LEGEND OF KRONAN - ORKS OF OMEN: BASHTORR

between the time when chaos broke Cadia and the return of the sons of the emperor there was an age on dreamed of and unto this Cronan wearer of the jeweled crown of aquilonia upon a troubled brow it is I his chronicler who alone can tell thee of his Saga let me tell you of the days of high adventure where Mr gabins and the muggins to grind between their ever chewy gobs the Flesh and bits and saw stuff of the boys and The Inferno where Roars the anus fairness its Flames cope to devour its heat to take life with searing squittiness onto volcanic hot stuff with body bubbles that burners dare does he find you there does he see you and in the seeing does he know your heart you're behind your backhand slice they are lighters bashed or the ass frame and crumping is his gift and so it was that our Mighty Hero Cronin the cunning one Lord of all of aquadonia had dominated his world of origin the first of his kind to defeat the cumis in open War the only orc orky enough to bring the desperate tribes of his kind together under the one Banner His Banner and his cunning Noir Cronan had seen off Pretenders crashed the chaos worshiping bag of excrement called Toba had bested not only armies of the humis but even their legendary angles of death the ass starters and their Prim anus knobs but more than this he had been guided on his way to Greatness by none other than Mork himself the god of Canon brutality twin to gork God of brutal Cannon the only two Gods the Orcs ever needed announced the turn of the ages shifted again a huge punch-up was in the offing for the Eldar called it the Bananarama some called it the wolf time others the time of bending but all who were in The know well they knew that I'm dung was about to hit the fan and so it was that the Greek gods of the Orcs had chosen their own Heralds their own Prophets and gork had moved to the auspices of his mighty son gals Gul maguaka the hero of Armageddon the crusher of the buggins at octaneous the bane of old bear eye yet Mork was hardly sitting around with his thumbs up his bosteria he had rather taken a shine to our hero Cronan the cunning one he had gifted him with a wit to see the will to perform that most dread of activities for Cronin was known for his mighty cogitations in a word huh thinking and so it was that he had outsort and out fought all he had come across but more Mork had sent signs importance had guided Conan to the home of the Orcs to Eleanor itself and now Cronan was in possession of the first Chopper Hackney with it as an icon of favor from the great God Mork his osota was now unquestionable well more because of his potential size his known fightiness and ability to crump literally anything he had ever seen Cronan was the prophet of Mork he was undeniably the cunning won and so it was that Cronen had begun a such a spanning war for he knew that a massive fight was being waged across the Stars elsewhere with a huge array of the armies of the Imperium to be collected for none had many reasons for his actions these days but surely one of the most important was a wish to Pit himself against the power and skill of the gold ones the armies of the Imperium were as vast as the Stars they commanded all ridiculously named of course but a myriad nonetheless and some could be quite fighty when pushed into a corner Cronan wanted to collect all of the anal minute tantrum regiments of course he did he was not sloppy or he looks better or lollygagger and he would not sniff at a chance to beat down some of the smaller pointy nose and white-haired are stutters but he really wanted to go through their best the Space Marines when he had gone through the tipplers the marinaders the city man Bears and the rest then oh then he might be able to unlock the gold ones the best of the best the UE Emperor's greatest warriors the cat's owners and this was his most cherished personal goal an outside chance but worth a shot if he got them all corrected them all then surely the humans would have no choice but to feed him the gold ones yet this would require for there to be a bar to end all wars for the humans we're known to have a massive Empire and they ignored or ran away from Mustangs so Cronan knew he had to get into the biggest action he could find a group of fumies that would all but guarantee the gold ones when you had pulled off the rest of the wrapping and so Conan was now almost ready he was about to begin his war in Earnest and Crusade across the Stars on a rampage of pure sanitary and of course brutality as is great God Mook intended now it must be noted that the master itself did take a minute for even when Cronan returned and was hailed by a wall to be the prophet of Mork well again actually but for some reason it never got boring to crowdan nor to tiddles for he would be incited when he saw his master so hailed perhaps it was a Jubilation the boisterous laughter or perhaps it was because few would keep their attention on the now 10-foot ball of fang Fury and he would be able to snaffle a few with at least a few since celebrants at the back of any crowd not that many would attempt to stop turtles in any of his stacking patterns if truth be told and we always like to be truthful on the Chronicles Cronan got knocked off with him at times when someone who was almost fond of was consumed whilst carrying something Cronen had demanded bought to him which was quite rare actually but tiddles did like to attempt to be a good boy for his master and that is a rare Squig indeed and while we're on the subject of the ball of hate things had rather changed for cronen's pet squid his very first loyal attendant tittles have been a boon time and time again and now he had a pet ever been more loyal to their master and as Cronin had grown not only in station but also in girth and stature so too had his pet and as Cronan was now the largest orc anyone in this sector had seen Sans a mighty prophet of gork of course gascon thus too was tyrrell's now enormous and this had actually caused some problems some issues but then most Orcs found them amazingly amusing well as long as they were not on the receiving end of course for tiddles was now so pretigious in his volume that he was no longer able to Traverse many of the corridors crawl spaces and avenues of the ships on which Cronan took him and this had led to a strange situation indeed for his Cronan would be noticeably vexed if his pet was not present or at least the boss of bosses knew where he was thus had it become for tiddles and his own pet happy Len the poor grot was ostensibly the aid of hypocrates and actually really enjoyed working for the pain boy alas this meant that he would be in the segments that tittles could not get to and this had led to the Squig getting pangs and loitering around regions that led to the confined pain boys decks of the ship and if titles had to wait too long he would either get very angry and go on a one more rampage that could say scores or would identify a proxy a stand-in a grot or even a full boy would be adopted by the Squig but either when it did not perform as happy Lin would do or when happy then finally materialized again tiddles would discard his proxy well he discarded them into his stomach was a more accurate statement so now it became difficult for Len because all wished him to assist hypocrates of course the pain boy was working miracles on the boys but they far more wish to be saved from the predations of a very erratic and almost neurotic huge sphere of consuming slathering to see destruction hence Lane had much pressure on him to spend increasing time with tittles all of course while Cronin was away on another ship in the fleet because tittle's only really needed his emotional support clut when his master was away it had started during the Squig games or more to put it the period before when Cronin had been captured by that scum Toba and his boss to smash her the Squig had fretted so badly did he follow duck of one smash over into the camp of the speedway but we have already heard about these details in depth now tittles did not seem to believe in the invulnerability of his master when he was not present and tiddles being a Squig was not intelligent but on some animalistic Squiggy level he was all too aware of how he could not simply get to another ship if Cronan was in trouble and he pined so he turned to his pet happy Len for consolation now they did become a mild tension when some bosses wish Cronan would take less time visiting each new ship of orflow Terror that joined the gargantuan War well after the right of first Contact of course as we have discussed all because of tittles then of course there was the other attendance pressuring land but hypocrates was a big boss and could be vile in his revenge if he required Len for a particularly important or fairly process hence he would release bowel Bora squigs across a ship if kept waiting too long which was deeply unpleasant ah of course when an emphasis came to bring this up with Cronin himself he quickly invoked the rule of three and began pasting the ball not a fatal beating but a good roughing up for Saturn and that was the end of it being brought up to Cronin anyways now to grotz as we all know they had a particular Import in book one but such is a will of the Gods for all in the circle of orki strife are of importing this tale and effectively this is all our channel so it behooves me to at least pass on some gems amongst the Joss of my unrelenting verbiage and so it was that the grots were now in a rather strange position for the energies of the waha had seen them balloon in numbers across the entire Gathering and the Admirals of the fleet the individual free Booter Skippers too all found themselves practically drowning in them none really knew why the grots were so prolific and a Cronan for he seemed to be the only variant in play and this led to rather unorthodox approaches to meet the scenario and thus did Cronan consider the situation in a mighty conjugation he cleared his mind approached the deck he had arranged for this purpose exclusively he opened the doors and went inside for only he could trade these hallowed floors well apart from a hand-picked core of Ruth hurts to replace stocks not storks mind you as that was a definite No-No due to previous events stocks of grots only capiche and so it was the Cronen walked to the fire racks of rising sacred thinking grot covered its walls and ceiling in cages he pulled on well some bullies and a crop came down for him he said to taking them out still manacled in a chain and sped them over a huge Hearth before him he looked into the fires and slowly roasted one by one as he absently tugged on the Chain when one was spent they were suspended over the fire by about 10 inches actually and he would use his idle arm to solely turn them on the spit the moaning the screaming the Defiance was hair the ambience perfect he could feel it the coming Rising and so he began to sink the grass why why do they proliferate so much under his rule were they linked to it somehow were they the epitome of Ganon not that he thought that exact sentence but it was a general drift Cronan considered the squiggs the snots the squiggots as he had been trained to do on his holiday then boys knobs and finally back to gross after searching his soul and mind for what seemed an eternity he came to the same conclusion as he always did got they were necessary but tantamount to useless the vast majority of the time and then it hit him like a Thunderball to the side of the head it was not a Gods themselves that mattered it was as ways everything else what he did with them back counting Cronan continued his introspection he was onto something here for had he not deployed them in so many ways or he got me thinking or it got me and more and it was clear to him now finally the gluts were multiplying as a gift from Mork an abundance to me used and so it was the Cronin now knew that the morale raising events he had brought in thinkmus the Carl's connotation Amusement there could be no end to the use of the little terrors for that was just one part of the Loyalty he had garnered from all of the burgeoning war as he had before on a Colonia Conan had made an effort to know as many of his wire as possible they were loyal to him even about their own bosses in many mobs it was because of one simple fact with Cronin it was never ever dull Conan bought Flair and fun to the event not just Canon and his boys loved him for it I mean they really adored him thus Cronin added this illuminated need to long list required to truly make a tribe or why evoke's continue to make them stronger they would need fighting more fighting gobins and muggins and food Stars the new addition of entertainment and of course more fighting fights and circuses that is all he needed put this introspection into the very soul of the orc well it put him head and shoulders above all other bosses and so the sound with two incontrovertible wisdom Crone and bust in the blossoming unfolding Cornucopia of opportunities for a good giggle all unsurprisingly employing vast amounts of grot and that the entertainments began now few of the speed was initial Court tribe have been willing to State their protestation nor would it have done any good but Cronan began his own squake games but use gotts instead his boys were far too precious he needed them obviously the trials were far more basic and easier to survive than the ones that had been the initiation of the Orcs but the Carnage was a roaring success amongst the knobs he added in widely advertised squigga surprise events as well which were possibly even more popular for Cronan always like to see if he could now take many heads with the one swing and so it was that he not only provided Sumptuous enthronement to his people but he kept their wire skills up too for he ordered the teleporters to be used to send thousands of the diminutive green skins into surprise visits to the squigoth holding pens of course the squiggles were massive and generally gnarly at being combined on ships when they were used to roaming the planes of ecolonia and so it was that they were startled Beyond conception when Bright Lights flooded their pens and hundreds of the blighters the grass appeared amongst them of course the squiggasword Rampage stamping and Goring entire phalanxes of the Graz and it could go on for hours as that squigus hunted around their pins for any last grot in this way the squigoss also kept in shape and they make boys improved their accuracy and efficiency in using the dreaded teleporters and Cronin was proud but this was only the beginning for Cronen also arranged into flotilla golf matches now golf was a simple acronym for an incredibly rewarding Pastime it stood for got overship live firing not that anyone really understood the terms used well apart from grot and firing live as well I guess it's odd how you can use a term that uses words everyone individually knows but put together they mean absolutely bugger all without context or prior knowledge but in this case it was actually rather logical the moment one was aware of the intricacies of the spot for entire leagues were now forming to compete and this brought another wistful smile to the cunning one where his mobs were working together more and more with each event now the precise rule shifted quite a lot but the Crux of the matter with Simplicity itself first there needed to be a Target so grots would be laced together and pushed out of the airlock and dangled down chains These Chains would then allow for the pouring of vast amounts of paint that would then Mark the lines of the target area as the god chains were swung back and forth until either the paint ran out all the guts were let go to float in space simply to see the look on their faces as they tried to continue holding their breath and then with Target marked on their sheep the two teams would climb onto the hulls of their respective vessels they would then take turns in firing missiles across space at the other sheep of course these missiles had helpful got strapped to them now the missiles were never powerful enough to go all of the way to the other sheep but as there was no real inertia in the void the guts would power towards a Target if the Orcs were lucky or accurate of course and the grot would then spatter against the hull now they would spatter as there was no real inertia thus no deceleration and soon Chief were being traded in staggering amounts as the contests continued and real team loyalty was engendered amongst the moms origami pinned the grot on the boom squeak batgard with grass with Throne at beefy club wielding Orcs And The Distance they could bash them into space was a decider on Victory a dizzying plethora of new activities and sports involving grotz was thought up by Cronan with each passing day and all admitted that even the interminable waiting about for the get-go was not really as bad as all that all due to Cronan and his magnificent ideas but why was there such a period of loitering simpler cronad had a plan but he needed to check his staff and he needed to learn much more before he could set it into motion he needed the right orc to be in the right place at the right time and so Cronan had to get to know his admirals now Conan had always had a strong vein of nepotism in his allocation of tasks he liked those he knew even grin had a backstabber was gifted with honors and responsibilities he neither had earned nor deserved that treacherous Wham yet Cronan did not really like to give tasks to those he did not like alas he had hoped the DACA Von smash oven would be able to step up but as wonderful as the orc Fly Boy was in atmosphere or even in void fighter conflict he was simply pants when he came to anything larger he was an orc of speed he needed the winds to be throwing through his hair Squig or to have enemies right in front of him to dance around in his acrobatic displays of Ariel brutality he was a best pilot any had ever met ever witnessed ever even heard of but he was not fit to be a boss of the sheep of the line let alone an entire fleet formation and so it was the Cronin had to get to know the only two realistic candidates for the position and an Odd Couple they were both had bought a thumping Fleet of kill Cruisers and escorts to the master but they were both oddies and eyes of their lord for they had to understand what cronad had only just become aware of himself the logs and sticks of War sidebar concerning why organization logs and sticks as the Orcs always say sticks and stones will break bones yep that's it so sticks were indeed important and logs were the most fundamental to him now much as he despised at all well almost as much as a starving ducari ghoul being forced to watch an entire collected specially extended edition of The Care Bears or SpongeBob wood he knew the import of the movement of the many the logs and sticks of it all and cronan's mind was dizzy with the complexity of it all luckily if compared on a standard day with say a leader in near any Isle of force that has ever existed in the long and quite horrific history of the Galaxy the Orcs pretty much ran themselves when it came to a decent War but even so the vertigo-inducing reams of numbers names mobs tribes Clans freebooters are Raiders and his direct Authority it was a staff of Legend now any other leader of any of the other aforementioned forces would probably take a somber moment or potentially be haunted endlessly with a vast responsibility and Dread weight of Duty leading so many could inflict on any normal sentient whereas Cronan despite being the cunning one was still an orc so he tried to take it all in and then arrange them all at akin to a child sorting out its Smarties yet when the moment to move out would come he was all too aware and ready for the activity it would elicit he had walked the science of Eleanor he had breathed his gases and choked on its odors he was a chosen of Mork he had the first Chopper Hackney in he was the coming well bigger mainly for Cronin now dwarf War bosses not four years ago he would have avoided oh he would have enjoyed the scrap nothing sure but he would be perfectly certain of the result if it had come to it much like a yappy dog may growl from the safety of its owner's bag but deep down it knows if the Rottweiler truly wills it both the owner and the Widow Bow Wow are smears across the floor it only need bark too long and be too annoying oh that would be joyous shouting and screaming a true Fairborn but the result would have been forgotten and so it was that croner now stood at Double their size a gargantuan Big Boy of legendary girth at height to many he would have seemed more like a square of barely contained incandescent Fury retribution Terror and termination personified in this Demi mountain of Rippling Orchid muscle but in fact for a boss of his stature Onan was quite swelt really well by all terms anyway oh he could kill anyone in the war but he was so many who led so many to eat so many he was fast and Nimble again for glass bio weapon of Berserk unfettered sorter anyway it was evident to even Cronan that the more Orcs there were the more they seemed to organize themselves naturally pecking orders were simple and thus there was a cohesion that he had not expected for the Orcs though even the cunning one did not know for certain why had been seemingly made for a while the more serious the why the less internal strife there was or at the least there was a massive reduction in the squabbling at this stage Bagan if he knew how long this would last he knew that his friendly frolics with the grot were also alleviating some of the tensions that would usually result from such a Congregation of so many green skins but he needed from his Admirals those who could understand the needs of leadership the truth of locks and sticks to near much his own and cyber and so Cronin interviewed his prospective Admirals those who would lead his fleets when he was not present more tedious meeting and greeting without eating yet it was necessary he had to know what he was working with here because Being Earnest or Frank depending on your preferences he was not exactly bowled over by those available the first had a meaty reputation both in space winning battles against many assuming convoyance more fotera and on the land well stations and the like for he was Notorious for causing bloody Mayhem on Shore leave his Devastation of so many reputable or even thoroughly notorious drinking Deads across the sector had given him the epithet Admiral hackbar for nari was a one left operational after one of hackbar's colossal Benders most were not even standing at the end of his antics sounds about perfect eh alas Cronan had his reservations the orc had been in some form of a door accident and his Noggin was now vastly out of shape in fact he looked astonishingly dark with his bugged eyes and weird head it seemed that he was captured in the moment the door slammed onto his head and the wind must have changed because his expression was always exactly the same now nor was Cronan really Overjoyed with the name of hackbar's Flagship the gutless Wonder now some had stated that this was a regional misunderstanding a mistranslation because where hackbar was from it meant that he had pulled the guts out of the thing and festooned them over his vessel like a champ it was a term of grit determination an OCTA Supremacy alas to Cronen it sounded much like something Greener might have called the boast and this did not sit right with crown hand nor did reports that stated that the Admiral was rather paranoid he saw lures and hidden ambushes everywhere neurotic is what some would have said instead of merely paranoid well they would have done if they were humans the Orcs just called him a bit of a wired one hence this Admiral would have limited uses Conan just did not think he could count on the weird looking Audi but then the other candidate hardly filled him with confidence either never seen outside of his garish Tartan trousers the shoutiest of all for light years around also it was sad Minnie and his free Buddha Fleet swore that they could hear him from a half a system away Vox or no Vox they called him Grand mouth tartan a fearsome Stern unsurprisingly silent type he kept his mighty bore for his orders and they were always shouted like really loudly in fact crown and was almost over mind to challenge him to a battle of borling a long Jewel of Epic Proportions alas the potential whining from bloody eared judges this would generate put him off Cronan fancied his chances mightily but then Cronin had a use for this most historical walks ah yes he did yet the grand mouth was not exactly a charmer he did not seem like he had the makeup in his character to be the kind that Cronan could really rely on either I mean shouting was an admirable skill which seemed out considering the position for which he was being interviewed but could he truly elicit the kind of loyalty and discipline the Cronin required from the bosses of his Collective boasts his multitudeness stair sheep Fleet and Cronan knew that this was possibly one of the most fundamentally important decisions he would make in the entirety of his life for the Orchid left in charge while he was either on a boarding action or a full invasion they had to be trustworthy able and proper fighty they had to know and to get stuck in but also when to be Conan for the biggest fight that they were attempting in gay crash would be a thing of wonder and only the truly gifted Warriors amongst his people would Thrive and bring Victory to the war but if Cronen had to admit it which he didn't of course but if he had to then he also wanted to see two things from his boss of dafruit either gut curdling fear of Cronin yet resolved to anyone else or a love of Destruction so formidable so insatiable that they would toe the line as Dhaka on Smash oven or Magnet or get Scotia but murder had for these Orcs knew that by merely being in the comet of the great one Cronan they would see battles the likes they had never dreamed would exist they knew that his was a bloody path blessed by Mork himself and he would take them on his journey to Greatness but could either hackbar or the grand mouth fall into this rare niche fighty enough to be useful but not so much as to repair cunning enough to be effective with his methods of War yet not so much the day when attempt to steal his mantle and his song the golden thong of leadership heard now how the emperor of the humans had retrospectively copied him and was presently napping on a mighty golden thong of his own Cronan did quiz might not conklestein on this one point and the weird boy had confirmed it the humi emperor could see into the future as what was said hence Cronan found for the next few days that he was oft bound to look about when taking a dump just in case that odd human leader was watching him but this passed when Cronan remembered he was the chosen of Mork and anything that wrapped scally and the emperor could do Mork could irrefutably do better man so it was that Cronin decided that if the emperor wished to watch him crap then he could do so from Mork would obfuscate anything the weird boys Umi Rich would find useful oh yes he won hence Cronan forgot to Slacker and went about his War again with gusto then it's dawned on Cronan as her client in his State rooms aboard his Flagship the Mork rampant that he could indeed use both of them there's Admirals but which to use for the two spas of his glorious wheel of crushing might he had aspired his Mind's Eye for Cronin was now a master of that most deadly of obsessions planning he had used two plans at the same time before now he was prepared for the next step to have three plans working concurrently even he was wide-eyed at the complexity of the collage of action and reaction that now boiled through his mind like a mile wide flow of lava he was excited by the potentials the possibilities but then he was interrupted by something he knew he should get accustomed to it seemed for again he thought he must have dozed off for yet again his fleetess had begun to form before his very eyes or at least he had hoped it was his own as otherwise someone perhaps the emperor had been anally ventriloquizing a prodigious Guff into his room and as it did before it turned took the color of green and seemed to solidify in front of him and there it stood a being of odd proportions but most definitely sort of okay but not just a skull this time it was a fully developed orc form near as huge as himself yet instead of reverberating prophecy the thing when fully operated just looked at him and said water Cronin still believing it a dream a mirage of his overtaxed mind did not even raise an eyebrow when it went on to speak to him and so it was that this huge being of green introduced itself as bash store the ass Flame truth be told it was rather dramatic and annoying about the whole thing it claimed to be a derivative being of Mork or something like that it claimed that once millions of years ago Orcs did smack a rather Thumper into the Gob of Mork yet Mork was laughing so hard at the last buffet in adult cork its mouth was still open and the fist of gork did strike the teeth of Mork and one fell out and this was Pastor it was a part of Mork get apart as well solely at first it became sentient amongst a warp and then it wandered kicking seven shadesh and poop out of everything it came across and it walked past it cannot tell until finally it found a way to cross from the dreaming into the real world itself back and forth it went over the eons stabbing grappling punching clobbering nutting and butting its way across the many universes it claimed to have spent time with tusker on the field of War before the Bronze Citadel it claimed to have been witnessed to the injury and subsequent healing of gazul it claimed many many things indeed yet its true ability came from the torrents of power that came from its posterior it was bashtor the ass Flame and it had good news to bring unto Cronan for it had identified a plum job a magnificent opportunity for them both and bashto claimed that it had appeared to Cronin before as a dramatically chatty fleetess of his dreams bashto claimed to be what the cunning one required to defeat the forces of Chaos and that was pastoral specialty his motive Force his goal and reason to exist was to Aid the cunning one Cronan in his quest for it was the will of Mork and as a sign of his worthiness to be listened to as a token of his power bastor proclaimed that he knew where Cronan could acquire a mighty Beast to put to the very center of his War space Hulk a massive one and it was close Ambassador stated that he could assist and Empower Cronin even more for he knew where there were artifacts of great power all they knew do was Destroy them all and a doorway would open amongst the heavens one that would permit the power of Mork to flow directly into real space like Cork's grin but more morkish was how he put it and it would Grant power until the worshipers of Mork most especially those who knew his great works re tronan surround all of this Cronan realized he was not a kip for the grots above him moved and circled as usual but they did not attempt to burn or assail each other when their past took them within flame around to each other and in cronen's dreams they always burnt each other just as they would in reality if we were awake and so it was that they got stared gobs backed down on bash door making it now irrefutable that this witch stuff was actually happening Cronan even went as far as summoning his guard who waited outside and within 10 seconds two score Mega armored Oak boys were making a semi-circle around a spectral interoper all trained their weapons on this bash store again confirming its existence to their eyes as well as their laws sighing Cronen nodded at the being and stood allowing the seemingly awky thing to process before him to the bridge of Conan stair sheep there the mix looked on suck doors dropping Jewel cascading from their Moors as they viewed the odd orky being in their midst to one of the controls and then its fingers danced across the icons and keys they presented and before anyone could say boo to a goose whatever that was there was a huge holographic display that had been sparkled into life in the middle of the room over what had ostensibly been deemed a nival's desk for the Orcs even the max had not really know what the station was for and the humans were so odd and inscrutable that only now did they fathom the use of the thing which is probably a bit of a godsend as otherwise they would have just shown reruns of the Squig games on Loop sidebar the Squig games footage all in the speed War had witnessed a unfathomably amazing orkiness of Cronen during the Squig games but now all could witness the sublime spectacle themselves for it was said that weird lad change orc of mystery had been recording it all the time the astonishing event had been progressing now some might ask where the hell the entry on chains Grant had gone promised over a year ago or was it even two time flies when you're a bit long in the tooth you see hence I can confirm that I did indeed start work on it but then like a mad snot I plane forgot what I was doing in the worldly gig of modern living and so it was that the narrator defended himself and stated he would try to get it onto patreon soon pretty surely not for the eyes of we start and got oh no it is not but let us get back to the action knowing that all Orcs even new ones who had recently joined the war had passed in the unadulterated spectacle of the most orky orc possible doing what Orcs do and doing it was style a plum and of course a healthy dog of unfettered brutality sidebar over yet now the thing calleding itself bash store stored With Arms Wide expecting some form of congratulatory hand clapping or something of course no one did but what was illuminated was indeed a sight for sore eyes or fresh eyes really I have no idea why sore eyes are always picked for the viewing of Miracles surely if we're that special of an event then even fully rested and clear gleaming eyes would be enough to experience the event but I digress and so it was the Dare hanging in a system only a few short hops away was a vast and dark shape in the void of space which made it a bit difficult to make out in all its Glory but when the image closed on it things became clearer for all space-faring Orcs knew this site knew exactly what this was and Cronan was then subjected to a tedious lecture from Admiral hackbar who was present because of course this was a bridge of the biggest ship how it used to be twinned with Admiral's own and he had technically not given it to Cronan on his arrival merely stated it was part of his host but Cronan did like the Starship or boast and decided it was a worthy gift previously named the running for cover it was indeed the sister ship of the gutless Wonder but Cronan renamed it as soon as he bought his flying across to it not that he had a flag in reality but it's a nautical thing Naval you know the senior service as one nation caused him either way it was now cronans and either way he had now been updated on the reality and possibility of the existence of a space Hulk so close to his burgeoning wire there could be no delay no second guessing for a Hulk was vomited out from the warp only rarely and it could be gathered back into the warp at any time and so it was the Cronin did not waste a moment even to cogitate for he knew exactly what was transpiring here as we shall see but this bash stores ass frame had identified and thus given a mighty weapon of War to Cronen and his mighty um well now all that remained was to hoof it over a few systems at the head of an assault Fleet and take his prize before some greedy git beat him to the punch Cronan had not said a single word to the being as of yet and did not indulge now he merely eyes it up a bit then wheeled on his heels and stamped to the hatch He barked a few orders and knew that within moments a segment of his Fleet if not the entire War would be hot on his heels and he wanted to be the first heir for every now and again even the most loyal of boys could be led astray and this was exactly the sort of Temptation he did not want to languish in the sweaty Palms of another for any moment of time whatsoever man so the war only half prepare and only truly half informed howled with Glee as I fired up their engines and began to move from their flight patterns into a true must ring now it was immediately evident who was it more in touch with their troops on both fleets for the stair sheeps of the precious and nitpicking Admiral hackbar were still busying themselves and getting into the perfect attack for Mission before they even jumped while the exact opposite occurred in the formations under the direct lordship of the loud and aggressive Grand mouth tartan his boss all just began to disappear as soon as he was informed was this alacrity to display their loyalty and efficiency to the cunning one or was it all due to Tartan wanting a crack at the vast Hulk himself Conan could not be Saturn but he figured that the grandmouth was prone to treachery now was probably a better time to find out than in the middle of a shooting and ramming war with the emperor's own villereal Navy or something like that so Cronan barked orders that elicitated a smartening up of hackbar's Fleet and precipitated a much swifter turnaround in their preparations but croner need not have worried for when they arrived the other half of his Fleet were lurking around waiting for him Frick turned out that the Hulk was not the only thing in the system strange that The Shining picture thing generated as a behest of bash store or hologram as we know it did not highlight these additional Pleasures but such is life or that is what some might have thought true enough there was not an overwhelming amount of this going on most days in the war thinking that is but this did not change the circumstances they were all faced with and Cronan smirked as he saw the Chevrons appear on the screens for the Hulk was not alone at all it had a large cluster of other ships around it like Souls of fish around a mouth Swig shock there were plenty of shapes in the void and as the awkward Fleet closed in on the conglomeration there Cronan could make out more and more of the smaller sheeps they were like the venereal Navy but not the same oh about the same size speed and width length and girth of the Huey ships but these ones seem one heck of a lot more spiky and pointy bang Cronan looked on and began to recognize some of the iconography emblazoned on the hulls of their escorting ships there were eight pointed stars sigils are silliness these were the worshipers of the same bunches tuba the fatter the wave the sumper and the Boogie bird they were sheeps of Chaos now it would be at least a good few hours before okamada was even within firing range of the spiky human ships so Cronan did what he always did when presented with an unknown foal he sat on his golden thong now installed in his mighty ship and opened up his data slate it was time to look into his Vista his scorecard his menu and when he did he saw things he had never witnessed before you see the data site was so full of unimportant cobblers that was much akin to a search for anything of worse on either Reddit or Wiki one line of Investigation meant being led down endless rabbit holes of information whatever they were and often Cronan would just get bored but he did enjoy the best bit the menus he had seen the dizzying numbers of differing forces of the homies but now when he went in and tried to interrogate the Slate for information on spiky ships he was greeted with a whole new sub manual altogether and this is exactly the same time as he became aware of the existence of traitor Marines yes he could barely contain his enthusiasm as he sat there ready to jump for joy for the disgusting goddies of chaos had indeed gained supplication and adherence from some of the ass tatters meaning Marines were now on their side too and just when Cronin thought he would lose interest in the data State he had spent many many hours pouring over it too many some said well only once fatigles did not really understand the orcish language of gobbledygook but he understand tone all right and anyone daring to bespirch the honor of his master they were swiftly subjected to a close encounter of the dental kind but even so Cronan had a new leash on life he thought he knew it all oh yes he did but now he could see the information about these traitor Marines and their formations were as always as ludicrously named as a loyalist or even the prim anus Marines how the humans could ever be taken seriously Cronin would never know Conan's eyes were sort of wide when he saw the images and then the details that went along with these new opportunities there were the Alfalfa Legion or something like that sneaky by the looks of it lots of camouflage Etc tedious but potentially Conan for they too were the color of wire green then came the iron Warriors a drab looking bunch who seemed utterly preoccupied with health and safety but even Cronin had to admit that they didn't half have some large Docker a massive killer Clans with them he would enjoy opening them up and eating the Sweet Treats inside next was the freight horde the data reported that they were very scary which of course they may have been to an emaciated humor but Cronan could not take them seriously they had huge ears on the side of their Helms they just looked after the cunning one on to the word players all dressed in red Power Armor but who looked like talkers yuck he would avoid them where necessary well unless they got in his way of course then he would just Trump them and then the entry on the dirt part from the name and the guts hanging out all over the place they must have been the fat ones musicians it certainly seemed slow on ponderous Cronan was quite enthusiastic to Stomp all over these ones then onto the tempura's children or something like that Chopper makers one would think like Big Macs but not so big and well a bit Elder looking really but he stopped a tad longer on the entry for the world beaters and by gorks Tastefully platted anal beard the day looked like fun all covered in Huey juice they looked proper fighty Crona yearned to play with them I meant to defeat them in manly Battle of course penultimately there was a thousand sums mathematicians all and in this one moment Cronan realized he'd become more of a connoisseur of comping for these ones didn't interest him in the slightest oh he'd Crump them if they happened across his path but it would be far more for the full collection for completionism instead of out of any real Zeal to fight these nerds man then the unsettling ones the black Legion Apple Dawn's lot overrated in Conan's mind anyways obviously a sad knockoff of his own black lesion wimps but it did make cronad wonder if old appledon had been doing what the emperor had obviously done so often was Appleton watching Cronan from the past sealing his best names and moves clone hand signed the Black Legion will know mattress black lesion of this he was pretty much Satan like 99.99 recurring on the certainly scale and if they crossed his path where they would be no Legion to cast suspicions on his Legion ever again and Cronan was now aware of appledon like never before he wanted to take that head not just for the kudas the Razzle Dazzle the heady Fame of it all no you see Cronen took a very personal dislike to Apple Dawn's hat for it seemed to be made out of a hair Squig but had Rings pushed through the Squig to make it look taller and hence Cronan knew that Apple Dawn must have experienced crippling runty Youfit Titus what humans would call short man syndrome not the Cronin would have put it that way of course but it remained an astute and potentially useful observation for the future Cronan had been told in no uncertain terms that any fight big enough any poor Brazen enough to attract the amount of human forces that were presently mustering in a system not so far away ha this would surely draw the attention of old appledorn for he was touted as the war master and Cronan took truck with that particular honorific ah yes he did and so it was the Cronin swore when he had done his duty when he had taken the head of a gold one then maybe he would collect the lump in Noggin of this self-proclaimed wah master there would be a reckoning of this Cronan was adamant and so it was that the fleet Of Orcs plowed towards the waiting chaos Space Marine vessels all clusters around a bemoth of a stair sheep a space Hulk which unto itself was armed to the teeth but Cronin and his Admirals were only about to become aware of that next episode now Cronan had really lent into the Showmanship since the events of the squid games and he was prepared for just this eventuality so unlike so many others he wished to at least appear fair and that meant a draw so again utilizing the Vox across the entire Armada while they're stair sheeps all ate the distance between the erupting point and the target Cronan drew the lot and before everyone the hundred largest ships had all sent a grot head with their sigil on it said grotzer at head have been kept in cold storage and so it was the Cronen reached into the cold freezer and before all he called out the first score of ships that would take point now it was always understood that the cunning one would be exactly where he needed to be at any given point in the battle so there were no guarantees to be the first ship under the breach dear friends but had the very worst they would be in the first wave and potentially running hard into the enemy with the cutting one's Flagship at the tip of the chopper thus Conan pulled out the following the middle finger the Ed butter the brutality the brutal the rump piercer the crumper the balsor the shootiest the death blower and the dunker boss or on meaty killed Cruisers the other ships why they're smaller and generally nippier like brute Ram ships or Onslaught or ravager attack class but one in particular that stood out was a last it was the old orc Battleship the Furious squiggarth one of the oldest and biggest ships that any had seen it wallowed near the main Fleet and the neither of the main Admirals this was a share sheep of gouja grumblebaster known for his very staunch reaction to what he considered Mutiny which was rather an expansive list really such highlights as not looking okay enough was easily understandable but examples like it's a turn too much of a Mourning has a history of being right or asking questions or wears a hair Squig of a color other than mauve were less easily explained yet gowjo was a warrior old captain and he was like tasty in a scrap also Cronan was informed now much of the fleet would take up position to prevent the hog from slipping away not that it was likely a Hulk slipping away from you in the void is akin to standing next to a freeway and turning around one day to discover someone has pinched it or better still if you tied someone up so tightly that they were only able to move their neck or to crawl forward on their eyebrows then you popped out to boil a kettle for a cup of joe only to find said in case Rogue had made it away and you could see clearly for about 200 acres in every direction it was that unlikely but Cronan would not be questioned he did not wish the chaos Marines to escape was more of a point and he did not trust this being who had so mysteriously granted him the exact location of a mass transit system for the remaining Orcs on acolodia a gift worthy of Mork indeed but we shall get to the Y soon enough for Cronan was having none of it while ultimately playing along for the now and so it was that the first wave was to go in and to the exact surprise of no one in the Armada whatsoever cronan's own Flagship the Mork rampant was at the very front yet this particular vessel was not as it appeared eyes up newtone had walked its corridors for all the time that Cronin had been on his respite for Cronan did take time out when he returned from Eleanor I was going to mention it but got carried away with turtles and grotz but such is the way of Chronicles often they can be out of order not like they are offensive or anything not that kind of out of order where you extract a urine and a bothersome way to others no but out of chronological order that's sort of out of order anyways I will not dwell in her too much for Cronan had weeks where he returned to his roots and he finished off The Grotto Bellion trained under the snake bites and had other amazing if not pertinent to the moment Adventures but that is truly a tale for another time when it's Breezy and nice outside that sort of thing or when you're snot bubble blabbing Anita pick me up after getting your Maracas crushed in the rise of modern living dumped or given truly dung flavored new news of the most spiritually or mentally excruciating kind s we shall push on to the slaughter I'm sorry the events of the day the lesson of the moments given in due course for in his adjourn amongst his roots amongst a snake bite did that can anyone learn much indeed it also gives me a perfect period to flash back to you know when he learns an amazing lesson that he then enacts the benefit there from when in a tight spot can't blash for pulling a fast one is what I say others might identify it as a vacuous and inept attempt to polish but that as ever is in your mind to judge as chronicola I can only present that which is was or will be and I make no bones about always being right now where the heck were we in the tale ah yes izan for he had been as active as an Orc half his age he finally had his mitts on a mighty vessel of War a battleship as powerful as any could ask but of course isap had made changes for he was as infused with the power of the war as was his master the big boss the conic one and in this instance it was like his mind had been always working at half speed now engorged with the wild as he was he was unrestrained unfettered ideas attacked his mind as never before and in no time at all the Mork rampant was bristling not just with new Ordnance a phenomenal darker but also with armor and shielding upgrades that would make an iron hand move theirs faster than a 14 year old gang cronan's ship was meaty indeed and it was a good job it was because the chaos Marine stair sheeps were damn disciplined and they were very fighty indeed long-range missiles came at Cronan sheep like a swarm of angry Squig wasps and impacted on the surface a fleet behind him cronano ordered the drums to begin but odd indeed was the speed of the orc Fleet and it put the chaos Navy right off first they got closer the chaos Fleet could see strange protrusions from the lead ship like long spikes coming out a side of it but with flat edges these things were in huge banks on the port and starboard of it and as they moved the vessel would accelerate as if hit by a sudden burst of energy from its engines the engines which stayed at exactly the same output through the entire approach but why was this well on that holiday he did indeed spend time with the snake bite they introduced him to boasts things that could float on the big wet patches around the landmasses of aqualonia like never-ending Rivers but these boasts could sail upon them and Cronan had learned their ways and the ways of the free booters who played their trade there when to raise the skull and crossed God to indicate their intentions how to board and butcher efficiently and with fun and Cronan saw how boasts moved it was all about wind sometimes but most often simply elbow grease and he saw no reason why the Boost of the Void the stair sheeps could not operate in the same way despite what isab might have maintained speed was not only about engines it was like victory over the homies over there are starters over the entire galaxy it began with elbow grease and thus did Cronan share his plan with the mix so that they could enact it now Isaac gave him a sniff that reminded all of her particularly nasty turd with being suddenly encountered whilst implied company not that any of them knew what applied company would even look like but the point stands but none Define their lord for was he not the cunning one the greatest and brightest the most orky of all Orcs they need not Encompass his mighty plan to go about their toils and so they did and all was prepared and so it was that korean's eyes flashed with a Corona of green power as he let his right arm swing down and then get squisher mcmurder bashed on two drums echoing through the voxes across the ship the lashes got to work okay no we're really musically gifted and didn't actually adhere to the Beats of the drum more freestyling on the soon torn and bloody backs of the pullers but it did help the enthusiasm of said pullers particularly meaty and effective pullers had small squigs or snots so ninja opened gobs to keep them healthy and Hearty during the event and that the scene the two-edged sword of true management of the many for Cronan harrange both carrot and stick to get the job done the genius the pullers did indeed pull on huge rods that attached to oars that stuck out of the side of the Mork rampant and with each pull of the oars the sheep and all its escorts seemed to almost jump forward in their Victor this meant that they were on the chaos Navy before any had even fired up their launch batteries the milk rampant dived right into the midst of the Treatise ships and let fly with every single Cannon blast a missile Docker of every kind into any and all around them alas Cronan had made his first mistake is what some might have said for this was almost perfect for what the Marine ships believed was their Forte but today was not their day for right behind the milk rampant was gouge's Furious squiggoth as the chaos ship scattered out of the path of the Mork the squigga just plowed into their Keels in a line and broke through two before it required to fire a shot Ram ships spying out of the wake of the Mork and squiroth and pierced one Grand cruther in two places gouts of plasma discharge breezing from its wounds like giant fire in the night sky all flanked wide coming in to try to swing behind and attack the chaos Starships rear-facing armor and their vulnerable engines the middle finger brutal shootiest and dark Death Blow or swung over the top of the enemy Fleet the egg butter brutality and duckaboss swept under them it was an attack far more directed than the Marines expected by quite some margin and before they knew it each of the chaos sheeps were being boarded wholesale as the orc Dhaka tore into him teleporter arrays burst all over their decks and amongst the main Force to arrive with a black lesion Lux deployed cronan's guard not that the chaos warriors were black Legion for they were not these were not the highest on the list of opportunity if I could be so bold they were not the world beaters nor the despard they were word blarers now things were very meaty and splashy in the halls and and dorms of the word Blair of Fleet bits lay it about everywhere for they were not premium graded boys but they were still a DPR starters and they were deeply fighty indeed but the issue arose when they started chanting and whining away to their goddies and tears across their ship appeared and very spiky monsters came out of them to Aid the players and things seemed quite touch and go on one after another stair sheep Dash door now arose and stated he was about to get stuck in and with that he would appear on one sheep after another clearing it of all demon types they simply melted away when he boarded and the green skins could then redouble their efforts to take the sheeps from the blairers the fighting was exceptional and everyone who came back from it proclaimed it a raging success it really was a rare old time had by all as ways two through four lurched in the Marines were finished off and now all that remained was The Taking of the spacehog that which Conan had already named the orc of omen but fast pronoun indicated to this bash store that he wanted a word in private and Cronan laid him down into a large area a cargo bear of sort where Cronan had plenty of room to move about for something had been niggling at Cronan from about two minutes after he had met this Apparition who called himself a part of Mork something was not right further Apparition had not offered nor invited elicited or caused him a single fight not once did it even attempt to contend with Conan's power and he it so how could he be of the Gods Mork and gork and Crone and you with the certainty of a swimmer in a public pool that over the session that they probably drunk about three quarters someone else's piss that this sane was not of gork and certainly not of Mork or was it the other way around no matter and so it was that Cronen reached out not just with his own meaty and quite stabby and windy slabs of hands but also with all the righteous Wrath of a pure son of Mork when tempted by a demon of another God and he beat their living I mean he really went to town there was spitting gouging batting pulling pulling off of the silly Wing things a giggle when Cronan Twisted the arms until they were barely connected and then slapped the screaming bash door with its own flopping hands he took its head under his arm and ran it at a wall the Sandra's Clash broke both wall and head yet Cronan then left to the highest stairs on the bay and then he swung and landed on the back of the beam with his elbow extended Conan then picked up the tatted and dissipated ragged truly smashed Apparition and heard its last words well almost her in the name of the warp are you able to do this Crone and ignored it Crone and then picked it up by its legs swung its head down and then thumped the being pretending to be bash stores lost fragments of head into the ground its spine snapped like old Twigs under Akin's fat transport Wheels it crumpled into a pile of misshapened Limbs as he let go as the last wisps of it Soul evaporated back into the warp and our sigh escaped its throne I'll get you back for this you bastard and Cronin knew all he needed to know it seemed that Toba had made better more cunning friends in hell but clearly no more art than he was the power of the war left Cronen [Music] [Music] and his arms solely stopped shimmering green of course others might say his was a flatulent cacophony or Symphony released as he relaxed after a deed well done and done well but either way Cronan was now knackered as about too score of his guards jumped into the room to join in the obvious fight that they had heard right into his blast radius all looked even more green than usual Crest Fallen at a lack of a rumble but I'm elated of course that their lord had triumphed once again and so they mooched out gagging Cronan went to sleep giggling that was Bloody fun he would now have to see if he was now human wizardproof that felt too good to not repeat somehow as soon as possible and of course fast trapping his knobs was the cherry on the top and so he arranged the arming of storming parties to delve into the Hulk but this would take time and so it was the crown end took this time to return to his quarters he then giggled himself to sleep over the events of the day acknowledged that very soon he would be in command of the orc of omen the biggest stair she appeared ever heard of and so he swept into the sleep of the just to be continued

Channel: Baldermort's Guide to Warhammer

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Keywords: Warhammer 40000, Warhammer Lore, Warhammer Stories, LEGEND OF KRONAN - ORKS OF OMEN: BASHTORR, Ork lore, Warhammer Comedy, Legend of Kronan Da Kunnin, Kronan Da Kunnin, Orks, Greenskins, Orks of Omens, Arks of Omens, Bashtorr, BASHTORR, Vashtorr, Games Workshop, ORKS OF OMEN: BASHTORR, Tiddles, Tiddles lore, baldermort, Baldemort, Guides to warhammer, Warhammer for beginners, Comedic Orks, Funny Orks, Admiral Hackbar, Grand Mouth Tartan, Grand moth tarkin, Grand Moff tarkin, 40k

Id: dlBEq0dB4Yw

Length: 75min 57sec (4557 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 31 2023