Griff. [Griffin] Did you see how high up I got? [Justin] Yeah, yeah, yeah, your little gloves do fly high in the sky, buddy. [Griffin] Did you see? [Justin] Yeah, I saw. [Griffin] Ooh, that one was real high! Oh! [Justin] It was, yeah, yeah, yeah. [Griffin] We got out! [Justin] Yeah, we did get out, bud, we're free now. (laughing) [Griffin] What happened? Oh right. [Griffin] We done, we did things... [Justin] Everybody's barrels, everything's ruined. [Griffin] I guess now we just go different way. [Justin] We can't beat Dark Souls 3, it's too hard. [Griffin] It's too hard a game, they didn't balance it good. (laughing) I don't know how to tell you this, Justin, we may have already seen Gil for the last time. (laughing) [Justin] Well, I mean, sometimes this happens when you played a video game folks. (laughing) It's the problem with modern games is sometimes-- [Griffin] Oh, they don't make 'em like they used to! [Justin] Sometimes the main character turns into gloves and that's all she wrote. [Griffin] Donkey Kong Country never would see anything like this. [Justin] If you guys have any pro tips on how to beat desired King Oshiros, the invisible, nonexistent boss, please send them to me. It's gaben@valve.com. (laughing) Thank you to you, invisible Hungry Face Gil. You've been such a good friend, and we're so happy to have ya. [Griffin] There he is, there he is. [Justin] There he is, okay. He won't look at us and I, how can I blame him? Goodbye. Goodbye, Gil. You were a real wreck and you're not good enough to beat Dark Souls. [Griffin] But I didn't even try jumping yet. [Justin] Okay, Gil. [Griffin] Look at how high I jump. [Justin] Eight out of 10, this has been a great franchise, Gil, and you couldn't close the deal. All right? [Griffin] I did pretty good though. I think we can all agree. [Justin] Yeah, well, agree to disagree. Bye, oh again, okay, well. There you go. (soft music)
Is it just me, or are there an absurd amount of ads in this half hour video? I've probably gotten six ad breaks with two ads each. I get that their business model has to change with no live shows, but come the fuck on.
I very much enjoy when they take it further than just character creation and really mess around with the game. I hope they do more in the future, there are lots of whacko mods and things to break with cheat engine.
severely confused my neighbours by yelling "HUNGRY FACED GIL!" when i got this notification. great episode tbh