Kyle's Not So Heroic Tales | PKA

like I've fallen a lot like you know like doing all kinds of stupid [ __ ] and playing sports and and mostly doing stupid [ __ ] lately you know jumping off of bucket buildings and still in batteries rope swings well sometimes the escaping Walmart that mall cop sees you with a pocket full of triple age you gotta hit the bricks son whoa I thought you limited your thievery tonight all right I'll be honest batteries in general double a's triple a's car batteries they're all over prize get a car battery under your hoodie you you're a master thief yeah I've never stolen anything but I did in college we used to go to things called Marshalls yeah well the store and we used to switch switch the tags there was like they were sticky you've stolen we no no no I just behave less than they're worth we switch the tags right and then when I was little I didn't steal it but tell me if this is petty I had like I had it I had one of my one of my dudes who he had money I grew up super broke and like one of my favorite rappers at the time like was he yeah I think was a DMX CD it's dark and hell is hot that CD came out and I was like I was telling them about it before it got popular right and I gotta go just new CDs coming I've heard some songs it's great who do and he ended up getting it and I was pissed at him that he got it so I took his CD and I [ __ ] scratched it that's like the work that's the worst thing I've done I know it's bad I was pissed at him as was pretty it was pretty petty you just pissed at him cuz he bought something why he didn't buy his parents did it I was more assaulted effect act like he was one of those dudes that like whatever you did he did like that type [ __ ] and this one was just over the top I couldn't take it anymore and I was pissed and I wanted to ruin his city and I that don't like attention that he was getting the CD or you had mentioned that he that you were getting the CD and that was enough for him to get it yeah yeah and he didn't even he wasn't even into him he just got it cuz I says some and they have rich parents yeah he could have done it better right like if he got it he could have been like dude I got this thing I know you'll like it you want to hear like no it didn't sound like yes and I'm like it's burn you one right yeah I stole a kid's hearing aid one time that is that is so [ __ ] funny [Laughter] you just robbing blindly yeah I've get stealers Jessel makes got this hilarious joke about like stealing the glass eye from the little girl who lives in his neighborhood he's like yeah be real careful cuz you picked the wrong eye well well that's how she ended up with the glass eye in the first place yeah yeah I was I was in kindergarten though and I think the kids liked hearing aid had like the batteries had died or something cuz it was on the teacher's desk yeah and I was like there's got to be some serious batteries inside yeah no it was it looked cool like it was one of the big hearing aids and like five-year-old me it would like a little gadget little ray gun or something and so I snatched that [ __ ] and then I was at the lunch table with it using it like a ray gun going pew pew pew and a teacher saw me with and she was like where did you get that and I was like it's my how'd you hear me this and you were like [ __ ] I've been I'm five I don't have a witty comeback for this I got busted for stealing the kids hearing aid I guess I guess he was going around just go now no just going around going watch that's pretty bad okay so you were a malicious five-year-old give me a give me a heroic Kyle store give me something that you're proud of you like you know what I did the right thing ooh and I you're making it tough he's killing her back to what he was - well my sister my sister fell in a swimming pool was drowning once and I I sounded the alarm and dad got her and and he was you know he stepped away so maybe she doesn't survive if I don't yell my dad and I were tracking a wounded deer one time and it we found in a ravine and the rad goes to grab the deer to drag it out and the deer comes to life while he's holding the deer's antlers and it's fighting with him it's like a full-sized big buck deer and he can't let go of the deer because he's afraid it'll trample me cuz I'm like maybe five and I didn't run away though I stayed and try to defend my dad with my slingshot of course I'm stupid and [ __ ] five years old I should have been running so the dad could let go of the deer but it all worked out the deer you wanted to be honorable yeah I was out shooting acorns at the [ __ ] deer on my slingshot because I wanted to defend my dad what's an honorable story you got Aryan I got a bunch of a man good dude man but I know but try and sift through and find just one all right let me think [Music] I know that's really bad man that's tough cuz I got a lot of them alright one time I don't know you don't do none of this is gonna come off as braggy no yes it sounds like so it's like what time it's what cases really cool story one time I was in the league and I got a I got a I got a phone call glad it an answer I got a answering machine I got an answer machine buzzing I got a voicemail from some like it sound like an old old lady and she was just like distraught like I just don't um I don't think we're gonna I don't think we're gonna make it this month if you could just send $25 dear and she was like calling somebody who I gave her the wrong number right she was like can you just can't just send 225 that's all I needed it to 25 you could just send that I think like Marge or something she's talking about she said you said I'd appreciate it thank you so much and so I I just felt she sounded so sincere that she was like short 25 dollars and like so I called her back and I gave her like I don't like 300 400 hours alone her mind like that probably took care of so many additional problems she had that she was like man I need 200 lives for this hundred dollars of that I thought I would have this 25 for this and now I don't even have that like yeah yeah that's a very kind thing to do yes this lady called and had the wrong number and so you stole three to four hundred you know how's it going or whatever and you know house house house Jerry and there oh you heard Jerry's in jail what oh geez yeah Jerry got locked up for what drugs yeah again yes you know Jerry and and we can't bail him out you know we're trying to we're trying to get up to $700 to bail him out we don't have we don't have it well I guess I could chip in well I'm chip in nothing you we're gonna need $700 I kept it going for a while before we told the truth he was pretty distraught about Jerry who are the [ __ ] daddy see now that seems mean but you've just brought me joy from the story my dad was hilarious tell her that Jerry's not locked up look at my wrist cuz they took my watch it two weeks did she take did she take a well no was she like laughing about it was worried about oh she was she was like well that's not funny at all and like me and even my mom a little me my dad were rolling but but even my mom was like well it was no denying that's funny yeah you didn't notice that his voice wasn't whoever you had called you know like and he was just Jerry seemed like the kind of guy who's mixed up in drugs and violence you know maybe not you know as a pharmacist I like [ __ ] with telemarketers especially and you don't really get them like you used to now it's like some [ __ ] species it's all automated where it's some guy who's like oh hello we noticed you are interested in donating to the police fund it's like no I'm not [ __ ] like I found out I found out cuz like there's the influx of these cars I don't know if you always get them too much everybody was so the reason why is I know there's a reason but the the way to minimize them is to not answer because if the the the machine thinks that that number is not active but if you keep answering it then they'll keep sending enough yeah my [ __ ] says what suspected spam like linear that said an app that's that's Android iPhone has it to let's say suspected spam it'll say telemarketer but it's not a hundred percent accurate so and sometimes you just have to play the old like I don't know it could it be my doctor it could be spam you answer it and you're like I'll call it something like sometimes waiting on a call like Hilton Rewards program I'm like [ __ ] out here yeah it's it's hard not to answer every call is you don't know which ones are you looking for mm-hmm yeah I I get spam mail like I get mail from like the last person they used to live at this address and then like sometimes it'll be like official [ __ ] and at like a few days ago I got like this legit looking envelope it was like stamp like first-class and I don't know had some like credentials on it I don't know but it was like lease termination and I was like the [ __ ] what Lisa's been turn what have I done I'm ripping it open it's like Jessica Martin threw my [ __ ] floorboard I'll [ __ ] scared the [ __ ] I mean lately I don't even I thought I'd [ __ ] up but I don't like not paid a bill or I like it when I go my name my identity been stolen or something like it I do I hop in the golf cart I run over there I don't see my neighbors all the time it's a chance to like hey I have this for you that's crazy yeah and and you know it's just like I get to see him I'm doing something nice for them bringing him their mail and they moved actually good they booed yeah I wonder if I was part of their [ __ ] fall their dog was a piece of [ __ ] it was barking at woody and his child it was a vicious German ship on Woody's property and and and it almost got the treatment it did yeah I my first idea was gun Kyle had the bear spray idea and we put that in the golf cart but yeah but we would go to get our you have to understand I have a pretty big lot that I live on so I take the golf cart down and like you have to bring the trash cans back up or that was there sometimes they come all the way up to my house and it's just like man if I can't leave my kitchen like what am I supposed to do the bear spray was a good idea yeah I mean I'm okay with killing the guys dog but you got to be sure you kill it dead you can't let it whip home that cause that's just cruel see you know I don't care bout the cruelty but like he's gonna be pissed if his dog comes home [ __ ] shot em hmm you should just never see the dog

Channel: PKA Clips

Views: 97,452

Rating: 4.9463086 out of 5

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Id: oWlDNgibTIg

Length: 12min 50sec (770 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 31 2020