One day back in Middle School I'm like 12 years old my dad comes up to me he's like "Get Ready, I'm taking you to the car dealership and I'll buy you a car cause your bout' to turn 16" We get to the car dealership and he's like "okay whatever car you pick Your moms gonna drive it for the next 4 years and then when you turn 16 ITS YOURS" so then he tells me that my budget is $12,000 I felt like I was in a rap video so my dad buys a car and here's where the problem starts 'cuz in my mind now I'm thinking "that's my car I'm just letting my mom borrow it" So one time my boy Robby comes over to spend the night and we're in my bedroom and I look at him like: "We gotta start living our lives a quarter mile at a time lets go downstairs get my mom's keys and go for a ride around the block" and Robby's like "OKAY! TURN UPWARD!" So my parents room is on one side of the house and the garage is on the other side of the house. So we wait until like 2 AM when my parents are sleeping we creep downstairs we go over to the keys and we gotta be all silent I'm like Indiana Jones like taking the "artifacts" like swapping out the keys with a sand bag, right. We go in the garage, open it, BOOM we're cruising down the block, I'm driving for the first time. I even burnt some songs from video games So were like rolling around the block listening to Grand Theft Auto soundtracks so it feels like were IN the game I look over at Robby and I'm like "Robby ... get on the roof, brah" BAM! Flying around the block at like, 30 mph Don't try this at home though You know we're trained video game professionals Y'all kids if y'all try this y'all might die Anyways, fast forward a few months It's my birthday every year my mom gets me a hotel room and I invite a bunch of my boys over Me, Robby, Paul, Josh and my boy Eric so i get all my boys in a circle and I'm like: "Yo tonight when my mom and my sister go to sleep we're gonna take my mom's keys and we're gonna go for a ride" and my friends are like "oh my god, oh my god bruh bruh dude you're such a gangster" I know right?! So my mum and my sister fall asleep and I just hold my hand up And the keys fly outta my mom's purse and fly into my hand like I'm a Jedi We grab a room key We get out to the car BOOM! We out here gettin' this paper 'cus I'm blasting Mario Kart music And I look over at Robby and I'm like "Raise up 'em again on these fools" "You think they ready for level two?" "Shooo they better get ready we live our lives a quarter mile at a time 'cus" Robby jumps out, jumps on the roof everybody's like "oh my god your guys are crazy!!" So I turn a corner, drive down and guess what I see. A Rent-A-Cop security guard and it's a dead end he looks up, I'm like: "I did my nickel, I ain't going back" I panic, put it in reverse SKKKKRT vrrroooomm So I'm not looking back, and then all of a sudden BOOM! I hit the pole Robby rolls off the back Eric is like, "Robby, nooooooo" I'm like "Eric, focus, Robby's dead! He's off to a better place now, his problems are over we still gotta get through this!!" I look in the rear-view, I don't even see Robby anymore Security guard he jumps in his golf cart and he starts chasing after us. Then all of a sudden the passenger door flings open Robby's holding his side and he jumps in I slam on the gas everybody's freaking out, but see I'm cool In Grand Theft Auto, I'm used to like 4 or 5 stars this is like, maybe, half a star right now. So theres like 7 hotel buildings In this one complex We pass our building because you don't want to be obvious so we park two buildings away right? We get out, and we hide in the bushes. So we're getting all Tom Clancey, jumping from bush to bush working our way back to the building and we see the security guard standing next to his golf cart with his hand on his hip, he's like: *grumbles* Steam is coming out of his ears we're on the other side, we sneak past rush up the stairs to our room BOOM! Mission complinished Fast forward a few weeks, My mom's taking me to school she walks around the back of the car and she notices a dent and she's like "What is this?!!!" "Uh uh w- mom you don't remember w- how we got that?!" "No when did this happen!! There's a line going down the back of the bumper! There's paint missing!" "D-uh you don't remember?! we went grocery shopping right? and we got hit with the with theee with theeeee with theeee with theeee with theee with theee with thee with theee the shopping cart!" "I think I woulda remembered that." "Yeah no no, yeha you went into Publix and I stayed in the car... and then a lady I-I-I- I thought I told you oh man! my b" "Wait wait no.....I think okay, no, no that sounds a little familiar okay...ooookay I remember now" So yeah mom, I got a little confession so now you know how we really got that y'know that little ding in the back of our car -What are you about to eat him? Why is he wrapped up like a burrito? -I had to put his eye medication in awwwwwwwww [♫♫♫]
