Kyle's jail stories

even you haven't even told the stories about when you were in jail and those are some of my favorite stories ever it's like do you have any that you would feel comfortable saying right now I think um I don't want to put you on the spot oh just yeah I don't know I kind of want to save them I don't know what end like do all do a whole light lately I got hours of so you got just like a tease for us like a automat eggs were come on be eggs boy I never take that story back and hard-boiled eggs were commodity okay like food would come and it was I was I was only in for like three or four days or something like that but it's it's rough and everybody was like I've been in prison this is rougher than prison this is awful she's like in prison we get to go outside for like two hours a day we get this we get that we get that you said he's like you see that cooler of water over there we had to strike for that there was a hundred hunger strike to get that water and I'm just like [ __ ] all right well I'm glad y'all did that for me yeah you guys one time solidarity brothers you know him like it's like mixed it's white guys black guys everybody's we're all wearing our orange jumpsuits we're which are a little itchy by the way I'm gonna be honest I don't have fabric softener thrown in it a lot of starch the beds [ __ ] suck and they're like I've been in prison the beds are so much better beds are so much but I'm like yeah that's bed dusk it's like thin like roll up like pad you throw on to like a metal bed and the pillow is so thin that you've got to like fold it twice to get a pillow like enough pillow to put your head on oh it's cold oh yeah oh but then it'll get hot and there's no way to get cool again so I've got like my I got my orange jumpsuit button-down - like my belly button will like my chest hair hanging out and I'm sitting over there like now you're worried about being too attractive for you're so not that's not an issue that's not high enough but am Britney Spears look ya know I don't I didn't [ __ ] the whole [ __ ] time for four days haven't taken a [ __ ] because the food is so awful someone said that they had like a 37 cent a day like budget for each prisoners food and I was like I believe it I believe it is food like like what kind of [ __ ] did you get sir like prison my it was gruel Google all day yes breakfast stop slap breakfast was oatmeal with nothing in it just kind of spattered onto a tray a hard-boiled egg there was hard-boiled eggs at every meal horrible day there was like two sausage links that were like your pinky finger and they're all like dried up and gross as [ __ ] I'd rather they were the car yeah they were the best part of breakfast that's what I ate some days they were grits some days they were oatmeal I preferred the grits cuz you can salt I don't regret yeah you can salt and pepper those but there was no sugar or butter or anything like that for that for the oatmeal yeah every every meal had the same beverage it was kool-aid okay you had you had you had kool-aid and a very small cup and it was like this is my cup of kool-aid for the next six hours it's gone they offer free refills in jail I hate the mom's great sipping on our [ __ ] kool-aid prisoners are all cool as [ __ ] right like everybody's cool as [ __ ] there's one child molester in the group though and we we all know who he is right it gets word gets passed around that old [ __ ] down there and because there's like levels and I'm like I'm up in the high level like I wanted to get up high cuz it's cooler up there not not like temperature-wise it was cool it's like be in the back of the bus at school yeah in prison for three days and you're working out clicks that's what I say he's gonna be fine people were giving me candy bars and [ __ ] like hey Kyle you want you want a Snickers bar you want them through Musketeers I'm Snickers they're hooking me up with candy bars I'm like you owe me to put some money in a commissary fun when I get out and he's like I got play-do don't they say that in jail where they're like don't take candy cuz somebody's in the coaching and be like hey now you owe me your [ __ ] I think they do say that but but this was jails and not not not prison so this guy was looking nah man I just got plenty of candy bars yeah for a DUI I just really know everybody's in there for the same [ __ ] like almost like there's a child molester there's one guy that I was in the initial holding cell and kids yeah he got caught with an eight-year-old girl with her no eyes no use he was that he was there was one so there's a child both what i said was they were all in for the same 99% of them in there are from marijuana or methamphetamine and and so everybody just kind of got the same like you i don't know [ __ ] [ __ ] me right Bernie Sanders to 2020 but there's what there's the there's the one guy that I got I was initially brought in with and he and the iron this cold-ass holding cell just chillin together waiting to get processed and put in and he's like 42 years old or something like that I'm talking to him like you know what do you do well they said I was stealing out of my neighbor's shed I was like well what were you doing yeah I steal an item shed I was like I was like how'd they catch he's like they caught me breaking into his shed Casey I was what you tell him he's like I ain't told nothing yet I don't know what to say I'm like tell him you needed to borrow a shovel or something like he's like yeah yeah I'll tell him I needed to borrow a shovel Mike you'll believe that yeah tell Nicole you'll call off the hounds I'm like all right do well in here I'm gonna have like common sense takes and everybody's like you talk to Kyle yet it's gonna be like gimme your kool-aid your little three ounces of kool-aid now I'll give you I'll get you out of jail I got a big pile of eggs in front of me three dozen hard-boiled eggs and the lineup and you're sitting on like a couple of twinks on all fours with your leg up and you're just eating hard-boiled eggs tell me again if you if you want my advice it'll be six ounces of what is today's special berry sorry one day we got rec time right we get to go outside play basketball in a cage and so we're out there playing basketball a [ __ ] cage and and I don't play basketball you know whatever I'm sitting on the sidelines just chillin with like three other guys and we're watching some of the other guys play basketball because there's like just like a nurse ratchet in there who's like no aggressive play is like we can't even do layups what she wouldn't allow layups it steers like no body don't don't get it like you play you can play horse or you do free throws that's it [ __ ] play good god but what the [ __ ] so there's like three black guys over there playing playing horse can't they can't [ __ ] layup it's it's lame excuse me and so like me and these other three guys are sitting there Jim and one of the guys that hooked me up the candy bar that I kind of knew from the outside and another and another guy and another guy that I went to elementary school with and actually played like little Little League baseball with and and and he's he's a black guy he's been read his Bible the whole time all solemn and [ __ ] was [ __ ] flipping through that thing over there reading up all so we and and and the guy that gave me the candy bar he's a white dude and he's about my size I guess and I I knew him like like he's like the boyfriend it's like I got a friend and that friend has a sister and that sister dated this guy like I saw him around you know enough to know his name and and like you know I'd hung out with him not like go to his place hang out but like I've been with my friend he'd been around and we chilled out and like stopped outside stuff like that I knew it and so me and these three guys are two guys are sitting there plus a third guy who's a one of the black guys that I had met in there was a nice guy too and somebody's like see I [ __ ] I'm like yeah yeah that that old creepy dude yeah you know what he's in for huh I don't know [ __ ] man I'm just been here two days and hoping they'd get us some peanut butter tomorrow though I'm hungry he's a child molester he was pretending to be a plumber and and the guy caught him with his daughter in the bathroom with her panties down eight years old and I'm just like [ __ ] it's like yeah we don't get that [ __ ] I was like yeah I don't like that [ __ ] you're wearing like your reign like if I get a couple punches in that's like what two weeks like is it worth it I get a punch or child molester like you know I'm not gonna do anything but I'm going along and like yeah I hate that [ __ ] that's [ __ ] everybody else is in here for some some regular old [ __ ] you know G bill over there stole a shovel during this you tried to he's a failed shovel feed and you had a blunt in your car and you had math right Steve Steve you deserve this it look like it was math yeah it was math but this guy over here this creepy [ __ ] he's in for child molestation and like I got released like the next day but they were plotting to get that guy but I don't think anything was gonna happen it was more like [ __ ] that guy he's a piece of [ __ ] don't talk to him and like don't don't share eggs with him anything like that to people bully the pedophile like this is my egg now nah nah there's nothing like that no nobody was aggressive or mean or anything everyone was just kind of like dealing with their own experience right everybody had kind of kind of seemed to have the same attitude and it wasn't necessarily because everybody was only in there for a day or two days some of those guys had been in that jail for months because they couldn't get bail not because they couldn't necessarily afford it cuz a bail bondsman is like 10% of whatever your bail is unless you got some crazy [ __ ] bail is like 10 20 grand so you just need like a few hundred dollars to get out most of the time this guy he was like look I'm no expert the criminal justice field clearly but this guy he was like you know if you ever make it up to Boston Massachusetts you're free and clear they got no extradition in Massachusetts that's where I was trying to go last time they got me I was like what seems like yeah yeah I was trying to that's why that's why they won't give me a bail I I tried to skate I run for it they gave me bail and I was gone boom I was out I was halfway up to Boston and they caught me and and and now they won't give me no bail I'm like wow how long until your court day oh [ __ ] August or something it was like it looks six months from then I'm like how long have you been in here about a month and a half or so it ain't so bad though you know they faith is pretty good one of your eggs yeah man I don't like hard-boiled eggs you know you will cracking it up with like Gollum so thankful for this egg lately go just enjoying hard-boiled egg arguably the least tasty way to make an egg I make that [ __ ] what I'm like not trying to get up in the morning and do anything I'm just like well it's in the fridge like MITRE pop a couple he's in my mouth and I'm good we regs the main bartering food I think candy bars probably would have been there wasn't any bartering really going on it was just it like the thing about the egg was it's it's hard boiled so it'll keep not for days obviously cuz it's a [ __ ] egg but like you can have a negative x and you can put it in your little container we all have like these little plastic containers where all of our [ __ ] goes into that's our container and like you know if you need a snack later grab your egg and you got your egg it's not like there's power bars floating around necessarily so it's like it's like you can't save your oatmeal right you can't say [ __ ] yeah but your hard-boiled egg that's good til lunch you can have a big lunch if you're not into breakfast you know what was the big [ __ ] you could get at the commissary that everybody wanted Oh what kind of options do they have there I was told there was like kool-aid powder and all the candy bars you could want but but like I I wasn't in there long enough to like be concerned and get deep into that No and let my prison number didn't work on my bracelet or whatever and that's how you like do all that [ __ ] so like I didn't know how to make phone calls for like the first day or two and I know how to and and so that would have also been used I think to like get into the commissary and like buy stuff but I had no idea how any of that worked and I didn't feel like asking I was just like hopefully I'll be at her you know soon at this what was dinner like or like lunch and dinner same [ __ ] like it was like it was this bologna sandwich for lunch that was the most anemic thin sliced bologna on this gross ass was like a half slice of Bologna but horizontally yeah yeah it was like you took a normal slice of Bologna and and split it it was absurd it was terrible and potato chips that was lunch oh it's bad that's it do they even give you condiments I don't remember condiments how do you eat a thousand calories a day if you're eating 204 meals oh I lost about 15 pounds I lost a considerable amount of weight cuz I didn't eat I just slept most of the time Late Late Late like I was like what's a sleep through this nonsense you know like I was like you know wake me if they need me

Channel: PKA Highlights

Views: 181,869

Rating: 4.935288 out of 5

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Id: RS-XfR_FMZU

Length: 14min 52sec (892 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 27 2019