Stepsister Demands I Downsize Wedding & Give Money To Her Wedding Bc She's PRINCESS Of This Family

people how do you deal with your step family me 26 female and my step-sister 28 female are both engaged and in the planning stage for our respective weddings my mom and step-dad recently invited us both for dinner and we were discussing her plans my stepsister immediately started talking about how she was being forced to have a small wedding 30 to 60 people because her fiance didn't have the money to fund the type of wedding she wanted she's always been vocal about winning a lavish wedding some of the things she was saying were pretty snarky but i chose to stay quiet because it isn't really my business my mom pointed out how she and stepdad at a small wedding and that it wasn't about how many people were there but that everyone you invited made the day more special my stepsister made a sarcastic comment about how that was their second wedding and she wasn't planning to have a do-over so it had to be perfect my mom who was obviously hurt by her comment changed the topic by asking me to show her the pinterest board i'd made for the wedding there aren't that many pictures on it yet but it includes a few photos of what i hope to be our wedding venue my stepsister immediately asked why we needed such a big venue how it was going to be so expensive and how we probably didn't have enough family and friends to even fill it up it's not even that big of a venue we're planning to have 50 to 150 guests i tried to be vague and said i just liked the picture but my stepsister kept probing me about how much it would cost to rent it i eventually told her which then led to her asking how much our budget was i could see this was going to turn into a fight or her sulking so i refused to answer and told her i wasn't sure yet it turns out she asked my sister who is helping me work out my budget a few days later if she knew how much my budget was going to be my sister told her she was very apologetic when she realized it led to drama my stepsister has now been complaining to her parents that it wasn't fair that i had so much money when she and her fiance didn't even have half of it and that i had to downsize my wedding otherwise i'd embarrass them she's also demanding that i either downsize or we share the wedding with her and her fiancee getting married in the morning and us in the evening i can't do this because my fiance and his family are going to fund most of the wedding and while we have a budget of x i'm hoping we don't spend even close to it i explained to her we weren't going to even spend her full budget and she thinks i'm now obliged to give whatever we don't use to her she and her fiance have been sending me texts daily demanding i give them the money even my stepdad has suggested or demanded i give her the money as it's not fair and has been really cold towards me whenever i visit since am i the idiot for refusing not the idiot start now to put a password on all of your vendors watch for stealth wedding plans to show up at your wedding i would keep all plans private because stepsister is not to be trusted she really has a lot of nerve i have two daughters and we partially paid for their weddings my husband paid for my stepdaughter's entire wedding it wasn't held at the same type of venue and she was jealous of my two girls note that my daughters were married 5 and 15 years after stepdaughter was married there's no way i was going to downsize their weddings because stepsister didn't get as fancy of a wedding my mom invited my sister and i over for an announcement the other night and told us that she got married i don't know him well enough to judge but he seems like an idiot because he laughed at my car and asked what i do for a living that i drove that crap car i actually met the guy once but she never told me she had a boyfriend and they were together for two years so i guess she doesn't care about me my wife is vegan and my mom never cooks special food but usually has a side salad at dinner so she just eats the salad well all she made for dinner was some one pot greek dish with chicken in it and cooked in chicken broth and there was no side salad i asked my mom what my wife was supposed to eat and she got very upset and said she just got married we're supposed to be happy and the night is about her my five-year-old daughter actually told my mom that she's mean and my mom looked at me like i was supposed to do something we sat down but i was immediately uncomfortable i told my mom that i wasn't going to eat in front of my wife and my brother-in-law said my wife should eat the grass i could see how badly that hurt my wife so i got up and said we were leaving my mom said we're selfish because she got married and it is about her as we were leaving i heard her husband say yeah drive away in that car my sister said that it was our mom's night and our chance to meet our stepdad and i should have sucked it up you are not wrong your mom's new husband is an idiot who can't even be bothered to try and make a good impression when announcing that he's joined your family your mom is an idiot who doesn't give a crap about her guests when she hosts them or about her new husband treating her guests like crap your sister is wrong i would refuse to speak to them until they apologized and then enjoy the long peace that results because they don't want to apologize it sounds like you'd be better off to be honest my mother died when i was a kid my father married a goyish woman less than a year later who promptly did her best to have as many children as she could and has had three in as many years she has two older kids too who are still little six kids is a lot but it's a pretty big house i'm the only grandchild on my mother's side and the only granddaughter on either side my grandparents typically gift me jewelry and i got my mother's collection when she died as a religious custom we don't really do costume jewelry all of my jewelry is real and not cheap it sounds vulgar but my entire jewelry collection is worth about a hundred thousand easily i came home from seeing a friend and the oldest three had a pile of my jewelry on the floor of their playroom they'd been jumping on it smashing it and shooting at it with unsafe toys yeah my father allows that apparently i screamed and got my father who came with his wife and dismissed the entire thing they destroyed multiple pieces several of which were heirloom my stepmother didn't really care she pretended to yell at her brats she later came home with a dollar store necklace that she made the kids get me and said that that should be enough and that i shouldn't have such idols or wear such sacrilegious crap one of my necklaces is a star of david i saw red at that i got her to repeat it so i could record it i emailed all of my grandparents aunts and uncles detailing what happened attaching the recording and the pictures of the damage and then i went to those brats playroom and destroyed one of each of their favorite toys my grandparents are now suing my stepmother for fifty thousand dollars and half of my family now hates her my father is furious and thinks that i should have kept it within the family and let him work it out you're not wrong here i'm glad your grandparents are suing because seriously letting her kids destroy jewelry is pathetic opie i really suggest moving all your jewelry you have left to your grandparents because i wouldn't be surprised if she will steal some maybe move in with your grandparents as well if possible because it sounds like your stepmom will make your life a nightmare when i was young my mom passed away and my dad remarried my stepmother when i was a kid my stepmother also had two children of her own erica and becky growing up eric and becky made it clear they didn't consider me their sister and would continuously exclude me they also recruited their cousins from their mother's side and i was pretty much ostracized by them too so family events were horrible erica in particular really hated me and i still don't know why she would joke about my mom's death break my things including a necklace that passed from my mom to me would have massive tantrums when my maternal grandparents bought me anything so i was either forced to share or it was confiscated note my stepsisters were never expected to share gifts they got from their dad's family would steal my friends and boyfriends from me when we were both 18 erica ended up pregnant and decided to keep the baby our parents gave her both of our college funds to help her with the cost of having a baby since she didn't work and the father wasn't in the picture i was devastated and pretty much gave up on the idea of college at this point thankfully my maternal grandparents had been secretly building a separate college fund for me and i won some scholarships so i was able to go to college with minimal debt my relationship with my dad has been strained ever since so when i got married i had my maternal grandpa do all the typical father-daughter stuff my husband owned multiple properties before we got married and has a successful business he helped me pay off my student debt and we're doing very well financially my parents recently got into some financial trouble so they have to downsize their house they're now demanding that i let erica and her daughter move into either my house or one of my husband's other properties i flat-out refused their argument is that my husband's sister who is also a single mother lives in one of these properties rent-free and that if we're willing to do it for her we should be able to help erika too they're now calling me selfish for making a child homeless and that my husband's money has made me a snob before this becky and i had started repairing our relationship and had actually grown closer but now she's stopped talking to me and i've been shut out again my stepmother's family has also reached out to call me horrible names the thing is me and my husband could support erica and her daughter and i do feel like maybe i'm being petty for holding something she did to me when we were children against her my niece is also the one who's gonna suffer if i don't help my husband says erica is an idiot that never apologized so doesn't deserve our help anyway but he'll help if it's what i want am i the idiot for refusing to help her not the idiot if they keep arguing tell them to use your college fund to support her wait they already did that you've been supporting this stepsister the whole time without agreeing to maybe if she has to take some responsibility for her own life she'd grow up i think you should offer her housing just as soon as the money from your college fund is returned your sentimental items from your late mother repaired or replaced all of your personal items which were confiscated during your young years are returned and she's given you a sincere apology for being a heinous witch her entire life obligatory disclaimer this happened about a year ago so this is an ongoing issue that has driven me and my husband apart and i'm worried may threaten our marriage down the road looking for some unbiased responses i have a stepdaughter from my husband she's been living with us for three years now and there's still growing pains she doesn't trust me fully and continues to act out against my authority in any and all forms so last year around this time my husband was overseas attending his uncle's funeral and managing family affairs it was just me and stepdaughter for about three weeks with me cooking cleaning and driving her around i was supposed to pick her up from school at 3 pm every day given the schedule it would mean leaving the home around 2 30 and not getting back until 3 30 or 4. i'm a freelancer so while my schedule is flexible i don't have endless free time in the first week she was constantly late like i'd wait an hour and she wouldn't show up until 3 45. i was furious and told her so but she'd roll her eyes at me anyways i was fed up and decided to leave her there for a bit one day and let her sweat i just didn't turn up i waited until around 7 to 8 pm and then called her mobile phone expecting to hear her apologetic no response i called the school and they said they saw her walk home around 3 30 p.m at this point i'm worried and i start calling neighbors in the local authorities after hours of calling and searching we find her in a random backyard in another neighborhood she tried taking shortcuts home through people's backyards but got bit by someone's unleashed dog her leg was bleeding but nothing broken so she just sat down and cried once her phone died long story short when my husband woke up that day he was furious at me and called me all sorts of names he flew back that night and we had a big fight over it ever since then we've had family therapy but my stepdaughter openly resents me and blames me for her scarred up lake my husband thinks the blame falls solely on me as well and refuses to hear out my complaints about her i just feel unheard and frustrated and yes things had spun out of control but i still feel like i tried to do the right thing you're the adult that's more than letting her sweat that could make someone freak out of course she wouldn't wait for you four hours does that justify her behavior no she's clearly got issues but she's a kid your husband should be listening to you more because it's clear what she's doing is disrespecting you completely so you need to be a united front but regarding this specific thing you're mentioning you are the idiot you are wrong i could see not showing up until 3 30 instead of 3 if she was making you wait that long but 4 hours is outrageous she's a child her brain isn't even fully developed of course she's not going to make good decisions that being said your husband should still address her disrespect my mom married my stepdad when i was 11. and he was always very nice he didn't take on a parental rule but we got along well when i was young he found out that he had a daughter who we never knew existed he was devastated and set out to find her she was in foster care because the mom had lost custody my stepdad immediately did a dna test then filed to get custody she has a younger sister who wasn't his but it would have been traumatic to split them up so he took both of them we'll call them eliza older one and mary honestly i was kind of a mean girl when i was younger i was very insecure and took it out on other people eliza is literally the most gorgeous person i've ever seen we went to the same school and suddenly everyone was in love with her and my stepdad spoiled the crap out of her i was super jealous of eliza but she doesn't take anyone's crap so i took it out on mary honestly i feel really bad but i made fun of her for being an orphan and called her a charity case eliza always stood up for her sister and it was very hostile but my mom said we had to work it out and my stepdad always took eliza's side now i know this is horrible but i played a prank on mandy and told her that the popular guy she liked asked me to ask her out for him and watch her get all dressed up and wait for like an hour i told her that it was a joke and why would he want her her own mom didn't i truly get how horrible that was mary cried to eliza like she always did so eliza cut off my ponytail while i slept it was literally the most traumatic thing that's happened to me i hated my reflection and my self-esteem plummeted my mom got mad but my step-dad defended eliza like he always did i stopped bullying mandy after that and just hated my life until eliza moved out of the house we're all adults now and they're still super close i'm cordial with both of them but i resent my mom and stepdad for letting it all go on they had their 30th anniversary recently and i told my mom that i'm happy for her but they really shouldn't be married she seemed really hurt and my stepdad got annoyed but they didn't say much let me get this straight your stepdad is a decent guy he found out he had a daughter and he got both her and her sister out of a horrible situation to give them love and happiness you were jealous of eliza so you decided an appropriate response was to bully mary even though neither of them had done anything to you one of them took karma into their own hands and finally got you to stop torturing them somehow this is your mom's fault you are the idiot did i miss something in your post possibly any reason why you are not a total idiot you were a mean awful bully to your stepsisters and totally deserved any retaliation from your prank that you received play stupid games win stupid prizes right if you expected your mother to divorce your stepdad over this you are not well have you been tested for any mental illness holding these kind of grudges and feeling like you are only a victim is unsettling behavior you are wrong i 28 female got married in august of 2017. for context my dad married her when i was a kid and they had two children together it was clear things were rocky between them my stepmom came from a wealthy background and resented my dad for not being able to facilitate some kind of lavish lifestyle for her when they told me the news that they were splitting up i felt sad for everyone but was able to see that it was for the best i was working away in london and this was just a week before my wedding so everything was spoken about over the phone the day before my wedding i got the train home from london and my dad picked me up from the station it was clear he'd been crying stepmom had moved out that day she'd not told him she just stripped the house bear and left to her new house the whole family was in shock my two younger siblings were both in tears they were still kids at the time my dad just stumbled through the day trying to be brave for them she called me begging to still come to the wedding laying it on thick about how much she loves me how much she can't wait to see me walk down the aisle i was so put on the spot she'd been my stepmom for 20 years of course she's still invited on the wedding day everyone just sort of ignored her because every time she'd get someone's attention she'd pull this long face inside it was awkward and so noticeable because there were only eight guests my hubby has anxiety issues and his comfort was paramount we'd have eloped if i wasn't so close to my family it only hit me how hurt i was and how manipulative she'd been a few weeks later so i wrote her a really personal fair letter pouring my heart out and saying that even if she didn't mean to hurt me with her behavior she did and that she wouldn't have behaved like this the day before her biological daughter's wedding how it did sour the mood because it was such a close-knit wedding how i had set my feelings aside to accommodate hers and she needed to take responsibility i was really open with her and said i'd leave the ball in her court with regards to her response but that i couldn't let my feelings of hurt turn into resentment i spoke about some other instances of being really hurt by her behavior i can put examples in comments if needed she never responded but the next time i saw my little sister she said i was a witch and that i should leave her mom alone stepmom had shared my deeply personal letter with my young emotionally immature sister i felt such a breach of trust and privacy that i've not spoken to her since nor has she ever bothered to speak to me either my husband thinks the whole thing was a ploy to hurt my dad via me and my twin brother hasn't ever liked her for some terrible things she's done and always making my dad prioritize her children with him rather than us but it's so unlike me to let something like this stay so cold am i wrong for letting the relationship die considering stepmom's history the only thing you might be wrong for in any way is being a doormat to a horrible woman and allowing her to use you as a pawn to hurt your dad not the idiot but you're the kind of optimistic that threatens others you

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Id: Gw0ziY8HU-0

Length: 19min 56sec (1196 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 06 2021