How To Know She’s Your Wife | Man 2 Man

hey tony guys here popping in with a video for the fellas today i typically try to do videos for the fellas sometimes people ask me you know why don't you do more videos for the for the guys well only five percent of my audience is men so i can only do five percent of my videos for me and just also part of my mission and my message is i'm a man so i better understand the behaviors of men then i do the behaviors of women so it's only certain things that i could speak on to men about women because he and i are still learning but i fully understand the ways of a man and how we act and how we think and so that's why i describe that most often but i want to talk to the men today i've been married 14 years and when i tell people my marriage is perfect of course i'm using a word that is not really attainable but when i think about what could be better in my marriage to be honest with you me giving my wife more time than i give her now and i give her time quality time every day so the one thing that could be better in my marriage is me having more time from saving the world trying to save the world and just being able to look deeply into my wife's eyes so that's why i say my marriage is perfect because also my wife doesn't complain about the time that she gets she's not asking me for more time she's not sad she's not depressed she's not crying i don't get to see my wife cry because we don't argue she doesn't get to see me storming out because we don't argue we've learned how to communicate so for a lack of a better term and also because i like speaking things into existence or calling things what i want them to be called i say my marriage is perfect but if i really had to literally rate it for somebody just because perfection is not attainable other than based on your perception of it so perfection is actually attainable in a relationship because you define perfection so another man may say well does your wife cook every day and i say no my wife doesn't cook every day then your marriage isn't perfect because he thinks that a woman cooking every day makes her a woman i don't see that as a woman so we define good bad ugly perfect ourselves and that's what i want the men to understand when it comes to choosing a wife one of the biggest mistakes we make is we choose her with our little head instead of our big head we choose her with our eyes instead of our heart and that's the mistake that we make and the reason why we make that mistake is because we live in a world that is so overly sexualized that from a young age we are given to masturbation and then to new magazines and pornography and those things lead us down a path of sexual immorality and perversion so now when we go into the world and we're trying to look for a wife something that is very substantial something that is very meaningful something that is the crux of our life and it really can make you or break you we end up looking for the woman that we've seen in a magazine or on the phone or on a movie and that's not reality and then we get with the woman and we want her to be what we've fantasized about and that's not reality and so we will compare her performance in the bedroom to the performance of a professional that you watch on a phone screen now i will admit to you that i've never had that issue in the sense of struggling with an addiction to pornography i've never actually watched a full pornography and the reason why i say that that i understand it's a problem because i know so many men that have and i get to see the difference in the way i looked at my wife and the way so many men i meet are looking for their wife is totally different so when i met my wife it was more so about her substance than it was about her looks because she didn't have the body that i fantasized about she didn't have the body that was praised and portrayed in the magazines on the music videos which was a big deal back then and on the movies her body would have been almost the opposite of that and had i been overly superficial and said hey i want the video vixen especially being raised in the south where you know you're known for fried chicken and collard greens and cornbread and what that does you know with a woman's shape my wife having different genetics being half indian her ancestors being from india and half african meaning black both of her parents being jamaican but one is black jamaican one is the indian jamaican her mom not being shaped like the body type from africa that i was more accustomed to you know her mom was more so long slender and lean not you know short and compact you know with a large backside that i was around that i grew up with it was a a different bloodline and so you mix that with her dad whose ancestry is from india which is a completely unique build in itself and you put that together and then you have my wife and that was the totally different than what i grew up around seeing i grew up around seeing women who were very shapely very curvy and my wife was more so straight up and down and so had i been into pornography and into new magazines and into those things i wouldn't have married my wife because i would have been so caught up on a fantasy or vision or media programming and this is where i see so many men today can't meet their woman because they're literally looking for something out of a magazine they're looking for this woman who has this unique complexion this unique eye color this unique hair texture this unique height this unique uh shape in her body this you know perfect stomach perfect everything and and then also want her to [Music] be a woman of god want her to desire to cook every day to clean every day and to sleep with him every day and so with men having this fantasy subconsciously in the mind it's destroying our reality so we can't ever hold on and grasp reality for what it is and appreciate a woman for being a human because we're comparing her to something that's not real and even when you see this is a real human you're watching on this site or this movie or these magazines a lot of times what we don't take into consideration is that her breasts may be augmented her butt may be augmented it may come from a doctor and not from her creator and her teeth her lips you know her nose her cheeks and what she's doing on the video you're watching is that's what she does every single day for a living and that is her life and that is what she has mastered and i'm noticing that this perversion is destroying human connection because it is increasing lust to a level that is unrealistic and so now men are just so less crazy and thirsty that a real connection that is much slower it's much more bare it's much more real it's not glamorous the way the media portrays the women that it showcases to the men when you have a woman there may be stretch marks there may be chin hairs that she plucks there may be lip hairs that she waxes there may be varicose veins there may be ankles that are swollen feet that are swollen there may be allergic reactions there may be adult acne there may be cystic breakouts there may be life gripping cramps for three to seven days a month there there's all kind of things that come with the reality of a woman but what we're being served up is this unreal performance from exotic dancers and from adult performers on videos and now and then from instagram and facebook and twitter and so now men are seeing women as objects and not as human beings as sex toys and not as human beings and that is subconsciously most men don't even realize how they're comparing this woman what they're comparing this woman that they're on a first date with what they're comparing her to the first three months what they are comparing her to and this is what you have to be mindful of so understand this when you when you first go when you go into the world you're going to see women and one of the most important components in your life will be how does she look and the same goes for a woman to a man but you're asking yourself how does she look and so the question is how does she present herself how is she dressed here's the thing she will be dressed in a way that you can tell she's not attention seeking she's not trying to use her body as bait to lure men because she understands men are visual creatures and horny beings a lot of times and very lustful creatures so she's not letting her butt cheeks hang out of the bottom of her shorts and she's not letting her breasts hang out all out of her shirt but she's dressed and she's going to be put together of course clean and neat and it may be on trend but it's going to be a look that says appreciate my beauty but respect my beauty you can admire my beauty but you have to respect my beauty i am a gift that must be unwrapped so you don't see the complete present and prize outside in public because she's not showing everything she is concerned conservative to a degree that sends a statement that although she is confident and she can dress on trend meaning whatever the fashion style is of today she has picked the most classy version of it and she is perfecting it in her own way and even if she's dressed outdated and she's dressed in the fashion of her mother or her grandmother she still is clean and presentable and she's saying to you with her image that i'm not for sale and i'm not for display she can be sexy while being sophisticated she can be cute while being classy she can be fine or whatever you would determine while still presenting herself in a way that you don't compare her to the exotic dancers you know or to the adult film stars that you know because her energy and her aura and the way she presents herself is totally different so understand that because that speaks to where her mind is it speaks to her influences it speaks to who she looks up to so if a woman dresses closer to michelle obama even when michelle obama's in street clothes it may be form-fitting jeans and a long flowing shirt with a split on the side that comes all the way up to her hip bone but it's not showing it's not going all the way up to her bra and you're not seeing her skin under her shirt but yet this flowing ensemble that has a split in it it gives you vibes of sophisticated sexy but not the other s word slu [Music] and a couple t's and a y it's not giving you that and so you're like this this is fashionable but it's respectable like i can imagine but it would require me getting to know this woman and building with her to know her to feel comfortable with her and have a relationship with her to for her to be mine for me to know more and that is essentially what she will represent and this is something that we have to be mindful of now when you see the way she promotes in a sense and she's not selling herself but presenting herself and when you see this and you approach her and you get to know her and you go on the first date what you're going to realize about a wife on the first date is that she is healed so she's not answering your questions with an attitude she's not interrogating you she's not looking at you like you're on the witness stand and she is asking you questions and she doesn't believe you and you have to prove yourself beyond a reasonable doubt beyond the shadow of a doubt and she's not defensive so she doesn't debate with you what you believe is what you believe what she believes is what she believes but she's not here to debate or to argue with you because she's mature on another level and she doesn't know you from a can of pain so she's not going to waste her precious time arguing with you and debating with you about the ways of the world she's going to know how to communicate and she's going to respect your views your thoughts and your opinions and she may or may not share hers if hers are opposing she may not even share it she just may take note of your views and your opinions and let you speak and continue to ask you questions and continue to listen to you and the reason being is she is healed she doesn't have anything to prove she's not here to debate she's not here to argue she's not here to be defensive she's not here to be a skeptic or a critic because she's still hurting from her last man that she was with or who broke her heart she's taking the time to get new knowledge to love herself again to know who she is to know what she brings to the table and she's not entertaining foolishness so if you dare ask her what she's bringing to the table the look you get may be a look that makes you feel two inches tall because she's so healed and pure that she'd rather get up and walk away from your table than have you ask her what she brings to your table because she represents who she is and what she is and you'll know that just by having a conversation with her and you won't as a man have to interrogate her nor should you because you should be healed and developed and a man on your own two feet and not listening to toxic masculinity and men who hate women and men who despise women because they could never get women or they were overlooked by women or they were mistreated by women and even if you went through a season of that in your life you have to heal from that and make sure you don't have resentment in your heart so that you can properly assess what is in front of you this woman that you're talking to but if you're still hurting and you're still broken and you're still bitter from your ex or exes or your life experiences then you're going to misread this woman who could be a perfect wife so understand that the next thing that you're going to realize is she is centered and what i mean by centered is if you're a man of faith she's a woman of faith your wife is a woman of faith if you're a christian she's a christian she knows who she is and she's comfortable in her skin by being centered she's not flying by the seat of her pants so where the world says [Music] hey everyone's in an open relationship she says no that's not a relationship to me that's destruction that's chaos the world says everyone is having threesome she says no the world says everyone goes to the strip club as a couple she says no she is center she has morals she has values and she's confident in those things she doesn't wear it on her forehead she's not holier than thou and she's not acting all righteous but when in conversation you realize she knows what she knows and she's comfortable in what she knows and she's comfortable in who she is she's not going with the flow she's not a leaf in the wind she's a tree firmly planted by the water her roots are deep she stands firm and she understands who she is what she is and why she is so she is centered what this represents is stability she can definitely be the backbone to a body so that's what you have to understand the next thing what you're going to realize is she has goals or a goal and what i mean by this is she's going somewhere she knows what she wants she either has a business works in a business and whichever one she's in she has a goal for that role so if she's in business she wants to build her business to a certain level and she knows what level that is if she's working for a company she wants to reach a certain level if that's not the place she wants to be then she knows where she wants to be what companies she wants to work for if she's not in business but she she knows that she's an entrepreneur she will have a desire for business and she will know what she wants to do you won't hear i don't know who i am i don't know where i'm going you will hear a certainty in her voice even though that may change she will be certain in that moment where she's going and what she wants so she will say something to you like well i'm getting ready to get my phd and i want to be a professor at georgetown university or she will say i am in the process of mapping out and planning and i'm looking at locations because i want to open a nail salon or she will say i work for such and such and is going great but i really my ultimate goal is to be the vp of sales or marketing and so what i need to do is finish this certification i'm also getting my masters and then i will be better positioned so that when the opportunity arises i can apply she will have a goal she will know where she's going and this is what you have to understand it's not one of the women who when you talk to her she kind of doesn't have a comment on anything on politics on religion on sports she's kind of just like oh you know i just i'm you know if a person is atheist if a person is christian it doesn't matter to me you know like what is faith it just really it's up to the person i'm okay you know whatever lifestyle and as far as business i really don't know what i want to do like i you know i i struggle with every day one day i want to do eyebrows another way day i want to sell waist trainers you know another day i just want to be like a stay-at-home mom and just like pop out babies every year and just like love all my kiddos and she's not gonna be that type of woman she and even though all of that may transpire in her life her herself will have a goal she'll have a vision and lastly what i would say and of course you could add more to this based on who you are as a man she will be a role model and what i mean by this is you have to ask yourself when you're on a date with this woman can this woman lead my daughter if i had a daughter would i or if you have a daughter would i want her to grow up to be like this woman would i want my daughter to dress like this woman as an adult when she's an adult what i want my daughter to talk like this woman meaning the words she uses how she expresses herself what i want my daughter to think like this woman see this is something that will really tell it all because the love from a father to a daughter is going to be totally different because your daughter comes from you you know she's flesh of your flesh blood of your blood and so you're gonna love her purely instantaneously if you allow your heart to do so and so that love is so pure you want perfection for your daughter and would you hire this woman to be a tutor to be a mentor for your daughter if you did not have a relationship with your daughter's mother would this woman be a woman you would want your daughter to look up to and you may not be able to tell on the first date a hundred percent but by about the tenth date you should have all of these questions answered you should see all of this and if you don't as a man you should be able to say hey i don't want to waste your time um i realize that we're just not really a fit you know i'm not really the man for you and just my life is in one place your life is in another place and i don't see us going in the same direction and it would be unfair of me to drag you along when i know that your husband is is out here and you're intentionally and purposefully dating and you're ready to meet your husband and i can honestly say as a man just from getting to know you over these you know 10 days or so i don't think that i'm the best fit for you and she may cry it may sting it may hurt but when she wakes up the next day she'll have a profound respect for you because she's met so many men who will feel that way and just ghost her and not give her any closure and not tell her anything she's dealt with so many men who will whine and die her and woo her and and get her in the bed and sleep with her and then feel that way and ghost her or tell her what you're telling her to release her but he's already taken her body and so she feels empty she feels less than she feels used she feels abused she feels mistreated she feels discarded so as a man when you realize this woman is not your wife immediately let her know in the kindest way possible men real men don't ghost women you know real men don't blame or point out what it is that you don't like because what you don't like it doesn't mean she needs to change it because there's a man who would like her exactly how she is and if you try to change a human being to be what you want her to be you never know when she'll revert back to who she originally was so it's best to [Music] see who she is and believe who she consistently is and then make a judgment call from there so listen this is a few ways you can identify your wife and having been married 14 years my wife checked off all these boxes and it has proven to work because still to this day she's solid like still to this day she is the woman that i met because it's hard to fake these things she's the woman that i met and i'll be honest with you it's so amazing that in 14 years i could say at max it feels like a year and four months just to play off the one and the four it it really i i can tell we will be together for the rest of our lives because it still feels new and it feels that way because she's healed even though she was cheated on before me even though she was taken advantage of she was mistreated she was abused she was talked down to she was called outside of her name she went through everything a woman goes through and lied to and left she went through it all but when she met me she didn't bring that damage to me she was healed and she was centered and she was a role model she wore jeans skirts but they weren't short they weren't too short they came to the mill of her thigh you know she dressed according to you know the fashion of that day and she made it look good but you know her chest was never hanging all out and her butt was never hanging all out and you know i respected that and i've seen that you know when you go to my wife's instagram you'll see how she carries herself and she could show everything if she wanted to you know and she has a really nice shape that i love now she actually and the other thing is because i chose substance and not just a look because i didn't walk away from her because her butt wasn't a certain size or her stomach wasn't uh washboard abs because i didn't judge her superficially to the umpteenth degree she actually over the years just became more and more beautiful and everyone knows my wife now and say what are you talking about like your wife is absolutely gorgeous and yes she is but that's also what happens to a woman when she's in love when she's taken care of when she doesn't have to stress when she doesn't have to worry when she doesn't have to cry i honestly my i today when i look at my wife i honestly don't recognize her as the same person that i met because she would we were in a totally different mindset total different age total different day she had a completely different look and but her heart was the same her integrity her character was the same and she's not perfect because no human is perfect but she had the intangibles and she had everything that i could want in a woman when it comes to can this woman be a role model for our kids and we have two boys but with the way she carries herself with the strength she carries herself i would want my sons to marry a woman that's like their mom that's strong and centered and secure in who she wants to be in the world and she doesn't let the world say hey you have to go get butt implants hey you have to go do this to your face hey you have to wear your hair like this hey you have to you know let the bottom of your butt cheeks hang out of your shorts and take a picture and post it on instagram with your butt cheeks hanging out of your shorts you have to let all of your cleavage hang out you have to use your body as your bait to get attention from me she doesn't let the world although the world is screaming that and a lot of women are listening to it and doing it she doesn't let the world force her to be something that she doesn't feel makes sense or that she doesn't feel comfortable doing and so as a man you have to recognize and appreciate that when you see that in a woman because that lets you know that she's a backbone and she's strong and that she can hold things together when you're not there when you're on the road when you're sick when you're down and out that she is strong enough to stand on her own two feet and she still can be like a tree firmly planted by the water and she doesn't float like a leaf in the wind because she's afraid and she's uncertain and she's insecure and she's broken and she's hurting and she she lets the world dictate and determine who she is and what she thinks about herself but she loves herself and even when she does something that may be on trend that may be happening in the world she does it from a secure standpoint that says this is for me and i'm gonna do it my way and make it fit me so she'll enhance herself and she'll dress and she'll speak and she may dance and she may do things that are happening you know she may like a song that's on the radio like it doesn't i'm not saying she's an alien i'm not saying that she can't relate to anybody but what i'm saying is she doesn't go against her morals and her values for anyone and if she can't make whatever is happening in the world fit inside of her principle her morals her values then she doesn't do it and so that woman if you look at the body she can be the spine and what is a body without a spine she can be the spine and she can be the head when she needs to be the head and what i mean by that is there will be areas in life that as a man you're not strong in for me it's education in school my wife is the head in that area because i don't know what's the best route for kids in school to prepare them for college she does because that's the route she did that's the route her sisters did so she understands how that works and i'm not always decisive on every decision everything that you do as as a couple as a family in life but being that she's strong and she's confident she doesn't wither away she doesn't shrink in the face of opposition or when a decision needs to be made and i don't know what to do she has a strong voice and a strong opinion and that brings balance to my life that helps me out and when i'm getting ready to do something make a move in my business and i can't see myself from the outside looking in i can go to her and even though she's not in my industry doing what i do she can firmly give me her opinion and it makes total sense and it's because she knows who she is and yet at the same time she's not demanding controlling or to head strong to be humble so if i ask her a question about my business and what i should do and she gives me an answer and i didn't fully explain or i don't agree with her answer and i say well what about this and what about this she's able to then see my angle and what i'm processing in my mind and say you know well now that you say that that makes perfect sense yeah you should not do what i just said instead you should do this because it's in line with what your heart wants to do and i see where where you're going with this and that makes sense there's nothing wrong with that and so it's not like she's a know-it-all it's not like she's gonna pitch a fit if i don't agree with an opinion instead she's there to be a sounding board to be a listening ear to be a support system and just to make sure that i'm not miscalculating and so she adds her set of eyes to anything i'm dealing with or looking at and her perspective brings peace it brings calm it brings stability and that's what you want in a woman a woman who is independent so that she can stand on her own two feet and you're independent standing on your own two feet and you come together and that makes you interdependent so often as men we make the mistake of trying to choose a woman who is codependent or a woman who is dependent so that we can feel like more of a man because we get to call every shot without being questioned and she doesn't know how to do anything and she won't do anything without us making the call for her so in essence she's a robot she's a lap dog she's just whoever you tell her to be and that's not what you want in a woman and don't think that that's masculinity and don't think that that's manhood and don't think that that's what leadership means it's not you want a woman who is strongly who is confident but yet also humble and respectful so don't confuse this woman that i'm describing as the woman who yells at you and curses you out that's not centered and that is not healed so there's a fine balance here and i think you get what i'm saying so listen to it again if you don't and it'll make sense and you know if you're a man and you happen to need me and you need to really assess the woman that you're talking to and see if she's your wife you know just email in to support tonygashin.com and hopefully if i'm doing one-on-one sessions we can set something up god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 18,555

Rating: 4.9535184 out of 5

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Id: wGUdKtc2-yE

Length: 39min 38sec (2378 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 10 2021