(Music) Ok, I don't know about you, But I don't like the way tests make me feel I get super anxious before I take a test ...and then I get really depressed after I do bad on a test. We had kids in my class Who were getting gray hairs IN MIDDLE SCHOOL Some of you are probably all like: "Swoozie if they were Asian, it's all genetics!" NO IT'S NOT! All of my Asian friends Secretly STRESS OUT like CRAZY Because if they came home, and they weren't on the honor roll there were gonna be SEVERE consequences Walk in the house like "Dad! I got two C's on my report ca- "(thick Asian accent) WHAT?!?!?! YOU GET A TWO C ON REPORT CARD??!?! YOU DISGRACE YOUR WHOLE FAMIREE!! TIME TO DIE!!! HYAAAAAAHH (Fighting game yells) (Fighting game announcer) ULTRAAAAAA COMBOOOOOOO (Fighting Game announcer) Perfect! And see with me, I would TRY studying But there would always be that moment where I just kinda snap out of Study Mode And... realize what I'm staring at on the page and be like: "Y squared minus X+6" and I think to myself: "YES, this is TOTALLY NEVER gonna help me in life! fuck ALL of 'dis, okay? Imma go watch TV." And, see, when I was in middle school me and my dad made a little deal. He told me if I made the honor roll, he would buy me a 27-inch TV and let me put it in my bedroom! And see, the ONE class I did not have to worry about was French Class The teacher would just teach us French words and then teach us basic conversation and once a week she would turn off all the lights And we'd watch Beauty And The Beast completely dubbed in French. The class was an easy A UNTIL...... ...we actually got textbooks Masculine, feminine nouns Conjugating verbs prepositions like, FUCK ALL Of 'DAT! And I get to that first written test... "Conjugate the following verbs into past, present, and future"? Wut... Get this crap out mah face! I'll be danged... ...If this is the class that holds me back from getting that 27-inch TV. And then something just tells me... "(whispering) Look over to your left..." My boy Josh is just like burnin' through this test He is like quietly singing... "Be Our Guest" in French (singing in French) (humming) And that same little voice in my head just whispers "(whispering) Cheat off of him..." My eyes kinda just scroll down to his paper... And my hand just started reflexibly... writing down everything I saw and BOOM! B+! So, next test comes along... and y'all already KNOW I'm cheatin'! K, I wasn't always a goodie-goodie! I used to be up in da CLUBS Popping bottles! But it's cool Cuz Josh was one of my best friends at the time So I knew he wouldn't even mind! Next test comes along Josh gets an A, I get an A. Fast-forward to next test I'm sitting there pratically flipping through the Best Buy catalog And I notice Josh is moving... a little bit slower ...On this test then he normally does He fills out an answer, I fill out an answer. Then there's a pause. Then he'll fill out another answer, and then I fill out an answer. and there's another pause And then I hear him say: "(angrily, softly) Andande, stop cheating off of me..." Ok, imma act Like I didn't even hear him say 'dat, k? Then he writes another answer... I wait for a second... And then I write an answer. And then he says it a little bit louder "(angrily, softly) ADANDE, STOP CHEATING OFF OF ME- Shhhhhh. shh shh shh shh. Josh, just shhhh Just let it happen, just let it happen. "Frama-la boosh" "(softer) Frama-la boosh" So there's a long pause. And then he writes down another answer... I wait for like 30 seconds... ...and then I write down another answer "MISS PRICE ADANDE'S CHEATING OFF OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled it out in front of the WHOLE class I'm not even exaggerating, y'all. Needless, to say I got an F in that test ...a C in the class ...and no honor roll. See, Josh was lucky... My thug levels had gone down by the time I got to Middle School Cuz the old, OLD me Would've been waiting for him outside the class as soon as he stepped out Get all up in his face like "Mah dude, why u snitchin', this is not a game! Wut, you think this is a game? Now, like I open up a can of u poppin' up HEEEEE-YUUUUUUUUUUHH (Splat) I didn't choose thug life... Thug life chose me! (Music)
