- Hey guys, welcome back to the classroom. As you can see your regular
teacher couldn't make it today. He got into a bit of a golfing
accident over the weekend. So I will be your substitute. Not to worry though, I'm
one of the cool subs. I'm not gonna make you do any work, we're just gonna watch some old VHS and then talk about it when it's done. Sound good? Cool. So this video was sent to
me by Annabeth on Twitter. So thank you Annabeth. It's called, "How Can I
Tell If I'm Really In Love?" And it's a surprisingly
star studded PSA from 1992. You've got a young Jason Bateman. - Hey mom lemme help with the dishes. - His sister Justine. - [Both] How can I tell
if I'm really in love? - And also TV legend, Ted Danson. - Sexual intercourse. - Who allegedly only appeared
in this as an obligation towards his community
service that he accrued from unpaid parking tickets which I hope is true
because that's hilarious. It also makes a lot of sense
when you watch him in this because he can't wait to
get the hell out of there. Anyway, I'm really excited
to show you guys this video. So let's just jump into it. The fun starts right away with this "Star Wars"
style scrolling disclaimer from the Los Angeles Board
of Education being like, okay yeah, we did make this video, but that doesn't mean we sponsor it or that we take responsibility for it or that we'd
necessarily endorse it. All we did was make it, okay? You can't pin this on us. Such a weird tone to set before
we even start, I love it. - This is my brother Jason. - [Jason] I've made a huge mistake. - After a few introductions, which are worth showing because
it will give you an idea of how jarringly this is edited. - Hi guys, I'm Dena. - Hi, I'm Jennifer. - The most beautiful music starts playing. (soft bluesy music) So this theme song is
great for several reasons. One, it goes on way too long. It's like six minutes long,
two, the lyrics are absurd. They start asking all these questions which I guess they're supposed
to be like unanswerable, except most of them have
very simple answers. ♪ How do the stars know
it's time to appear ♪ ♪ How does the sun know East from West ♪ ♪ How does it shine from up above ♪ ♪ And how will I know
if I'm really in love ♪ - Like, I just pictured this band in the recording studio,
bringing up all these questions. Before we start, you know what I've been
wondering a lot lately? How do I know if I'm really in love? That's a really good question. I think it's different for everyone. I know when I met my wife-- Oh how does this sun know to go that way? Okay, I'll get back to
your question in a second. The sun doesn't move, we
just move in relation to it. I'm not moving. No, I mean the earth moves. You know that, right? Please tell me you know that. Okay Mr. Math. Science. If you're so smart, then explain the moon. Explain what it is? No, how does it know what time it is? And what about the stars? How did they know? Did someone turn them on? What if they forgot one night? That would be so embarrassing. No, stars are giant balls of fire. We just can't see them during the day because it's too bright. Oh, from the sun? Yes. But how does the sun know what time it is? How old are you guys? 30, 37. Jesus Christ. All right, let's just finish the song. ♪ How will I know if I'm really ♪ - So after several more minutes of this. ♪ I didn't know love could feel real ♪ - Honesty. ♪ I love the way that I'm feeling. ♪ - Fun sucks. - And this. ♪ The only one to hold ♪ - This song finally fades
out and you think, okay, the video's gonna start now. And then they transition
right into another song that makes even less sense. ♪ Take it from me ♪ - Okay, if you say so. - Ted, no one said anything. - I hear you. - The shirt. - Fine, you got the old guy convinced. - Of what? - You know, you can stop
this tape anytime you want. - Oh, thank God. Well, that's gonna do it
for today's video everyone. ♪ Watch out for your heart,
it's tearing you apart ♪ - Just kidding, as much as I
already wanna throw this tape into an active volcano, we gotta power through this
because there's actually a lot of really valuable information in here about relationships, about sex. And I love that, because every time they
say something of value, the director immediately cuts
to some kind of acid trim. - I think guys have a lot of trouble talking about
love with their friends 'cause they have this macho
attitude that they have to put on all the time. - So I was thinking when this
teenager starts opening up about his feelings, can you
animate a giant cartoon face that's giving him a dirty look? Sure. - Feel really, really good,
like you can do anything. - Hmm, we need to show that
we're listening to him. What do we draw? What about an ear? Genius, I knew I hired you for a reason. - Well, that's a good place to start. No one has a final word, but together-- - Us and you guys. - Yeah, that's what together means. - How can I tell if I'm really in love? - I don't know, I don't
know, I'm in the dark. - I feel bad for this girl, Joanna, because I feel like they edited her in this to make her look
as dumb as possible. They put that clip in three times. In fact, here's a compilation
of her entire screen. - A step ladder. - A step ladder? - I don't know, I don't
know, I'm in the dark. - Improving his grades. - I don't know, I don't
know, I'm in the dark. - Rainbows and stars and
all the fun things in life. - I am so confused. - If you really loved me,
you'd have sex with me. ♪ You won if you loved me, if
you loved me, if you loved me ♪ - It looks like we're starting
to lose Ted here, Ted? - Why don't we just toss this over here? - Ted we were gonna talk about that. (laughs) - You know what? Let's just cut to it in a song. ♪ He was OTM, yeah he was OTS ♪ ♪ And she wondered if she
was GIB instead of HTT ♪ - Can you slow down? I'm sorry, what was the one before that? ♪ And my fantasy is to be ITB of my HTT ♪ - You guys are going way too fast. ♪ I'm not an EZS ♪ ♪ I'm not a POA ♪ - I know that one. ♪ COS, I'll shut your OTD ♪ - On the deck? Oh, out the door. It's a car, right? Okay, I was just asking. You guys got all that, right? Don't worry, you can just
borrow my notes if you need to. - Girls are supposed to stay virgins as long as they possibly can. And for guys it's different, they're supposed to lose their virginity as soon as they can. - Well, guys should just
have sex with each other. Then we got a few more minutes
of interesting observations. Some good advice for young people. - Well, you can't have a
conversation with an ass. - Let's see how long before
things go off the rails again. - It was love at first sight, but I was only 10 and he was 17. It's kind of stupid, but I
was chasing this little fish and we just kind of
knocked into each other. And I guess I passed out or something. But when I woke up, he was carrying me out of the water and
that's when I fell in love. - What the fuck? - If you love me. - Okay, can someone please reel in Ted. ♪ If you love me, if you love me ♪ - He won't stop singing the song, we only asked him to do it once. ♪ You Would, would, would, would, would ♪ ♪ If you love me, you would,
if you love me, you would ♪ - And then right on schedule, once again we have another
very insightful segment. This time about the difference between good and bad relationship - Mature love is energizing,
immature love is exhausting. - And this is probably my
favorite part of the video because I think this is a big thing that everyone needs to hear, which is that sometimes continuing to be in a bad relationship is worse than just having
no relationship at all. - You can't stand to be with
the person you're supposed to be in love with and you can stand to be without them. - But you're so used to the
relationship that the thought of breaking up seems too difficult. So you continue to stay with them way longer than you should. I've done this before, most people I know have done this before. So I think this is a really
valuable segment to put in here. It's almost like they managed to lock the director out of the room for just long enough to cram
this sensible advice in. - [Director] Hey, you guys aren't messing with my movie, are you? No. Then what are you doing? Nothing good, and now Jason is gonna talk to a picture of a heart. You got it boss. - Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, fine. No, I understand, sure, great. She doesn't like my hair. (metal clangs) ♪ 'Cause she didn't like my hair ♪ - And we're still gonna leave that really long awkward pause in, right? - Someone loves me. - I think-- - The editing here is just
relentlessly nonsensical. - For two years I went out with this guy. He was the football player,
I was the cheerleader. We were cute together, we took good pictures together. - I'm sorry, who is this? - If there is a special
love with a certain girl, she could be looking like a toad, she can be a princess and
you could still love her, and that is love. - To put it simply, love is when she'd be looking like a toad. - On the good side of love
is the ultimate fulfillment. And when you're totally fulfilled, it's as if you're on
the planet Z of funness - I love how casually he said that, planet Z of funness, a thing we all say here in the 90s. I used to be unplanted F of
badness, but not anymore. - Planet Z, yeah. - Let's see, been a while
since we heard anything from you Jason, got anything to add? - Interest, intrigue, infatuation, love. - What? - Staircase, staircase. Oh, what? - I'm glad they kept that. So then buried at the end of this video is a solid
10 minutes of information about teen pregnancy, which
no teenager will ever see because they turn this off 30 minutes ago. - Yes. (chuckles) - My biggest takeaway from this video is that whether it's 1992 or 2020, whenever an adult tries to send a message to a child in a way that they
think will relate to them, it always backfires. Like I'm still reasonably
convinced that this-- - Pokémon Go to the polls. - Cost Hillary the election. It doesn't matter how
good your message is, if the way you deliver it
makes you look like this guy, no one's gonna take you seriously. And then my second biggest
takeaway from this video is what I consider to be the icing on top of an already insane cake. I was curious to read more
about this guy, Sol Gordon because he's featured pretty
heavily in this video. And when I read what I
thought was his obituary, it took three days to
pick my jaw off the floor. Now in this article, it says
he died in the year 2000. It goes over some of his
life accomplishments, it's an obituary but here's what really made me pause. This spectacular event in
Gordon's life occurred in 1991, which would be one year
before this video came out. When essentially he was the
target of assassination. Two women extremists tried
to fire bomb his house but he heard the commotion in his basement while reading the Bible,
went down to investigate and in his excitement
threw the Bible at them, forcing them to drop the bomb and then they exploded. So I'm like, okay, you have my attention, but it's such a crazy story. I had to make sure that was true. So I tried Googling keywords
from it to find evidence of it somewhere else, nothing. You think that maybe a news outlet at some point would have picked up on this spectacular event. But no, as far as I can tell,
it's only in his obituary but I'm still thinking like,
well, it has to be true. Otherwise, why would
they put that in there? Then I kept reading
and the next paragraph, they talk about how
the super fascist party won the 1988 election. And I'm like, okay, I know
that that didn't happen. I definitely would have heard about that. So what the hell is going on here. Turns out, you're ready for this twist, Sol Gordon actually died in 2008 and this is a fake obituary
that he wrote himself in 1980. So everything in it is entirely untrue. He made it all himself, which
is actually even more bizarre than if all of this actually happened. So to sum everything up, "How Can I tell If I'm really In love" is what happens when
you take the ramblings of an already crazy person-- - Did you see his muscle? - Give them to a director who's in the middle of
experimenting with every drug and make a video that's
only still relevant today because Ted Danson forgot
to pay a parking ticket. And that's the 90s. ♪ Watch out for you're
heart, it's tearing ♪ - And that was fun. Sorry to cut things short, but it looks like the bell's gonna ring in a couple of minutes, so we have just enough time to hear a word from today's sponsor, Express VPN. Hi, do you have internet? Don't lie to me, this video's on internet. So I know that you do. Well, the internet can be a scary place and not just because there's
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link in the description, that's expressvpn.com/drew, thanks. Before we wrap things up here, I just wanna give a little speech. It has always been my dream
to be a first grade teacher. And after how well today went, I feel more confident than I ever have that that dream is gonna become a reality. And I just want to thank
each and every one of you, because without you guys
this never would have... (bell rings) You guys are leaving? No, that's fine, I was done. I was done talking, so it's okay. All right, I'll see you next week.
Okay now I have to change my user flair again because "then guys should just have sex with each other" is too iconic to ignore
Maybe it’s just me but this has got to be one of Drew’s best videos. Never laughed so hard at a video in a while
Is that Ted Danson on thumbnail?