. Hello, everyone. I am in Nepal. Actually, I am doing
a retreat, but I am very happy that I
have the opportunity to give some teachings
during this pandemic. Now, all over the world, this COVID-19 disease is spreading. Many of my friends
and students were infected.
At the beginning, some of them were from China and now, some are from America, Europe,
and different parts of Asia. Now this disease has become global, and I hear many prayers and requests to pray in particular for some
of my friends or students who have been infected. Although I am doing
my retreat, every day at the end
of my session, I keep all of you in
my prayers — especially the people who are are infected
and having problems. I pray for them and dedicate the virtue of my meditation
to all of them. And yes, this is a very,
very difficult time right now, and we are really facing what we call the
“truth of suffering.” In the meditation tradition, the first teaching that the Buddha taught was the meditation sentence, “Bhikkhu, life is suffering.” "Bhikkhu" are followers,
disciples, or monks. “Life is suffering.” This is very important: The first step is to know suffering, to address and be aware of suffering.
I think this is really important. I think that, everywhere, there are a lot of problems due to this pandemic. People are even having
problems with access and restrictions on moving here and there, and with food, and people are
also having physical problems, beginning with the lungs,
and then, with the entire body. During this moment, I think two things
are very important. In meditation, everything needs
to be balanced: The view, meditation and application are three things that
have to be balanced. For the view, the first step is to be aware
of the suffering — of course, now everybody
knows about that — and not only be aware of that, but also the causes of suffering. Of course, some people are affected
physically by this problem, but the main suffering is
in the mind. We have a lot of
anxiety and panic, and it will affect our family and society everywhere. To find this balance view-wise, it is important to accept that life is like waves
of the ocean, so we say,
“Life is impermanent.” In our life, there are
a lot of ups and downs, and the most
important thing is to not give up.
We say we need to accept and let it go, but letting go is not
giving up. At the same time, we need to use wisdom, awareness, love and compassion. We all have
great skills, also. We all have capacity.
We all have power, so there are a lot of
good things within us. All of us. So we try our best
to use all this great, innate wisdom
within us. Try your best
to solve the problem, and do whatever you can do
according to your ability and capacity. At the same time, in your mind, try to not be tight
about the result. Do not be fixed on the result, because it goes up and down and changes. If we do not give up
and we continue to grow, we can take this
as a learning process. Like for me, in my life, there was a lot of difficulty from time to time. Maybe many of you know
about my panic when I was young. Even though I went to a monastery,
there was a lot of crisis from time to time. And on my wandering retreat — at the beginning—
I almost died because of food poisoning. The moments of life have
a lot of ups and downs. But... I never gave up. I tried to learn and tried to transform all
of these things. When I was young,
my father said, “If you are going somewhere and you reach a dead end, and there is a huge wall
in front of you, what you have to do is first take off
your backpack and throw it across the wall
to the other side.” Once your backpack is on the other side
of the wall, then you have
to cross the wall. Maybe you cannot cross
this way, but there are so many
different ways that we can cross. Therefore, do not give up. In terms of the view, accept it;
it is impermanent. Sometimes you can't
do something, you can't cross this way,
but that's not the only way. There are many different ways.
We can learn and grow, and we can transform
this problem. This is also an opportunity. Yes, we are having
this suffering now. There are two kinds
of suffering: one is "natural," and the other is
what we call "self-created." "Natural suffering" includes
being born, getting old or sick, and dying.
These are natural suffering. Sometimes, you can't really
change this or do much about it; sometimes, of course,
you can change and transform it. You can get through it when this problem, obstacle,
or suffering comes. You can find a solution sometimes.
Sometimes you cannot. There is another type
of suffering that we call “self-created suffering.” Self-created suffering
is very powerful. It is actually a mental state. It is your mind creating
suffering. For me, when I was young,
I had panic. Of course,
panic is a mental state. Most of the panic
is an emotional problem. But for me, the main problem
was panic of panic, or fear of panic. I didn't like my panic.
I had an aversion for panic. That was very strong for me. It took me five years
to let go of that panic of panic, or the aversion for panic. I tried to look for a solution
for my problem. This is why I learned meditation —
because of my panic. I began to have panic
when I was seven or eight years old. I did not
know it at the beginning, but then when I was eight, at the end of that year,
I began to feel very, very uncomfortable. My heart would beat
very fast, I would sweat sometimes,
I could not sleep, and everything
became terrible. I was afraid
of thunderstorms and snowstorms, and the bus. At that time we took the bus, which was like a big car, and each time there was a bump,
my heart felt like it was going to explode. Then I learned meditation
when I was nine years old, and I learned it
to get rid of my panic because I did not like
my panic. My first meditation teacher,
my father, said, “Do not try to fight
the panic. You have to say
‘Welcome, panic,’ and accept your panic.” I did try. I said,
“Hello panic, welcome. If I say ‘welcome,’
you will not come back again.” So, the motivation
became the same thing; I said “welcome” because I wanted to get rid
of my panic. Even though I tried
to say “welcome,” I did not really mean “welcome.”
It was a fake “welcome,” but even that fake “welcome”
helped me a lot. Then I meditated,
and my panic became worse. The retreat that time was a
traditional three-year retreat, and that was the first month
of the first year. Then, it became a really big
problem, and I thought, “Should I stay or go?” If I were
to leave, I'd feel very embarrassed because I had told everybody
that I could do this. In the end, I decided to stay, and I really wanted
to accept this. I said, “Hello panic, welcome” really from my heart. I decided to live
with my panic. I decided to learn how to live
with my panic. Then I used my panic
as support for meditation. There were three meditations
that I did: awareness, compassion and wisdom. There were three techniques, which were to transform panic into awareness, compassion
and wisdom. Panic transforms
into these three. In awareness meditation, panic
becomes a support for awareness, or panic becomes awareness. In compassion meditation,
panic becomes compassion. In wisdom meditation,
panic becomes wisdom. This practice is what we call “transforming poison
into medicine,” or sometimes,
the “self-antidote”: the problem becomes
the solution. So I really tried that
and then, although the symptoms
were still there, I lost the panic of panic,
or the aversion or hatred of panic.
That was gone. Then the panic itself became
a support for my meditation, and a few weeks later,
the panic was also gone. Normally, I say that I miss my friend. Panic became my friend
and my teacher. I learned a lot from panic. Now I am here
giving you this teaching, I think, because
of my panic. This became a great opportunity
in my life. So, this self-created
suffering is actually really strong. Let’s say, if you
have physical pain, then the fear of pain, or this uneasiness or dislike of pain, is stronger
than the pain itself. Just the pain alone may be a cause
of happiness sometimes, or it may be
a cause of suffering; it depends on how you look
at it and the mental state. If you get a massage, you think pain is good, and it makes
you feel happy. But then, maybe if you have an accident or hit the wall
or something like that, you feel very uncomfortable, and the pain really
becomes suffering. Therefore,
self-created suffering is in the mind —
a mental state. And actually, all the suffering —
what we call suffering — is a feeling. The feeling is in our minds, and your own mind is in your hands, in a way. There are a lot of things
you can do with that. There are a lot of things
into which you can transform that. Once transformation
starts in your mind, from inside, then that affects your body, actions, environment, and the people around you, and then it may affect
society. So, our mind is very strong. Our mind is very powerful,
actually. For example, you are watching
this video now, so mind says, “Okay, I need to watch
this Youtube video.” Then the body moves,
and you go to the laptop or phone, or whatever,
and you can watch it. So it begins in the mind.
If mind does not say that, then you will not even move
and you will not hear it. Now, you're in front
of this screen and watching my video. After I finish my talk, if mind does not say, “Okay, now it is finished.
Turn it off! Go back to...” wherever —
if mind does not say that — then you will be there forever,
like a statue. So the mind is
very important, and it influences our body, speech, and actions. Right now, we are having this pandemic, and sometimes in our minds,
we exaggerate. Of course this problem is true;
this is the truth of suffering. Whatever problem
we are facing is real, but at the same time,
our minds sometimes really exaggerate. Then what happens is that it may affect our actions, on the behavior-level,
and our mental capacity, also. Sometimes, we worry a lot
and we cannot do too much, and we even make
a lot of mistakes. So sometimes what I say is to be carefree but not careless. Do not be careless. See the situation clearly, and try to accept that. But do not give up. Try to find a solution. Try to transform and make use
of this situation. Maybe you cannot go through, if there is a huge wall
in front of you — you may not go that way — but there are many
different ways. This is what
we call “impermanence.” Impermanent means changing. Impermanence has many,
many different possibilities. There are many different doors
of possibilities, different doors
of opportunities — so many different things. We have to think
outside of the box. It is not only with the physical; you can do a lot of things
with the mind, also. There is awareness, compassion,
and wisdom. There are so many different
practices that we can do. I am really encouraging
all of you to find this balance. Let it go, accept
that life is up and down and impermanent, but do not give up, and try to transform and find a solution. Try to do whatever you can do,
according to your capacity, to help yourself,
others, and society. As I told you before, there are three things:
the view, meditation and application. For the view, we have to find
the middle way — not too extreme, not too loose. This is really important. So, that is the simple explanation of the view. The way to not be too tight is to accept that life is up and down,
like the stock market. I know the stock
market went down, now, but it will come back
in the future. Do not worry. It goes up
and down, up and down. Life is like a wave
of the ocean; it goes up and down,
and up and down. So accept that. And then, do not be too loose. We all have great capacity, wisdom, awareness, compassion, and potential, so try to find a solution, try to
protect yourself, and try to help with whatever you can. And not only that,
but try to transform this into awareness, compassion,
and wisdom. Then you can find
the balance. Sometimes,
I meet some people who are doing
a lot of charity, and they are really very good-hearted. Some of them really want to do a lot, but then they see that you cannot really have a big impact right away, and they become very stressed. Then they ask me,
“What should I do?” Normally, I teach them about finding a balance. We try our best
to use our capacity, but we do not get too tight
about the result. Once we find balance,
actually, then we can help
others better, and they said that it really helps. The capacity to help
others is better, and the capacity to protect and be kind to yourself
is also better. Once you are kind to
and protect yourself, then your capacity
to also help, be kind to, and become the source
of protection for others becomes more powerful. So this becomes
a win-win situation. You win, others win. This first one, the view,
is really important. Now, I'll discuss
the second: meditation. There are three, remember? I will remind you, again:
the view, meditation, and thirdly, the application. As I told you, there are three
meditation techniques, or transformations, so maybe within these few weeks, I would like to touch on these meditation techniques little by little. Maybe some of you
already learned meditation a long time back and are very experienced meditators, and some of you have never
meditated before and are new, so I think I would like to start from the beginning. But that is good for both those who already learned
meditation a long time back and those novices who are learning for the first time.
It's good for both. Those who already learned before
can be refreshed, and I will teach a style that is
a little bit different. Then those who never
learned meditation will also benefit. In order to transform, as I mentioned before —
to transform anxiety into awareness, love
and compassion, and wisdom — first we need what we call “shamatha" meditation. "Shamatha" meditation
is Sanskrit for “calm abiding”
when it translates to English. So we need to have some preparation. You cannot really transform anxiety, pain, and suffering right away. If you are infected,
you might have pain, difficulty, or just anxiety — physical, mental,
or emotional pain — so we cannot transform
it right away. First, normally I teach three
meditation techniques for shamatha meditation: one is the breath, one is sound, and one could be mental recitation, to say something
in your mind. So today, which one should I…? Maybe I will do
breath meditation. Many of you might be familiar
with the breath, so I will do breathing meditation. Normally, we say that the essence of meditation is awareness. There are many different
meditation styles, but basically,
there are two kinds of meditation styles. One is “object-oriented”
meditation, or the object-oriented style, and the second is
the “subject-oriented” style. "Subject-oriented" means that awareness is more important. The object of meditation
does not matter so much. That is the subject-oriented
meditation style. The other one is object-oriented, meaning that when you use breath
as the object, the breath is really important. You have to stay
with the breath and not let your mind go
here and there; the meditation object
is important. There are two kinds
of meditation styles, but our style is
subject-oriented, with the awareness. The subject is the receiver, and the object is
the perceived object, so our style is the subject-oriented one. Of course we need the object,
but it is not so important. You will know more
about this, later. Here, as the subject is important
in our style, the first important thing is that you have to know
what awareness is. For those who meditate, normally your mind recognizes awareness and is with the awareness while using whatever object,
like the breath. Then the breath becomes
support for your meditation. So you have to know awareness. In a way, this is very easy because awareness —
if you wonder what awareness is — means your mind,
your own mind, the consciousness, knowing, or cognition, basically. Awareness means knowing — knowing what you are
seeing, thinking, feeling, or doing. Can you see my hand? Yes, right? That is awareness. There are a lot of dogs
outside here. I am in Nepal, and there are a lot of
neighbors and dogs here. Can you hear the dog barking? That is awareness. Can you hear my voice? If you hear my voice, that is awareness. You know what you are hearing, seeing, thinking, feeling, perceiving; basically, that is awareness. It is very easy. Now you recognize awareness.
This is very important. The essence of meditation is what we call “awareness.” Being with awareness is the practice of meditation. Now, I will teach you
breathing meditation. Before I teach you breathing meditation,
I have one question for you. The question is: how many of you are
breathing right now? Now, while you are watching
this video, are you breathing? If you are breathing right now, raise your hand. Of course you are. Of course — you are alive! So, you might be breathing. Or if some people have a different personality, and meditating on the breath
is not so easy, you can use sound. Can you hear anything
right now? You can hear? Of course you have ears, and if there is sound, you can hear. Of course. Can you hear? Of course you can hear. That is the awareness. That was the meditation.
Finished. Actually, now you have learned
two meditation techniques: breathing and sound. For breathing meditation, you know you are breathing —
that is all. And for sound meditation, you can hear the sound — that is all. Very easy. Normally, for sound meditation, we say that the mind and ear together listen
to sound, so when you hear the sound with the ear,
your mind also listens. That is the meditation. When you are breathing, your mind is also aware
of your breath. That is all. Now we will do
this practice together. You can choose
sound or breath; it is up to you. If you can keep your spine
loosely straight, that would be good, but if you cannot,
you can lie down. You can lie down, keeping your body straight, like in one special posture
that we call “sleeping-buddha posture,” with your right side down. Keep the whole body balanced, and relax. That is also okay. Or some of you
are sitting in a chair. If you are using a chair, then touch both of your feet to the ground, if you can. This is the body posture. There are two important things. One is basically to keep
the spine loosely straight, not too tight. You do not
need to worry too much about having
a perfect posture. Just keep your
spine loosely straight, in sitting or lying posture — it depends on you — and then relax. The second important thing is
to relax the muscles in your body. Relax, with the spine loosely straight: these are two
important points for the posture. Now, we are going to practice. It is up to you — if you want to choose
breathing meditation, we can do that, or we can do sound meditation. Mmm, which one is better? We will try both, okay? First, we will try
breathing meditation. Keep your body loosely straight, and close your eyes, and now just simply be aware of your breath. It does not matter what breathing style it may be — shallow breath, deep breath, very easy breath,
difficult breath, not easy — it does not matter.
Be natural. And with your mind, what you have to do is just know
that you are breathing. You can label your breath. “I am breathing in. Now I am breathing out.” You can label it like that. Or you can feel the sensation of the breath. When you breathe in,
you feel a cool sensation; when you breathe out you feel a warm sensation — the sensation
around your nostrils. You can do that also. Or some of you might have
some kind of shape or color of the breath — that is totally fine. Okay. How was it? I think that, while your mind is watching your breath, you might have
many different thoughts, like worries about the pandemic, or whatever from your past — thinking about past history, or future plans,
such as a to-do list. Some of us have
a lot of to-do lists, right? Or right now, when you watch your
breath, “Oh, there's a dog barking,” or “There is somebody
making noise down there.” “I am feeling warm,” or “I am feeling... cold” — like that. There's a lot of
“blah blah blah yada yada yada.” That is totally fine.
No problem. That is also normal. Now, there is a very
important point here. As I told you, for the view, meditation, and application — for all three —
you have to find balance. This is the middle way. For meditation, a very important point is that when you have this thought, this "blah blah blah
yada yada yada," or the anxiety, what do you have to do? Do not try to fight with
or block it. Let them come, let them come. But... the important thing here is to try to remember
your breath. Be with your breath. “Do not get lost,” we say. Be present with the breath. The present is
the important thing. As long as you remember
your breath when this “blah blah blah yada yada”
comes, it is totally fine. No problem. Normally, I give this example: when you watch the breath,
if pizza comes, let pizza come. So your mind is
with the breath, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out… The pizza goes like this. The pizza comes like this and goes like that. Okay. If you still remember
your breath, that is okay. Even if two pizzas come — one pizza here,
one pizza there — it is ok. Or five or ten pizzas come —
it is no problem, as long as you remember
your breath. Of course, you cannot be
with your breath for a long time. There are just glimpses,
for a few seconds. Glimpse...glimpse... First you're aware of the breath,
then you think about being aware of it, then it becomes a memory,
then you're lost. “Oh, back to
the breath again.” You glimpse the breath, and then it becomes
a memory again, and you're lost again. You glimpse the breath, then it is unclear, then you become lost.
That's normal. This is what we call
“short times, many times.” “Again. Repeat again. Breath...breath... Be with the breath. Be present with the breath.
Be present with the breath. Come back, come back...”
This way, you will find a balance. You are learning acceptance. You are learning how to be free of what we call “aversion.” The main problem with my panic
was panic of panic, so that is aversion, or dislike of panic. I hated my panic. I wanted to fight
with the panic. That aversion makes
more problems, actually. Our mind magnifies the problem of suffering, the mental or self-created suffering, by having aversion. Maybe we can try
an exercise once more. Normally, I do a
pizza meditation, you know? I think many of you know about this if you have listened to my talks before. Maybe we will do
a pizza meditation here. For the pizza meditation, we are not allowed to think of pizza for one minute, okay?
No pizza! So please, everybody keep your spine loosely straight, and close your eyes. Now, I will say 1, 2, 3, and when you hear 3 — no pizza, okay? 1... 2... 3! No pizza. No pizza! Mmmm. How was it? A lot of pizzas? Normally, what happens is when you say “no pizza,” more pizza will come
in your mind, so that is normal. That is normally what our mind does. Normally, our mind
does the opposite. When you say “no,”
the mind says “yes!” “No pizza” makes more pizza. And this is not only
with pizza, but also with panic.
“No panic” creates more panic. “Do not worry, do not worry”
creates more worry. “Oh, he is not doing it well.
She is not doing it well.” “You have to do it well. You should do it this way,
and not that way.” Then it becomes
an argument, you know? For many family members, their minds become
very sensitive, and they have a lot of
big expectations of each other. “You have to be there. You have to listen to me. You have to support me. You have to understand” —
all this. Then what happens is they make a lot of
lists: “You're not doing this or that…” Then, even small problems become big.
One might say, “Okay, I will put this watch here,” and the other says, “No, no, no!
Not here. Put the watch here.” Then the other says,
“No! I told you the watch goes here.” So that small problem
then becomes a big fight. And that is not only on the family level, but also on the country
and global level. That is what
we call “aversion.” Aversion adds fuel to the fire. Suffering is like fire. Then we have this aversion,
and it is like adding fuel to the fire, and then the fire
becomes bigger. How can you be free
of this aversion? Again, you cannot be free
of this aversion by just thinking,
“I want to be free of my aversion. No aversion, no aversion!” That is the same as
“no pizza.” “No panic! I do not want to panic.”
That doesn't work. “Nowadays, I have to be very peaceful;
this is a very important time. Hee hee!"
It does not work. It makes more problems.
So then, how can we be free? You cannot free it directly. You cannot work
with this aversion directly. You can work with it
indirectly and free it. The indirect way is
to bring your mind to the breath in this case,
or later, to the sound. We will practice sound
meditation together. Then, while you are aware of your mind
on the breath, be aware when aversion comes: “Oh, my mind cannot be
with the breath.” “I am thinking. No good."
“There's a sound.” “Last time, somebody told me bad
things. I remember that.” “What happened?” “If I catch this disease...”
There are so many things. At that time,
don't fight with this. What you have to do is
let them come. "Blah blah yada yada."
Okay. But... don't get lost with that.
Your mind remembers the breath. Glimpse, glimpse, glimpse... If you remember your breath, as I told you before, then two, three.
or ten pizzas are okay. Whatever "blah blah yada"
is there — let them come. When you do that
again and again, you will build a new habit. And this is very powerful,
actually. You are working with the subtle level of your mind. You are working with the unconscious level
of your mind. From the subtle level, you are letting go
of this aversion. But when you let go
of this aversion you're not denying it, either,
but just welcoming, and letting them come and go,
but you come back to the breath, to be present
with the breath. This is very important to help
let go of aversion, at the beginning. You cannot be free
of it today; this is just
the first step, okay? And the second
important thing is what we call “craving.” Our mind has grasping, or craving, so we want to have the best. We want to have
a peaceful experience. We want to have
a calm experience. We want to have clarity. We want to
have a non-conceptual experience. We want to have happiness. There are a lot
of expectations. Normally, what happens is that,
when we meditate and we feel peaceful, then we associate
our meditation with that peaceful or blissful experience. So that is also something that we have to let go of. As I told you before,
the essence of meditation is… What is the essence
of meditation? Can you repeat what
the essence of meditation is? I told you before, didn’t I? The essence of meditation
is awareness — not the peace, joy, clarity, calm, or happiness. All these are what we call experiences of meditation. Sometimes there is peace, joy, calm, bliss, or happiness, and sometimes not.
It's up and down, like the stock market. Sometimes dullness, agitation, anger, pain,
or a lot of thought comes, and you might think, “Oh, I didn't
have that much thought before. Since I have begun
to meditate, I am thinking a lot. I am getting worse.” Sometimes
you might experience that. That's what we call
“up and down.” But these are the experiences
of meditation, not the essence — even peace, calm and joy. The essence of meditation
is awareness. So stay with awareness. Look for awareness, meaning, be present
with awareness. When you know
that you are breathing, that means you are being
with awareness. Then do not care
about having peace or not, or having joy or not.
It doesn't matter. When you do not look
for peace or joy to come, they will come more often. When you look for peace or a joyful experience, they will say, “I am busy. You have to make
an appointment with me, and if I am in a good mood, then I will come.” So do not care about those. What you need to care
about is awareness. Come back to the glimpse
of awareness again and again. Those are the two things. You welcome whatever thought, feeling,
perception, or emotion — just welcome it. As long as you
remember your breath, that is the first step of freeing aversion. Secondly, do not care about having
peace, calm, or joy, or doing well or not. As long as you remember
your breath, you are okay. That is the beginning
of freeing grasping or craving. When we begin to free
this aversion and craving, then our mind becomes
more peaceful, open, confident, centered, happy, creative, flexible, pliable and workable, so now when you say
“no pizza,” more pizza comes, right? But when our mind becomes
more pliable and workable, then “no pizza” is no pizza. That is the real happiness that comes from inside. And that is the experience
of meditation. But do not look for that. What you really need
to look for is awareness, and actually, awareness is the real freedom, the real happiness. I will tell
you more about this later. Now, we will do a little bit of
sound meditation together, okay? Please keep your spine
loosely straight, close your eyes, and please listen to any sound around you — a dog barking, or somebody chatting nearby, birds, the sound of your
laptop, computer, or phone — it does not matter. And again, you can label the sound. You can feel the sound. Or you might have some image of the sound. The third is what
we call application. Now you need to apply this, since I think
many countries now are on lockdown. In Nepal we are
on lockdown now, so we almost have
a natural retreat. And especially when you feel anxiety, pain, an uncomfortable feeling
or whatever, go back to the breath. Let them come, and then go back
to the breath or sound. Remember and listen to the sound.
Go back to the sound. And you can use a more neutral kind of music or nature sounds;
try to listen to those. Then it will become
a new habit. When I was young
and I felt panic, I would sometimes do sound or breathing meditation.
So when I felt panic, I would go back to the sound
or watch the breath. That really helps, not only with anxiety, but with whatever suffering or whatever you feel. Just bring your mind to the breath
or the sound. Normally, we make a mountain
out of molehill; our mind does that. So now, focus on the
breath or sound, and that is good for you
to develop this meditation, the mental capacity
to be with the object. Then there is formal
and informal meditation. For formal meditation, if you are very new to meditation, practice five minutes
every day, and in that five minutes, there are no phones — nothing. Just dedicate time
to the meditation. For informal meditation, you can meditate
anywhere, anytime, while you are talking or watching television, doing physical exercise, walking, drinking,
eating, or cooking. Those are the view, meditation,
and application. Try to practice these, and then I will see
you again next week. I will continue
to pray for all of you, and now we also
want to dedicate this virtue for everyone
to be healthy and for everyone
who died to find their way on their journey, and for our lives to become joyful again.
I will pray.
