Mom Makes Me Executor Of Her Will But Leaves Everything To My Brother Bc He Has To Be Taken Care Of

hello a friend told me about this site and i need a judgment before making things official i'm 63 female and my husband is 70. due to world events we decided to update our will we are perfectly healthy but just in case we have two children together lily 35 and matt 32. her children have always been extremely different from one another lily is independent she has not needed me much after 10 or so she's very intelligent holds multiple degrees and is a pediatric neuropsychologist she's married to george 37 an engineer together they are very well off they do not have children although they could afford to lilly's reasoning is that the planet may not be sustainable in the future and that technology and social climate make raising mentally healthy children difficult i believe her job puts her in contact with families and children in difficult situations which has skewed her perspective because growing up she always wanted children she has asked that my husband and i shift our perspective of family to be fair she visits and calls us often and even reminds her younger brother of our birthdays and anniversary matt has always needed me to help him pull it all together he had dyslexia in school and barely managed to graduate college after six years we are so proud he did he works in the tourism industry and his work is somewhat seasonal he has been in a relationship with heidi 31 who is an artist that sells some items online even combined they make a fraction of what his sister and brother-in-law do matt and heidi are also child free and claim to hate kids but we feel this is best because it would be difficult for them to support children and their lifestyles left stable frequently move apartments we are planning on leaving 75 of our assets to mad and the remaining 25 to our godson's two children our reasoning is that lilly does not need the money and her brother could really benefit from it and our godson's children are the closest we have to grandchildren however lily will be made the executor of the will and asked to carry out plans for our funerals as she is much more organized and keeps in contact with family members whereas our son does not my sister was visiting recently and the topic of our will came up she was outraged on lily's behalf and asked why we hate our daughter we don't i would just like to support people who could actually use it my sister asked if it would be different if lily had children even though the children wouldn't need money either considering lily and george's income i admitted yes it would be different and divided in half if that was the case she also said it was time to stop babying matt and that he made his own choices in life i asked her to leave since she just doesn't understand and on her way out she begged me to think this over before telling lily and matt or making it official so will i be the idiot if i went through with our original plan you will be the idiot your sister is right making her the executor and not leaving anything to her is a huge middle finger your son has not achieved much because he struggled through school with dyslexia guess what that's no excuse you have babied him there are many people who aren't book smart but make something out of their life anyway it isn't about money it's as if you're punishing your daughter for not needing you since 10. if you were my parents and you did that to me i'd be heartbroken you will be the idiot i think you mistyped by 10 she realized i had no time for her because matt really needed me your daughter became self-sufficient because you decided he was the favored child and your plan is to cement this even further by saddling her with all the work and none of the benefits great job creating sibling animosity while you're alive and ensuring it will continue after your death yep i wonder if there's a hint of misogyny there too daughters are responsible and their reward is more responsibility while sons are babied i'm sure the sister isn't only referring to will when she says stop babying the sun i think it's fine to give your de facto grandchildren money but not omitting your daughter completely and especially not then making her the executor pay a professional also that whole bit about how your daughter is child free is dripping in resentment and judgment gross you are so wrong you are the idiot you've put her last for years and she still tries with you to leave her out of the will while putting all the responsibility for executing it is just monumental unspeakable cruelty and ps 10 bucks says she doesn't want kids because of the horrible way you neglected her needs growing up 20 bucks says the son doesn't want kids because his personal development was stifled and he believes correctly or no that he doesn't have the ability to provide the fundamentals of what they need back story my ex 19 male and i 19 female were together for about 10 months i believe pregnancy brain has me screwed i after a while started to realize that i hadn't gotten my period since april so i of course did what any person with a uterus would do and got a test well it was positive fast forward through the freaking out of my parents are gonna kill me and all that i made appointment with my doctor to take a blood test i wait my time and find out i am indeed pregnant about four to six weeks pregnant i'm now 25 weeks pregnant i'm not entirely sure when we broke up in the course of the pregnancy but it was a bit ago now we had things pretty under control he was letting me make the decisions and pick names all that but when we were together i had planned for him and my mother to be in the delivery room with current precautions i'm only allowed two people to have in the room and he was going to name the baby if they were a boy we now know that the little bean is a boy but since my ex decided to leave me i said screw that and i chose a name and switched my ex out for my dad even letting the hospital know that he was no longer going to be present and i did not want him in my room no matter what i believe that in a situation like this my comfort in labor comes first well when i told him this he was not exactly happy about it but he wasn't gonna fight me but of course he went to speak with his mother and suddenly he has to have the last name and he has to be in the room i understand that yes this is his child also but he's the one who left he still tries to hit me up for intimacy and is now going on about how he is joining the military and our son needs to have his name so if he dies or if i take our son away from him our son will have a piece of his dad and he needs to be in the room because i quote he's my kid too you don't have the right to take this away from me which was yelled in a very rude way at me in my driveway at 6 pm when he randomly showed up i get that he wants to be a dad but before anyone makes their final decisions i would also like to point out that he was all for a termination before but when i said it didn't feel right he was furious that i told my mom that he had originally wanted to end it i'm starting to slowly feel like an idiot for the way i'm acting but at the same time he didn't want to stick around and also didn't even originally want her son so am i the idiot not the idiot about the birth that's a medical procedure being present for the birth is a privilege for anyone who isn't the mom even the dad the name is trickier but that's really in my mind a custody matter if he's in the military and you're going to be the primary care provider it makes sense that the child would have your last name it's just easier my 45 male daughter who we're gonna call tia got into an accident two years ago i'm not going to get too much into it but it was horrible traumatic and resulted in below the knee amputation watching my daughter go through all that pain and i being practically helpless drove me to pursue a lawsuit against the folks responsible well now two years later we've won a hefty amount of money we were on our way home and my son nearly adult we're going to call him jack decides to call his friend my son has always wanted to go to yale but honestly he doesn't have the work ethic and i don't have the money i've always told him i'll pay for a state college but i can't afford an ivy league college so my son calls his friend and says hey man guess who's going to yale and started going on about now that we got all this money he can go anywhere he wants i waited until after his call because i didn't want to embarrass him but i told him that the money wasn't ours my wife and i have always planned to pay off the fees for the lawsuit and put the money in an account for my daughter when she turns 18. the only one who was in the accident was her and it would feel wrong for us to benefit from her trauma and it's technically her money well i told my son this and he got very angry he called tia an idiotic and said she doesn't deserve the money while she was in the car that made me angry and i was going to punish him taking away his phone or something like that but my wife asked me to wait until he calms down because right now he's just upset when we got home he called me an idiot and stormed into his room i just want a non-biased view am i the idiot at it our life is almost back to normal now tia can walk pretty well and she doesn't need any help getting around her accident was a high causality accident i think that's the term a lot of folks passed and it's a miracle she got out alive the payout was large we received almost 1 million and that was after paying tia's medical fees and the lawsuit fee she's still in physical therapy and regular therapy because she has survivor's guilt she's doing well for all who asked no jack doesn't have a good chance of getting into yale because he is a c student we've talked to him about this but he refuses to listen for a year after the accident we did family therapy to make sure everyone was doing well you are not the idiot money from an accident lawsuit like that should be set aside or used for medical needs for the person that was harmed who knows what additional needs your daughter may have in the future some of which may not be covered by insurance at that point this is her fund exactly she's still growing so if she has a prosthetic it will need to be replaced and soon if she gains or loses weight same thing technology will improve replacement and her fund if not invested in leftist cash will likely not outlast her need for prosthetics alone considering she's still very young and that's just one of many aspects of her future care you are not wrong wow you are not the idiot obviously the money less legal costs belongs to your daughter i think you guys need more communication and financial education during this time because he really shouldn't be under the impression that it's your money and that it will benefit him in any way separately you and your wife need to talk to him about being respectful to his sister perhaps he's feeling neglected now that she's disabled i don't know but you need to talk to him my sister passed away in january 2020 they had discovered a brain aneurysm and during surgery to remove it it ruptured she ended up passing away on the table she had sole custody of her three kids my niece judy nephew kevin and another niece lily they are quite upset while also not really understanding why she isn't coming back it's a difficult time for them background my sister and her kids father matt got together and she got pregnant fairly quickly we always felt matt tampered with birth control to make sure she got pregnant but with no proof we said nothing she was pregnant again fairly quickly and debated getting her tubes tied as she had two kids a boy and a girl except because of her age the doctor wouldn't do it eventually she got pregnant with lily and not long after discovered that matt had been using sugars the entire time she knew him now he was quite obviously in the throes of addiction and things that she had brushed off before were starting to add up i was there for her first two kids births spent many sleepless nights helping her the kids knew and loved me when she discovered the sugar use she cut ties moved in with me and took all her evidence and got full custody of all three children giving matt supervised visitation he never showed up to the court date my sister moved out when lily was only a baby i continued to visit her at least three times a week matt heard of my sister's passing and made a half-hearted attempt to reach out apparently he has gone to rehab gotten clean has a job and is living in a two-bedroom apartment according to matt he and my sister had a verbal agreement that in the event she passed away if he was stable he would get custody of the kids it's believable my sister was never one to refuse a relationship with him he has seen them more often recently my sister had a will the will states that i get custody of the children so that's what i went with currently i have full custody of the kids they're doing a bit better but there's still kids that miss their mom i gave matt the option of having supervised visitation until he was clean for two years and held down his job for a year then it could move to unsupervised and overnights i'm trying to be amicable in this process he hasn't been as happy but is willing to try and move past the anger and disappointment for his kids but he's pretty annoyed about it still so was i in the wrong here should i have considered it and not fought as hard when he contested the will edit i legally have sole custody of the kids i went through the process with my sister's lawyer who was responsible for her estate and helped me figure everything out while i was in the throes of the biggest loss of my life you are not wrong her will left her children to you which makes me believe her own actual word over his like you said there could have been a time that if something happened she'd let her kids go to him but that could have been before she left him you said she wouldn't refuse a relationship with him but obviously she did after her last child sounds like that's why she left her kids to you you're not an idiot at all you did the right thing you are not wrong i am so sorry for your loss you are doing a good thing by keeping custody of your sister's children unfortunately relapse is very common and really how would you be able to tell if he is sober or clean i think that you've done the right thing by keeping them and offering supervised visitation until he's been clean for two years if i'm being totally honest i think you should consider keeping them permanently the kids need stability not someone who was okay enough to mess with your late sister's birth control and only made a half-hearted attempt to reach out after her death my ex-husband and i had three kids but this post is mostly about the middle one maria we're not in the u.s and without giving too many details my former mother-in-law was involved with a very corrupt and dangerous person please understand we aren't in a first world country so things work a little different here and there isn't much anyone can do about him for which reasons he wouldn't leave his wife but everyone in that upper circle knew about their relationship and he was pretty much living with my mother-in-law my ex and i decided that we didn't want someone like that anywhere near our kids we gave her an ultimatum and she chose her boyfriend we saved diligently for our kids and had about fifty thousand dollars in us money when maria was an adult she expressed interest in meeting her grandmother and i told her i thought it was a bad idea maria has always been more of a romantic and a dreamer and she seemed impressed by her grandmother she reached out and my former mother-in-law wanted to meet her they immediately got close and her grandmother paid for all of her education bought her a new car and bought her other expensive gifts i am ashamed and disgusted that my daughter's happy taking money from a man like that i've tried to explain to her how many people he's hurt but she has always been easily impressed by fancy things i ended up not giving her the money i'd saved for her and she feels like i am punishing her i think it could be better spent since her grandmother is helping her out so much and she really doesn't need it but she thinks i'm playing favorites because i don't like her grandmother you are not wrong if she likes to be bought by dirty money coming from the pocket of a corrupted idiot who stole it from the citizens of a country then good for her but you must not act like it's free of consequences she disregarded basic morality for a few expensive gifts and it's not okay and it's your money your choice you are not wrong your daughter is not suffering financially by you withdrawing the money you had saved up to help her get onto her adult legs so to speak according to your narrative she's getting more than that amount from her grandmother if your middle daughter has no trouble accepting money that ultimately comes from a person who has done terrible things and has become close to a relative who clearly has no qualms about being an evil person's paid side piece then she has by her own actions told you who she is and where her values lie you are under no obligation to give her more money whether or not she flouted your plainly stated preferences as she is already well taken care of financially a long time ago i was engaged to someone and my mom was amazing enough to let me have her wedding ring to give it to my ex didn't end up working out we never got married and my mom told me to just keep it until i needed it again she passed on five years ago and the ring is still with me i was thinking of marrying my current girlfriend with it but we decided to cut the drama and just open it as life partners so now the ring is more of a memorabilia of her for now still considering using it as an anniversary gift in the future by considering i meant i don't know when to give it to her now yesterday i randomly get a visit from my sister's fiance just checking up on me he asked me about my girlfriend and i and if we ever intend to get married and when i said no he not so smoothly moved right into what he wanted to talk about my mom's wedding ring he said my sister wishes for it to be her wedding ring and asked for it i said unfortunately not he said he understood and left afterwards my sister called last night and in summary called me an idiot for keeping the ring when i don't plan on getting married and saying it's only right for it to go to her since she is getting married and soon i just hung up and left things there she told her aunt about this and now she's also calling me nonstop and apparently my only options are to either give her the ring and make peace with her or i should pay for a replica to be made for her i'm not doing either am i the idiot you are the idiot your mom would surely rather it be used and enjoyed than sit in a drawer a replica would also be a nice gesture sounds like you're just being petty i just realized i totally misread this i thought someone was using or wearing the ring but if it's not being used you are the idiot op i agree it definitely sounds like you're being petty you are the idiot your current life partner isn't gonna want a ring you used to propose to someone else even as an anniversary present also many women who go the life partner route don't want the trappings of marriage including wedding rings because what's the point of not getting married if you look and behave exactly like you're married is it just for the joy of paying higher taxes anyways ask your partner's opinion on if she'd like an engagement or commitment ring and if she says she'd like one say one option is your late mother's engagement ring which you received when proposing to a firm or girlfriend be upfront on that or you can design something new together and you'll give your mother's ring to your sister or possibly split the ring to make two new ones you

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Id: KV-JynZ73xo

Length: 19min 57sec (1197 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021