Men in the DM | Talks with Tony

hey tony guys here with another episode of talks with tony now let's see here hey tony gaskins i've been following you since 2012. nine years wow i don't even believe that nah and you have been my big brother slash mentor for years you just don't know lol i am 34 years old single with no kids i knew that it is i know that it is not healthy to date or find love through a dating website now what about through social media what are the steps to effectively date when a man sends you a message through the dm now before you say anything i am not pursuing love on social media lol i am using it to build my platform as you know you have people to say hello or leave compliments in the dm so how do you navigate through this i don't respond to all messages just those that introduce themselves properly and when i search their profile they have some sense example i had a guy dm me and he wanted to go out on a date and i told him and i told dude no because i don't know him and he doesn't know me he then said i could call him but i told him no again i told him that we could talk through messenger first then we can proceed from there he said he wouldn't be able to so i told him okay okay take care was i too hard or did i do the right thing hmm now let me see what you posted here okay you posted a little posted the picture i can't don't look like you're gonna let me click on it and blow it up okay lol i'm jay i'm okay don't mean to then this the guy don't mean to be rude or disrespectful by coming through your dms but would you love but would love to meet you someday then you said wouldn't you love to talk to me first i could be crazy or have the 19 oh i mean and then he said yes get to know you text me okay and then he lose dangling 901 he from 901 okay that's memphis all right so and then you said so you can text me on messenger and he said messenger then he said so i have to get on social media to talk to you and then you said um yes just like you got on social media to friend me and message me then he said understood yeah i can't get on here to message and talk to you every time but thanks though then you said okay take care so yeah so right so honestly and see this the pettiness that we can't get past but here's here's the thing okay you you didn't do nothing wrong now you could have left off the i could be crazy or have oh yeah i mean you know you don't have to try to teach them you could just say when you love to talk to me first and just leave it there you know then you don't have to go into mommy mode or trying to you know teach the child why he should not just go meet a stranger like he grown he know that so you said i mean so that's one of the things that as women you have to make sure that your energy is pure like that you don't come off like you defensive already like and and the thing about it is it the way we do that you have to reset your mind every day you have to reset your mind you have to wash away all failure you got to wash away all disappointments you got to wash away everything and every day you start afresh new mercies it's a new day so when you talk to people it's like everything is pure and so you have to ask yourself like is this the answer i would give the first time to the first person i've ever met this answer sounds like you tired and then you put a sad face at the end of it and that's exactly how you sound you sound like you tired you fed up you be on here listening to my videos and you hearing about everybody else problems you add net on top of your problems when those problems not even your problems and then when you respond to them it's like and so you could have came at it you know with a lol well wouldn't you like to talk to me first lol so what that says is you know um i'm serious like this a real question but i'm saying it with a smile like with a good attitude you know yours came off like you you said to me and then he said yes get to know you text me and now right there is kind of like i think sometimes guys he he felt your defensiveness when you say i could be crazy or how cold i think so he felt your defensiveness and i believe that is what put him now in this other space to where instead of saying um yes that's what i meant by meeting you someday he could have said not see me smart out the mouth i would have said yes duh in order to meet you someday i got to get to know you first i'm saying that's my ultimate goal to meet you so duh i would like to get know you bye bye you know what forget it never mind no i i wouldn't did it like that but that's essentially what he ended up doing but when you put him on the defense because of how you responded and now jonathan you know he got a tank top on santa man the set the man listen not forgiveness i just read i read the name so lord don't let nobody know somebody from from memphis because hey i ain't said last name all right so it's a lot on my okay often to go through the man picture now i can't describe the man pissing because not the man still got the same picture listen hey it's all a fair game yeah yeah my client dm your fat game all right now now i'm gonna keep um do my best keep her anonymous because see the the problem is when you're in the moment like me and you reading and the person writing you has their full name written out in the body of the message just naturally the mind i just read it and so i just read it by accident and so one time i did that and y'all caught me i ain't even catch it just because it's just i'm i'm that in the moment and i'm just kind of you know going through because he said his name just his first name then she responded i'm first named last name so i about read that i bought red at the first time so listen you just would have been out there you just would have been knocked down are you trying to build your brand anyway so you might not care he said uh and you got a little picture here so i could see a little bit i'm almost i'm shooting on my cell phone so i can't go find your brand on instagram and your name kind of comment so it might be a lot of y'all don't know yeah i put your name in it bring up a whole another one [Music] she beat you to the punch you got her got your name for you did [Music] and then your whole name you try to get that one so um so now now here's the thing so when you came back like that it put him on a defensive so now he gave you his number first which i don't think a man should give a woman his number first and a lot of guys do that and i'm gonna tell you why guys do it guys do it because men fear we fear rejection it's not so much that we are afraid that it's not so much that we value the woman's number in the sense of i don't want to ask her for her number because that's disrespectful because i'm invading her privacy it's not that some people will think it's that because it almost makes sense and some men may say that like oh i didn't want to ask for your number just because you know you think i'm scamming or you think i'm just trying to get your contact to put it on the blight web or to hack your phone it's like uh no cuz the same thing will happen if she called you so it's not that it's really because men are saying like it's a it's also part of the game it's like men men putting you out there to where it's kind of saying like if you hit me i know you are assertive if you hit me i know you might that you interested so it's a man's way of doing a process of elimination and it lets him know if you contact him [Music] you interested so now that's half the battle you interested some men will think that means you're desperate some men will see that as forward or assertive even though he told you to text him and then you said so you can text me so you can text me on messenger and then he said messenger so i have to get on social media to talk to you and then use and and you said um it was um and then dot dot dot do you have this how y'all this how y'all be getting rude in the comments and i and he got a little rule too because he put messenger question mark then a whole another match he said so i have to get on social media to talk to you which is it's kind of like okay that's why i'll be telling y'all to get your little back phone to get your little side phone to wear and then people be like oh no get a google voice google voice rang to your phone so it's still writing you on your phone get you a side phone for when you mean people like this to where that phone could be left at home when you don't want to talk nobody when you're going out with your constituents your business people your google voice ain't got to be going off on your phone or your little side that number ain't got to be going off on your main personal phone that way if you do meet you somebody too you meet you somebody and they find your google voice out or they find your little bat number your little google number all the other numbers on your main phone it still look like you cheating and this is the man from six months ago hey sweetie hey baby popping up that's what i'll say if you out here single and you actively dating get your little cricket get you get your little cricket little metro pcs for 40 dollars a month little side phone that you can have over here that you could put up in a drawer you know you got certain times a day you talk to those men that's trying to court you and then after he passed the test then he get upgraded to the main phone then he get the main phone number okay where he could be blocked that too if he go to if he take a stupid pill but when y'all are here actually dating and you know you got so many men out here so many people out here women too scamming you need to have your look a little track phone the little side phone over there that's not connected to all your personal accounts and all your information because even that google voice is still connected to your personal email your personal information so it's it's going to be a way of scam i'm going to figure something out over there but get them over here on this little phone boom here you go boom this is your little text message phone or or you can get you a little app that need a password to get in where it's the you know a text me the way it just you just texting in there but you got to have password to get in there and or that could be you know what's out but then that's connected to you forever you know so you got to think about that now see so he posed a good question like listen we finna go to the to to the phone or to or just stay here on messenger now where he messed up at and i feel you on this if you meet a woman on social media as a man you need to spend some time right there on social media at least a whole week talking every day maybe even two weeks to build her comfort level with you let her get to see that you're a real person you're not a bot you're not a scammer let her get to feel you let her get to know you and then the woman will say hey you know i'm tired of talking on this out let's get call me now she feel like she know you she didn't talk to you enough now she say call me now she give you her number and now you as the man make the first step initiating that phone call versus having the asking the woman to call you as a man so that's what you got to realize what's he not suss again regardless of a person energy and where they at you got to keep yours you feel me [Music] you got to keep yours together and so you said um dot dot dot yes and then you went to read the man just like you got on social media to friend me and message me come on my sister nah now here's what saucy is your he said so i have to get on social so i have to get on social media to talk to you now he could have said it like that so i have to get on social media to talk to you yeah he could have said it like that but then yours was like um yes just like you got on social media to friend me and message me now see and i'm gonna tell you and i can tell how it came because i see the lymph of your brains i already know how how you said it your braids or your locs one on but i see the length of that hair and how you got it laid over to that one side all over to that one side oh yeah i already know how that messes sound i already know how that message sound right now and then and then now listen if this was a bad guy you could have got cussed out after that message right there i'm gonna tell you now where i come from you got cussed out after getting saucy right now after getting sauce in that message you got cussed out where i come from [Music] how i used to be built when i was out there you your feelings would have got hurt but look what this young man said he said understood yeah i can't get on here to message whoo he sounded like a good guy you know like he he just kind of you know just rough around the edges a little social awkward you know just just you know might have a little player in them but he been listening to me and sitting in the dark so he trying to kind of sound articulate and intelligent and just kind of keep his love you know quote unquote high value ways about himself so he thanked so he said understood yeah i can't get on here to message and talk to you every time but thanks though and then you said okay take care now that right there that's the energy you got to have right there because that means i'm about what i'm about now that what you said i'm about what i'm about now see a lot a lot of women who low-key desperate would have wrote them a paragraph well you need to understand where i'm coming from how does it look when you just met somebody on social media in this next second you asking for the phone number you could be anybody you could be ted bundy nephew you could be you know jeffrey dahmer brother you could be uh manson uncle you know how how does this look come on now really let's think about this with common sense a desperate woman would have went on and wrote him a paragraph you said okay take care that's a hit single okay take care you see what i'm saying and so you did right right there not not in this thing now when you say um yes just like you got on social media to friend me and message me now a grown boy a real grown boy would have been that's why you're single now bro sorry such and such that's what that's that's what a real wrong boy would have hit you with but he said understood yeah i can't get on here get on here to message and talk to you every time but thanks though so he he politely said i'm finna bow out of this since since you too scary since all you do is watch forensic files every night and snap and you think um a man in the dm finna try to you know come through the phone and chop you up or get your address based on your phone number i'm gonna go ahead and let's let this one right here go sis because you already got slick out the mouth with me two times you know with the little extra sauce on there on the on the responses so and it's the thing this text y'all texting in the messenger it has no tone it has no and you're not using smiley faces you ain't throwing no lol in there you just ugh right to the point it's like you've been on here on my youtube and and you ready to slice and dice the twi how long you been following me nine years you know you still got to have you still got to keep that you know technicalness about you and that was one one of the lessons though and it ain't easy to do it's not easy to do but that's one of the things my wife did that just really always blew me away is like her energy would be so nice and so bubbly and so friendly like that a man could literally think that she like him because she just got a good you know demeanor like a man could literally think that she like him or that she feeling him or dad you know she flirting just because she's nice and she'll talk and she will ad-lib in the conversation and sometimes i have to look and be like it's a little extra but then i have to remind myself she know i'm crazy and she talking to him like this right in front of me so that got to be pure that got to be pure because she already know she already know i ain't with the with the food or right now and then i had to remind myself to when i met her i tried her when we got into bed when we when i spent the night for the first time i tried her because her conversation was so bubbly and friendly and kind so i tried her thinking that she was finna be easy because of how nice and easy it was to talk to her we talked six hours it's hard to talk to any human for six hours without arguing or debating over pettiness we had no arguments no debates for six hours so then the grown boy in me instead of appreciating and respecting the novelty that i had just found at 21 years old i wanted to go for the gusto and i tried to slide my hand over there and my wife grabbed my hand put it back on me i tried to slide it over there again she grabbed my hand put it back on me i'm trying to slide it over there again she roll out that bed see then she hop up get up get up i told you [Music] i was like what's going on what's going on i'm trying i'm putting my shirt back on i'm like wow you kicking me out that was the first time in my life that that had ever happened to me that was the first time this the one this the one right here this is the one this is the one this woman here this real killer because see this watch i tell people when you a real illa when you're a real see i used to you know i work with professional athletes and i had this one athlete pro athlete nba player that i've worked with in order for him to play good he had to make himself angry he had to hate the other team he go off on me if i speak to a player who i know and who i mentor on the other team he'll go off on me and be angry with me for speaking to that person and i went to him one night and i said listen if you can't look a man in his eyes smile shake his hand and then still slit his throat you ain't gonna kill him so you need to stop acting tough and you need to actually be tough why you got that this is a game this is a game you getting millions of dollars for this game why do you have to act like a child on the playground and you got to be angry just to beat this guy in a game you need to grow up you get mad at another grown man for speaking to a grown man who you work for i said i work for me i say i am a life coach i care about him and his life and his heart and his wife just like i care about you don't come to me as no grown man telling me i can't speak to him just because i'm working with your organization and y'all are playing a game this is not a gang war see he comes from a gang infested area so he treated it like a gang war and so i had to let him know like bro that's not no real killer you got to be mad like like real killer you don't even you need to suspect them they smile and they nice they friendly like they doing turkey giveaways they doing backpack giveaways them the real hitters the one that always walk around me mother man he's soft he's scary the real ones you don't even suspect it cuz he cool he nice shake your hand laugh talk with you and you'll be gone the same night you said i'm trying to tell you and so this as a woman that's how you you gotta get to that place to where your energy and your your your demeanor is so sure yourself you so confident you so peaceful that a man will think you are a butterfly not a bee not a wasp he will think you are a butterfly you the nicest most beautiful creature god has ever created but if he try you he well i ain't no butterflies thing man ain't no butterfly man where butterfly get a spangle from oh my goodness oh my goodness you see what i'm saying did i say venomous uh is venomous the same as poisonous same thing you say on me and that's what that's what my wife did and that thing blowed me away and she's still like that to this day it's like it's all fun again she'll keep watching she told me a girl tried her in college because because she came to the school and because she liked skin the girl told my oh you think you light skin you thank you all of that you want my man because the boy had said hey to him was like you know being nice to her and she said she you know hey what's up what's going on say the girl tried to fight her because she thought she was trying to take her boyfriend and she said she tried to like listen i do not want him i do not want her i don't even know what to say girl trying to say she grabbed so girl came to fight and said she grabbed her girl head and bamming that girl head into the wall wow but that's how she is she liked that so that right there that made me respect her when i met her because i'm like she easy as a sunday morning but if you try her if and to be a tornado in a city and see this the thing is this is and the reason why i'm talking he did a lot wrong too but he's not asking for advice so that's what a lot of y'all who watching the video got to understand is i'm speaking to the person who asking me the question on what they could do better we know what the other person did wrong but the video ain't for the other person is for the person who here so this what you could do when you want that when you're on that internet when you're on this internet you need to just be cool calm and collected like just be chill you don't have to be aggressive you don't have to be as assertive you don't have to be snappy you know throw you some smiley faces in there throw you some lols in there you see what i mean and then if he try you like a basil that's when you off with his head you feel me but he should have never seen it coming so that if he cuts it off or if you cut it off all he could say about you and women who look like you is very nice person like she's real nice like she's real cool we just we just lost contact but well he'll walk away and said man she's immature man just like so on just defenses guard so high like man she scarred like she jaded like she'd been hurt like it's like she could see my whole profile she could see how i moved she see all my pictures she could verify i'm a real person and she treated me like i you know just got off the list of you know for doing for being an offender like that's how she talking to me in the message like wow come on so he'll take that narrative and he'll spin it you feel me and then it's not just against you now he taking this energy that he didn't got from you now he's taking this to the next woman and now she finna get a little bit more of a nasty dog because nah nah he not even dealt with you so that's what you also have to realize is when a man come to you you don't know if he just got cursed out yesterday by another woman and you don't know what that woman said to him that woman could have tagged him and went to talk about this him that's why you like this this all you got down there you don't know that's why you oh such and such high yellow no good sorry penny wide liquor and he what he like man i ain't even going to try to listen to me anything and so now he come to you you don't know how many times he'd have been chopped up and you don't know what the woman went through why she chopped him up because she could have just got by her ex by her boyfriend by her you see what i mean so what we have to realize in these relationships is the one who is the purest the happiest the most secure the most confident that's who gonna win because everybody getting beat up by their trans body transactions everybody getting beat up by the interactions so everybody coming to the connection point with a little jade legitimacy you know look preconceived notions little guards up and that's the issue so when you in here let me tell you how you meet people on social media is the difference between meeting someone on social media and meeting someone on a dating app on social media or a dating site people ask me about the facebook day that's a no no that's a dating site that's essentially a dating site don't do that if somebody coming your facebook dm or your instagram dm or your twitter dm that's totally different because you are not signed up on a site to meet lovers you sign up on a networking site to share your business your brand your life your moves with your friends your family or your audience so that meeting is more organic yes the same exact stuff that happens on a dating website can happen in the instagram dm just because you meet someone in the instagram dm does not make them a better person but it does say something if they did not pay to sign up on a dating site it says something about them they're on the networking site they bumped into you they liked what they saw so create your own rules i like your rule so you talk to the person y'all talk there you have a timeline in your head you have an amount of messages in your head that you want to see before you'll give a number and then this is the thing you don't have to check the person you don't have to check strangers in a sense or like try to teach or train a stranger so he said so i have to get on social media to talk to you you could have said yes for now that will make me feel comfortable so you see what i'm saying it's all about reading and responding versus reading and reacting so if you say yes for now that'll make me feel comfortable so now what it says to him is you're a classy woman who has common sense and you're being safe and you're not talking to just any random joe on your phone who message you on social media so what that also teaches him is that you have boundaries you have standards but he also when he thinks about it when his head hits the pillow and he's going through his day he will say wow you know what that's actually comforting because that lets me know there's not a million guys with her phone number so if i continue to pursue this woman i'm actually pursuing a woman with class and substance but see here's the thing when you answer with your attitude um yes just like you got on social media to friend me and message me and this is the thing which all got to understand and i just noticed this with a prominent blogger that knows me from years ago and wrote about me in one of her blogs and she reached out to me and i was talking to her in the message and her answers were so crass and rude and defensive i was like let me let me shut this conversation down because she's texting me for screenshots that's what you have to that's what you have to be mindful of as a woman or as a man stop talking to people for screenshots so just like you screenshotted this to me who else did you send it to and were you thinking about getting my opinion or someone else's opinion or showing it to somebody one of your home girls to brag about having men in your dms so were you responding in a way to protect yourself and make yourself look tough and on point and sharp and yin with the games and you got too many options because that's the energy that i'm getting you see what i mean so i'm gonna be real with you now so when y'all write in and you asking me to for my opinion on your situation now it's gonna it's gonna it's gonna get you together now but hey so you gotta you gotta be able to hear me it's coming from a place of love so this is the thing it's all about how you respond so now you respond in a way that you got to ask yourself okay where am i speaking from right now am i speaking from a fence am i speaking from anger am i speaking from frustration am i speaking from disrespect or am i speaking from self-love so when you when you respond and you say yes for now that will make me feel comfortable or i will feel more comfortable talking here for now so now that sounds like self love like you love yourself you cherish yourself you value yourself you value your space your phone number is sacred that's private and so you're just not going to be giving that out willy-nilly he give his number willy nilly so that tells you something about him and then all the thirst traps that's online he shoot that number to them they on they line they don't hit line boom a minute later then boom he had a apartment then boom they in the bed so he wanted him one look like you he wanted him one look like you and when you turn out to be a little too much work he like ah nah nah see nothing now this is the other thing just adjust the position which i don't know if that what that mean right here and if that go but we're going to use it because it sound good this the just the position right here is if he was the man for you if you look like the woman who's been running through his mind every day your messages wouldn't have ran him off but see the man because because you didn't you didn't curse you ain't put all caps you ain't really fillet him you just kind of came back like look direct so don't don't don't beat yourself up on this like oh man my message was terrible and tony just ripped me a new one like the man in the dark and man yeah no that's not what i'm saying it's just that if you are ready to meet your husband you gotta always evaluate especially when you're talking in the inbox that there's no field there's no tone and it could be misinterpreted and so that's when your words matter a whole lot more and and when you think about that you'll say okay think of three different ways you can word your answer before you send it and then each way you can think of that you can word it evaluate it from three different angles a outsider a you know like a life coach a woman's perspective a man's perspective you know evaluate it from different angles so you can see like how does this sound and then you you send what your heart is comfortable with and then let the chips fall where they make now if this was your husband and he had seen in his mind that you are his wife you look like his wife that's what he pictured for a wife your messages would not have ran him off but because he looking for a woman to be his piece or he looking for a piece he like ain't got the time for it you're a little too saucy and he message it for me you got a little too many too many requirements for me sister i ain't got the time i'm looking for a way i'm bound thank you ma'am finna get on up out of here uncle sam and so boom he gone and so that now the good thing about it is that you know when you direct like this you definitely gonna run off men who ain't there for you but this he a decent dude because if he was a savage he would he would have took your little direct messages being direct ironically they called direct messages but how direct your messages are he would have took this as a challenge okay thank you tough huh been listening to your relationship coach online since 2012 okay all right you tough okay all right finna play your game watch this it's gonna play your game it'll be a million lead and that's how savage is doing today they let you thank you tough they let you think the ball is in your court they let you think that you got it man will they let you thank you got him will they let you think you got him by the other and that you down there just twist them and get them together and then as soon as you just fall in love he dog you he dog you and it's happening every day that's why i say you got to come in pure operating from a place of confidence peace prosperity self love so that your your aura your energy your demeanor your conversation is so full of self love it disarms him all the savaging him all the grown boy in him all the bad intentions in him he like whoa this woman too peaceful and amazing like she too full of the spirit of god for me to try her i dare not try this woman and when i say the spirit of god i don't mean you quoting scriptures that's a problem with a lot of y'all you're too saved i don't mean you sprinkling olive oil and that's not what i'm saying i'm saying you got a peace you got a kindness you see what i mean to where it feel like he could feel the spirit of god because it's just so peaceful so it ain't it ain't all of that it's calming like running river water to where he just like oh a conversation washing me just not to have to argue not to have to debate not to have to compete not have to just go back and forth with who could say the slickest stuff out the mouth like just to see somebody sidestep a power struggle like i tried to be petty and she stayed grown and showed me how grown she is oh my goodness wow where this woman come from the woman do not stoop to nobody level she stand tall that's her that's who she is wow lord what you did with her oh my goodness you broke the mold that's what i said about my wife i'm like this woman don't stoop to my level she stay where she at i got to elevate to her love she's not yelling with me she's not finna argue with me she's not going to be petted with me she finna keep her class and if i can't get on her level then i'm finna fail the class and she finna gone about her business i say wow i got to study her because i got to pass this class because i ain't met now like her and that's why we 14 year old married and i treat her like a queen because she knew how to stay on hers and not stoop the mind but to make me elevate to her never did she let her energy her spirit get nasty and in the mud with me get slick and nasty she just was pure and real and i could feel if she was displeased if she was unhappy i could feel it but i didn't she didn't say it with words it was just her her energy would shift she'll get quiet she'll get distant and it'll send a message to me oh yeah you in the dog house and i who got to get out of the dog so hey listen to me listen to me this is a hard balance now it's a hard balance it's not easy because it's easier to go to a negative disposition to a frustrated you know angry disposition it's easier to go there then to be pure and and to be happy and to be peaceful and to be confident and operating from self-love but you got it in you every one of us got it in us we just got to remind ourselves and channel that and then you attract what's for you you're not going to attract a savage who want to now make you pay because of how you slicing and dicing them in the dm you're not going to attract no grown boy no no you know no little childish man you're gonna get a man that he'd see he got to be on your level in order to deal with you hey this is tony gaston god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 17,720

Rating: 4.9438376 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: NtF92o4H45k

Length: 44min 7sec (2647 seconds)

Published: Mon May 03 2021